All in all

CHAPTER 1

The first thoughts in my head when I opened the doors to my room were...what the fuck?!

"KYLE!"

Startled by my presence, he got up from my bed and had this awkward grin on his face. Oh God please let this be a dream....

"Oh my God!". He was butt naked! Shielding my eyes with my hand, I pleaded for him to get dressed.

"Sis! You're home early". Still wearing that irritating grin on his face as he struggled to put back on his boxers that were half way across the room for some damn reason.

Is that a person under the sheets??

"Of course I am!! I finished soccer practice early today you dumb ass". I was trying so hard not to puke my guts out, not after eating sloppy noodles for lunch today. I didn't even know what was more irritating, the fact that I had no other choice than to eat cafeteria food or that my brother was having sex in MY ROOM.

"Oh that's right. Mom told me you'd be coming home early today."

Really? Maybe you'd have had the time to rethink the idea of using my room to satisfy your never ending pleasures!

"Now please get the fuck out of my room Kyle". I then noticed the person under the sheets slowly climb out of bed still hiding her face as she made her way outside which was odd because the girls Kyle brought home were never this shy or timid after being caught in bed with him. She must be different. The thought of that made me chuckle slightly. She sure is different.

Now that she was gone, I was left alone with my horny, addict, low life excuse of a brother. Everyday with him was full of disgust and annoyance. He still had that sickening smirk on his face. God please make him stop or else I'll hit him hard across the face he'll never smile again!!!

He finally said something after a while of silence. " Quit staring that hard Tara".

I had an obvious fake smile plastered on my face while I responded. "Well I don't know, maybe I'm staring because you're sick and need help Kyle"

The fake smile leaving my face as soon as I said that.

"I'll leave you to it then". He said, gesturing round the room and that was when I noticed the mess made in my room. How...did...this...happen?? I was so preoccupied by Kyle that I didn't immediately notice the mess in my room. The bed was not in place as if it was pushed slightly from where it normally was. The space where the legs of the bed were was obvious on the hard wooden floor as they left old dark marks on it, the bed sheets were not tucked in as I'd always left it, some of the sheets were missing cause the girl outside just wrapped one around her to go out. Ughh!!! If you think that was horrible, I'd just started. As my eyes scanned round the room, I noticed my cupboard was now lying face flat to the floor, all my underwear were out of the drawer and on the bare floor. Wait! All my clean underwear were on the dirty sex infested floor! I'm going to kill this boy!

I bent down to pick my clothes from the floor when my eyes met the wrappers of chocolate on the floor. I paused for a second trying to pull myself together, trying not to yell on top of my lungs at my brother for messing up my room but also praying that the chocolate wrappers on the floor weren't from my secret stash inside one of my drawers beneath my bras. Dropping my clean clothes back on the floor, yes my clean, washed and ironed clothes. And yes I iron my underwear, call me weird if you want. Now kneeling on my bedroom floor, I began to inspect the wrappers. Sniffing, eyeing and even going ahead to lick it...oh my God! It is my secret chocolate stash.

Crawling as fast as I could to my fallen cupboard and yes, I did look desperate and scary at that moment but how I looked was not at all what was on my mind. I got to it and used all the strength I had to lift it back up and pushed it to rest on the wall where it belonged. I got up as fast as I could and pulled the drawer, digging for my stolen from my mom's room cause she'll never let me have them chocolate but they weren't there. I began chuckling with panic as I started flinging my bras out of the drawer no no no no no. No! You've got to be kidding me!

I turned so swiftly that I thought my neck was going to twist. I wasn't expecting him to still be standing there but he was. He'd been there this whole time looking at me with that amused expression on his face like he was proud of something. Oh I'll give you something to smile about you asshole.

I began clearing my throat, ready to blast his head off with the heaviness and forcefulness of my voice when he began to approach me.

The fuck? Dude stay back.

He was just an inch away from me now and I could smell him. He smelt like men spray mixed with sweat and cheese. Cheese?

"Hey". Oh no please don't. I began pleading with him with my eyes. I hated when he did this, when he'd pull this card to get out of trouble. It was as if this was his get out of jail free card. Ugh so shitty.

He moved his hands to the side of my face, cupping my cheeks in his palm in such a way that our eyes were making direct contact.

"Kyle...please don't". It came out more like a whisper. That definitely wasn't how I wanted to those words to sound like but they did anyways. Sad.

"Have I ever told you how beautiful your eyes are?". He had that smile, not the smile he had earlier on when I'd just entered, this smile was different, pretty infact. So pretty it melted the very being of my soul.

He leaned in closer, so close that I could feel his hot breath on my face. I closed my eyes shut and then he planted a kiss. A beautiful yet steaming hot kiss on my forehead you perv! What were you expecting?? Eww! No! Gross! He's my brother!

Oh how sweet he could be sometimes. I broke into tears and he began kissing them all away. Every droplet that rolled down my cheeks were stopped by his soft sweet kisses.

"Please stop this. Stop everything Kyle." Hiccups flowed through my mouth faster than I could complete a sentence.

"Dad.hiccup.. wouldn't want..hiccup.. to see you like this..hiccup. "

"I know and I'm sorry." He was hugging me so tightly now that I could hear his heartbeat. So slow, yet steady. Just like my dad's.

"It's just, sometimes I just feel this need to....you know...let it all out". Typical Kyle.

I pulled out of the hug to face him. He was taller than me so I had to look up. He looks just like him.

My dad. He looked just like my dad. The exact replica, like a twin if you'd ask me. My dad isn't dead incase you're wondering, he's just half dead I guess. He was such an energetic free living funny man who was full of life, love and hope for his family until..well, he wasn't.

I still could picture that night. The night we were all scooping spaghetti into our mouths, our faces coloured with laughter as he told us funny stories when it happened. He just.... stopped. Stopped talking, stopped eating and just froze. That wasn't the first time that had happened to him. It was a reoccurring thing but was never often, something rare if you'd put it that way. Him and my mom had gone to several hospitals to figure out exactly what it was and what triggered it but no hospital or doctor could point out exactly what it was. Some were shocked, some didn't believe and some just made assumptions that it was a sort of brain pause or seizure that was caused by a brain tumor or something. They ran tests and did scans on him but everything seemed fine so the doctors just prescribed medications to him maybe to ease the panic in his mind and give him false hope that it was something that could be treated. I wish they hadn't. Oh how I'd wished.

I called out his name 'Dad?'

'Dad.' I poked him slightly by the arm but still got nothing out of him. Kyle and mom even tried calling him.

'Yo dad'

'Honey'. And yet still the same response, nothing.

It was at that moment everything went down south. We went from a happy lively family to a family full of chaos, tears, mostly from me and panic. Full blown panic. I could still feel the chills mom's voice sent down my spine when she said, 'Desmond. Please talk to me. I love you'. I love you... I love you...

"I love you."

I said those three words without thinking. Ew gross I can't love my brother. But deep inside I knew I did no matter how messed up or broken he may be. No matter how many parties he threw and trashed the house or girls he brought over and trashed the house. He's always trashing the house. He was always going be my big brother and I would always have to clean up after him. Even if he trashed my room to. Ughh asshole!

I shoved him slightly away from him and he chuckled.

"I've got to get somethings done. See you later sis." Yay! Finally, some peace of mind.

He left my room and I finally had time to clean up his mess. Typical Kyle.

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