Chapter 1:Mila Is Dead
I was still pretty much in disbelief. It hadn't all set in quite well and the fact that I was trying to juggle a conversation on my phone with someone who didn't know what had happened and also trying to console Syd who was terribly upset was not helping.
Jamila McKenzie was just 24 and now she was gone. She was just the same age as me -a little bit older as she had always bragged about and made known to almost everyone we knew.
I'd known her since we were 8, just little kids who didn't know anything and now, so much had happened leading up to this moment.
Syd was just sobbing as she tried to get me through the details of what Dereck, Mila's brother had conveyed to her. Her hair was a mess, which signified total distress -the girl practically worshipped it and would not leave the house without making sure everything was okay.
It was completely understandable, to her Mila was a best friend, a sister. They'd been working together trying to get their art venture off the ground and eventually open a gallery then the devastating news came.
My phone was still buzzing off the hook and poor Syd probably thought it was Bo or Ethan, trying to find out what had happened to Mila, but it wasn't. The best thing would've been to just ignore it, sit myself down and calm my nerves, but I couldn't function that way. Chaos was my norm, so I continued my juggling act.
Bo walked into the café which was surprisingly dead on this Friday afternoon, in his signature leather jacket, greeted a person or two then walked right toward us without even looking up, we had a ritual spot here which had started out as mine when I discovered this little joint.
He was much taller than I was and bigger, which made him look like a biker in the whole jacket and boots get up.
He gestured to Syd who instantly got up and sunk into his arms as they hugged and she let out another sob.
'What happened? I still can't believe this.'
His deep voice carried a bit more than usual, as if he was out of practice when it came to talking, but it was probably just nerves.
'She was in a car accident. By the time she got to the ER it was too late,' I muttered.
'I just- I um...' Syd began but the tears just streamed down her eyes.
'I know Syd, this is terrible,' Bo said, hugging her again.
I still couldn't cry and I'm pretty sure my face looked more indifferent than numb or hurt, or anything at all. Bo gave me a look.
'Let's get out of here,' he said.
I gave the café one last look before we left. Everyone in there was just going about their business, their lives did not seem to be affected in any way, there was no universal ripple that sent everyone into shock. Syd had been crying since we got there and no one had turned a hair. It all just felt very unfair.
The turmoil I was going through internally was about to eat me alive and still I could not spare a single tear for Mila. Heaven knows that she had meant a lot to me, more than I could ever be able to explain to anyone, but she had also done a lot more damage than good.
So what was the grieving protocol then, when someone you loved and also had a sour history with suddenly tragically died? What were you meant to do when you hadn't even healed yet from all the emotional trauma -or even began to process it, but everyone they know is expecting you to be a pillar of strength and to say all these beautiful things?
'Hey, you good?'
Bo glanced at me why driving us to his place. Syd was now just quiet and stuck on her phone in the back.
'I don't know, Bo, what do you think?' I replied.
He sighed.
'Ethan's gonna meet us there.'
I nodded then stared straight ahead as raindrops started gently falling onto the windscreen. I could still feel him occasionally looking at me, wondering what I was thinking, but there was no more chatter until we got to his place.
I wanted to say I wasn't okay, but the way I felt was not going to be easily understandable. It was all so surreal and I still couldn't believe that Mila was dead.
