Ready-to-Publish RPG Story
I have to admit that this kind of fantasy is not my cup of tea, but the mystery and the characters you created managed to make me interested until the end. I also have to give you thumbs up for the world you created. The magic, the kingdoms, the creatures, the spells... Everything deserves a publication.
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I like the chemistry between Ana & Erkalla, Marick & Rowen, also somehow Ana & Rowen. As someone who rates stories based on chemistry, I'd say that I could feel it in your story.
You didn't write the many details about the characters' appearance. I wonder if you wanted the readers to make their version of the characters. If not, I think some descriptions about the characters' physical appearance & what they were wearing would be good.
From the early chapters, I instantly remembered the RPGs I had played in the past. I could even imagine which part would be a mission, which part would be a boss battle, etc.. It was actually a fun read! I did feel that sometimes the problems were solved in such a short time, but I think this is very good if you wrote this story for children or teenagers. For older readers, the inner conflicts might have been too simple. For example, when someone died, the closest friend might have felt he sorrow for some time, but you made this friend so strong and seemed fine after one single cry.
The language you used was simple and it made the book easy to read, even for foreigners and younger readers. I also like the relatively short chapters. I found one mistake between chapter 21 - 23. You wrote 'Erkalla', but I thought that one should have been 'Ennana'. You might want to check that one.
I didn't expect that the mystery would be hidden until the end of the book, although I did realize that this was only the first book. I didn't expect the "happy" ending, though.
Anyway, I hope this helps ;)