Prologue
Prologue
Nathan’s pov
Theo Kerlerg, the guy I hate the most. We hate each other since we were 8 years old. I still remember the first day I met him. He was the new guy at our school. I remember that all my classmates found that odd at first but when they saw him for the first time they instantly all loved him.
The teacher brought him into the class to introduce himself. He showed up with his perfect smile, perfect hair, clothes and everything I didn’t have.
If I remember well, he was kind and cute. He was also a small light brown-haired and browned eyes, little boy.
He became friends with basically everyone rather quickly except me but he was also shy that I remember. People just gathered around him too. You may ask why didn’t I become friends with him.
Back then, I was what we called the popular kid. I was friends with basically everyone, I’m pretty sure everyone liked me, even the ones that rarely talked, liked me. I liked being popular but Theo came in and ruined it for me. I was pissed off about it.
I remember the next day at recess he came towards me and asked me why I didn’t talk to him. He noticed that I was the only one that didn’t hang out with him. He told me.
“Nathan, why are you all alone?″ Do you know what I told him in return?
“Because all my friends ditched me for you.″ I’m pretty sure I hurt his feelings at that point, maybe he wasn’t so perfect?
“I’m sorry for making you sad, you can have all your friends back..″ Yeah, he was way too cute even if I was angry at him. And me being an 8 years old child not having any manners told him this.
“Oh, I’m not sad, my friends can continue being friends with you since they clearly do not realize that you are a weak crybaby.” Yeah, he was crying and it was perfect too. Obviously, I never told him that because I was mad at him.
″Whah!! You are such a meanie!!!″ I don’t know what came over me but I hit him.
I wanted to do more but the teachers noticed. In the end, I got yelled at by my parents but that was about it. We were young and as they used to tell me, we were boys. Boys do that all the time. Regardless, that’s how it all started.
Since that day, I kept being mean to him every time he talked to me because the guy kept trying to become friends with me for who knows why? If I was him, I wouldn’t even have dared to talk to me. I thought I had made it clear enough that I hate him.
Finally, after a few months of pushing off, he started to understand that I didn’t want to be friends. On the other hand, my friends stopped being friends with me since they were friends with him. I basically lost everything let’s say.
He was good at everything, whether it was arts, sports or academics. He was the new popular guy. I don’t know how but he never realized what it meant to be popular.
He naturally had people become friends with him and love him without doing anything. He was oblivious, innocent and way too perfect to the point that it irritated me.
While he had all that, I was left all alone all the time. No one wanted to talk to me. They saw me as a bully. It irritated me a lot but I got used to not having any friends. I just got used to pissing off others as if they were my friends. It never worked because they all took Theo’s side and liked him.
After he left alone, I couldn’t just ignore him, no, as the rebellious kid that I was, I chose to continue being mean to him and piss him off too. I had to make sure he knew the consequences of ruining things for me.
So, surprisingly or not so surprising, still to this day, we are enemies. Sure, as the years went by, I did things that made him hate me more and he did things to make me hate him more but there’s a problem.
As puberty hit us, I started growing feelings for him. Ugh...it bugs me, I absolutely hate those f**king disgusting feelings. Everyone falls in love with him, of course, I had too...but I can’t like him...Ugh, I can’t be thinking about this. Just thinking about him gives me weird summersaults in my stomach.
I have long denied my feelings for him. I couldn’t accept such a thing and accept having feelings for my own enemy that ruined everything for me. I was supposed to hate him. Besides who wants to like guys?
Even if it’s that, in middle school, I already started dating like my other classmates but I noticed that he didn’t. Yeah, some girls started to see how handsome I was and dated me. Through, only dating worked not full-time friends.
Regardless, it was back in middle school that my bullying towards him got worst. I teased him for the fact he wasn’t dating yet. He couldn’t possibly be behind everyone. I mean he was supposed to be perfect right?
Those weird feelings for him kept growing as the years went on. At first, it was just small things like how cute I thought he was. As time went on, it was more than wanting to kiss him, it was quickly becoming sexual despite not wanting to have those feelings.
As a hormonal teenager, during that last few years, I would date a few girls then it wouldn’t work, then as I got old enough I started hooking up and stuff like that. I realized quickly that hooking up was better because as irritating as it is, Theo was gaining more place in my mind. So, I haven’t dated in a hot minute.
Yeah, in the last few years, I was able to do that but as time went on, I was slowly starting to struggle to enjoy all that and lately it has become impossible.
I always keep thinking about him, he’s stuck in my mind all the time as if it’s a curse and he even appears in my dreams now. It’s crazy. It’s as if the more I refrain myself from giving in to my desires, the more my body yearns for them.
I don’t understand why I even have those feelings. Why him? I get that it’s fine to like guys but why him? Why did I have to fall into his charms? If only he should be the one to fall into that. Is he so flawless that I want that badly to do more than just annoy him?
I thought those kinds of feelings would go away like crushes do overtime but it only got worse as the years went on it seems like.
It surely doesn’t help that I have to deal with him often. I have to be confronted with his entire appearance. To his brown eyes, light brown hair, round nose, his...cute lips and his smile even if never directed at me. Let’s not even talk about his body that’s rather...Nope, not thinking about it!
He wears sophisticated clothes too but as much as I hate that...it looks good on him but I’ll never tell him that. He never causes any trouble nor is he the most bubbly person around despite being liked by many.
He isn’t as popular as he used to be. He has a very small group of friends, two girls to be exact. Even if it’s that, everyone always smiles at him. If he weren’t so quiet, I’m sure he’d be in a big gang or something.
He’s still good at school but maybe not the best. Just a good student. He isn’t nearly as good at sports as he was before. I would say it has to do with his height or something.
He isn’t exactly small per se but definitely way smaller than me that for sure. It’s always funny the height difference we have. He has...a perfect body...flawless I tell you. Hips at the right place despite being a guy, a small delicate chest and oh...his ass...is to die for...Even underneath his clothes must be...Yeah, nope! Nope! I can’t be thinking about this again!
Anyways, I don’t know how I keep my cool when I’m around him. How the hell do I hide such feelings and still annoy the sh*t out of him like I always did?
I’m at a point where I can’t even deny I like him and that I’m probably gay. It’s impossible now. My thoughts are literally only gay.
I never loved any girls as much as I do for him. It sucks a lot, I hate him for being so goddamn perfect. I don’t understand how I feel. It’s so confusing even if it’s clear as day. I guess, I just want those unnecessary feelings to go away even if I know they won’t. I have come to realize that over the years.
Oh! I remember something, one day in 8th grade Theo blurted out that he was gay. I remember I was confused at first. Once I learned what it meant I bullied him for that too. That is pretty much the only flaw I found out about him but boy do I love teasing him for it...He may not be 100 % perfect but he almost is.
The fact he likes guys surely doesn’t help me at all. If only it gives me false hopes. False hopes that I don’t want. I have no interest in exploring those feelings.
Regarding love life, I get why he has yet to date someone but still how can nobody not like him? From what I know, others don’t seem to know he’s gay. Ugh, it’s not like I care about that.
Honestly, I don’t know how long I can keep those feelings hidden. It’s getting too intense. It’s hard pretending to be mean to him when I just want to kiss him. I do hate him, he pisses me off but yeah there’s that.
Sometimes, I ask myself if he likes me too, but of course, he doesn’t. How can he...I’m a bad boy. Sure I’m handsome...it looks like, but he definitely doesn’t like me.
It’s pretty clear that every time he sees me, he wants to hit me but he doesn’t because he’s a goody two shoes and I’m stronger than him.
Theo’s pov
Ugh, Nathan...I swear I want to hit him every time I see his stupid smirk. Now, why do I want to hit him so badly when it’s so unlike me? It goes way back to when we were 8 years old.
Back then, I started a new school. Everyone was so nice except for him. I never understood why. I was just extremely nice. Everyone talked to me but not him.
Even though he was so mean to me, I wanted him to be my friend because I was sure he had a good heart. Sadly, I had to learn it the hard way.
He kept insulting me, even hitting me but my friends eventually noticed and told me to stop trying. I still wanted to be his friend because he had no reason to hate me but slowly I came to terms with the fact that he in fact hates me.
I remember I asked one day my uncle what I should do if a boy is mean to me. He told me to be equally as mean as him. That way I could show him I was strong and he’d back. He also said the boy that is being mean to me, sees me as weaker than him. Did Nathan really see me as weaker than him?
Even if it’s that, I didn’t want to be mean. Being mean is wrong. You have to be kind in life but Nathan annoyed me so much I knew I had to but unfortunately, my uncle was wrong. He still continued his terrible behaviour towards me. Nothing changed.
I guess I should’ve seen it coming before that he really wasn’t the kid I thought he was.
He had dark brown chocolate hair, that is still the same today and those blue eyes...blue eyes that now scream...evil...
As years went on, he became what everyone calls a bad boy. The guy started smoking at 12 years old. Who does he think he is? He started to be crap at school for no reason and flunked every single subject possible. I don’t know how he did it. He also started skipping school not to the surprise of many, right before we graduated from middle school.
The harassment became worst during 8th grade especially after I accidentally told him I was gay. I never understood why he was being so mean to me...just why? What did I do to deserve this kind of treatment? Everyone is nice except him.
I didn’t have a serious reason to hate him for real, until two years ago, when he hooked up with my friend, Brooke, because she fell in love with him.
Three weeks later, Brooke, told me the shocking news that she was pregnant only for her to start bursting into tears. She told me
that she told Nathan. Once he knew, he was apparently extremely furious and punched her stomach out of rage. She also told me she didn’t lose the baby but she still wanted an abortion.
The next Saturday that followed we went to the abortion clinic. I went with her for moral support. How in the world can a guy do that!? You can’t just punch the stomach of a pregnant girl. That was what made me blow up. I hate his guts even more since he did that. He’s such a jerk, an arrogant asshole.
I went to him after the whole ordeal was over, I told him everything, the guy didn’t really say he was sorry, no! He was defending his actions. I swear, how can his actions be okay? Brooke has been traumatized ever since that incident but I’m kinda traumatized too.
Three years ago I learned that I have a special condition...I’m capable of being pregnant even if I’m a boy...Obviously, this time around I didn’t blurt it out to Nathan. He doesn’t know, I hope he’ll never know...
I have been even more careful since the Brooke incident when it comes to hooking up, I’m making sure that I never hook up. I’m scared that it’s gonna happen to me too. The chances are higher since I’m a boy that’s capable of falling pregnant when it’s not normal. Geez, those thoughts are scary.
If I got to be honest, he doesn’t actually bully me as much as he used to. I like to think it’s because he’s starting to think it’s childish or he’s starting to not care about me. He still taunts me and gets on my nerve but he has gotten softer with me.
He never really got physical with me either and he certainly doesn’t nowadays. I guess he takes pity on me. Only his way of acting is getting on my nerves and his presence of course.
Other than being such an arrogant asshole, there are other things I don’t get about him. He got a piercing on his nose in sophomore year. He also got multiple piercings on his ears. Sometimes I wonder if he is only trying to get himself a look because that’s kinda lame...Ok, maybe not but yeah...
To my surprise, he recently started wearing some bloodline pantyhose not just on his legs but on his forearms too! That’s so strange...I didn’t think he could wear such a thing...Oh well...I shouldn’t be surprised he is still Nathan after all.
Anyways, I learned the other day that there’s a party at my friend Pamela’s house. I’m kinda scared because we might play Spin the Bottle.
So far, I managed to never play that game but this time I heard Pamela say that everyone has to play. Hell, even Nathan is invited since the whole school is invited.
I’m nervous too because I actually never had my first kiss....everyone at school wants to know why.
Well, I know why. It’s because no one knows I’m gay except Nathan...That’s accidental but still. I’m just not ready to come out...No one would like me anymore.
Girls have tried to make advances but I always turned down their advances kindly. Nowadays they understood I just haven’t found the one. They don’t make their advances but at least they are still nice to me.
Will I ever want to get into a relationship? I don’t know...I just fear no one would accept my condition and...well I don’t want to go through what Brooke got through. Being gay as well doesn’t help but for now, I just hope my first real party will go well...
*Update 27/06/24
It used to be in the story notes but I have now decided to reveal the full information of the characters only one per chapter.
For this prologue I introduce the full information of the character Theo Kerlerg
Theo Kerlerg
Birthday: March 3rd
Age: 17 years old (not IRL)
Zodiac sign: Pisces
Height: 5.7 ft or 1.70 m
Weight: 138 Ibs or 62.6 kg
MBTI type: INFJ-T (Advocate)
Mystery: The reason why he has yet to be in his first relationship is a mystery
Bonus: Definition of perfect (goody two shoes)
