Pinocchio
Once upon a time, there was a cabinet maker by the name of Jed who was commissioned to rebuild a beautiful old dresser. However, once he had disassembled it, he realized that there was way too much damage, and it couldn’t be repaired. Not to be defeated, the cabinet maker was so talented that he built a new dresser out of new wood to look just like the old one. When he delivered it to its owner, she was amazed at his craftsmanship and paid him handsomely.
Jed took a look at the pile of scrap wood from the old dresser and wondered what he might do with it, other than feed his old wood stove that he used to warm his shop. Jed sat down with his trusty old carving knives and began to play with some of the better pieces. Before you knew it, his carving skills had fashioned a marionette of a little boy.
Not long after that, he got busy with customers’ requests, so he set the little boy aside on the counter. Every time a female customer would come in, the marionette would get a woody. Little did Jed know, but the old dresser was originally used by working women in a bordello.
One day a young girl entered the shop, admired the little fellow, and picked him up.
“What’s his name?” she asked.
Jed thought for a moment and said, “I haven’t given him one, why don’t you name him?”
The girl thought for a moment, “Well, he has a little dick, so, I shall name him, Little Dickie.”
After the girl left, Jed sat there looking at his masterpiece and suddenly it came alive. Jed’s eyes almost popped out of his head when the little guy began to speak.
“Yo, Jed, my man. Don’t you dare let them call me Little Dickie. You let one of those babes rub me down with some linseed oil, and I would be more than happy to show you BIG dickie.”
Flabbergasted that his marionette could move, let alone speak, just blew him away.
“What, what would you like to be called?” he asked the little guy.
“I think you should name me Pinocchio. Yeah, that’s a good name.”
“But wasn’t Pinocchio the name of…”
“Boy, you don’t keep up with things, do you old man? That Pinocchio was my great-grandfather. The one with the nose. After all that lying, they ground him up into sawdust, the poor sap. Then came along number two. He had a mouth on him, and every time he swore, his lips grew. Yeah, he got turned into toothpicks. Then my pappy, well you see he was good for nothing. They used to keep him poolside, God knows why, and that chlorine water simply rotted him away. And me? You probably guessed by now. In my past life as that old dresser, I hung around them girlie girls, who ran around all naked and shit, and I had to just sit against the wall and watch them fuck those sick bastards. That’s no life. Now that you came to my rescue, I can live. Let them pretty little ladies fondle me all they want, and every time they do, my little stick of a dick will grow larger and larger until I am finally A MIGHTY OAK. What’ya say there Jed? Gonna help me out?”
“You know, I’m not so sure that I did the right thing with you. I should have carved you into a dildo.”
“Oh, God. Please, no. I’ve been around them there smelly pussys, you won’t see me asking to go muff diving. No siree.”
Just then a gorgeous woman entered the shop.
“May I help you?” asked Jed.
“Yes, you may. My daughter was in here earlier and told me of a marionette that you have. May I see it?”
“Certainly ma’am, he’s right there.”
The lady picked him up and touched his prick. A bit of sap oozed out the end. She wiped the sap off and put her finger to her mouth. He leaked a little more. Every time she touched him, his dick grew a little bigger until it was the same size as his leg.
“Ooh, I must have him. How much?”
“I’m sorry, he’s not for sale.”
Pinocchio started screaming at Jed in words that only he could hear. “Sell me, sell me. What’ya waiting for, Christmas? Oh, I love her finger. Let her take me home. I’d let her touch me all day long. And did you catch her daughter? Good golly, Miss Molly. Can you imagine the two of them touching me all day long? Please Jed, sell me, sell me.”
Jed paused for a moment. He had no idea that once Pinocchio started talking, that he would never shut up. He looked at the woman and said, “He’s yours. That will be one dollar, please.”
“A dollar?” yelled Pinocchio. “A dollar? Is that all you think I’m worth is one measly old dollar? I get no respect. First, I’m a dresser, stuck in a corner watching everybody else having fun. Then I get reborn into a horny little marionette and get sold for a dollar. Can you believe that? ONE MOTHER FUCKING DOLLAR.”
Jed took the dollar bill, stuck it in the till, pulled out a dime and handed it to the lady.
“Your change ma’am. It’s on special today, ten percent off.”
“Well, today is my lucky day, isn’t it?”
She put the marionette in her purse and as she was leaving the store, a muffled voice from the purse was saying, “On special? What do you mean ten percent off? Oh, my God, I get no respect.”
The door closed behind her, and Jed put his carving knife in a drawer and chucked the rest of the old dresser into the wood stove.
THE END
