Embracing the Darkness

The first time I met Arthur, he had not realized HIS TRUE potential. He was just an amateur clown attempting to be funny. Funny is something we’re typically good at. It comes from years of trying to find the joy we once knew before that moment the darkness appeared. But he had spent too long in the darkness. He was drowning in it. No one saw just how much until the day his mother died. His mother was the only one he could ever depend on, or so he thought. Not long after her death, Arthur found records he never knew existed. Legal papers stating that not only was he adopted but he was abused and neglected throughout his early childhood. Among them were also records of her many stays at Arkham Asylum. She was clearly ill and yet was repeatedly released and allowed to adopt him. Not all that surprising in Gotham but still. Clearly her son’s mental health was also overlooked. She used to tell him he was meant for greatness and that his condition was what would set him apart from the rest. Well it definitely did get him noticed. He was bullied by everyone. But he was used to it. The “condition” as she called it , was never diagnosed. And after reading the reports, it became clear to me that his illness was caused by both mental and physical trauma.

The day I met the Joker, he seemed happy but I could see the sadness in the depths of his eyes. The little boy who had never been shown true happiness had lost all hope. A colleague of mine, I’m sure you know of her, once said that he was his own light in the darkness but he just couldn’t see it. I think he did. I think every time he saw fear in others he felt a balance in himself that filled the void. His suffering ended the moment theirs began. He knew that. He learned to find joy in others’ pain. Ironic but endearing. I myself have struggled with finding the light. I know what it’s like to have no one. I too have been abandoned and neglected. The abuse was minimal yet permanently damaging. My irony is that I chose to be a psychologist knowing I’m a head case myself.