I knocked up my roommate (BL)

My name is Ash. I'm nobody special, just an RN working at a pediatric clinic. In a world where men and women have reproductive organs, where both are fertile and can have children, I am not among them. I slowly bring my hand to my stomach. I would do anything to have a baby with my boyfriend, David Howls. Although, I can't say that David is the right one for me to be having a baby with.

He's got it all. He's a doctor at this pediatric clinic, so together, taking care of a baby financially would be a breeze. But David..... I stare down at my text messages while I take my lunch break.

David: >Hey? I think we need a break. I've just been thinking, and-you're so young. You have your whole life ahead of you, and being 45 myself, I just want to mingle before I really settle down. It's just a break. Maybe we can pick back up later or something.<

This is what he does. He'll want to take breaks so he can go off and talk to other guys. Meanwhile, I'm 22 years old, and I'm ready to settle down and have a family of my own. Even though I get paid well, I still live with my roommate, Rhet. I don't really know him like that. I know he works as a tattoo artist and at his mechanic shop on the weekends, so I barely see him. And on the rare occasions that I do see him, he's bringing sleazy guys home-the kind of guys I'd have to get tested before I'd even consider sleeping with them. But I doubt Rhet and his hookups are doing that.

Me: >Babe, please don't do this. If you need, we can have more fun in the bedroom. I'm open to trying new things if you want....but I'm tired of taking breaks. Are you seeing other people? I just don't get it.<

I send the message, hating how desperate I feel. But I love him. We've been together since I was 19.

I'd enrolled in medical school, and I was looking around online, trying to see if I could find someone who was already working in a clinic to mentor me. I wanted to know the pros and cons, and I wanted to know the red flags before I wasted my life and time in school. It was reasonable. There are a lot of pros to working in the medical field, but there are also some days when I wish I could just serve plates at a restaurant instead of trying to make a medical decision that could save a kid's life or end it. Especially when it comes to measuring vaccines.

Anyways, we got to talking, and he took me out on a few dates. I thought he was charming. Of course he was charming. He was an older, sophisticated man who had a lot of experience running his fucking mouth and knew what I wanted to hear. It didn't take me long to become interested in him, and it didn't take very long for me to fall head over heels for him. I was confident that he would like my mature demeanor. I was sure he'd like how organized and responsible I was because he wouldn't have to worry about me being childish just because of my age.

I'm good at communicating. I'm a bit OCD, so everything has a place, and everything is kept clean. I like to cook, I like to read, and when he lets me, I like to take care of him. Spoiling him, buying things I know he'll like, making things for him, and whenever he wants sex, he gets it.

But- that's kinda where the issue comes in.

David had come to me a few times and told me that he thought our sex life was boring. That ruined my self-confidence, but it wasn't enough to drive me away. I see sex as this beautiful thing that should be shared between two people who love each other. But when he asked me to climb into a bathtub full of ice and pretend that I was dead, suddenly, I'm the unreasonable one.

But at this point..... Was it really too much to ask? Or am I being stupid? Is everyone doing that? I really need to look up some fun ways to keep David entertained, but I'm really shy when it comes to sex. It definitely wasn't a topic that was openly discussed in our house. Babies were a mystery to me. The stork brought them and dropped them off, and stupid was considered a bad word. To sum it all up, I was ignorant, and I still am when it comes to sex and, I guess, how to have fun.

But I'm also educated. Sex can lead to STDs and things you can't get rid of, and what's the point of putting myself at risk for a guy who wants a break every other month? Every time I think David is happy with me, he shows me otherwise.

David: >If I'm seeing other people during the break, it's none of your concern. We're not married. There's nothing that you can really do, Ash. I've come to you time and time again, asking you to meet my needs, and you always come up with some excuse not to do so. I have a lot of thinking to do. But let's not make it awkward in the clinic, yeah?<

Yeah, I'm sure he does have a lot of thinking to do. More like a lot of sleeping around to do. I shift uncomfortably. It hurts, and I shouldn't be wasting my lunch break on this. I know that David is essentially not the right man for me. But, he's....... It's like being a teenager all over again. It's like the sexy, forbidden guy who keeps you chasing after him because you believe he's going to change for you, even though, realistically, you know he's not. But there's this idea that one day, he's gonna wake up and see that he needs you as much as you need him.

I want a baby with David. I want him to grow up. We could be perfect for each other; why can't he see this? We both love kids, we both have great careers, and when David wants to be, he can be the man that I need. Kind, compassionate, romantic, and he makes me feel like I'm the only guy on the planet. Why can't he be like this all the time?

I set my phone to the side and focus on my lunch break before it's over.

________

"Hey, Parker. See this?" David holds up the otoscope. "It's just a little light, and I'm going to check inside your ears to make sure there aren't any ear gummies in there. Then I'll check the back of your throat to make sure everything looks great. Is that okay?" He smiles.

Parker shakes his head.

"Haha-" David and I chuckle.

"Alright, how about this? Wanna check my nurse's ears first? And then, when you check his ears, I can check your ears. Sound fair?"

Parker stares up at David, thinking it over, before nodding his head.

"Alright. Ash?" David looks over at me before handing Parker the otoscope. I squat down next to Parker as David helps him check my ears. "Are they squeaky clean?" I hear David ask as the cool tip of the otoscope goes into my ear.

"Yes," Parker says as he examines my ear. After a moment, David takes the otoscope back from him, and reluctantly, Parker lets David check his ears. I watch as David squints, then takes the otoscope out of Parker's ear and removes the tip. "Open big and wide so I can see those tonsils."

Parker shrinks back a little.

"Parker, honey, it's okay. The doctor needs to see so that he can tell us what's going on," his mother coaxes. But Parker isn't very interested in any of that. I can tell he's getting antsy and is ready to go home.

"Wanna hold my hand?" I ask, motioning for him to take it. He stares at my hand for a moment before gently grabbing it, and I study Parker as he opens his mouth. I can't help but wonder what it would be like to have a child of my own. Each time I come into work, it's like the world flaunts the fact that they can have children in my face.

"Alright, buddy." David's voice suddenly snaps me out of my thoughts. "Looks like he has some drainage and an ear infection. The drainage is irritating the back of his throat. Get plenty of rest, stay hydrated, and I'm going to order some eardrops and send them to your pharmacy for that nasty ear infection. We'll get him all fixed up." David winks at the mom, giving her a gentle smile. There's that charm I fell so hard for.

It can't be helped. Even the mom smiles a little too hard at this. "Well, thank you." She stares at him like Jesus came down and performed a miracle, and I know that David isn't flirting with her. He's not into women, but I still can't help getting a little jealous.

I clear my throat when David looks back at Parker. "Alright, buddy. Get to feeling better." He stands up. "Just let my nurse know the name of your pharmacy and where it's located, and then you're free to go. Have a good weekend." He walks off, and I talk to the mom, getting her information. Once they leave, I stay behind and sanitize the room, prepping it for the next patient.

When I'm done, I wash my hands and walk out to the open floor, where I see David looking at the computer. "Hey, can we talk?" I start, but he holds up his hand, cutting me off.

"Please go get the next patient." His words are clipped.

I study him before letting out a breath. Whatever... I walk to the front to call the next patient and their guardian back.

_____

I don't usually go out for drinks after work, but tonight, I think I will. A few of the other RNs are going and are turning it into a group thing. When we all pull up to the bar, I grab my jacket and put it on. It's cold, and Christmas is just around the corner. Of course, leave it to David to wanna take a break right before the holiday.

I climb out of the car, lock it, and slip my keys into my jacket pocket. We're all still dressed in our scrubs as we meet up near the door.

"It was a long day, I'm not even going to lie," Dominique groans, shaking her head.

"I swear to God, I hear kids screaming in my sleep. And it's always over a shot-" Alec shakes his head.

"Speaking of shots..." Beth says as we all walk into the bar, "we're gonna need a shit ton. I want to go to work tomorrow feeling like it's the first day all over again."

"Oooh. I don't know about all that. There's not enough alcohol in this world that can make me as excited as I was during my first week on the job. The rest of the weeks put me in my fuckin' place," Derek says, causing everyone to laugh. "What about you, Mr. Quiet? How was your day?" Derek looks over at me, causing everyone else to do the same.

Oh well...

"It was great," I lie, because nobody at work knows that David and I are dating. It's unprofessional, and a part of me is glad they don't know, especially in moments like this. "Just sometimes a little loud, but otherwise, it was good."

"Okay." Derek smiles as we all walk over to the bar. I know a lot of them have been working longer than me, so burnout weighs on them a lot more than it does on me. But I genuinely enjoy my job.

We sit down at the bar as the bartender walks over to take our orders. Starting with me, he asks, "What can I get for you?"

"Um-can I get a hard seltzer?" I ask.

"Come on, Ash. If you're gonna drink, you should at least get something that has more than 4 percent alcohol in it," Beth tells me.

I press my lips together and look down at my phone.

Me: >Can we at least sit down and talk about everything, David?<

But the message has been seen with no reply. I let out a breath and set my phone to the side.

"What do you recommend?" I ask, smiling at the bartender. Maybe I should put my fate into someone else's hands. I don't want to remember this right now. I don't want to remember David right now.

"How about a martini?" the bartender asks, and I offer him a tight smile.

I don't know when reality starts to morph, but the lights begin to blur, and the music starts to sound a little too comforting. I don't remember how to count anymore, and each time I try to count my glasses, the fact that I attended and graduated medical school becomes less and less relevant.

I pick up my drink and take a hard sip, but I feel it being taken away from me.

"I think you've had enough..." Derek tells me. "Come on, I'll take you home. Tomorrow, we'll pick your car back up before they tow it."

I study him. I don't know what he's saying, but home sounds great. He helps me stand up, and I nearly fall before I manage to get my footing.

"Oh, Jesus... I think, hick, gravity is real..." I lean on his shoulder, causing him to chuckle.

My name is Ash. I'm nobody special, just an RN working at a pediatric clinic. In a world where men and women have reproductive organs, where both are fertile and can have children, I am not among them. I slowly bring my hand to my stomach. I would do anything to have a baby with my boyfriend, David Howls. Although, I can't say that David is the right one for me to be having a baby with.

He's got it all. He's a doctor at this pediatric clinic, so together, taking care of a baby financially would be a breeze. But David..... I stare down at my text messages while I take my lunch break.

David: >Hey? I think we need a break. I've just been thinking, and-you're so young. You have your whole life ahead of you, and being 45 myself, I just want to mingle before I really settle down. It's just a break. Maybe we can pick back up later or something.<

This is what he does. He'll want to take breaks so he can go off and talk to other guys. Meanwhile, I'm 22 years old, and I'm ready to settle down and have a family of my own. Even though I get paid well, I still live with my roommate, Rhet. I don't really know him like that. I know he works as a tattoo artist and at his mechanic shop on the weekends, so I barely see him. And on the rare occasions that I do see him, he's bringing sleazy guys home-the kind of guys I'd have to get tested before I'd even consider sleeping with them. But I doubt Rhet and his hookups are doing that.

Me: >Babe, please don't do this. If you need, we can have more fun in the bedroom. I'm open to trying new things if you want....but I'm tired of taking breaks. Are you seeing other people? I just don't get it.<

I send the message, hating how desperate I feel. But I love him. We've been together since I was 19.

I'd enrolled in medical school, and I was looking around online, trying to see if I could find someone who was already working in a clinic to mentor me. I wanted to know the pros and cons, and I wanted to know the red flags before I wasted my life and time in school. It was reasonable. There are a lot of pros to working in the medical field, but there are also some days when I wish I could just serve plates at a restaurant instead of trying to make a medical decision that could save a kid's life or end it. Especially when it comes to measuring vaccines.

Anyways, we got to talking, and he took me out on a few dates. I thought he was charming. Of course he was charming. He was an older, sophisticated man who had a lot of experience running his fucking mouth and knew what I wanted to hear. It didn't take me long to become interested in him, and it didn't take very long for me to fall head over heels for him. I was confident that he would like my mature demeanor. I was sure he'd like how organized and responsible I was because he wouldn't have to worry about me being childish just because of my age.

I'm good at communicating. I'm a bit OCD, so everything has a place, and everything is kept clean. I like to cook, I like to read, and when he lets me, I like to take care of him. Spoiling him, buying things I know he'll like, making things for him, and whenever he wants sex, he gets it.

But- that's kinda where the issue comes in.

David had come to me a few times and told me that he thought our sex life was boring. That ruined my self-confidence, but it wasn't enough to drive me away. I see sex as this beautiful thing that should be shared between two people who love each other. But when he asked me to climb into a bathtub full of ice and pretend that I was dead, suddenly, I'm the unreasonable one.

But at this point..... Was it really too much to ask? Or am I being stupid? Is everyone doing that? I really need to look up some fun ways to keep David entertained, but I'm really shy when it comes to sex. It definitely wasn't a topic that was openly discussed in our house. Babies were a mystery to me. The stork brought them and dropped them off, and stupid was considered a bad word. To sum it all up, I was ignorant, and I still am when it comes to sex and, I guess, how to have fun.

But I'm also educated. Sex can lead to STDs and things you can't get rid of, and what's the point of putting myself at risk for a guy who wants a break every other month? Every time I think David is happy with me, he shows me otherwise.

David: >If I'm seeing other people during the break, it's none of your concern. We're not married. There's nothing that you can really do, Ash. I've come to you time and time again, asking you to meet my needs, and you always come up with some excuse not to do so. I have a lot of thinking to do. But let's not make it awkward in the clinic, yeah?<

Yeah, I'm sure he does have a lot of thinking to do. More like a lot of sleeping around to do. I shift uncomfortably. It hurts, and I shouldn't be wasting my lunch break on this. I know that David is essentially not the right man for me. But, he's....... It's like being a teenager all over again. It's like the sexy, forbidden guy who keeps you chasing after him because you believe he's going to change for you, even though, realistically, you know he's not. But there's this idea that one day, he's gonna wake up and see that he needs you as much as you need him.

I want a baby with David. I want him to grow up. We could be perfect for each other; why can't he see this? We both love kids, we both have great careers, and when David wants to be, he can be the man that I need. Kind, compassionate, romantic, and he makes me feel like I'm the only guy on the planet. Why can't he be like this all the time?

I set my phone to the side and focus on my lunch break before it's over.

________

"Hey, Parker. See this?" David holds up the otoscope. "It's just a little light, and I'm going to check inside your ears to make sure there aren't any ear gummies in there. Then I'll check the back of your throat to make sure everything looks great. Is that okay?" He smiles.

Parker shakes his head.

"Haha-" David and I chuckle.

"Alright, how about this? Wanna check my nurse's ears first? And then, when you check his ears, I can check your ears. Sound fair?"

Parker stares up at David, thinking it over, before nodding his head.

"Alright. Ash?" David looks over at me before handing Parker the otoscope. I squat down next to Parker as David helps him check my ears. "Are they squeaky clean?" I hear David ask as the cool tip of the otoscope goes into my ear.

"Yes," Parker says as he examines my ear. After a moment, David takes the otoscope back from him, and reluctantly, Parker lets David check his ears. I watch as David squints, then takes the otoscope out of Parker's ear and removes the tip. "Open big and wide so I can see those tonsils."

Parker shrinks back a little.

"Parker, honey, it's okay. The doctor needs to see so that he can tell us what's going on," his mother coaxes. But Parker isn't very interested in any of that. I can tell he's getting antsy and is ready to go home.

"Wanna hold my hand?" I ask, motioning for him to take it. He stares at my hand for a moment before gently grabbing it, and I study Parker as he opens his mouth. I can't help but wonder what it would be like to have a child of my own. Each time I come into work, it's like the world flaunts the fact that they can have children in my face.

"Alright, buddy." David's voice suddenly snaps me out of my thoughts. "Looks like he has some drainage and an ear infection. The drainage is irritating the back of his throat. Get plenty of rest, stay hydrated, and I'm going to order some eardrops and send them to your pharmacy for that nasty ear infection. We'll get him all fixed up." David winks at the mom, giving her a gentle smile. There's that charm I fell so hard for.

It can't be helped. Even the mom smiles a little too hard at this. "Well, thank you." She stares at him like Jesus came down and performed a miracle, and I know that David isn't flirting with her. He's not into women, but I still can't help getting a little jealous.

I clear my throat when David looks back at Parker. "Alright, buddy. Get to feeling better." He stands up. "Just let my nurse know the name of your pharmacy and where it's located, and then you're free to go. Have a good weekend." He walks off, and I talk to the mom, getting her information. Once they leave, I stay behind and sanitize the room, prepping it for the next patient.

When I'm done, I wash my hands and walk out to the open floor, where I see David looking at the computer. "Hey, can we talk?" I start, but he holds up his hand, cutting me off.

"Please go get the next patient." His words are clipped.

I study him before letting out a breath. Whatever... I walk to the front to call the next patient and their guardian back.

_____

I don't usually go out for drinks after work, but tonight, I think I will. A few of the other RNs are going and are turning it into a group thing. When we all pull up to the bar, I grab my jacket and put it on. It's cold, and Christmas is just around the corner. Of course, leave it to David to wanna take a break right before the holiday.

I climb out of the car, lock it, and slip my keys into my jacket pocket. We're all still dressed in our scrubs as we meet up near the door.

"It was a long day, I'm not even going to lie," Dominique groans, shaking her head.

"I swear to God, I hear kids screaming in my sleep. And it's always over a shot-" Alec shakes his head.

"Speaking of shots..." Beth says as we all walk into the bar, "we're gonna need a shit ton. I want to go to work tomorrow feeling like it's the first day all over again."

"Oooh. I don't know about all that. There's not enough alcohol in this world that can make me as excited as I was during my first week on the job. The rest of the weeks put me in my fuckin' place," Derek says, causing everyone to laugh. "What about you, Mr. Quiet? How was your day?" Derek looks over at me, causing everyone else to do the same.

Oh well...

"It was great," I lie, because nobody at work knows that David and I are dating. It's unprofessional, and a part of me is glad they don't know, especially in moments like this. "Just sometimes a little loud, but otherwise, it was good."

"Okay." Derek smiles as we all walk over to the bar. I know a lot of them have been working longer than me, so burnout weighs on them a lot more than it does on me. But I genuinely enjoy my job.

We sit down at the bar as the bartender walks over to take our orders. Starting with me, he asks, "What can I get for you?"

"Um-can I get a hard seltzer?" I ask.

"Come on, Ash. If you're gonna drink, you should at least get something that has more than 4 percent alcohol in it," Beth tells me.

I press my lips together and look down at my phone.

Me: >Can we at least sit down and talk about everything, David?<

But the message has been seen with no reply. I let out a breath and set my phone to the side.

"What do you recommend?" I ask, smiling at the bartender. Maybe I should put my fate into someone else's hands. I don't want to remember this right now. I don't want to remember David right now.

"How about a martini?" the bartender asks, and I offer him a tight smile.

I don't know when reality starts to morph, but the lights begin to blur, and the music starts to sound a little too comforting. I don't remember how to count anymore, and each time I try to count my glasses, the fact that I attended and graduated medical school becomes less and less relevant.

I pick up my drink and take a hard sip, but I feel it being taken away from me.

"I think you've had enough..." Derek tells me. "Come on, I'll take you home. Tomorrow, we'll pick your car back up before they tow it."

I study him. I don't know what he's saying, but home sounds great. He helps me stand up, and I nearly fall before I manage to get my footing.

"Oh, Jesus... I think, hick, gravity is real..." I lean on his shoulder, causing him to chuckle.