Chapter 1- Alina
Here it goes again…
“Dear The Wise Al,
I don’t know what to do about this situation. I feel that my mother-in-law just doesn’t get my boundaries when it comes to my child. And my husband just never…”
I roll my eyes as I slam my computer down. If I had to respond to tell one more person how the mother-in-law is the absolute enemy and to listen to the Grinch to never trust them with a 39 1/2 ft pole or that the husband is a dipshit, I may just throw a sack of potatoes at a wind chime, just so I don’t have to waste my voice screaming.
But seriously.
Rolling back in my chair, I drink another sip of my 2 for $5 bottle of wine (because truly, that’s where life is right now) and massage my temple. No one tells you that turning 29 means that your entire life becomes a big question, equal parts rage and confusion, of “WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?” Needless to say, I really shouldn’t be the one who is giving all of these people advice. I’m obviously too bitter to do so.
But a girl gotta get paid, so here we go again.
I put my braids up on a sloppy bun that honestly isn’t even a bun and with a deep, like forreal deep sigh, I open my computer up and get back to work.
After about two hours of responding to the same themed emails, I allow myself to take a break.
“Come on, Charlie!” A few kissy noises later, my bestie comes from her work station aka the cutest pup couch ever, ready for a walk. How she knows before we go, I don’t really understand. But we generally speak the same language on other stuff. Whenever I’m feeling overwhelmed or overstimulated, being in nature gives us both a sense of peace. Being around water fills me with serenity and Charlie with energy. And today? Today’s a serenity day. And, well, an energy day.
We set off to the creek not too far from my house. Unfortunately, the peace and serenity only comes after I rethink all of my life’s decisions. Sometimes I wonder what I’m doing. How did I settle down for writing an advice column that doesn’t even mean anything to anyone other than bored, unfulfilled housewives? How has my life boiled down to my dog being mostly my best friend? Last year, I was in a relationship, thinking I was going to marry the love of my life. I was looking forward to enjoying life with someone, arguing over whether or not to have kids, getting mad because there was no toilet paper on the roll, and enjoying cooking dinner together in our underwear. Seven years of my life were spent with one person. Having a community surrounding us, always someone to call. And now? No one. Well, my best friend Kai, but I don’t want to burden her with her wedding coming up.
I shake it off. Charlie is pulling me towards the creek, reminding me that we came here for a reason.
See? I said we spoke the same language.
Today there’s a friend for Charlie at the creek. But as we get closer, I see it’s an older man, so let’s hope he doesn’t pull any creepy shit. He waves, a friendly wave, but still, I’m sure I spoke too soon.
“Hey, there!” And now he’s coming over. I gotta fix my face, as my mom would say, because I’m definitely probably looking like I don’t want to be bothered. I mean, I don’t, but he doesn’t seem to be reading the room. I feel the sides of my mouth curling up. Okay, we’re good. Mask: ON.
“Hello, hello. How are you today?”
“Not too bad, this weather is wonderful.” He nodded towards the dogs. “These guys sure seem to love the water today.”
Yeah, they do. I would have loved it, too, if he wasn’t talking to me. It’s really not that I don’t like people but I’m also in a life spiraling moment so…
He turns back towards me. “Name’s Andy. Maybe I’ll see you around…?” He gestures to me questioningly.
“Alina.”
“Alina. Lovely name. We’ll be seeing you.” Andy calls out, “Bess? C’mon girl!” As Bess trots over, he gives me a wave and they’re off.
Whew.
Maybe he could read the room.
It’s a few hours later and both Charlie and I are fed, bathed, and one of us is ready to relax.
I glance over to the Charlie’s four postered bed and listen at her snoring. The kids really are beautiful when they sleep.
I decide to prop up on the couch and start checking my emails to see who is going to be lucky enough to get life changing advice from Sad Girl 101. It’s time to get my nails done again because I truly cannot stand the clacking of them on the keys. I open a new tab and begin googling fall colors that look good on mocha skin. I also know I’m gonna change my mind the minute I walk into the salon so back to the emails I go. I click on the tv and tune in to Temptation Island reruns. I can’t work without background noise.
Ashley, girl. You can do sooo much better, I think. Ugh. I need to light up a j because the relationship problems of people I don’t know from both work and the reality tv world causes way too much stress.
Okay focus.
From: Janie C.
Subject: I think I fell in love this weekend…
Al, I knowww this is going to sound so strange.
But I met this man this past weekend and I am telling you. We are soulmates. The issue is… I’m married. And this man, who, by the way, I don’t even know feels the same, captivated me so much that I am seriously rethinking all of this…
What would you do, Al? I felt something stir in my soul that I haven’t felt for anyone ever. I didn't even feel this for my husband who I married because I was pregnant and it was the "Christian Way." He gently brushed my arm and I literally almost melted. Granted, this is Texas and all, but my insides almost melted. We talked for three hours at the airport. He missed his flight to stay to talk to me. Al, it’s got to mean something. Right?
Sincerely,
Janie
Whew. One more hit of this j, for sure. Thank goodness I moved to a legal state when I had the opportunity to do so.
I pinched the bridge of my nose to stop my tears from coming. I pinched the underside of my arm, too, because I needed something to bring me out my envious feelings.
I know what kind of feeling Janie is talking about. I felt that for Dev. I blew out a sigh.
How do I answer for Janie? How do I tell her that while that feeling can be so powerful and make you think the world is right, it can also lead to the worst heartbreak ever? How do I tell her what’s right or what’s wrong because I still don’t even know myself?
Welp. So much for that peace and serenity I was seeking. I honestly need to find another job because I don’t know if I’m cut out for helping people learn how to manage their lives.
What advice can an “almost married, but left pretty much at the altar because said person’s ex-fiancee decided that said person’s cousin who was a BRIDESMAID in said person’s wedding would be a better match for them than said person” give to someone who is truly needing help during a tough time? I should be able to help because I mean, I literally have a masters in therapy and counseling and my degree is in sociology. Why am I not a therapist? Because sad girls can’t give therapy to other sad girls.
I remember what my editor said. "Don't make it personal, Alina. Keep it light and enjoyable." Rolling my eyes, I attempt to remove my feelings as I select Janie as tomorrow's lucky recipient.
Dear Janie...
