Chapter 1
I am today discussing a very serious concern an issue we must all be involved with awe the voluntary sector is saving lives and money for the governing bodies.
"Just a little help then we can move ahead."
"If you do not give me help then heaven help me I am killing my child." sighed Gold through time as if that was the most natural thing to do.
"Cats kill their kittens don't they so I am a woman like a cat trying to live and be a cat." Gold is adamant her parent startled and are not crying she has run out of tears.
Gold looks at her mum the giant Em the Em who once was so strong now loathed and a burden on them all.
"I need a little help here." Shouted Gold as if the whole face she had got apart. The look of the spree shopped into the whole thing. What does a woman say to her mum?
"Happy Mother's Day mum."
"Nothing of the sort she knows how I feel." Softly squeezed Gold. Just like the lemon juice there, it was dried up.
I grew up surrounded by her adding to my knowledge on how to behave. There she was growing her strings and arrows.
"I am this wife now and I dislike to be his wife." Shouted Gold.
"All the babies that would have been crawling in this house."
"Why should I behave to them nicely I asked not to be married."
"My child." Sighed Em. "Don't.."
"Stand clear out of my way."
In the 1950's there was not much in the way of social services and the thing was we were in Cyprus a Cypriot downtrodden community that the Greeks disliked and encouraged their madness to grow.
So we must all live in compassion and never have compassionate leave as the persons we are caring for are our compassion.
I ask to be named Gold because I love Gold. I am now an older woman a wife who hates her children and has killed most of them. I dislike them so much that I killed them by allowing them to be with the snake. It was the snake who did it.
"Child I do nothing to them."
"The snake does it for me. I just allow the snake to it."
"When Ma?"
"In the toilet when I go to shit."
"It takes me a long time to do that dear child."
I am this woman whose side did not do the right thing. I am this woman, not a maid anymore I cannot sit down.
I am this wife who is not here anymore.
The ten- commandments that we all believe in today are to find a job and make money. In the last century in Cyprus, there was no work only those who had the education and the land did work.
If like Gold one lost one's inheritance then one was a joke.
But the comparison is where does one leave a person one is caring for? Em was terrified for the children and her grandchildren and she now could not see.
It is a barrel not worth bothering with at first one is all fire and then the carnage happens we were three people one a carer. Weep on and on.
This is a novel that does not know where the storm is.
So here it is and was we worthy people were told we had to behave well and be good and be there for each other. Until we could not shake each other off.
England was a land of Gold and milk and honey so went there to taste all the honey.
What a surprise from the authority who thought of this ideal situation.
"There is no Gold and no honey unless the coins pay for it we all said in surprise."
We became the new poor in the English rose gardens.
Skimping and saving do not do it for us.
We despair. When a child is born and then dies what happens to that family? Gang banged baby.
A woman has to take her children in charge.
Babies on her back.
Kick the children and make them smart. They smiled at me they just smiled so I left them to the charge of the snake. Mr Snake since has got himself a partner.
Her lips oozed honey and contented words they all sat down and welcomed her inside. She dozed as she sat and the rest did the problems.
"We are poor so the children extra charge."
"When they die fewer mouths to feed."
Everyone is curious about the colors we have on. I am always watching the shops in case the windows open and I can get inside.
The people inside the shops would say.
We feel for them. The past comes crowding in and the less we know about them the more curious we feel.
"We let them in and now we let them out break even Brexit."
People on boats come to drown.
"We are decent moral people so why should we let them in?"
Many arrangements are reached and we fail and we fall because we have the shooters inside us.
"Because society let us all down world politics let us all down."
In and out of the crowds on us we believe that you all are making a mistake. Mistaken identity. In the crowded scenes, only Gold makes sense to Dad because he and she got it on. Nephew he was her nephew. She was older than him but he did not care because he was to inherit the small holding.
When he went to school he had more pocket money than anybody. No, he had no idea he was being abused. He did not think he was a victim with that he rolled and became a monster.
The ruling classes in England loved the idea that came from abroad and let them live as they watched. We the little people are watchers and the listeners and we behaved as if in a bell jar a class cage.
We did nothing wrong.
Ceased to behave like persons and became animals.
Doctors took charge the police took over our lives and we had to answer to everyone. We the little people.
"If you put a foot wrong we can exterminate your passport."
"That worse than death."
Get into fights and we will tell you. We will charge you with assault. Not a fair fight.
Jay felt the same way.
"We cannot have sex workers in England who are rich we want them poor."
This is a sin to speak in such a manner.
“We make people rich,” Said her secretary.
“Yes.” Snarl her groupie friends. They all had too much to drink and their prejudice was taking hold of them.
Because they all enjoyed being gentle and kind.
"I learn every day," Jay said.
“Wear a swimsuit,"
“Learning is to know it all.”
“A little effort is the key.”
“We behave,"
“The poor do not know anything?”
“I offered you to work on your erotica and do the decent thing by all that is wonderful what else do you want?”
"What is the payment?"
"You will be paying me."
"How could you say that I have nothing."
"Beg borrow and steal."
“I never did."
"If erotica sends you all to sleep why do I write it"?
All the world wants them to write erotica. Some write best when writing on their erotica.
I am here for you and adding to that there is something wrong with it. Displaced.
She laughed at my pain sat down and just laughed.
It is so shabby?
"Gold why do this to us?"
"Playtime now is it?"
"You damn fools I was the child of a lesser God depraved of my normal life. Why now go to this trouble and mark me?"
Gold said nothing she had nothing to say to the child she wanted dead. Her eyes went blank as if she did not see me and sat down planning.
"I need help here."
"We needed help all the time to set the snakes on both of us."
I am living two lives in a moment the moment drags on as if the life of me is sucked.
"Whore." She said.
"I am nothing of the sort."
Jay said to write about the things in bed erotica.
It is not for anybody.
This life lived in the shadow of fools is not for me.
I cannot live in a cell of women sharing their knickers and the glory of it all. That was all on offer if not that then a flat with a man inclined to visit me once or twice a month.
"I am coming to get you," said Zeks as if Gold and she were reunited.
This is a gory story.
I became a carer to escape the life of a prostitute.
Rather well done don't you think?
