Chapter 1
Who I Am
is banging against my rib cage.
I have forced her down
and hidden her away
into the dark cavity of my chest.
She is locked behind white bars.
I try to forget she is there,
though I am reminded of her
in moments like this
when I am forced to feel.
She begs for release
with a sharp and swift
thu-thump, thu-thump, thu-thump…
I watch as my chest rises and falls
from her desperate beating.
I can feel her kicking down at my stomach
Giving it a familiar sinking feeling
I dig my fingernails into my palms
and lower my brow.
I squeeze my lips together
to mute her screaming.
Her cries are reverberating in my brain
disturbing my comfortable detachment.
“Let me out!” she pleads
“Don’t let me die in here!”
Her words are shaking me,
shaking tears out of my eyes
I squeeze my eyelids tight.
As hard as she fights, She is no match
for Who I Have Become
I am shell now
But I am not hollow
As Who I Am shouts,
so does He.
I grimace as his spit hits my face
I cower as his loud voice engulfs me
like thick black smoke
It’s hard to breathe
“Stand up for us!”
Who I Am cries
I ignore her again
I listen to his voice.
“Don’t speak.”
When our fight subsided,
Who I Am whimpered
“I’m stuck here aren’t I?” she asked.
“In my cage of marrow."
