wilder days

too many bottles of this wine we can’t pronounce

too many bowls of that green, no Lucky Charms

the maids come around too much

parents ain’t around enough

too many joy rides in daddy’s Jaguar

too many white lies and white lines

super rich kids with nothing but loose ends

---

“You have way too much energy for me right now. Please calm down.” I slapped myself in the forehead as my best friend paused her yapping mouth for the first time since we got in the car. We had a 15 minute ride to school, which we'd already done most of.

“Not my fault your dumbass hangovers last more than a day. Plus, if it bothers you so much, then just ride with your sister in the morning.” Her hands were gripped firmly on the wheel as she made the turn into the parking lot of Dunkin’ Donuts.

“Why don’t YOU ride with YOUR sister?” I asked as she parked her car right out front of the cafe.

“My sister’s an absolute buzzkill. Everything. She kills everything.” She took off her seat belt and I did she same. “She’s the least fun person on the face of the earth.”

“Shut up, Raegan. She’s just quiet. You talk so much she doesn’t even get a chance to open her mouth.” I held the door open for her and slipped inside the building after her.

“Oh Sammy.” She shook her head. “You don’t have a clue what she’s really like."

"Oh, and what would that be?" I scoffed before she shushed me and gave the cashier our order.

She's probably right. In all of the years we've been friends, I haven't gotten much of a chance to get to know her sister. Raegan and I are like family, her sister and I are distant family. It wasn't our fault she usually opted out of spending time with us. I've never had much of a conversation with just her, with the exception of ones on the topic of school or classes.

“Sam? Hello? Samantha.” She pulled me from my thoughts with a snap in front of my face.

“What?” I asked, staring at her dumbly.

“What do you want?” I turned to face the cashier, so tired I was unable to articulate words to put together an order.

“I'm sorry about her. She’s on another planet today.” Raegan nodded to the cashier as she leaned across the counter. I scoffed at her once again and found the appropriate diction to give the cashier an order.

“I’ll have a large iced caramel latte with whatever extra caffeine you can put in there.” I said. When the cashier put my order in the register and turned away for a second, I stared at my best friend. “You’re paying.”

“But I paid on Friday!” She whined, throwing her hands up in anger.

“But you’re giving me a headache.” I said, grabbing her wallet from her right hand and taking out her card. “Plus, I didn’t bring my wallet anyway.”

“Fuckin’ bitch.” She sighed as she took the card from my hand and stuck it in the reader.

A few minutes later we were back on the road headed for school. This time, Raegan opted for the radio instead of non-stop talking, which I appreciated. We were earlier than usual this morning which was better for me. The more coffee in my system before first period the better.

“You wanna hang in here for a bit?” She asked as she parked the car in her assigned space, which was right in front of the building.

“I was gonna go inside and find Cash.” I said. “But I guess if you really want me to stay I can.”

“Nah, go find him. He’ll probably be ecstatic to see you not running in the building three minutes before class starts.” She unbuckled her seat belt. “Actually what the hell? I’ll come in too.”

We both grabbed our backpacks from the backseat and made our way into the main entrance of the school. I immediately started scanning the hallways for any of our friends, unsuccessful until we made the right turn into the hallway lined with lockers. Cash, Luke, Jonah stood across from Tatumn, who was leaning against her locker.

“Good morn-ing!” Raegan sung as we approached the others, making my eyes roll.

“Too much fuckin’ energy for a Monday.” I sighed as I stepped up next to Cash, who put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me in towards him. "You're here." I put my hand up above my head, then moved it down towards my stomach. "You need to bring it to here."

"Aw, leave her alone. She's excited to be back!" Tatumn said as Raegan opened her locker and emptied a few books in it.

"She's the only one." Luke sighed. He leaned his back up against the lockers and started to play with some string hanging off of Jonah's backpack. "You're all alone in that club, Rae."

“I’m going to find my sister. She's probably lost.” Raegan slammed her locker shut and walked away from us. I shook my head and laughed a little lit, watching her sulk off.

“So where are you guys off to first this morning?” Cash asked, lifting up his free hand to look at his schedule. “I have algebra 2 with Adair.”

“Oh, I had her last year. Good luck, she’s a pain in the ass.” I laughed, reaching into the pocket of my jeans and unfolding my paper. “I have AP Lang and Comp with Katz.”

“Same here.” Tatumn smiled as she opened up her locker. “Never heard of Katz, so we’ll see how this goes.”

“I heard she’s new. Rumor has it she’s Gavin’s aunt.” Luke pointed out. He flattened out his schedule to the best of his abilities to check out his class, and Jonah did the same. “Looks like I have algebra too, Cash. How about you, Joe?”

“Me too.” Jonah handed his schedule to Tatumn, who folded it neatly gave it back.

“Adair’s gonna looooove you three.” I smirked as I stepped away from Cash. “Ready to go, Tate?” I adjusted my backpack and she did the same.

“Yep.” She smiled her friendly smile, aiming it towards me before the boys. I turned to Cash and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before we all parted ways.

“See you guys later!” Tatumn waved after them and they all waved back with a laugh. We walked towards the staircase and I opened the door, holding it for her as she walked through. “You look pretty today, Sammy.”

“Thank you, Tate.” I smiled at her as we made our way up the stairs. “So do you.”

She was wearing a pink crop top with white jean shorts and a brand new pair of white sneakers. Her long, wavy, dark brown hair fell over her shoulders. Her face was glowing with a summer tan, accompanied by the smile that never left her face.

“I already talked to Raegan, but do you want to go get food after tryouts? I heard Charlotte's has deals on specials.” Her face lit up at the mention of food and I laughed.

“I wish I could, but Cash is taking me out tonight. He didn’t say where we were going. Sorry Tate.” I said sadly. I felt guilty for blowing my best friends off for the millionth time in the last few weeks, but I’ve been so busy and Cash has been insistent on spending a lot more time together.

“I’m so single.” She grumbled as we turned into our Lang and Comp classroom. “We can hang out another day I guess.”

To my knowledge, this class is just a higher level English class. I’m going to be honest, neither Tatumn nor I read the course description, we just signed up for the class. I’ve done well in my honors classes the past so I’m not too worried about it.

We found two desks, one behind the other, and took a seat there. I felt the caffeine start to hit as I watched the rest of the class file in sluggishly, nobody really wanting to be back here. The buzzing would only start when someone noticed their friend or teammate or someone they knew in class. As Tatumn and I looked around, we noticed that our teacher was nowhere to be found.

“Bell’s gonna ring in...” I opened up my lockscreen, which was on a rotation This time, it was a picture of Cash and I at one of his football games. “One minute. Where could she be?”

“Well she’s new, so maybe she got lost?” Suggested Tatumn as she played with the ends of her hair and mindlessly stared to her left. “It’s a pretty big building.”

I picked up on her staring, unsure of whether she noticed she was doing it. I smirked and laughed to myself before going to tease her about it.

“Who do you have your eyes on over there?” I whispered, leaning in a little bit closer to her. She whipped her head around to face me and quickly moved her head back when she realized the proximity.

“No one.” She lied. Her words were convincing, but she’s a terrible liar. She always chews on the inside of her cheek, which she was doing now.

“Are you lying?” I raised my eyebrows and she moved around in her seat a little bit.

“No.” She stared at the desk, avoiding my eyes at all costs. I laughed and looked towards the front of the classroom as the bell rang.

“Good morning class!” A female voice rang out from the back of the classroom, where a woman in light blue skinny jeans and a white blouse made her way to the front of the room. She looked no older than 25, with long blonde hair and a friendly smile. I guess I hadn’t noticed her mixed in with the group of kids in the back of the room.. “My name is Ms. Katz. I can not wait to get started!” Her energy was the level of Raegan’s, which oddly enough, made me feel a sense of comfort.

She went over the syllabus for the year, then told us about herself. I was right - she’s 23 years old, just out of college, so obviously brand new here. She apologized for the lack of color in the room and told us that should start to change in the next few days.

Then she made us do one of those dumb icebreaker activities to get to know us. It was just our name and a fact about ourselves. But Ms. Katz’s version was ‘one fact about yourself and then somehow I’ll get you to give me about 15 others before we move on’ so I stuck to an easy fact.

“Alright who’s next...Samantha Sweeney.” The teacher peered up from her roster and I stood up as all of the other students had done. She smiled warmly at me and I begun.

“You can call me Sam.” Was what I started with. She nodded and made a note on her roster. “And I play soccer.” I sat down and she didn’t stop me.

“Alright Sam. Not Sammy, just Sam?” She asked.

“Whatever’s fine. I don’t really care-” I was cut off by the beginning of her endless stream of questions.

“And you play soccer.” She kept her eyes locked with mine so it felt more like a conversation between her and I then speaking in front of the whole class, not that I hated public speaking.

“Yes.” I nodded.

“And what position?” She asked, tapping her pencil on the table.

“Right mid, or right wing depending on the formation.” I hoped she had any idea what I was talking about. I should have just said ‘forward’ and let it be.

“That’s awesome. I played CDM through high school and then got dropped back to CB in college. I ended up liking it much better.” She smiled.

“Seriously?” She’s not long out of college, so maybe she’s still interested in soccer at least a little bit.

“Heck yeah.” She said before moving on. I smiled to myself and made a mental note to talk about soccer with her sometime soon.

---

The rest of the morning was a drag; your usual first day of school icebreaker stuff. By the time lunch rolled around, I was starving and bored out of my mind. I avoided the kitchen since I had brought my own lunch and took a seat between Cash and Jonah, across from Tatumn, who was deep in conversation with one of our teammates, Morgan, who was seated to her left.

“What’s she on about?” I nudged Jonah, who seemed to be intently focused on what she was saying.

“We’ve got that crazy teacher for business. I can’t remember the name, but she’s given us stories to tell already.” He laughed a little bit and I did the same. I leaned over to take a few french fries from Tatumn's tray, dipped them in the ketchup and ate them.

“Get your own, bitch.” She paused her conversation to say to me. I scratched my face with my middle finger and she rolled her eyes at me before getting back to talking to Morgan.

“Hey guys!” My overly enthusiastic best friend walked up to our table and sat down. I didn’t look up far enough to see who had followed her, but whoever it was took the seat next to her. I smiled as I looked up.

I realized who it was immediately upon locking eyes with her. Someone I hadn’t seen in quite some time, only through her few Instagram posts and a few other pictures I’d seen. I know she grew up a lot in the year or so that I didn’t see her, but I didn’t realize how different it would be to see her in person.

“Hey Sam.” She smiled at me, her quiet voice making it hard to hear over the loud cafeteria.

“Hannah, hey! I totally forgot you were back. Damn. I’m sorry I didn’t come over when you got home...I've been crazy busy. It’s nice to see you. How are you?” I blabbed. She smiled and let out a little laugh, Raegan doing the same but much more noticeable.

“I’m alright. It’s nice to see you too, Sammy. I’m shocked you weren’t at our family dinner the night I came home.” She kept up her smile as she picked off her sister’s tray.

“Get your own food.” Raegan scoffed, batting her sister’s hand away.

Hannah sighed and reached into her bag, pulling out her lunch box. I turned to look at Cash, who was deep in conversation with Luke. Jonah had started talking with Tatumn and Morgan instead of just listening, so that left me with the twins.

I asked about what it was like to go overseas and learn a whole new language, a whole new lifestyle, and basically a whole new everything. Hannah had spent a year overseas in Spain just for the fun of it; but it was a safe assumption that her favorite part was the soccer experience based off of how much she talked about it compared to everything else. She played with a high level academy team after trying out and making it. She said it was different from here in the U.S. but she was excited for the school season to start.

I think there is certainly a little buzz surrounding the team this year. We have a few girls that are quite good, Hannah included. Raegan, Tatumn, Morgan and I have all been on varsity since we were just freshmen, so now that we’re all developed varsity athletes, we have a lot of buzz surrounding our names. We also have a few good underclassmen coming to try out.

This has to be our year for states. Next year, two or three of the five of us will take up captaincy, so this year is extremely important when it comes to learning how to be leaders. It may not necessarily be the better players of the five of us that gets it; it will be the ones who show the most flashes of passion, leadership, sportsmanship, compassion, mentorship and positive communication.

Those six attributes ring in my head constantly. At one of out summer practices, we were pulled aside by our coach to have that discussion. Ever since, I’ve made it my mission to secure the spot for next year as soon as possible.

“Sam, we’re so lucky Hannah’s back since Maria graduated. I’m not gonna lie, I’m not about to trust Gwen between the posts. She was a spotty JV goalie, I can’t imagine her being much better on varsity.” Raegan pointed out, pulling me from my thoughts.

“Holy shit, yeah. I hardly thought about our keeper situation.” I said, ripping the crust off my peanut butter sandwich and putting it in my mouth. “Gwen’s a bitch anyway. She told me the way I shot made her mad or something. As if she could do better.”

“She didn’t even take her own goal kicks freshman year.” Hannah butted in. “Has that changed?”

“Nah. Kori took them for her. Poor girl.” Sighed Raegan before taking a sip of her water bottle. I looked at Morgan and Tatumn, who hated Gwen more than the rest of us did. She treated both girls terribly over the last three years and none of us really have a clue why.

When the bell rung, I saw that I had gym class with Hannah, so we walked there together in a slightly awkward silence. We ended up just breaking into a bunch of teams and playing basketball for class today. Hannah stuck close to my side and hardly talked. She’s always been quiet and it must be hard for her to come back here after missing an entire year, so I talked to her a bit but tried not to be overbearing. We were teamed up with three other girls that played soccer that also happened to be in our class, as gym classes were usually twice the size of a typical class.

Then the last three periods went back to the same thing over and over again. I had a few classes with friends, but other than that my afternoon is going to drag on every single day.

“Sam!” Cash called my name in the hallway. I turned to smile at him as he weaved in and out of people to get to me quickly.

“Hey.” I said as he pressed a kiss to my forehead. “You know I’m on a time crunch, right?” I laughed.

“Yeah, I know. I just wanted to say good luck. You’re gonna kill it.”

“Thanks, Cash Money.”

“And before you go, if you want to wait in my car if you get done before me or I can wait for you so we can go get dinner-”

“Um...” I cut him off, my smile turning to a frown as I stared at the floor.

“What’s wrong?” He ran a hand through his blonde hair and looked me dead in the eyes refusing to break eye contact.

“Is it okay if I go out with Rae and Tate tonight? I haven’t been spending a lot of time with them and I kinda forgot I made plans and-” I was cut off by his slightly annoyed voice.

“Yeah, that’s fine.” His obviously sad tone made me feel slightly guilty, but it was a shallow feeling of guilt that I could brush off easily.

“I’m sorry.” I said again, starting to shift in the direction of the locker room.

An awkward silence fell between us and that’s when I knew it was time to leave. I scratched the back of my head and took a step in the direction I needed to go.

“I’ll see you later, okay? Have fun at practice.” I turned before I heard him wish me good luck at tryouts.

I couldn’t get into that locker room any faster.

“There she is!” Raegan smiled as I walked in and put my soccer and school bag in the locker next to hers. All of the juniors and seniors were on one half of the room, freshmen and sophomores on the other. I looked over to see a group of girls I didn’t recognize essentially shaking. I remembered being in their position two years ago and made a mental note to talk to them before everything got started.

“How was the rest of your day, Sammy?” Tatumn asked as she rummaged through her bag on the other side of me.

“It was alright.” I sighed, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. My head was a million other places that it shouldn’t be. I had zero focus on soccer. “Any chance I can still come out to eat with you guys after this?”

“Yay!” She shrieked, causing a few people to look our way. I tried not to laugh as I faced my locker again. She smiled before reaching into her locker for her t-shirt, only to realize that it wasn’t there.

“What the hell? Where’d it go?” I pulled my shirt over my head and turned to look out at everyone. “Did someone take it by mistake?” She asked again.

“Tate, it was in your locker. It couldn’t have been a fucking mistake.” I sighed. After quickly changing my shorts, I navigated around the crowded room and benches to find the bitch I was looking for. She was right where I thought she would be; the back corner with her stupid friends.

“Give it.” I said, putting my hand out to Gwen, who smirked before giving me a high five. My expression went from passive to stone-cold, and I saw her eyes widen a little bit. “If you don’t give me the shirt, I’ll have to take it up with Soph. It’s in your best interest to hand it over and we won’t have any more problems. I don’t like problems, okay?”

She rolled her annoying eyes and threw the shirt at me without another look my way.

“How dumb do you have to be to do that shit? The season hasn’t even started, damn it.” I huffed as I walked away, just loud enough for her to hear.

---

I opened the ball bag and let all the balls out into a pile. Next to me, Raegan kicked her pile towards mine. Tatumn and Morgan set up cones for our first drill and the captains, Sophia, Lexi, and Skye set up the warm up cones, and the other seniors and a few juniors moved the goals into their appropriate places. The coaches conversed at midfield and the remaining players crowded the bench making minimal noise.

Once everything was set up we were all called to the middle and the coaches talked to us for a few minutes. Then the captains spoke briefly and we were off warming up, jogging a half lap and then going to the sidelines for stretches.

After that we did some simple dribbling and passing skills, then we split off half and half and did different drills that involved shooting. Hannah and Gwen split into different nets since they’re the oldest. The younger goalkeepers split themselves as well, and the coaches split the field players.

Then the coaches cut the tryout a little bit short and sent us all back to the locker room, which was weird. The captains stayed to help clean up, as well as Raegan, Tatumn, Morgan, Hannah and I. We piled up the cones and stuffed the balls in the tight ball bags and made sure there were no water bottles or trash left before going to the locker rooms. Our varsity head coach, Elrod, called Hannah aside to talk to her. I couldn’t read either of their expressions as the conversation went on so I looked away.

I walked next to Sophia as we made our way across the field and back to the locker room. We mirrored each other; we both had ball bags slung over our bare shoulders since our sleeves were rolled, shorts rolled up and tucked, tired legs with our socks down at our ankles. Behind me, Raegan carried both her bag and mine, and Lexi carried hers and Sophia’s. She refused to ask any of the juniors to do it in fear of getting called out for ‘hazing.’

Once we’d gotten into the locker room, everyone was starting to clear out. The showers were available to use but hardly anyone actually used them. Tatumn, Raegan and I didn’t even bother to change back into our outfits from the school day, we just took off our soccer socks and I sprayed us all with perfume.

“Do you mind if I invite Morgan?” Tatumn whispered to us, looking at her friend who was cleaning up a few loose things thrown around the locker room.

“Go for it.” Said Raegan. “Should I ask Lexi and Soph too? I don’t want them to overhear and feel left out.”

“I think you’re just a captain suck up, but that’s fine.” Replied Tatumn. Raegan scoffed and they both went in the directions of the people they were set to talk to. I took my phone out of my bag and checked my texts. Hannah came up next to me as I read a text from Cash, who had texted me before he went out to his own practice. He told me to let him know how tryouts went, and not wanting to answer if I wasn't going to be honest, I clicked my phone off.

“First you blow him off, then you ignore him?” Hannah said as I picked up my head and let down my ponytail.

“I didn’t blow him off, Hannah. I just told him I forgot about other plans,” I scoffed, taking my brush from my bag and brushing through my hair. “And I’ve spent literally every minute with him the last two weeks, which was a lot. At times it was starting to feel like too much.”

“So you lied and now you’re telling me he’s too much,” Her soft voice had taken up a more quizzical tone and I didn't need to look at her to hear her smirk.

“I didn’t say that, Hannah, and you better get off my ass before I beat yours,” I looked up at her leaning up against the locker next to mine, the predicted smirk planted on her lips, her cheeks still slightly flushed red, and her long, light brown hair in a ponytail that somehow managed to remain perfect throughout the whole tryout.

She didn’t say another word because Tatumn came up behind me, slinging her arm over my shoulders.

“Ready to go?” She flashed her pretty freckle-filled smile as she leaned her head on my shoulder.

“Yep,” I put my soccer bag back in my locker and grabbed my school bag. I quickly shoved my clothes from the school day into my backpack and followed everyone out to the parking lot.

The seniors were both taking their own cars, Morgan and Tatumn had no cars of their own so they opted to ride with Raegan and I.

“Are y’all really going to leave me alone?” Hannah teased, shaking her head as she opened her back seat to throw her stuff in the car.

“Go with her so she’s not lonely,” Raegan shoved me in the direction of her sister’s car and I rolled my eyes.

“Dang it,” I heard Tatumn say as Raegan pushed her into the back seat. She rolled down the window and stuck her head outside. “I’ll see you there, Sam! Hannah do you know where you’re going?”

“Of course she does, Tatumn,” Said Raegan as she plopped herself in the drivers seat next to Morgan. “Sam get in the fuckin’ car. I’m starving!”

I sighed and threw my stuff in the back seat of Hannah’s car. When I went to open the passenger door, she was looking at me with that dumb smirk on her face. I pulled on the door handle but it was locked. I just stared at her and pulled on the handle repeatedly until she finally unlocked it.

“Have a little trouble there, Sammy?” She put the car in drive and followed her sister out of the parking lot.

I scoffed and leaned my head back against the seat, staring out the window. We were quiet, a relatively awkward silence falling between us. We’d known each other for 10 years, but we’d never been as close as I had been with Raegan. She’d always been quiet, never much of a talker like her sister. Raegan talks enough for the both of them, so Hannah never really had to. The latter never really required as much attention from anybody as the former always had, so I think she just chose to lay low. And while Raegan is my best friend, I don’t blame her.

I enjoyed the limited conversation and listening to the music in the background. I was tempted to ask the girl driving about her time in Spain, but I know she’ll be bombarded by questions from some of our other teammates when we arrive, so I just let it go and enjoyed the quiet of the ride.