Desiderium

*** ‘RUN! RUN! Don’t let him catch you,’ she encourages herself mentally while dragging her feet as fast as she can. She runs distractedly, broken glass piercing her foot sole; she does not stop. She runs. She runs while trying to catch her breath. Feeling suffocated, she tries to hide behind a tree. ‘Which tree?’ she wonders, looking around the forest she’s trapped in. She quickly realizes that time is not in her favor and hides behind a large pine tree, about three steps to her right. She swallows her rapid huffs to ensure no sound escapes her trembling lips. “I brought you your favorite chocolate bar,” she hears his voice say. Tears roll off her cheeks as she hears his voice getting closer to her shoulders. “No, please!” she yells in terror and revulsion as she feels one of his brutal hands around her waist while the other is trying to slide a chocolate bar in her round-neck blouse and-*** “Noora!” She opens her eyes hastily to her mother calling her name out loud. “Another nightmare”, she murmurs to herself as she clears the blanket covering her and storms to the bathroom.

“Huh?” Noora only notices the fingernail marks on her palm after experiencing a tingling itch while attempting to wash her face; “They must be from earlier,” she sighs and goes about her morning routine. Just moments later, she hears a knock on her bathroom door, followed by the voice of Farah, her sister, “Ma and Baba are calling you downstairs. You are going to make us late.”

This summer break, Noora and her family intended to travel back to their own country. After being married and still in his late teens, her father relocated from the Middle East to a well-established country in the western world in order to provide a better life for himself and his family. When there were only four people in the family—the father, Noora’s mother, her older brother, and her only sister—they frequently traveled back home. Due to her father’s declining health following the birth of her brother before her, the traveling had to be discontinued.

Noora, being the bright child that she is, had been making jokes, laughing, and jumping all around the living area all morning because the idea of her visiting her home country for the first time felt like floating on air. “What are you doing, Noora?” The tall and angry man, Noora’s father, asks with such irritation in his voice while he frowns. He screams at her face for being, not very sure how to say it, excited? Noora is the last born, which makes her the youngest of all, and as most may expect, she gets the most love and care from everyone, rather, it’s quite the opposite. The least attention is paid to her, and the most lectures and displeasing speeches are given to her.

Noora tries to share her excitement with her father, yet in return, louder bays and a harsher tone are all he reciprocates, and that brings her to tears. “Why are you crying now?” he asks after being completely unreasonable. “If you kill her mood and upset her by picking a fight this early in the morning, of course she’ll cry,” Adam replies to his father as he pulls Noora to his chest to kiss her forehead.

Noora shares an uncanny resemblance with her oldest brother. As a matter of fact, Adam was the one who named his baby sister and calls her ’Noori, which he means ‘my light’. Adam is mostly heard in their family. He’s accomplished so much, and despite being the youngest member of the family business board, he owns 60% of the company founded by his father and great-uncle over 30 years ago. His wisdom and hard work garnered him a high level of respect from many people, whether it be in the business world, society, or his home country.

Noora looks up to her big brother. She sees a father that she always asked for in him, she sees a protector in him that she always needed during hard times, and she definitely finds peace in him as he always provided a safe space for her.

‘Should I tell him about what happened two years ago?’ she wonders as she tightly hugs her big brother, but that thought lingers in her head for just a few seconds because the image of Adam finding out would cause great stress for the entire family, particularly her mother. So she lets it be.

It took them around fifteen hours to reach but nobody is complaining. “It’s so beautiful!” Farah comments while seated at the back, enthralled by the view she’s captured through the window. A region in the Arab world, resembling a desert, did not bore anyone. Feeling the air of their own home rush through their insides made everyone let out a sigh. A peaceful sigh. The oldest of this small family, the father, gently snivels as he puts down his window. Inhaling a little vehemently, it seems like the old yet precious memories are overwhelming him dearly. Being the head of his family for over 30 years didn’t make him forget that he was raised by his eldest brother after their parents’ passing, and the notion of reuniting with him after a couple of decades put him at ease.

“Wow, that’s a big mansion. No kidding,” Adeel, the one born before Noora (aka the father’s favorite), says as they approach their destination from the front gate. It took the father and his brother nearly 5 years to build that house so that the rest of their large family, which lives all over the world, can stay comfortably when they visit their home country. Adam notices his little princess admiring the red roses placed in the garden a few steps away from the main entrance as they gather their bags from the car boot. He smirks and softly shakes his head as he watches Noora glance around the rest of the garden, counting the numerous sorts of flowers cultivated there with amazement.

The tension grows stronger as the father approaches the living room, where his brother is waiting. When Noora and her siblings see their father crying for the first time ever in their uncle’s arms, they are all in tears. As they reminisce and laugh in honor of their great memories, the louder their cries become.

Lunch is being served at the large, regal-looking dining table. Each seat has a set of elegant plates, glasses, heavy-steel spoons and forks, and cream-colored napkins. Their uncle says, pointing at the boy and girl coming down the stairs, “These are my children. Mara and Anwar. My only daughter and son.” The son is Farah’s age, while Noora is the daughter. They all greet one another with warm handshakes and hugs before delving into the delectable cuisine on the table.

“Pass me the salt, please,” Noora asks Anwar, who’s seated directly in front of her. Instead of passing the crystal-like, salt-packed bottle the normal way, Noora feels an unnecessary touch on her wrist and a bit above. She flinches in discomfort, and her father notices the uneasy look on her face. “If you stuff your face and eat twice as much as I am, you are bound to feel sick”, the father exaggerates rudely. “Baba, stop? At least not in front of everyone.” Adam replies to his father in an angry tone. “It is just family here. Plus, I didn’t say anything wrong. Just look at her plate and see for yourself.” Noor is hurt by the disparate comments and feels responsible for her father and brother’s public bickering. Since he is the oldest person present, everyone stops talking when the uncle frowns and says, “Let’s respect the food ahead of us and cut it.”

Noora subconsciously tweaks her leg while the servers offer dessert. She wonders why and peeks beneath the table, but everything appears normal, so she returns her attention to her father and uncle, who are sharing a humorous story. She feels a mild ooze of air rushing under her skirt as if a rough cotton bud is being slipped on her right leg a split second later. She looks up to see Anwar’s attention fixated on her, and one of his eyebrows lifted. The rest of the family laughs in unison as the narrative progresses, but Noora remains silent. She can feel Anwar’s hallux and index toe escalating towards her upper thigh as their laughter grows louder. Her eyes widen in surprise, and she leaps out of her chair, pushing it backward. “I need to use the restroom,” she says as she walks out of the dining room. “Oh! Noora forgot about her dessert today?” Farah spat, then covered her mouth to stop her foolish laugh after Adam gave her a death gaze. Even though Noora has long since left, Adam is worried about how his princess stormed out, saying, “Ma, please make sure Noora is alright after this arrangement.” His mother gives him comfort by nodding.