Chapter 2: Jessie
I’ve never been afraid of the dark, it’s just an irrational human fear of not being able to see what’s out there beyond the darkness. It’s the things that use the darkness to hide that we should be scared of rather than darkness itself. As children, we imagine that there are witches, monsters and ghosts hiding out there in the dark waiting to get us. However, as adults we see these fears as irrational and replace them with fear of muggers and rapists who hide in the shadows following their prey, or the burglars who use it as cover to break into your house while you’re sleeping and steal your PlayStation or your TV.
Of course, the ones we should really fear are the politicians and corporations robbing us in broad daylight and messing with our services such as the NHS to line their own pockets.
My name is Jessica as it says at the top, people call me Jess, but I’m known by several names including sticky (a reference to my resemblance of a stick figure), sneezy (due to my chronic hay fever), but more recently I’ve been known by a different name, mummy.
I’m the co-founder of J&M enterprises along with my best friend from childhood Mandy Brown, but just because we own the company that doesn’t make us important. To tell you the truth we are just a couple of former factory girls who got made redundant. I went on to work in an insurance office while Mandy did 3 years’ burger flipping before we both got laid off again. After that we’d taken jobs with a so-called door to door sales company, but we quickly got fed up with the treatment we got from our boss and decided to branch out on our own. So, armed with my GCSE in business studies (Mandy didn’t have one, because she did home economics) off we went.
That’s the long and the short of it anyway, never for a minute did I think that less than a year and a half later we were going to be a well-established sales company employing 20 staff and earning more money than a modest girl like me, who was barely 23 could ever want or need.
To tell you the truth I was physically and mentally shattered as we were out selling 6 days a week to cover lost earnings over Christmas. That meant Mandy and myself working 3 months without a day off. Mandy and I had shared a reasonably sized flat on Rouen road just outside the new riverside complex in Norwich, since we were 2 independent 16-year-old want-aways, and these days our living area was always full of paperwork.
Every night for the past week and a half that we had been working in Great Yarmouth I had taken a few moments at the end of each evening to chill out on my own before going back to organise my team.
On each of these times I had gone to the end of the station as we waited for the train to come. Once there I’d take a few deep breaths and re compose myself, blow my nose and fix the little make up I wore and take my inhaler if I needed as I watched the lights of the train weaving its way across the darkened marsh land to meet us.
I would stare out into the blackness which ran for about 10 square miles, it’s mainly marshland criss-crossed by dykes. I would dream about all sorts of things hiding out there in that open space, the ghosts of any number of people who died on the Acle straight over the years (The road which runs across the marsh and is notorious for fatal accidents).
In 1994, a group of us took a drive out to the Pleasure Beach in Great Yarmouth. My brother Dave took his lovely beautiful adrenaline junky girlfriend Sarah on a motorbike and stayed later than the rest of us for some alone time, saying they would see us in the pub back in Norwich. On their way down the Acle straight minding their own business and obeying the speed limit they were killed by a driver overtaking another car at over 70 miles an hour.
Surely, I thought if there were such things as ghosts they would want to hang around those who loved them rather than stand in a dark field for the rest of eternity.
I prefer to think of the inseparable Dave and Sarah drinking beer and riding motorbikes in heaven, just to be clear they were sober when they died.
There wasn’t really anything out there on that marsh but the same sheep, cows, and horses that had been there when we crossed earlier that day. But still I was glad we had a nice warm train to take us back to Norwich, I wouldn’t want to be stuck out there in the dark.
Obviously if I’d known at that moment what was going to happen to our train I would have pulled all 20 of my staff off of it and got them all taxis home at £50 a head. However even that idea would have failed because the Acle straight was shut for vital works.
As I say I was shattered and run down having worked 7 days a week for the last 12 and walking 15 + miles on 6 of them (A hazard of being the boss).
The events of that night were put in motion way before we got on the train. It was just after 9pm, the cut off point for knocking on doors, after which we would be breaking the law. We were slowly making our way back to the station. Mandy and I always walked around the outside of the area where our staff were operating checking on our friends and colleagues while making our own sales. We would meet in the middle around 9 pm and walk back to the station together.
Mandy and I were both 23 and had known each other since we were little girls, she was adopted by a family who lived on our street and we’d been best friends for 20 years at that point (Now 35+ years). At the time, we lived together in a small flat near Riverside near Norwich city fc, we ran our business from home.
For a brief visual description, I’m about 5ft 6 tall and I was painfully skinny but not through lack of trying to gain weight. I have pale white skin with long dark hair and I wear glasses and that night wore a white winter coat over my blouse with a knee length skirt and leggings with fake fur boots to keep my toes warm.
Mandy’s half a foot shorter than me but without being rude to my best friend she was quite big around the middle despite having lost nearly 4 stone (Which I am proud of her for doing) and she had chin length red hair.
We were dragging wheeled cases to carry paperwork and both of us had our own shoulder bags.
The streets which we walked were barely lit apart from the odd light escaping from under drawn curtains. There was a frostiness to the air, which made me choke.
We were both struggling a little having worked nearly 3 months without a day off to make up for the group not getting holiday pay, which is one of the down sides of our job.
Even though our staff were only given optional Saturdays in the build up to Christmas, we ended up doing paperwork on Sundays during that time meaning although our staff got Sunday off we did not.
Neither of us were feeling too well either, Mandy had a cough and I seemed to have been coming down with a cold all week, it was breaking out just in time to fall during our time off. I kept sneezing and blowing my nose into one of my large hankies as we walked hoping it would only be a short cold.
At the end of a narrow street we saw a solitary street lamp under which we stood for a moment having a quick drink of water.
As we were moving off there was a noise from the street which sounded like a sort of half cough half sneeze.
‘Bless you again,’ Mandy said nervously. ‘That wasn’t me this time’ I sniffed.
‘I was hoping you weren’t going to say that’ She shivered, ‘Why are you so nervous?’ I smiled ‘It’s just some poor sod out here going about their own business like us.’
A few moments later in the next street we heard footsteps, followed by the same half cough half sneeze noise.
Mandy froze, ‘It could be a rapist waiting in the shadows to attack you’ she whispered. ‘You watch far too many horror movies’ I told her breathlessly, ‘anyway why only attack me? If they’re going to rape you they’re not going to ask if you prefer men or women, are they?’ (Mandy is a lesbian, and was in a relationship, but it was a secret at that time, she had only come out to very few people)
‘My sexuality has nothing to do with it,’ she groaned, ‘In the movies they always kill the fat one and rape the pretty one.’
‘But it’s just us’ I told her, ‘Your point being?’ she asked, ‘Well I’m not pretty’ I sniffed. ‘I don’t think many of the boys would agree with you’ She said with a little laugh, adding that most of the boys we knew fancied me, which in respect might well have been true but I didn’t like to think of myself as being physically attractive because I put much more value into personality.
She knew that I hated people who judged others by their looks and although I scrub up okay I find it hard to accept complements about my own appearance despite giving them to other people.
The chatter moved on to other things and a few streets had passed by when I paused for a second to wipe my nose again, we heard the noise again. Mandy froze and looked at me. I could see her eyes shining with fright.
‘Okay’ I said in my usual quiet, calm, no panicking voice as I was pretty sure there was no real danger. It never hurts to make sure though. ‘Let’s just walk as quick as we can until we’re in a lit area’ I told Mandy, adding ‘Just keep walking and don’t look back.’
We had walked about 2 miles as fast as Mandy could walk, as although she was very fit for someone her size she’s never been very fast. We were sweating like crazy by the time we reached the supermarket near the station. I took a seat outside the supermarket with our cases, While Mandy popped inside to buy nicotine patches and gum. I was very proud of her for finally stopping her smoking habit, though my years of nagging her about it had little effect, but I think I know who it was that got through to her.
She was only a few minutes so I sat on a bench in the almost empty supermarket car park with our cases. The stillness of the place was quite eerie. When I gave my snotty nose a good hard blow into my hankie the sound echoed and bounced around the car park as though it were a cave.
Suddenly there was that half cough half sneeze sound again this time it came from my left-hand side, so I stood up and looked around but I couldn’t see anything.
Then with a sudden panic I realised the brief cases had been stolen along with our day’s paper work. I’m not going to go into the amounts we earn being in charge of the company because that’s not what it’s about, but I need to say some of the paperwork in the cases belonged to our staff as well as us and we needed it to pay them and ourselves.
I was in a blind panic looking everywhere but seeing nothing. Mandy came out of the supermarket and saw me standing there in a panic. She looked from me to the empty space where the cases had been then back to me in horror.
Suddenly I saw 2 people about 50 meters away running with our cases, I pointed at them and Mandy and I instinctively set off after them. Although I enjoy a good workout, sudden sprints in cold weather were not what the doctor ordered for an asthmatic with a heavy cold. Somehow panting and wheezing I managed to catch up with the second runner (who clearly wasn’t fit if I could catch him) as they turned into a dark alley.
His accomplice might however have been related to Usain Bolt, as he had sprinted off. The guy might have been unfit but he was big and strong and he grabbed me around the waist and held me against him with one arm while he dragged my case in the other.
Suddenly as I gasped for breath I heard Mandy scream from the end of the alley. ‘What shall we do with them?’ They guy who had me in his grasp asked his accomplice, who had come back for Mandy. His voice seemed vaguely familiar.
‘Let’s play with them,’ He replied in a rather oddly high voice.
‘This case is worth a lot to you’ The heavy-set man who had me in his grip grunted in my ear.
I wasn’t going to confront him, ‘I’ll give you a hundred pounds if you give it back now.’ I told him in a terrified voice.
‘£500 each and we have deal’ he said.
‘They’re not worth anything like that even to us’ I replied almost laughing.
As if we would pay a grand for them when they were worth £700 tops.
I felt myself being pushed forward into the car park. ‘Look I’ll pay up even if she won’t’ I heard Mandy shout nervously. ‘It’s okay I’ll pay’ I told her calmly, ‘But there’s something these idiots haven’t figured out.’
‘And what’s that my pretty?’ Said the guy with his arm around me.
‘Don’t ever call me pretty for starters’ I told him reaching in my pocket for my tin pencil case. ‘You’ll have to take us to a bank to get that kind of money and even if there was a bank open at this time of night I think you might get caught.’
‘She has a point’ His accomplice called back. ‘Okay’ he replied, ‘Let’s do it the way they do in the movies, kill the fat one leave the pretty one to me.’ With that I took my tin pencil case and swung it at his head with a bang. As he yelped in pain I slid out of his grasp and grabbed my case from him and ran.
Up ahead I saw Mandy who was being held around the neck by a young man with chestnut hair wearing a white coat, and bright orange trousers with a knee length skirt.
‘Wait’ I thought to myself, ‘A man in orange trousers and a red skirt’
Breathlessly walking over, I tapped the chestnut headed person on the shoulder. ‘Game’s over Becky’ I grinned. She smiled and let go of Mandy
‘Got ya sweetie’ she laughed, but Mandy did not look one bit amused.
I have to explain that Becky, whatever Becky was, she is one of our best friends and employees. She was well known for playing tricks on other staff and had been trying to get Mandy and myself for a while now. Now I knew it was Becky I didn’t need 2 guesses to work out who the man was.
My tubby big brother Chris was making his way out of the ally way rubbing his head which was sporting a big red bump, saying ‘I think we can conclude that my skinny little sister can fight off thugs.’
‘You’re hardly a thug you big fat pussy’ I teased.
Becky grabbed hold of Mandy and gave her a hug, Mandy however pushed her off, ‘This is for scaring me you bitch’ She said taking a swing at Becky and slapping her across the face but it was more of a playful tap then an attempt to cause pain, then she smiled and put her arms around her in a friendly hug.
Just as they parted Becky turned and sneezed twice into the crook of her arm with exactly the same half cough half sneeze sound that had been following us through the town.
‘It was you guys following us through the town’ I grinned. Becky who had been wiping her nose with a rather brightly coloured hankie stopped and stared looking a little concerned.
‘What’s up Beck’s?’ Mandy asked her. She looked up at Chris and back to Becky.
‘It wasn’t us,’ she said looking a little worried, ‘We got here half an hour before you.’
‘Beck’s thinks somebody was following us back here.’ Chris told us.
‘They’re gone now though’ she sniffed.
‘Well I’m off to the loo’ Mandy announced, ‘Seeing as you two almost made me wet my knickers.’
‘I’m coming with you’ Becky said following as Mandy turned back towards the supermarket.
‘Aren’t you going too sis?’ Chris asked me. ‘No’ I replied shaking my head. ’Don’t girls always go to the toilet in threes? ‘Not this time.’
‘I need to go though,’ he pleaded. ‘You can go on the train’ I told him, as I nudged him in the direction of the station.
As you can imagine after all that there wasn’t much time to chill out.
In fact I didn’t get my chill out time at all that evening.
I had found Amber, who was one of my youngest staff having her own private moment at the end of the station. Amber wasn’t everyone’s cup of tea, a gobby teenager, she argued a lot with the other employees but never with me or Mandy although she gave us a lot of lip and cheek.
She was trying to roll a cigarette but she was crying so hard that her hands were shaking and I had to help her, not that I condone smoking at all although an individual’s actions should not affect friendship despite the fact I hate it.
I thought Amber had quit smoking, but whatever was upsetting her had obviously kicked it off again.
In fact, when Amber told me why she was crying, I’ll admit I shed a few tears myself on her behalf, but I have no business talking about her problems.
Amber has agreed to tell her version of events, it’s up to her whether or not she tells why she was crying.
We’d been having a little chat about things and after I gave her a quick cuddle she’d gone to the toilet to fix her make up to hide the fact that she’d been crying.
One drawback of being the boss is that you can’t take a sick day off unless you’re on your death bed. I felt like I was coming down with more than a cold, I was in dire need of a quick rest before collecting in the rest of the paper work from the group as it was my turn.
I collapsed down on the first seat I came to coughing heavily and smothering sneezes with a large spotted hankie in a futile effort to avoid sharing my cold with everyone. (I say futile because a lot of the group already had their own colds,) After taking a drink of water I took my inhaler to help ease the tightness in my chest.
Despite feeling so yucky I was in a positive mood having had a really good day for the most part.
The train was alive with people, all of them from our group talking excitedly about their day. I sat there quietly smiling to myself as I listened to them all, thinking how grateful I was for their efforts. I was extremely proud of each and every one of them, for turning from a bunch of misfits (Myself and Mandy included) into the lovable bunch of almost professionals they had become.
Suddenly I felt a warm hand rubbing my back, which made me jump. I’d been so engrossed in watching everyone that I hadn’t noticed my friend Sharon coming up to talk to me. If it hadn’t been for my heavy cold I probably would have smelt her perfume, which she used to cover up the smell of her rather serious smoking addiction.
We all know at least one girl who is insecure about their looks. Who plasters herself in makeup rather than accept she’s not a super model and embrace what she’s born with (like I do). Sharon’s one of those people, she’s a lovely lady and I was looking for a kind way to tell her that less is more. (16 years later I’m still looking)
‘Are you ok honeybun?’ she asked quite loudly. I nodded and blew my nose loudly, then yawned stretching out my skinny arms.
‘I’m shattered and full of cold but otherwise pretty good’ I told her with a weak smile.
‘How are you?’ I asked, sitting up straight on the edge of the seat.
‘I’m not so bad’ She sighed, smiling and taking a seat on the other side of the isle.
‘You on the other hand look like you need a holiday.’
‘That’s a lovely idea’ I sniffed, ‘but top of my list is a warm bath, a cup of cocoa and bed.’
‘I thought you were 23 on your last birthday, not 83’ she joked, giving my leg a little tug.
‘I’d just like to go somewhere where it isn’t Christmas’ She sighed, ‘If you’re a single 30 something with no kids it’s just a day to get drunk and wish you weren’t a single 30 something with no kids.’
We did not mention the fact that Sharon had a daughter 17 years earlier who was put into care because Sharon was a child in care herself at the time, I knew she wanted to find her daughter. Amber, who was her flat mate was the same age as Sharon’s daughter and I think Sharon saw her as a replacement at times.
‘You know you’re always welcome to join us single 20 somethings,’ I told her reaching into my bag to replace my grotty hankie with a clean one. (I always kept a lot of spares)
‘Anyway’ I added, ‘We’re only the next generation of single 30 somethings in waiting. Although a holiday does seem a nice idea.’
‘I came to ask if you’d seen Amber at all?’ Sharon said, ‘I’m worried about her.’
As I said it was completely natural as Sharon and Amber were flat mates, and were very close in a sort of mother daughter way.
I pointed her in the direction of the toilet.
‘We just had a little chat about things and she’s gone to the loo’ I told her, being careful not to say that she was fixing her make up to make it a little less obvious that she’d been crying.
Just as I said this Amber appeared out of the toilet looking a little better but still in a bit of a state. ‘What have you been up too now Mrs?’ Sharon demanded of Amber. I was unsure if I should step in.
‘It’s okay’ Amber told Sharon, regaining some of her usual swagger and sitting on the edge of the seat so that Sharon couldn’t see her smiling weakly at me.
‘Princess perfect was just giving me a verbal warning about my behaviour,’ She said venomously, but she winked at me as she said it telling me to play along.
‘Well someone needed to tell you, you were being a bitch sweet heart’ Sharon told her putting a motherly arm around her shoulder across the table. ‘You owe Jess an apology’
‘I’m sorry I called you Princess perfect’ Amber said mockingly, but the look on her face was serious as she offered her hand for me to shake which I did.
‘Don’t forget all the other people you need to apologise to’ Sharon said sternly.
‘Yes MUM’ Amber replied to her in the same mocking voice she had used towards me.
‘Poor kid’ I thought to myself, as her friend Jack came walking up the train to join them. She moved over to the window seat so he could sit down.
As I have said, I never gave her a warning and she wasn’t in any trouble, we were not the closest of colleagues or friends prior to that day but we were much closer every day since.
Sharon was right though, Amber (Who joined us in the summer after leaving school) had been a mouthy little bitch recently and some of her behaviour towards everyone had been very poor, but I knew why now.
All I saw was a teenage girl with a very rough past who was going through a horrible time, only some of which we knew about and she needed us as friends right now.
Suddenly I was almost run into by Becky who was bounding up and down the train like a Jack Russell after a ball despite the fact she had a nasty cold just like me. I know this because she stayed over the previous night at the flat I shared with Mandy and the poor thing had been coughing and sneezing all day but insisted on coming to work.
I love Becky, she is a classic case of undiagnosed ADHA, she clearly wasn’t feeling well but couldn’t sit down.
For a proper description of her in the light, she had short chestnut hair shaved at the back and sides and spiked in the middle, having taken off her coat she wore a green shirt, with a blue tie and a long red skirt of her own making over orange trousers. A strange combination but she pulled it off surprisingly well like a walking rainbow.
‘Mandy sent me to make sure you’re okay.’ she grinned. ‘I’m fine’ I told her, warily raising my hand to respond to her high five request.
‘I’ll see you in a minute darling’ She told me turning on her heels, then jogging back down the carriage tripping and falling to her knees as she did but she bounced back up and jogged straight on.
‘I wish I had her energy?’ Sharon told me passing 3 files for herself, Jack and Amber. ‘Don’t we all’ I smiled.
Sharon had taken a bottle of wine from her bag which she had poured into 3 glasses. She offered me one too, which I wouldn’t have refused if I hadn’t offered to drive Jack home later as his mum was out at her works Christmas party.
Drinking on the train after work wasn’t something I encouraged on a Wednesday night (Although they usually got away with it at the end of the week) but as it was the last day before the holidays I let it go.
Sharon passed a glass to Jack, who from the look on his face thought she had given him his Christmas present. Amber however took her glass and pushed it away and stared at it twisting it in her fingers.
I looked over at Jack’s left eye which was a little blue where Amber had given him a right hook 2 days earlier when he wound her up. (I don’t condone violence but Jack begged me not to take any action and Amber had apologised)
‘I’m guessing you’ve made up?’ I smiled, Jack looked at Amber ‘Of course I’ve forgiven her.’ He said rubbing her shoulder. ‘I can’t not forgive her we have been friends too long to fall out.’
She pushed his hand away and looked out of the window as the train pulled away from the station.
‘You forgive too easily’ She told him still looking out of the window.
‘What?’ he asked with a puzzled look.
She took a deep sniff and came out with one of her twisted pearls of wisdom that I’ve become used to over the years which only Amber could come out with.
‘If you forgive me to easily I’ll just keep hurting you and I can’t do that to someone I love.’
‘You love me?’ he asked clearly confused.
‘Yeah, I do’ she replied softly, ‘I just don’t think a girl who hits you is good enough for you and that’s why I said no to being your girlfriend you deserve better.’
‘But in your defence, I deserved it’ he told her, ‘I was being quite horrible.’
‘You were telling the truth,’ She said sharply as she took the glass of wine and swallowed it down in one go and went back to looking out of the window.
‘I don’t think I will ever understand women’ Jack sighed.
Sharon gave me a mystified look, ‘I don’t get youngsters these days’ She laughed, ‘I can see why you want a holiday’ I chuckled adding,
’If either of these two ever qualifies as a defence lawyer, please remind me of this conversation before I consider hiring either of them.
She grinned as I moved on to the seat where Kate and John sat arm in arm.
It was Kate’s last day at work for a while at least, she and John were having their first baby together and she was due any day now. Personally, I was amazed that Kate managed to keep working as long as she did.
Kate, who happened to be Becky’s identical twin (although she did her best to be different i.e. growing her hair and dying it brown) was nearest to the aisle. She struggled to stand up due to the size of her bump, ‘Hey you don’t need to stand’ I told her.
‘Yeah, I do,’ she smiled and threw her arms around me, ‘If you can’t give your boss a hug on your last day it’s a sad state of affairs.’
‘Okay’ I smiled returning the hug.
‘Thanks for sticking with me’ she whispered, ‘I’m sorry for all the times I was such a shit and you should have sacked me....’
‘It’s okay you kept me on my toes,’ I told her, ‘Just stay in touch and I’ll be the first one round for cuddles when little one’s born.’
To be fair Kate had been a bit of a bad girl rebel type, sometimes turning up for work bad tempered, stinking of alcohol and cigarettes, and sometimes stoned off her head. She was always being mean to Becky as well to the point where they no longer spoke to each other. I was very close to making her my first sacking. However, I was more about helping people then sacking them, and with help and a lot of faith Kate turned herself around full circle.
I was so proud that she had given herself the kick up the back side that she needed and she’d become a lovely young woman and I was sure that she and John were going to be amazing parents.
As I moved on there was a screech from the tracks below as the train began to move, slowly at first away from the station.
Next was a group of guys sat together, James, Greg, Charlie, and Michael. They were the charmers of the group, cocky and over confident always creeping up to me as the boss (in a nice way) They were all boasting to each other about how much money they were earning. They always greeted me with wolf whistles in some alpha male type joke, which I always played along with. They’d be over complementary to me and I’d hit them back with some witty comeback. It was all a game of harmless flirting and banter.
The clicking of the track beneath my feet became faster as I moved on to the next seat where Irish Sammy and Spanish Sadie were sat. Sammy was a big tall blond girl of about 25 from Belfast who had the loudest voice of anyone I know, while Sadie who came from a small town on the outskirts of Madrid (I will never know why she moved from the sun to cold wet Norfolk) was a more reserved lady like me.
Sammy was flirting shamelessly with Tom the train conductor who was about 18 and had gone red with embarrassment. Even Sadie was looking distasteful and trying to distance herself from Sammy by talking to Rob who was showing her a picture of his children.
‘When you’ve finished embarrassing the poor boy Sammy’ I told her sitting down on the seat opposite, as I did so I sneezed again and sat there wiping my nose as I waited for her to get her act together.
‘It’s like land of the virgins around here,’ Sammy boomed in her Northern Irish accent to nobody in particular, but looking from Tom to me. ‘I hope you weren’t referring to either of us?’ I grinned.
‘I was talking about myself, Sadie, and Rachel,’ She mocked. ‘I’m sure you were’ I smiled back with the same sarcasm.
(Sammy was a known man eater, Sadie had a steady boyfriend, and Rachel was the one person in the group under 30, who was happily married).
Sammy stared at me for a second then asked, ‘You’re not the pretty tight virgin everyone thinks you are, are you?’
‘You’re right’ I told her as I stood up, ‘I’m not pretty.’ (I wasn’t a virgin either but she didn’t need to know that)
I moved on next to the last but one table where our two oldest members Jimmy and Susan, who were both in their late 60’s, sat opposite Carol.
Becky and Chris sat behind them to my left and to my right Mandy sat at the table opposite Georgie.
Georgie was our good friend who lived in the flat underneath Mandy and I.
People often thought Georgie and I were alike, but there were differences. For example, Georgie was shorter than me and she didn’t wear glasses, her hair was a shade darker and a lot shorter than mine, and she was much prettier than I was.
In hindsight, I think they meant our similar personalities, softly spoken yet caring towards others we also shared a very similar sense of humour.
Also like me, Georgie had been through some really tough times, I lost a brother, Georgie however lost most of her family in a tragic accident when she was 19. She lost both her legs and suffered mental health damage in the accident and when we first met her she had been a quiet introvert who didn’t work or socialise and lived on disability allowance, which is her right as a disabled person but it was only because other employers she had tried had favoured able bodied people.
In fact, we only met Georgie because she lived in the next flat, we found her trying to climb the stairs with her arms when the lift broke and she’d been out shopping in her wheelchair without her prosthetic legs.
Despite her problems, she had really come out of herself and I’d never seen anyone enjoying their work as much as she did. She was friendly with everyone in the group and we all adored her. I think most of the single guys in the group and even some of the none single ones, would have given anything to be in a relationship with Georgie, but again like me she was happy to bide her time and stay single.
As I reached her I saw that she was knitting a set of baby clothes, which she had told me was for Kate and John’s baby. When she saw me, she looked up and flashed a smile.
The train took a lurch to the left and with a heavy bag on my shoulder I was thrown sideways and was expecting my head to smash side on into the seat, when two strong arms grabbed hold of my shoulders and stopped me from falling.
I spun around to see my saviour and was amazed to see that Charlie had got out of his seat several meters away and jumped across James to stop me falling.
‘That was impressive Charlie’ I told him catching my breath.
‘No worries’ he said quietly ‘It helps that you’re a stick insect.’
He gripped my waist and pretended he was going to tickle me before letting go.
‘I was actually right behind you’ he smiled.
‘Well not so impressive then,’ I grinned ‘But thank you anyway.’ ‘You’re still my superman’ I added teasingly.
‘So why were you standing behind me Charlie?’ I grinned, ‘I forgot something.’ He said reaching across the table where he picked up two empty cups from a fast food outlet.
‘I heard you guys were running late and it’s cold and I know you guys can’t function without coffee so I got you some.’
‘Three other people beat you too it.’ Mandy called from behind pointing at 6 cups on the table.
‘And it’ll be stone cold by now’ I smiled trying not to sound patronising.
No shit Sherlock’ he winked ‘I got them to put it in my Thermos flask.’
‘That’s good thinking Watson, bonus point’ I told him returning the wink. (I have no idea what the winking was for but it’s something we do)
‘He’s good’ said Mandy, ‘Why didn’t you think of that?’ she said nudging Becky, whose smile showed me that she’d done exactly the same thing.
They’d both been so thoughtful I couldn’t bring myself to tell him that I had the same idea myself.
Then came another of my clumsy embarrassing moments I’ve become known for over the years. As I was thanking Charlie, that jangling in my nose started up again, I quickly raised my hankie back to my nose and stood there wearing my stupid eyes screwed I’m going to sneeze face for 10 horrifying seconds before sneezing so hard that I lost my balance and fell straight into Charlie who grabbed me in his arms again.
‘Bless you mate’ He said calmly giving my back a friendly rub. ‘Oh, gosh I’m sorry.’ I said taking a step back. ‘It’s okay’ he mouthed.
‘But I’m all yucky’ I told him, swaying slightly as the train sped up and the clicking of the rails under our feet got faster accordingly, as I stood there wiping my nose thoughtfully.
‘There’s something else’ He smiled. ‘What is it?’ I asked taking a big sniff wondering what else he possibly had up his sleeve. I took the cups and put them on the table next to Georgie, who had heard our conversation and looked up from her knitting in interest to see what else Charlie had got.
He turned back to the table and picked up a lovely bouquet of flowers.
‘Wow they’re lovely Charlie’ I gasped completely stunned at the gesture and in my haste, I gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. ‘They’re for Mandy’ he grinned. ‘Oh’ I said, suddenly feeling a little disappointed that they were not for me as I passed them to Mandy who mouthed a thank you.
They’re to stop her getting jealous when she sees I got you these to say sorry for all the rubbish flirting, and thank you for being such a great friend, and to say sorry for whatever I did that’s making you avoid me recently.’ He smiled awkwardly as he reached to the table behind him and pulled out the biggest bunch of roses I’d ever seen.
I felt my eyes widen and I went bright red, ‘Charlie those are amazing’ I smiled, ‘But I love our rubbish flirting it’s the highlight of my day and erm...’
I didn’t know how to finish as I put the roses on the table and Charlie passed me his flask of coffee and we stood there awkwardly waiting for each other to speak.
Suddenly I felt Mandy’s foot up my bum shoving me towards Charlie giving me all the encouragement I needed to step forward and give him a hug.
‘I’ve been such a useless friend lately I don’t deserve you Charlie’ I told him.
‘I can assure you that every person here knows that’s rubbish’ he replied putting his arm around my shoulders until I advised that he probably shouldn’t get too close.
I was very nervous of people touching my person, Charlie was the only guy in the group who could get away with putting his arm around me because I knew he was just being friendly. We had a lot of history together which I will let him explain further. He was the best friend of my late brother and had been since we were very young.
The long and short of it was we’d been in and out of each other’s lives ever since we were kids and I loved working with Charlie so much, this was the 4th Job we’d done together.
I loved the banter we had with each other, although I had been avoiding him since he split with his girlfriend because I was slightly worried that I was starting to develop feelings now he was single and that could only end badly.
‘No offence Jess, but you look like shit girl,’ he said awkwardly, ‘I hope you are going to bed to rest as soon as you get home.’
Before I could say anything, Mandy interrupted. ‘She’s taking a boyfriend out in her car.’
‘What?’ I asked, this was the first I was hearing about me having a boyfriend.
Charlie’s face however seemed to drop in surprise.
It was then that Mandy reminded me I had offered to drive Jack home, to out in the sticks near Aylsham. To be honest Charlie was right, I thought to myself as I smothered another sneeze, I was feeling worse by the second and could happily have crawled into bed there and then, but I do not go back on my promises.
‘I’ll take him if you want to get some rest’ Charlie offered kindly, until I reminded him he didn’t have a car. ‘I could take your mini’ he teased knowing how protective I was of my car.
My 1990 pink mini cooper was, and still is my pride and joy and nobody drives that car apart from me.
‘You can come with me and make sure I get home okay and you can sleep on our sofa’ I told him.
But to my surprise it was Georgie, (who looked as ill as I felt and like me was wiping her nose after a sneeze) who put her hand up and waited patiently as though she was at school and when asked what was up she came out with a question only she would dare to ask.
‘Why aren’t you two a couple?’
It was the matter of fact way that she said it that caught both of us by surprise.
We both went red with embarrassment but I composed myself enough to answer without laughing.
‘Georgie’ I grinned although I was really talking to Charlie. ‘I don’t think Charlie wants to be my boyfriend because if he did he would have asked me out years ago, but I think he just wants a ride in my Mini’ I teased.
‘I’m sure he’d love a ride on the back seat of your car’ Becky chirped in.
The four of us girls all sniggered, which in hindsight was rather mean and out of character for all of us laughing at poor Charlie.
‘Jessie wouldn’t go out with me, now she’s a big important business woman.’ he winked.
‘Well you don’t know until you ask.’ I said a little tauntingly.
I was only joking and thought that he would take it as harmless banter even though deep in my heart I kind of wanted him to ask me. This was the reason I was so gobsmacked when after several opportunities to ask me out wasted, he just said.
He looked at me awkwardly and said, ‘Would you like to go out tomorrow?’
Unfortunately, I sneezed heavily and shook my head as I was blowing my nose, and think he confused this as me saying no.
I wanted to tell him I would love to go on a date with him, at the same time I felt conflicted, so used my illness as a stalling devise before giving him my true answer.
I told him that I was planning to spend the following day in the warm in front of the TV with a box of tissues.
I was going to invite him to come and keep me company when Mandy, unable to help herself butted in with a cruel joke saying, ‘So you two will be doing the same thing tomorrow only Charlie’s tissues won’t be for his nose.’
Stupidly I couldn’t help laughing at the sudden boldness of Mandy’s joke, Charlie however did not see the funny side and he turned away before I could grab him and walked away quick march.
I looked a Georgie, Mandy, and Becky to see what they made of it and they were all giving me looks that suggested I should go after him and apologise for upsetting him.
I dropped my bags on the table and jogged with the little breath I had up the train after Charley, I had just skipped around Tom the conductor when Charley turned in surprise. ‘Charlie hear me out’ I said breathlessly with my cold and my chronic asthma effecting my aerobic fitness.
I hadn’t meant to embarrass him at all, I just meant to say we had more to talk about but I said it all wrong and the speed of Mandy’s caught me of guard. I didn’t want to go out because I really did feel like I was coming down with the flu. I didn’t really know a person is supposed to react when somebody who’s been a close friend for many years had just got up the courage to ask me out.
First of all, I had to confirm that he wasn’t teasing me, then I muddled some plan in my head where I suggested that rather than going out Charlie stayed over when we got home from dropping Jack off. Then tomorrow we could have a duvet day or 2 while I got over this sudden illness with a hot water bottle and Lemsip and order in some pizza and catch up on the soaps I’d been videoing for the past few weeks, (no sky plus in the 90’s) while we talked about where we wanted things to go and whether us being together was the right thing after so many years.
However, (in 3rd person) Jessie often does before she thinks and at the wrong time.
When I caught my breath a bit better, rather than talk I talk I just flung my arms around Charley. I’m absolutely sure we were about to kiss, when all of a sudden, we were thrown off our feet with the loudest bang I had ever heard in my life.
Charlie was thrown towards me hard and hit me side on knocking into me like a domino. Despite his best effort to prevent me from falling for a second time, this time he was off balance and I was helpless to avoid taking him down with me as my right elbow and the side of my face collided painfully with the side of the table and everything went black.
Charlie although helpless when it came to falling on me was apologising profusely as I lay on the floor gasping in pain. The train had come to a stop and there were screams from all around us.
After a few seconds a ball of light moved down the train towards us followed shortly by another. As I sat up and adjusted my glasses I saw that the balls of light were Sharon and Amber holding their cigarette lighters so that people could see.
‘I knew my chain smoking would come in useful one day’ Sharon joked, but suddenly, all laughter had gone from her face as she turned a pale white and she began to scream incoherently. Sammy’s high pitch scream joined hers as I struggled up and Charlie put his arm around me and his hand over his mouth as though he was going to vomit.
Warm liquid was spurting out of a dark mass, which lay a few feet behind me into a pool. In the centre of the pool was an oval shaped object and as the light fell upon it I was violently sick.
The warm liquid, which I was covered in was blood,
the dark mass was the body of Tom the conductor and the
oval shape was his disembodied head which had been sliced
clean off as he fell against
Sammy’s seat.
