Chapter 1
In 1940, something happened to me, i would never forget, but something i thought i would never reveal to anyone. Until, the day my husband came home and said to me, Angie I was talking to your sister about children, and that you don't want to have any. She told me there was a reason for this, that i should ask you myself.
I alsmost died, my long lost secret was going to be exposed. Of course i could have told him, my sister was crazy and i didnt have a clue what she was talking about, but I thought it was about time after all we have been married for five years. He was very good to me, and he needed to know the truth.
I was thrity five years old, now. What could happen if i tell him? Well, he could not ever trust me again or look at me in the same way. It was a chance i just had to take. It would be good to let it out after all these years.
Just how do i start? How do i tell something like this? It was something I wanted to forget, it was my past from long ago. It was very hard for me to talk about, it hurt me very much. Just thinking about it made my heart beat fast and my hands clammy.
This is something I should of told him beofre we got married. I just never had the backbone to do so. I figured if i told him he may look at me differntly, and not want to marry me at all. May even say I was tainted.
I never lied to Daniel about anything, this was the only serect I had from him. Which i didnt really lie, I just never told him. Sometimes things happen to us we wish never did. It was a mistake or it wasnt in our hands. I know it was something all those years ago i had no control of. Someone else made the decision for us.
When it came down to telling Daniel, I started by saying, Daniel I guess there is something I should have told you long ago. When you hear this please do not look at me differntly. I am still the same woman you married five years ago, nothing changed. I will start at the beginging, so you know the whole truth, and i hope this answers all your questions.
Daniel just sat there not sure what to say or even do. Just nodded his head waiting for me to explain. Which wasnt very easy for me to do. I wondered in i was doing the right thing or not, but here went nothing.
When i was seventeen, i was over my girlfriends house and she introduced me to an Irish boy about twenty four. It was love at first sight for the both of us. We dated for awhile keeping it hidden but after awhile i thought it was time to tell my mother. I knew she was going to have something to say. Espceially that he was Irish and we were Italain. In those days you would get alot of frief dating out of your nationality. My mother was old school as it was.
I knew I had to tell her anyway, so i did. I told my mother Philmina that there was this guy i met, and liked him alot. At first she just asked me his name. I told her JOrdan Thomas O'Neil. Thats what set her off. She almost killed me, she didnt even want to meet him having a fit just about his name and why would I start dating an Irish boy. She walked up and down the house, raving what was wrong with me. I should know better. Not even wanting to meet him, or hear anything more about him.
Just after a few hours I talked her into meeting him, Just for my sake. I didnt tell her his age knowing that would be another thing to set her off. I figured one thing at the time.
My mother said she would make dinner for him, and inivted him over. I told her that would be nice knowing full well this was going to be a disaster. Just I knew we had to have her blessing, That just wasnt going to be easy at all.
Later that night, Jordan came over and as soon as he walked in the door, she through him thrity questions.
"Are you Catholic? " Philimina asked.
"No." Jordan replied. "I am baptist.
"Well, my daughter is, wouldnt that get in the way, if you were to get married?" She stated.
"I guess e would come to an agreement." Jordan replied.
She just took that in, sitting there at the table eyeing this boy up and down.
"Do you go to school?" She asked.
"No, I am a Mechanic." Jordan answered.
"Well, then how old are you, and what grade did you go up to?" My mother said.
"I'm twenty four and i did go to the 12th grade and graduated.
"Wait what you are twenty four, and going out with my daughter? You are too old. You should be ashamsed of yourself." My mother said screaming and getting up walking the floors like she knew how.
That night was unreal, I was hurt and ashamsed for my mothers reaction. I also wasnt sure if Jordan was ever going to see me again. Jordan was gorgeous, he had brown thick wavy hair, big brown eyes and a shape of a football palyer. To good for me. I was very plain, with my black short curly hair, brown eyes and my was okay. I was nothing to brag about. I felt i was very ordinary.
Still Jordan came to see me the next day. We sat outside on the step and talked. It was the beginning of June, the day was very warm ad the sun was shinning on us as we sat on the old broken down step. He could have come over due to my mother being at my sister Carmella's house. She would go there often to see her and her grandson Joseph. My sister named him after our father. Who died when we were very young. He had a heart attack. That left my mother a widow.
That day Jordan and I talked about everything. I told him all about my life, and he told me about his. While we were sitting there talking Jordan leaned over and kissed me. That was out first kiss. Sparks flew in every direction, the feelings going through me were amazing. I loved him, with every part of my being. I knew this was the man I wanted to marry and spend the rest of my life with. The man i wanted to give my virginity to, my everything to.
That night all I could do was thinking about that kiss while I laid in bed. I also thought about the night before and that my mother hadn't really given me her reaction to everything that took place when Jordan came for dinner. I knew sooner or later She was going to come to my room and give me her disapproval. I was right, cause that night she did.
"Angie, I want to talk to you." She said in her broken accent.
"I don't want you to see Jordan anything. He is the wrong man for you." She claimed.
"Why Mamma?" I asked.
"First of all he is Irish, he is baptist, and he is way too old for you." she stated.
"Mamma e isnt that much older than me." I responded.
"I don't care. You can't see him anymore." She demanded.
"I love him and he loves me. We are happy together, why can't that be enough?" I answered.
"You are young, and you don't know any better. All that will wear off trust me. You see him one more tim to tell him its over." Philimina said.
"NO, I won't. I love him and I want to be with him." I screamed.
"You know better than to talk to me like that. You do as I say. I don't want to hear anything more about it." She states.
