Part 1
My name is Kurai Ōkami! Many of you probably know me as that wolf who got expelled from Reeds Intelligence Academy…but that’s not all I have done. I have also accomplished some amazing feats that normal animals could only ever dream of. I’m a regular ol’ wolf, but…I’m a mutant and have been granted amazing powers that allow me to CONSUME EVERYTHING!
Ahem… Maybe that’s a bit dramatic. Anyhow, I’m back with a little challenge that was suggested to me by my fox friend, Foxy. For those of you who don’t know, she is a short, round, white fox I helped rescue from The Ball Factory. That adventure landed me in a cage where I was tormented until my mother, Suisen, came to my aid.
Before we begin, a disclaimer. I do not recommend that anyone replicates my stunts. I’m only capable of what I do because of practice and my mutant powers. A lot goes into prepping for these eating challenges.
Starting a week in advance, I’ll try to eat a bit more each day. This stretches the stomach walls. Naturally, the less you eat, the more your stomach shrinks and the less you can fit in. Then, there is the immediately before the challenge begins prep.
You gotta make sure you eat at least a tiny bit a few hours prior. Then, drink a lot of water an hour prior. Let that run its course and, thirty minutes before the actual challenge starts, drink another bunch of water. This stretches the stomach further and stimulates digestion.
With that out of the way, perhaps it’s best to get this started. I’m here at my mother’s den with Foxy, but soon, we will be heading out. The challenge is simple: visit ten local fast food restaurants and order the exact same meal as the person ahead of you. You must eat all of the food from each restaurant before you can order from the next one.
If you manage to eat all ten meals, you win! If not…well, there’s always next time. I, however, am not one to quit even if I should. Foxy is also a huge fan of food, which is why she suggested this challenge.
“Good morning, Kurai, Foxy,” my mother says with a yawn and stretch, her belly gets really close to the ground as she does this.
I think my mom might be pregnant, not sure, though. She’s gotten a bit fat lately. Last time I thought someone was just fat it turned out she was pregnant. My dad WAS here last month, after all.
“Hi, mommy!” I exclaim, wagging my tail.
“Where’s Cheese?” my mom asks. “Cheese seems to always be hanging out with you two.”
“Sorry I’m late!” Cheese exclaims, bursting into the den on all fours.
“Cheese!” I exclaim cheerfully. “Thank goodness you are here! I need a second judge!”
“Judge?” my mom asks, staring at me with her mouth open a bit.
“Oh, uhhh…gameshow, we’re doing a little gameshow,” I lie.
“Oh! How cute! Are you three ready for breakfast?” my mom asks, wagging her tail.
“Actually…we were going to get breakfast together before the gameshow,” I say, lowering my head.
“Oh…I see. Well, make sure you come back soon. There’s a lot of dangerous people out there and I would hate for something bad to happen,” my mom says, seeming slightly disappointed.
“Thanks, mom! We’ll be safe! No reckless stunts or anything!” I lie, grinning.
First things first, we steal my mom’s car! Not the Police Car, though. Not even she’s allowed to drive that right now. Do I have a driver’s license? No. Do any of my friends? Also no. Are ANY OF US tall enough to drive? NO! Are we still doing it? YES!
“Alright, so here’s the plan. Cheese, you get the gas and break pedals. We’ll broadcast what is happening to you through a set of two phones. One to record what is happening and one to watch what is happening! Foxy, you’ll take over the driving once we pull up to the first fast food place! Got it? Let’s gooooo!” I say.
I balance on the steering wheel. At first, it looks like Cheese is going to drive us right into the den. Luckily, I throw my weight and steer the car around. Now, we are heading down the road.
“KURAIIIII!” my mom yells as we drive away.
“Whooooohooooooo!” I howl.
Okay, so, here’s an issue… Cheese doesn’t weigh very much. Because of this, we aren’t actually going THAT fast. I watch in the rear view mirror as my mother slooooooowly moves out of sight.
“Okay, well, at THIS rate, I’ll certainly finish my meals before arriving at each restaurant,” I say, nearly crashing the car into someone else’s car. “Oh, this is much harder than it looks!”
“Need help?” Foxy asks.
“Your arms are EVEN SHORTER!” I exclaim, accidentally dropping the steering wheel.
BEEP BEEP! HOOOOONK! BLARRR!! Oops. I regain control of the car just in time. Slowly, we pull up to the first restaurant. This is Cattle-Barnn, a restaurant that MOSTLY serves cattle.
Hmm, I have a bad feeling about this. Well, to be fair, NONE of these restaurants serve meat unless insects count. I just barely guide the car into the drive-thru. The speaker looks like a trash can, just saying.
“Hello, welcome to Cattle-Barnn, what can I get you?” the voice in the speaker asks.
“Hi, can I just get whatever the person ahead of me ordered?” I ask.
“Ummmm, are you sure about that?”
“Yeah, must be good if they ordered it,” I say.
“Okay, so you want The Big Roll with a side of corn cakes, bread rings, and a salt block with an extra large water?”
“…yes, that sounds good…” I lie. That sounds terrible!
“Okay, pull up to the window to pay.”
This whole time we’ve been gradually moving away from the speaker. Cheese doesn’t weigh enough to fully stop the car. She then hops back to the gas pedal and we start puttering away again. HOW am I going to eat a salt block?!
“Bruh, they hit you with a hard one off the bat. Do you know how big the Big Roll is?” Foxy asks.
“N-no…?” I reply.
“Yeahhhh, RIP,” Foxy says with a shrug.
“No. I finished the last challenge I attempted. I can do this one, too,” I say.
“Oh, riiiiight. You who were able to swallow EIGHT cows,” Foxy says.
So we pull up to the pay window and I use my mother’s money to pay. Hey! At least I’m not stealing the food! The cashier stares at me in surprise as, well, I’m NOT a cow. Hopefully they don’t deny me my order!
“Hey, you’re a wolf, aren’t you? What’s a wolf doing ordering Cattle Food?” the bull asks.
“I just want to try new things, okay? Is that so wrong?” I ask.
“It could kill you!” the bull argues.
“Don’t worry, I’m a mutant,” I say, brushing the comment off.
“Ah…one of THOSE…” the bull grumbles. “Okay, okay, well, the sodium content in the salt block is way too high for canines.”
“Understood, thanks for your concern. I’m gonna eat it anyhow,” I say.
“Okay, I warned you,” the bull says, taking my money.
Then, we pull up to the second window. Here, they load up the car with a MASSIVE grass stuffed cabbage roll, 5 corn cakes, 30 bread rings, and a decently sized salt block. Next is a HUGE cup of water. I might need that after all that salt.
“You sure about eating that?” Cheese asks, stepping on the gas again.
“Yep, Foxy, take over!” I say.
We change places. I figure out how to adjust the seat, WHILE we are moving, so Foxy can hold the steering wheel. We cut across a grass island and THUNK! Back into traffic we go! I begin eating so I can have it finished by the time we reach our second destination.
I start with The Big Roll. I can’t even begin to imagine how big of a cabbage this cabbage leaf must have come from. It’s a liiiiiitle bitter, but this is part of the challenge. You never know what the person in front of you will order.
“That looks yummy,” Cheese says, taking her eyes off the camera.
Foxy quickly veers as we drive through a red light and nearly get hit. If Cheese was paying attention, we could have stopped in time. I manage to finish The Big Roll while sipping on the water. Next, I begin consuming the salt block. BLEH! It burns!
“You okay, Kurai?” Foxy asks. “Not much longer until we reach the next restaurant.”
“I’m okay…” I whimper, sipping the water some more to counteract the salt.
“Don’t die!” Foxy warns.
I gulp more water, finishing off the salt cube. The next restaurant is already in sight and I still have bread rings and corn cakes! I start shoving them into my mouth, washing them down with still more water. This next restaurant is O’Josephs which is more my style. They serve meat flavored items here, which are really good.
