Chapter 1
THE CAMERA ZOOMS INTO THE SHOP AND GOES THROUGH THE WINDOW. SHOWS A GREASY MANAGER AT A DESK. 2 YOUNG BOYS (MAIN CHARACTERS) WALK UP AND TAKE A SEAT IN FRONT OF THE LARGE DESK. (THEY’RE WEARING CASUAL CLOTHES
MANAGER
(yelling) STOP TALKING!
XAVIER
But we weren-
MANAGER
SHUT UP!
CAL
Jeez who peed in his coffee.
XAVIER
His manga body pillow
(they giggle)
MANAGER
ALRIGHT I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU 2 ARE BROTHERS. I SEE THAT THE GINGER HAIR RUNS THROUGH THE FAMILY.
Points to Xavier and Cal’s hair.
CAL
Yes it certainly is becuase we aren’t adopted.
MANAGER
NOW I EXPECT THAT YOU 2 WILL BE GOOD EMPLOYEES AND ARENT GOING TO BE LIKE MICAEL.
THE MANAGER POINTS TO THE EMPLOYEE ROOM AND THERE ARE SOUNDS OF GUNS FIRING AND CHARACTERS SAYING RANDOM THINGS.
MANAGER
(under breath)
Why did I hire him. ANYWAY ALL HE DOES IS SIT IN THE EMPLOYEE ROOM AND PLAY A STUPID JAMES BOND GAME. DON’T TURN OUT LIKE HIM OR I’LL FIRE YOUR ASSES! HE’S A LAZY BUM.
XAVIER
(whispers)
Don’t get angry at lazy people they didn’t do anything.
2.
THE MANAGER PASSES A NAVY BLUE HAT T THE BOYS AND THEY SLIP THEM ON THERE HEADS. HE PASSES THEM A UNIFORM.
MANAGER
PUT THOES UNIFORMS ON AND GET YOUR LAZY ASSES OUT OF HERE BEFORE I FIRE YOU!
THE BOYS RUN OUT OF THE ROOM AND THEY HEAD TO THE TOILETS.
SCENE CHANGES TO THE TOILET AND XAVIER IS WAITING OUTSIDE THE TOILETS WAITING FOR CAL.
XAVIER
Jesus dude how long does it take to change your clothes? You’re like Charlotte!
CAL
I’m finished.
XAVIER
Any longer and I would’ve sliced the door open with an axe and say “Here’s Johnny!”
CAL
That’s my literal favourite movie.
XAVIER
Wow, this place is nothing like Dad described it as.
CAL
It looks like my 5th grade Girlfriends room. Like a bombshell. BOOM!
MAY JAY
Heh, look at thoes dweebs.
CAL
Excuse me? Is that what your dad said when he left for the milk?
MAY JAY
(Offended) I’m telling on you!
CAL
What’s wrong with him?
3.
XAVIER
He suffers from TattleTailGenic.
CAL
That’s sad.
MAY JAY ENTERS THE MANAGERS OFFICE.
MAY JAY
Hey! The new people offended me.
MANAGER
WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY? YOU COME INTO MY OFFICE AND COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS! YOU’RE LUCKY I AREADY HAVEN’T FIRED YOU ASS OUTTA HERE! I DON’T CARE IF THEY OFFENDED YOU I’M NOT YOUR BLOODY THERAPIST. OUT NOW!
MAY JAY CRYING
MAY JAY
WAIII OKAY!
MAY JAY
I will get my revenge!
CAL
Huh this place isn’t that bad.
XAVIER
Your right it could’ve been worse remember when Dad told us about Uncle Steve?
CAL
Ah. Sweet memories.
XAVIER
I know, hey look
CAL
What is it?
XAVIER
Finally, it’s a customer!
XAVIER
Hey may I help you mi-sir-um-uh-miss-sir?
4.
A LADY WHO LOOKS A LOT LIKE A MAN SHOWS UP ON THE SCREEN. HAIRY ARMS AND A BABY WHO HAS A BEARD.
LADY
My baby!
XAVIER
Okay?
(whispers)
I know how to deal with people like this.
XAVIER PULLS OUT A BOOK. THE BOOK’S TITLE IS ‘HOW TO TALK TO DEAF PEOPLE’
XAVIER
(does sign language meaning ’your buttocks are really round)
LADY
My baby lost his pacifier!
CAL
Okay can we get you a new one?
LADY
Okay just watch junior!
XAVIER
Yes Miss? Sir? Whoever you are.
CAL
Right this way Si- you know what I’m not even going to bother.
XAVIER
Who’s a good little Man baby?
BABY
Wa wa wa waaa wa wa wa a w a wwwa
XAVIER
A bing bong of the ping pong wa a ga f a r t y f s d wssw s d sa
BABY
(evil laugh)
XAVIER
Uh where’d he go?
5.
XAVIER
CAL! I lost the baby!
CAL’S HEAD TURNS RIGHT AROUND LIKE AN OWL WITH A EVIL GRIN ON HIS FACE.
CAL
You what?
XAVIER
I lost the baby
CAL
’scuse me
CAL MAKES HIS WAY OVER TO XAVIER WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN THE BABY JUMPS OUT AND STARTS GNAWING ON CAL’S HEAD.
CAL
AHHHH jesus get it off me!
XAVIER
It doesn’t have teeth!
CAL
Oh yeah right.
RIPS BABY OFF OF HEAD HOLDS IT IN DISGUST.
CAL
Who gave birth to this monstosity?
XAVIER POINTS TO THE MAN-LADY.
CAL
Oh yeah, right.
CAL
Wait where did man baby go?
XAVIER
Oh come on you’ve got to kidding me!
CAL
I’ll go left and you go ri-
6.
BABY’S COOING SOUNDS FROM THE UPPER LEFT VENT.
CAL
He didn’t. How is that possible.
XAVIER
He did.
A FEW MINUTES LATER. CAL IS HOLDING A LONG LADDER AND XAVIER IS CLIMBING IT. HE TAKES THE VENT COVER OFF.
THE CAMERA IS NOW IN THE VENT THE BABY IS SEEN IN THE VENTS VAPING.
XAVIER
What the?! Baby you’re coming with me! And how did you find that?
THE BABY SHOVES THE VAPE AND IT BURNS ON XAVIER’S FACE. HE FALLS OUT OF THE VENT AND CAL GET’S SQUASHED.
CAL
What happened?
XAVIER
(grimly)
The baby shoved a vape in my face.
CAL
Holy-! How did it get a vape!
XAVIER
Don’t ask me!
CAL
We need to get that baby.
THEY BOTH NOD AT EACH OTHER AND IT CUTS TO LATER AND CAL AND XAVIER BOTH HAVE A METAL ROD
CAL
Are you sure that the baby’s still in the vents?
XAVIER
I’m sure I heard it cooing.
CAL
Alright let’s beat that baby.
7.
CAL AND XAVIER START TO BASH THE VENTS UNTIL THEY HIT THE BABY AND THE BABY FALLS OUT OF THE VENT AND CAL CATCHES THE BABY.
XAVIER
Phew!
THEY GIVE THE MAN-LADY HER BABY AND THE LADY LEAVES THE STORE.
MAY JAY
Rats! My plan didn’t work!
A METAL PIPE FLOATS UP AND SLAMS INTO MAY JAY’S HEAD.
MAY JAY
DOY!
THE MANAGER
WHAT’S THAT NOISE!?
THE MANAGER COMES INTO THE SHOP AND SEES THAT MAY JAY IS LAYING ON THE FLOOR AND CAL AND XAVIER ARE TAKING A CUSTOMERS ORDER.
THE MANAGER
MAY JAY GET YOUR LAZY ASS OFF THE FLOOR!
STARTLED, MAY JAY STANDS UP AND TRIES EXPLAINING TO THE MANAGER.
XAVIER
Phew, better him then us.
CAL
Yeah I know.
CREDITS ROLL
