Campfire
The campfire’s anticipation grew, as the people were seated.
Soon, oh so soon, the stories would be started.
First, some songs were sung.
Okay… let’s get to the good stuff!
Then, marshmallows were roasted.
The campfire patiently waited.
Aha! The first story was beginning!
“Once upon a time, there was a human being.
This human being was similar to other humans in most ways, but had a big difference.
This person liked to commit murder!, and often did it.”
“You’re just copying that Adam Sandler song, aren’t you?”
“Fine! I am!” “Fair enough, lol. Continue, continue.”
“Anyway, people in this person’s village were picked off one by one,
and nobody knew by whom the evil killings had been done.
The actual killer pretended to be as appalled by the deaths as the others,
and would say things like, “We’ll get that no good killer!”
Finally, though, the killer was the only human in the village who was still alive; which suggested to people in the next village that that person was the killer.
And, so, they locked the killer in a jail cell, though protests were made by the murderer.
“It wasn’t me!, I swear!”
“Right. We’re still gonna keep you locked up. So, there.”
There were no more murders, but the imprisoned person continued to plead innocence.
And, so, one of the villagers eventually gave the person freedom.
The murders instantly started back up, and the killer was imprisoned again.
The murders stopped. Which further confirmed that they had locked up the correct human.
Eventually, though, a copycat killer took the imprisoned person’s place;
and the first person that the new killer killed was the person who was locked away.
At first, people figured that they were safe.
Maybe this new killer only killed those who deserved such a fate.
But, then the villagers began to all be picked off, one by one;
and so everyone bought a gun.
The killer was soon shot, and the murder spree ended.
So, the moral of the story is, stockpile guns and ammo, my friends!”
“Me next! I’ve got a story too!
And this one will show why everyone having guns is actually NOT a good idea to do…
Once upon a time, people all got guns, because they thought that more guns would make them safer.
But, alas!, more people were dying than ever!
And, so, everyone agreed to destroy their firearms.
This significantly reduced the amount of people who were being harmed.
The end!” “So, everyone gave up the guns? The government too?”
“Yup! No guns left at all! Not a single one, it’s true.”
“Well, at least you didn’t do the whole, “the government gets them, but we don’t” thing, so it could’ve been worse.”
“I’ve got a story now! My turn, my turn!
It was a dark and stormy night.
So dark and stormy, in fact, that the crazy weather came for everyone; and everybody died!
So, evolution had to begin again.
There was only a single cell that remained, but that was all that was needed for the process to begin.
Within a few weeks, all of the plants and animals had evolved back!, because the crazy weather had supercharged the evolutionary process!
Ummmm, yeah; so everything was mostly back to normal! The end!”
“Only a few weeks for all of that evolution, eh? I like it.
Prepare yourselves for my story, y’all; for, it’s gonna be pretty grim…
The earth, water, air, and fire continued to battle on.
They’d been in a stalemate for many years, and if the balance was upset then any semblance of harmony in the world would be gone.
The Grim Reaper decided that none of them appeared to be gaining an upper hand, and went back to traveling to the next person on the list.
Ahhhh, it was… Oh no! Me! The person telling this story! I’m dead!…”
“That was your grim story? The Reaper gets you?”
“Yup! Want another one?” “After mine! I’ve got one too!
So, I snuck into the kitchen to get some cheese from the fridge, but a mouse had already taken it.
I chased the mouse around the house, and this woke up my parents.
They said that I should be in bed, and asked what happened to the cheese.
I told them that a little mouse took it, and they said that that little mouse was me!
I indignantly said that I was not the little mouse, and suddenly the little mouse stole some bread too!
So, my parents decided to get the house thoroughly searched and freed of mice, which is why I’m here at this camp with you!”
“Wow. That actually how you got here?”
“Naw. Just made it up.” “Nice!” “Okay, guys; this story, you’re gonna wanna hear…
So, there I was; me vs the gigantic crab!
It snapped its giant snappers, and cut off my hands!
I used this to my advantage, though, and used the blood that was gushing from my handless arms to blind my carnivorous opponent!
Then, I used my teeth to bite into where its heart was, and ripped its heart out with my mouth, don’tcha know it!
Here’s the heart, now! Catch!” “Awww, gross! What actually is this?”
“Your worst nightmare!” “So, it’s me having to take out the trash?”
“May as well be, lol.”
“Whatever! Now, I have a tale to tell…
Okay, so this person starts up a lawn mower, and it all goes bonkers from there!
The lawn mower grows to a ginormous size, and starts mowing everywhere.
The person held onto the lawn mower’s handle for dear life, as the lawn mower mowed down everything in the world.
Then, the lawn mower shrunk again and turned off, and the person’s hands finally uncurled.
“Damn you!,” the person yelled at the sky, wishing that lawn mowers had never even been invented.
It had all been a mistake! Humanity should have known that a lawn mower would eventually destroy all humans!
For the rest of the person’s life, the person just kind of moped around and cursed randomly.
If only that person had never tried to mow the lawn! If only, if only!
The end!” “Nice one! Sure makes me never wanna mow a lawn again!
Here’s my story. It’s about a woman named Margret and a man named Ben…
Margaret and Ben’s honeymoon was going really well.
Unfortunately, the train that they were on took a turn towards Hell.
As they were making out for the 1,000th time that day,
they heard strange sounds and their eyes turned towards the window, and they saw a scary face.
It had horns and wore an evil smile, and they finally unglued their lips because they weren’t fans of this evil looking being watching them kiss.
Suddenly, the Devil (for, that’s who it was) opened the window and stepped into their compartment.
“Sorry to interrupt you two love birds, but love is not allowed in Hell!”
Suddenly, some of Satan’s minions entered the compartment too, and put a window in between Margret and Ben, so that they couldn’t share physical romantic love in what was now essentially two separate jail cells.
A while later, the Devil was very displeased to discover that Margret was pregnant. “No pregnancies in Hell! You two must have created that thing before you got here.
MINIONS! Get them out of Hell! This isn’t a family place, and I have an agreement with God to let people who get pregnant leave and go back to Earth!”
The minions took Margret, Ben, and their unborn offspring back to Earth, and warned them that nobody would believe them if they told people where they’d been.
“Well, I do declare!” Margret stated, “That was the honeymoon from Hell, my dear Ben!””
“Hmmm… That’s actually pretty clever. You could do lots of stories about people’s derailed journeys to Hell.
Oh well, now I have a story to tell!”
“It should be the last one of the night! It’s getting late!”
“Lol, I’ll just make it hours long, then… Just kidding! Haha. Here goes!, okay?…
Everyone was hiking along, when pinecones began flying at them from all directions!
“Ow!” “Whaa-?” “Hello?” “Who’s doing this?”
“I am the pinecone monster! I chuck pinecones at innocent hikers! Muahahahaha!”
They all dashed away, but the pinecone monster continued to hurl pinecones and laugh, “Muahahahaha!”
One of them accidentally ran off of a cliff that was close to the hiking path, and the pinecone monster even hurled pinecones at him as he fell!
The others were worried now. Was their friend about to hit the ground, pass away, and go to Heaven, Purgatory, or Hell?”
…
…
“Ummm… ya gonna finish the story?”
“I dunno. Things escalated pretty quickly.
How about you finish this one?”
“Done!… Then the falling person grew wings and informed them that he had been an angel all along!
The pinecone monster didn’t like being around angels, and was thus quickly gone.
The others were all happy to not be pelted by pinecones anymore, and thanked their angel friend for scaring away the pinecone monster who’d been doing them wrong.
“Sorry, y’all, but I like throwing pinecones too!” the angel laughed, and began throwing even more pinecones at them than the pinecone monster had thrown!
They’re still being hit by pinecones at this very instant, don’tcha know?”
And, that ended the campfire tales for the night, which meant that the campfire had to wait until next time to hear more.
This had been a pretty good collection of stories, though, and had been quite satisfying to the campfire.
