Shadow

Ellie loves her cat, Shadow, more than anything else in the world. Every day after work, she brushes Shadow’s fur until it’s soft and fluffy. Afterwards she starts on her house chores, while Shadow follows her everywhere around the house, regardless of where she is and what she’s doing.

This is a normal day for Ellie and Shadow until one day Ellie is unable to locate where Shadow is. She looks everywhere from every part of her backyard to each room in her house. Eventually, she grabs her coat and sets off into town. “Shadow!” she calls, “Shadow! Where are you?” As she continues to walk through the town, the frigid air burns at her skin and the light frost on the ground seeps through her shoes, making her feet cold.

“Shadow!” Ellie yells, “Where are you?” After hours of searching for Shadow, small crystals began to form on the palms and the backs of her hands. She pulls them out of her pockets and blows on them, trying to warm them up. Suddenly there’s a honk from behind her. She jumps, startled by the noise. She looks up and sees her twin brother, Thomas, in the driver’s seat. He gets out of the car.

Upon closer inspection, she sees that his eyebrows are scrunched, and his teeth are gridded together. The skin on his face is bright red. “Get into the car!” he demands, “It’s freezing out here!”

“I know,” she whispers, “but Shadow…”

He sighs. “I know,” he says, his voice softening, “Get in the car. We’ll drive around for a while.” She gets into the car and turns up the heat. The heater blasts onto her face, making her cheeks flush. Thomas starts to slowly drive around town. After three hours, he sighs again and says, “Ellie, we’re going home. We can look more tomorrow.”

“No!” She argues, “We need to find her! She’ll freeze to death!”

“Ellie! No, we aren’t looking anymore! We need to rest.”

The drive home is silent. Once they’re at home, Ellie gets out of the car, without a word. She stomps into the house and up to her room. Thomas stays outside. He takes a cigarette from his stash in his pocket and lights it. The faint scent of stale cigarette smoke flows into his nostrils and he relaxes.

Upstairs Ellie storms into the bathroom, leaving the door open astray. She throws something at the mirror, shattering it. Sharp pieces of glass fly through the air and land on the ground. Several pieces find themselves wedged into Ellie’s hands and arms.

Thomas comes running into her room. “Ellie?” he calls out, “Where are you? Are you okay? I heard a loud crashing noise!”

“I’m in the bathroom,” she answers quietly, “I’m okay.”

“I’m coming in, alright?” he says. She doesn’t respond. He tiptoes into the bathroom and gasps at the sight. Shattered glass is scattered around the room. Ellie sits on the floor, with small droplets of blood running down her arms and hands and tears in her eyes.

“Ellie!” he exclaims, “What did you do?”

“The mirror,” she mumbles, “I broke the mirror.”

“Why?”

“Shadow…I need her…”

He helps her up and lovely embraces her. “We’ll look for her tomorrow. We’ll find her. Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.” He takes her hand and guides her downstairs. Once she’s sitting down, he gently removes the small pieces of glass out of her arms and hands. The glass makes a soft clicking noise as he puts the pieces in a small bowl. “There,” he whispers after bandaging her arms and hands, “all better.”

“Thank you. I’m going to bed now. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She gets up and leaves the room. Upstairs she changes into her pajamas and plops down on her bed. Sleep doesn’t come easily. When she’s finally able to find sleep, her dreams are plagued with images of her parents the night they had died, and Shadow frozen to death.

She wakes up early the next morning. She sits up and wipes the cold sweat that had formed on her forehead. Once she’s downstairs, she discovers that Thomas is already awake. “Good morning,” he says, “I take it you didn’t sleep well?”

“No, I didn’t,” she answers.

“Well, that’s okay. We’ll go and look for Shadow after you eat something.” She nods and sits down and eats a small bowl of cereal. Afterwards they set off in their car in search of Shadow. After hours of searching to no avail, they return home. “Ellie,” Thomas whispers, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s…it’s okay,” she mumbles, “I’m okay…”

“No, you’re not. We’ll look again tomorrow. We won’t stop looking until we find her.”

“She’ll be dead by the time we do.” She crumples onto the floor. “Thomas, I can’t…I need her.”

“I know,” he says his voice pained, “You still have me. I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”

The next several weeks are spent looking for Shadow. There’s absolutely no trace of her though. Ellie’s clothes become looser and looser as she begins to lose weight. Dark circles develop under her eyes, indicating she hasn’t been sleeping well.

“Ellie,” Thomas says quietly, “please Ellie, you need to eat something.”

“No,” she murmurs, “I’m not hungry.” She gets up and pulls her coat on.

“Where are you going?”

“Out.”

“Where?”

She inhales deeply. Her eyes dart around the room nervously before she says, “I…I’m…going…to…visit…visit…” Her voice cracks and she lowers her gaze to the ground, unable to say where she’s going. Tears slowly start to form in her eyes. One breaks away from her eye and trickles down her face. Thomas moves closer to her and gently grabs her hand.

“Ellie,” he says softly, “where are you going?”

“Mama and daddy,” she whispers, “mama and daddy…”

“You’re going to visit their graves?” She nods and wipes the tears from her eyes. “Okay, be safe. Call me if it’s too much for you. I’ll come and get you.”

“Okay, I will. I just need to…”

“To talk to them?” She nods. “Okay, just don’t push yourself too much, okay?”

“Okay, I won’t.” She starts to leave. “Thomas?” she whispers.

“Yes?” he answers.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

She leaves the house and enters the car. She turns the engine on and blasts the heat. Afterwards she sits there, taking deep breaths, trying to calm herself down. Once she thinks she’s calm enough, she drives to the cemetery.

Once she’s there, she parks the car in her usual spot. “I can do this,” she thinks, “I can do this. I haven’t seen their graves since…” She doesn’t finish the thought, it’s too painful. She opens the door and steps out. The frost crunches softly beneath her feet as she makes her way to her parents’ graves.

She sinks down to her knees when she reaches their graves. “Hi mom,” she whispers, “hi dad. I miss you guys. It’s been really hard for me lately. I’m sorry, I haven’t been here. I just wasn’t able to see you, I wasn’t ready too, not after…after…what happened.” She closes her eyes and starts to inhale and exhale. “Shadow’s missing. I don’t know where she went, but…” She stops mid sentence. Someone is approaching her. “Who’s there?” she asks.

“Ellie?” the voice asks, “Is that you?”

Ellie exhales in relief, “Oh, Liam, it’s you. You startled me.”

“Sorry.” Liam comes from behind the trees. “Ellie, I think I found Shadow.”

“What? Where is she? Is she okay?”

“Ellie, she’s…she’s not…”

“No! No, don’t say it! She can’t be!”

“Ellie, I’m sorry.”

“Show me!”

“Ellie…”

“Now!”

“Okay, follow me.” Liam leads her a few feet away from her parents’ graves. “She’s right there.” He points to a dead animal on the ground. Ellie gasps in horror when she realizes that the dead animal is, in fact, Shadow.

She runs to her and collapses. “No! Shadow! No! Wake up! Wake up!” She reaches out and touches Shadow’s fur. It’s ice cold. “No, no, no!” She gently picks Shadow up.

“Ellie, don’t!” Liam says.

Ellie looks at her and asks, “What happened to her? What did you do?” She carefully sets Shadow back on the ground.

“Ellie, it wasn’t me, I swear!”

“WHAT HAPPENED?”

“Ellie, I’m not sure, but she didn’t freeze to death. Someone deliberately did this to her, to…to get to you.”

Ellie charges him, knocking him over. “Tell me the truth!”

“Ellie! That is the truth! Ellie! Ow! That hurts!” Ellie stands up and pins him to a tree.

“Tell me the truth!” Ellie yells. She punches him in the face.

“Ow! Ellie! My nose!” Blood oozes from Liam’s nose. Ellie drops him onto the ground. He hits the ground hard. Ellie starts to kick Liam, trying to hurt him more. “Ellie! Stop it! Ellie, please! I don’t want to hurt you!”

Ellie doesn’t listen, she continues to kick and punch at him. Liam sighs and stands up. “I’m sorry, but I’ve got to do this to you.” He punches her hard in her face, causing her to stagger and fall. Crack! She hits her head violently on the ground.

“No,” she mumbles trying to stand back up, “No, you won’t…I won’t let you…”

“Ellie, please,” Liam pleads,” stay still.” She slowly crawls away from him. “Ellie…” He kicks her in her ribcage.

“Gah!” she exclaims, falling to the ground again.

“Will you stay still now? I’m going to call Thomas. Stay here.” He disappears.

“Shadow,” Ellie whispers, “have to get to Shadow.” She starts to make the painful journey towards Shadow. Once she’s close enough, she gently moves Shadow’s body closer to her. “It’s okay, Shadow,” she whispers, “you don’t have to be scared anymore. I’m here.” Soon afterwards her eyes close and darkness immediately devours her.

She wakes up in the living room of hers and Thomas’ house. “Thomas?” she croaks out. She sits up and groans. “My head, gosh it hurts.” Thomas comes rushing into the room.

“Ellie, lay back down,” he says, “please. You hit your head pretty hard. You need to rest.”

“No, where’s Shadow?”

“She’s on the counter in…in a box.”

She freezes, all the memories of the last 24 hours flash through her mind. “No,” she mumbles, “No, it can’t be. She can’t be…”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

She sinks down to the floor. “No! She…my…Shadow!” Tears stream down her face. “Thomas, she…my Shadow!” Thomas sinks down onto the floor next to her and gently embraces her.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Tears start to stream down his face too.

“Thomas!” she cries in anguish, “Thomas!” He pulls her in closer to him. Her face burrows into his shoulder. Loud sobs escape from her, muffled by Thomas’ shoulders. Thomas holds her and whispers softly to her until she’s asleep.

The next morning, Ellie awakens in her bedroom. She stands up and limps toward the stairs in a zombie-like fashion. Upon reaching the stairs, she gingerly starts to make her way downstairs. On her way down she slips and falls down the rest of the stairs.

Crack! Bang! Thuck! She crashes down the stairway. Thomas comes running once he hears the noise. “Ellie!” he exclaims, “What are you…” He sees her laying at the bottom of the stairs, curled up into a ball. He rushes over to her. “Ellie? What happened? Are you hurt?”

“I’m fine,” she mumbles, “just help me up.”

Once she’s standing, Thomas lets go of her. She quickly loses her balance and falls to the ground again. “Ellie!” Thomas yells. He catches her and steadies her. “Woah! It’s okay! I’ve got you. What hurts?”

“My leg,” she whispers, “my leg, I hurt my leg.”

He sighs, “Come with me. We’ll put some ice on it.”

“Thomas?”

“What?”

“I want to bury Shadow today.”

“Ellie, the ground is probably frozen. It might not work.”

“I don’t care. I want to bury her. If you won’t help me, then I’ll do it myself.” She pushes him away from her and hobbles out to the kitchen. “Shadow,” she whispers softly once she’s in the kitchen, “It’s okay, my little kitten. I’ll find a good place to bury you. I hope you’re with mom and dad now, wherever they are.” She puts her coat on and picks up the box that Shadow is in. “Come on, Shadow. Let’s go find a place where you can rest.”

“Ellie!” Thomas hollers. He grabs her and pulls her away from the back door. “Please, Ellie. There’s something I have to tell you. It’s about Shadow.”

She freezes. “What is it?” she asks.

“Ellie, Shadow didn’t freeze to death.”

“No, that’s not true.”

“Ellie, there was blood all over the ground where Liam found her. Look at her closely, you’ll see the wounds.”

She sets the box down on the counter and opens it again. Her hands shake as she combs them through Shadow’s fur. Her eyes gaze over Shadow’s body until they see the wounds. “No,” she murmurs, “it can’t be true! Why? Who would do this?”

“Ellie, I know who did this. They wanted her to suffer before she died. They tortured her before they murdered her.” She looks again and sees how truly horrible the wounds are. There are massive stab wounds in the cat’s body. She backs away in horror.

“H…how do y…you know who did it? Why would they do this?

“Well, first there aren’t just stab wounds. There are cuts and scrapes all over her body, god only knows what happened to her. As for who did this to her it was…”

She covers her ears and says, “Please, Thomas, stop. I don’t want to know. I just want to bury her.”

“Okay, we’ll bury her. Come on, can you walk on your own?”

“As long as I don’t put too much weight on my leg. I want to carry Shadow.”

“Alright, I’ll grab a shovel and you show me where you want to bury her.” They head outside, where Thomas grabs a shovel from the shed in their backyard.

Ellie wanders around the yard until she comes upon a spot under a cherry blossom tree. “Here, I want to bury her here,” she says.

“You sure?” Thomas asks.

“Yeah, she always loved this tree. We would sit under here for hours during spring and summer. It was our spot.”

Thomas is silent, unable to find words to console his twin sister, instead he starts digging a hole. After forty-five minutes of hacking at the ground, he succeeds in making a small hole for Shadow’s body. “There,” he whispers, “all finished. You can put her body in now.”

Ellie gently lifts Shadow’s body up. “I love you,” she whispers to her before putting her in the grave Thomas had made for her. “I’ll never forget you.”

After Ellie lays Shadow’s body in the grave, Thomas starts to cover her with dirt. Once the hole is fully filled, they walk back into the house. “Ellie,” Thomas calls out, “where are you going?”

“I have to make a grave marker for her,” she answers.

“Ellie…”

“No! I have to do this!”

“Okay, yell for me if you need anything.” She nods and makes her way into her art studio. Once inside, she starts to carve a cross out of wood. She spends the rest of the day in her art studio finishing the cross. Eventually, when she doesn’t come out for dinner, Thomas knocks on the door. “Ellie? I have food for you. I’m coming in.”

He enters the room and sets the food down on an empty table. He glances around the room. Paint brushes, drawing paper, string and yarn, amongst other items are sprinkled across the floors. Every surface is covered with bottles of paint, jars of pencils, crayons, and markers, as well as a few other random items.

It takes a few minutes for Ellie to notice he’s in the room with her. “Oh,” she says, “sorry, I didn’t notice you there. What do you need?”

“I brought you food. You need to eat.”

“Thomas…”

“Ellie!” His face starts to turn red. “I know this is hard on you, okay? Shadow was your world, but I won’t let you destroy yourself because of her death! I can’t lose you too, not after our parents!”

Ellie pales and looks down at the floor. “I’m sorry, Thomas,” she finally mumbles, “I haven’t thought about how this would affect you. I’ll try not to push you away. You know how I deal with loss though. I can’t help it, okay? I’m sorry! You know I’ve been like this ever since mom and dad’s deaths!”

“I know, okay? I’m here for you. We’ll get through this together.”

“Yeah, do you want to see my progress? I’m almost finished with the cross.” She lifts the cross up to show Thomas.

Thomas looks at it in awe. “Oh, Ellie. It’s beautiful.”

“Yes, it is. I’m going to paint it and then I’ll carve roses on it.”

“Roses?”

“Yes, they’re my favorite flower. I think Shadow will like them.”

“Eat, you can continue once you’ve eaten something.” She nods, walks over to the food, and starts to pick at it. “Ellie, eat it, don’t pick at it.” She brings the fork to her mouth and slowly starts to chew the food.

“There,” she says after eating a few more bites, “happy?”

“I suppose. Go on, you can continue your work.” He leaves the room and she continues her work. The next morning Thomas comes downstairs and peeks into her art studio, where she’s fast asleep on the couch. He sighs and walks over to her. “Hey,” he says nudging her awake, “wake up. You fell asleep in your art studio.”

“Thomas?” she grumbles, still half asleep, “What…” She sits up and looks around the room. “Oh, I guess I did fall asleep in my studio.” She moves over to the cross she’d been working on.

“Ellie, you need to eat something.”

“No, I’m fine. I finished painting it last night. It should be dry. Now all I’ve got to do is carve roses on it. I’ll eat once I’m finished.”

“There’s no point in arguing with you is there?”

“No, nothing you say or do will change my mind. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a project I have to finish.”

Thomas sighs and leaves the room. Two hours later, Ellie emerges from the room with the cross in hand. “You finished?” he asks.

“Yeah,” she replies, “I’m going to put it with Shadow.”

“I’ll come with you.” He grabs his own coat and her coat, and they head outside.

“Thomas, will you help me put this in the ground? Please be careful with it.”

“Of course.” He takes the cross and carefully inserts it into the ground. “There, how’s that?”

“Perfect. Did you see what I put on it?”

“No.” He looks at the engravement on the cross. On the grave it says, Shadow, beloved cat and friend in beautiful cursive handwriting. “Oh, Ellie. It’s perfect. If she could see it, she would love it.”

“You think so?

“Yes, now let’s get you inside and fed.”

“Okay.” She takes his hand and he guides her inside.

The next several months are rough on her. She doesn’t want to eat, nor can she sleep. Eventually it comes to the point where Thomas is terribly worried about her, so he calls their doctor. “Hey, Julia,” he says, “I’m worried about Ellie.”

“What about her?” Julia asks.

“Well, she hasn’t been eating or sleeping. She’s awfully skinny, there are dark circles under her eyes, and she’s pale.”

“Hmm, that doesn’t sound good.”

“Not pale, it’s more like a grayish color. The sparkle in her eyes is gone. Julia, I don’t know what to do!”

“Thomas, how long has it been since she’s lost Shadow?”

“Almost a year.”

“Well, I’m just suggesting this, but perhaps if you get her another kitten? I know it won’t be the same as Shadow, but Shadow helped her heal after your parents’ deaths. Maybe a cat will help her again.”

“It’s worth a shot. I’ll try and find one that looks like Shadow. Thanks for your help.”

After speaking with Julia, he starts to look for the perfect cat. As he searches, Ellie continues to worsen. Until one day when he calls her into the kitchen. “What is it?” she whispers.

“I’ve got you something,” he responds. He points to the box on the kitchen table.

The box has holes in it. As Ellie is approaching it, it moves. “Thomas, what’s in there?”

“Just open the box.”

She opens the box and out pops a black kitten with bright blue eyes. “Thomas! Is it for me?”

“Yes. Julia gave me the idea to get you a new kitten. I know it’s not Shadow, but…”

She dives at him, knocking him over. “Thank you! Thank you!” He embraces her back. Tears stream down her face. He wipes them away.

“Hey, no crying! This is supposed to make you feel better!”

“It is. Thomas, she…it’s a she right?”

“Yes, it’s a she.”

“She looks like Shadow.”

“Yes, I purposely looked for a cat that looks like Shadow. She’s yours now. Hopefully she’ll help you heal.”

“What should I name her?”

“I don’t know! That’s up to you!”

“What about Ash?”

“Ash? Sure, like I said, it’s up to you.”

She picks the little kitten up and asks her, “What do you think? Do you like the name Ash?”

“Meow!” the little kitten answers happily.

“Ash it is!”

The days start to pass, and Ellie’s condition starts to improve. The dark circles under her eyes disappear, her skin returns to a healthy color, and she begins to gain weight again. Ash quickly learns how to follow Ellie everywhere. One day Ellie brings Ash out to Shadow’s grave.

“This is your big sister’s grave,” Ellie says, “She would’ve liked you.”

“Meow?” Ash says.

“No, don’t worry. I love you, just as much as I loved her. I miss her. You’ve helped me so much though. I wouldn’t be where I am today if it weren’t for you.”

“Meow?”

“Yes, and Thomas too.”

“Hey,” a voice calls out from behind them, “What are you doing out here?”

Ellie turns and sees Thomas walking toward them. “I’m just showing Ash Shadow’s grave.”

“I bet Shadow would’ve loved Ash.”

“Yeah, I know that’s what I was just telling Ash.” She sadly looks at the ground. Thomas takes her hand in his and says, “Come on, let’s go inside.” The two of them walk through their yard, with Ash bounding after them. He opens the door and motions for her to go inside. She walks inside, with Ash right behind her. Thomas smiles fondly at her as she passes him. They walk into the living room and sit on the couch.

She rests her head on his shoulder and asks, “What are you smiling at?”

“Nothing,” he answers, “I’m just glad to have you back.”

“Yeah, me too.” Thomas turns the TV on. They watch cartoons until they fall asleep with their arms around each other.