Craziness
I sat down onto the couch, and I was immediately falling through it!
“Ahhhhhhhhh!” I screamed, as I plummeted downwards in darkness!
After falling for a while, I felt myself being grabbed by the shoulders, which slowed my descent.
Then I was lowered slowly onto firm ground, but it was still completely dark which prevented me from seeing anything.
“Do you know why you are here?” I heard a voice say; and I responded that, “I dunno. Do you know why I’m here?”
“Yes.” the voice said, “You are here because the couch that you were sitting on couldn’t take you farting on it one more stinking time!
And so it sent you down here to me, where your disgusting butt will be far from where it resides.”
“But won’t you just have to smell my farts now?” I reasoned, “How is that fair?”
“I do not have a sense of smell, you see; which means that you can fart all you want and it won’t matter to me.”
“This is all really crazy!” I noted, “I mean, I never even knew that couches were conscious and alive!”
“There’s a lot of things that you don’t know.” the voice responded, “But luckily I’m here to educate you a bit, which’ll result in you knowing more things than you know right now…”
“There are also some things that I do know!” I retorted, “And among them is that farting is a natural bodily function for humans.
I’m sorry for farting on your couch friend, but can’t I just agree not to do that anymore and then be on my way?”
“Too late!” the voice said, “You don’t make the rules down here, I do!”
“Riiighhht…” I said unhappily, “And so what do I have to do to get out of here?”
“You can leave at any time, actually;” the voice offered, “but you might not like where I send you to…”
“I mean how do I get out of here and back to where I came from.” I said; and the voice chuckled and told me that it was very unlikely that I’d ever be going back to where I came from.
“Fine, I guess I’ll just go to the other place that you said I could leave to…” I said glumly; and the voice happily said, “Very good!
Just remember that you agreed to this even after I warned you!
Now, bye-bye!…”
I suddenly felt as if there was some sort of magnetic force tugging at me, and I was suddenly! flying through the air!
I continued sailing along for quite a long time, and was starting to get hungry.
“Hey!” I yelled out, “Can you spare a bro some grub?”
“Not your bro, dude,” the voice responded, “but fine!” and I felt a sandwich fly into my open hand.
I took a bite, and it was actually pretty good.
It seemed to have peanut butter, honey, potato chips, lettuce, tomatoes, mustard, and pickles on it.
Fine, so maybe it was an odd combination…
I was hungry!, okay?
Anyhoo, after I finished eating the sandwich I yelled out that I was thirsty too.
“You’re almost there!” the voice complained, “But I suppose that I’ll give you something to drink…” and I soon felt a bottle land into my hand.
I drank from the bottle, and it tasted kinda like milk.
I was about to ask what it was, but then I thought better of it and decided that perhaps I was better off not knowing…
Then, after what felt like about another hour or so of sailing through the air, I heard the voice say, “And now it truly is farewell!
I can’t say that I’m sorry to see you go…
You will arrive at your destination in 5!
4!
3!
2!
1!…”
And, with that!, I was suddenly no longer surrounded by darkness, and I saw that I was falling and quickly approaching the ground!
I saw that there was a man who was wearing a crown, a woman, and two figures who looked like holograms beneath me; and I yelled down at them to watch out!
The man who had the crown on instantly looked up, pulled a fancy looking stick of some sort out of his pocket, and pointed it at me while saying something.
Suddenly!, I was falling very slowly, and at this rate it wouldn’t hurt to land on the ground.
“Thanks!” I said from where I was still falling through the air, “Who are you?”
“I’m Cole!” the man said, “And this is Alcina, Ada, and Baldwin!”
“We all advise his majesty as he rules these lands.” the human woman named Alcina said; and the hologram lady named Ada added that, “Baldwin and I are ghosts, which is why we look different from Alcina and Cole.”
“And it’s the King’s diamond wand that saved you!” Baldwin added, “You sure are lucky that your fall happened where the merry King Cole is!”
As Baldwin had been speaking, I had landed onto the ground, and I tried to keep my balance, but still tumbled down to the grassy floor.
Cole offered me a hand up, and I took it and thanked him for the gesture.
“So what happened?” Alcina asked intently, “Why the falling through the sky?” and so I told the 4 of them about all of the craziness that had befallen me after I’d sat down on my couch.
After I’d finished speaking, Alcina turned to Cole and said, “See! More madness that could be fixed if you were to be managing things instead of couches and strange voices!
Other worlds besides these could benefit greatly from your benevolence!”
“That’s very kind of you to say, as always,” Cole said, “but I’m still working hard to keep my head on straight in this world!, metaphorically speaking.”
Then the King turned back to me and said, “Would you like to head back to the castle with us and enjoy a royal banquet tonight my fine sir?” and I said, “Yes please! Thanks!” and Cole said, “Very good!” and began leading us all back towards the castle.
“I don’t think that I caught your name.” Baldwin said as we walked; and I responded that my name was Jito.
“Don’t think I’ve heard that name before…” Ada mused, “Very nice, very nice.” and Alcina said that she was familiar with the name and that one Jito in particular who she’d known had really managed to kick some @$$ in his day.
“Very good!” Cole beamed, “Though don’t worry about trying to be like that other Jito or anything.
You’re your own kind of originality, and are full of greatness in your own way!”
“Thanks!” I said, “Though I think that for me it’s in sort of a ‘just another fellow’ kind of way.”
“And that’s one of the best ways that it can be!” Baldwin said approvingly; and I nodded in agreement and the 5 of us continued heading towards the castle for that banquet…
