Framed Connections

Street lights illuminate the once busy road that now sleeps. The surrounding buildings that often light up like stars from afar have mostly faded. Behind the sheer curtain of one of the windows, Roxanna sits by her desk as the fierce sound of rain beats down her window.

Much rather the rain, was her typing away at her keys re-editing her section of an article for the magazine. It would be one thing if it was an artist being nit picky causing a headache. It’s another when her frustrations are credited to her boss making her revise it. Having lost count how many times she’s been over the manuscript.

Eyes straight from hours of staring at the screen. Rendering the use of her glasses pointless. Closing her eyes she rotates her neck that had gone stiff. Having thrown away the thought that her back might ache afterwards. Having relaxed her posture after so long. Roxanna is quite sure that after her boss had been appointed three months ago he had it out for her. Putting her work through a microscope, trying to find any possible mistakes. When he can’t would pile her with endless amounts of projects whenever he pleases.

Roxanna had always joked that she’d been somewhat of a workaholic before. Even a few people around her asking if she ever takes breaks. Yet ever since he’d come around she’d unwilling become more of one. Not even being able to remember the last time she’d actually had a day off used as a day off. Irking at the thought of even looking back at it once it’s published, she believes she’s seen enough of it to recite it in her sleep.

Resting back in her chair feeling the pressure caused by her bad posture beginning to take effect. Jolting a bit from the shock running through her spine. She tries relaxing to ease the tension, taking off her glasses to pinch the area between her eyes. Feeling so dry and irritated she’s surprised they have no cracks in them. Reaching over for her eye droppers soothing them like rain during a long desolate drought.

Closing her eyes for a moment letting the medicine take effect. Thinking if there would ever be a possibility for her to ever have a day just to herself again. No endless work commitments and No having to sit In Front of a screen for hours on end. Just her and whatever she decides to do with that day. Opening her eyes again her vision begins to focus. Showing her the darkened blanket of sky peeking through the slit of her curtain.

Unsurprised with how late it had gotten seeing as she’d been sitting there for so long. Catching a glimpse of the time as she trailed her eyes to the computer. Finding that it was 11:25 pm, having to get up early again at 7:30 am to get ready and reach work by 9:00 am. Swiveling out of her chair she heads out the room to get ready for bed. Walking past the eggshell walls covered in hanging plants. She makes her way to the bathroom.

The water washes down from the top of her. Hearing the crowd of thoughts rushing in like a river with a strong current. “Why don’t you quit, it’s clear that there’s nothing there for you.” Using the water to drown out her thoughts like rain on an ants nest. Who was it to tell her that there’s nothing there for her. It gives her the chance to visit many galleries and museums that she wouldn’t have dreamed was possible.

Also getting to learn so much from the artists’ behind the scenes. As well as get to take a look at different cultures and ideologies. With giving her the chance to share those wonderful discoveries with the public. All of this brought her to fall in love with what she does even more. Especially having to share her own thoughts about everything she’s seen and heard.

Yet her thoughts were relentlessly determined to break that feeling from her. “You’re really idealistic, you know that? Is it really worth the stress over some unappreciated articles?” Roxanna is not sure when it started but her thoughts had been very critical. She would even dare to say, more critical than her boss. She shuts off the water knowing that despite the criticism she gets from her boss. She is more than sure that people actually love her articles.

Even going as far as leaving rave reviews when viewed on their website. Sliding open the fogged up glass door, feeling cool air touch her skin, as she reaches out of her warm chamber to grab her bathrobe. Wrapping herself in it she steps out and heads towards the door. Upon opening the door the fresh scent of lavender permeates the whole apartment. From the beige pillow covered couch, with the bohemian blanket hung off the headboard in the living room to the wood grain counter tops in the kitchen. Feeling it would have been a lot more relaxing had her thoughts not interrupting her.

Pushing open her bedroom door, heading over to the dresser to pull out her pajamas to wear. It was a two piece button pajama set with little strawberries embroidered all over. To most people who know her would never imagine her wearing much less owning something with such cute designs on it. At best seeing her in a business casual loose fitting, solid color, button down, drop shoulder shirt with trouser pants. In fact, she finds her sense of style very versatile. This that she has on now is just her comfort style.

She sat at the edge of the bed, taking the towel she had wrapped around her head. Plugging her dryer in the outlet beside her bed. A metal scrapping howl of warm air blows through her hair. Running her fingers through so it could be evenly dried. Knowing if she missed the slightest drop of water she was going to have a fight with a tangled mess. Despite having cut her hair to her shoulders to make it more convenient. Having learned her lesson from the last time that it’s never that easy when it comes on to wavy hair.

Baskin in the warmth running through her fingers, trailing down to her whole body. Blocking out the autumn cold that seeps into her room despite the windows being shut. Roxanna would turn up her heater if it wasn’t broken. Especially seeing as maintenance hasn’t gotten back to her when it’ll get fixed.

Being pulled from out of her sheet of warmth hearing a faint growl. Switching the dryer off placing it on the dresser knowing that it was her stomach making its presence known. Reminding her of her decision of not only skipping lunch but dinner as well in favor of fixing her article. Hearing the growls she always wonders if her stomach contained the spirit of a cat. Seeing as the sound it makes always reminds her of one being angry when not fed. “Alright I get it now hush.”

Roxanna is just glad she doesn’t have to deal with her and her furniture getting scratched up by it. Heading out the room adjacent to the bathroom was the kitchen. Walking over to it she heads to the planner filled fridge. Opening its door to take out the leftover beef pasta she had the night before. Plating it and taking a few steps over to the microwave above the counter. Placing it inside waiting for it to heat up.

The smell of the tomato sauce and the aromatic garlic coming off of it made her stomach growl even more impatiently. “Don’t you see it’s heating up.” Saying this made her feel an uncomfortable bubbling sensation in her. It was sharp yet mild at the same time. Taking back he earlier statement of not having claws to scratch her. Once the meal was finally ready she walked over to the living room plopping herself on the couch.

Switching on to an episode of T***kling watermelon. Having needed to catch up on it seeing as it’s been on her list of things to watch. Finding it rather interesting and funny almost forgetting her meal at times trying her hardest to follow the subtitles. She almost didn’t want to pull away even when she was finished. Yet, she had to anyway seeing that she had work in the morning.

Believing she can just come back to it some other time. Taking her plates over to the sink to wash them. Before heading back to her room after brushing her teeth. Walking in her mind was focused on her bed. Before she could make it to bed though, her eyes trailed over to her desks scattered with papers. As much as she would like to ignore it and dive straight into bed and worry about it in the morning. There is just this nagging feeling she gets every time something is even a bit disorganized. Knowing that she won’t even have the peace of mind to rest with that chaos nearby.

Walking over to the desk neatly stacking the papers, and putting all the stationary where it belonged. Finishing off by placing a thumb drive and a stack of papers she’ll be needing in her messenger bag as well as her laptop. Finally feeling in order again to finally get some much needed rest. Slugging herself over to the bed she crawls under the sheets. Feeling herself melt into their softness and warmth. Closing her eyes allowed the warm feeling to envelope her, feeling she was wrapped in a warm pancake.

That warm cozy feeling hadn’t lasted long, feeling restless tossing and turning. She could make for a good tomato salad at a five star restaurant. Her eyes shot open with a frustrated groan. Being neither disappointed nor surprised that this happened, and was just frustrated. Having to deal with a case of insomnia for the past 3 months not sure what the root cause of it was. Initially she had wanted to blame her boss for stressing her out constantly. Though can’t as it started a little before he had arrived and never realized it sooner.

At this point she is even stunned how she manages to function anymore despite being heavily sleep deprived. Starting up at the ceiling, before reaching over to the night table for her phone .The screen lights up showing that she had unread messages. One from her mom and another from her best friend Celine.

Mom: Hey dear, how have you been? I hope you’re

enjoying the package I sent.

3:24pm

Roxanna had a soft but forlorn smile while reading the message from her mom. Missing when she had trouble falling asleep as a kid she would gently rub her back. Humming a soft tune until she fell asleep.

Roxanna: Yeah mom, everything is going well and they

were delicious despite being a bit bruised.

Sent 1:22am

Thinking that she can move on to Celine’s text, now figuring she will get a reply in the morning but then her phone dings.

Mom: That’s no good. I made sure to have them packaged

well. I even took precaution in telling the delivery

people that they were fragile.

1:23am

Surprised to find that her mother had been awake but feels guilty that she might have woken her up. Knowing how precious sleep can be, especially having lost that privilege.

Roxanna: Sorry mom i didn’t mean to wake you, and besides,few

bruised strawberries made for a good morning smoothie.

Seen 1:24am

Mom: I am happy you found a good use for them.

But, i’m still upset that they hadn’t come to you

in perfect shape.

1:24 am

Of course her mother would be upset hearing that the strawberries got damaged during delivery. Always having the expectation that the best should come from her farm and in pristine condition. Being quite a stickler that no shipment bears any blemish.

Roxanna: Well, there’s no use fussing over it now.

As long as their delicious it’s okay with

me.

Seen 1:25am

Believing that should be enough so she doesn’t make a fuss over them. Ready to end the conversation and tell her good night. Well, that was the initial plan until her phone dinged again.

Mom: Roxy be honest, are you sure everything

Is going alright over there?

1:26am

Roxanna:Of course it is, why you ask?

Seen1:26am

Mom: Call it mother’s intuition but it feels like your not

telling me something.

I might just be worried as it’s been a while since you visited.

And you haven't called in some time, but I can’t help but feel

like something is wrong.

1:27am

Roxanna doesn’t want to worry her mother, by telling her about her development of insomnia. Not sure what she had caught onto but tries to persuade her that everything is fine.

Roxanna: As I said there’s nothing for you to worry about.

I’ve just been caught up with work to even notice.

The next time I have time off I’ll make sure to visit.

Seen 1:28am

Mom:If you say so Roxy, let me know

when you’re coming. so I can have

some fresh strawberry creme puff

ready for your arrival.

1:29am

Roxanna: Okay mom, will do.

Good night, Love you.

Seen 1:29am

Mom:Good night Roxy, Love you too.

1:30am

Switching over messages to Celine’s .

Celine :Hey Ro, you won’t believe the

exciting news I have got for you.

Call me when you’ve got the time.

I have to tell you all about it.

5:15pm

Roxanna looks at the time seeing that Celine would be sleeping by now. Takes a chance to face time her having doubts she might pick up. Knowing very well that once Celine knocks out for the night there’s no waking her up. Finding herself half correct, seeing a half laden eyed Celine pop up on her screen.

Celine:Hello~

Sleep is very much evident in her voice. Desperately trying to hold on to consciousness. Celine wipes a hand across her face in an effort to wake herself a bit more.

Roxanna: Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,or expected you to pick up.

Celine: What makes you say that, i’ll obviously answer your calls. So what’s up with my favorite insomniac going.

Roxanna: Still you’re favorite insomniac i’m afraid. The new body wash you got me didn’t help much.

Celine: It didn’t but the nice vendor woman in the Netherlands said it would work like magic. Did I get scammed?

Roxanna almost thought that as well. That was until she felt the effects while getting into bed. Which didn’t last very long for her to fall asleep. Hearing the disappointment in her voice. Seeing how Celine went through the effort of getting it for her while on her trip.

Roxanna: Well maybe it just doesn’t have an effect on me. Anyways enough about that what did you want to tell me.

Celine: About that I will tell you tomorrow, right now i’m too tired.

Roxanna: You sure you can’t tell me now seeing the message got me excited to know.

Celine: No, sorry too tired. You’re excitement will have to wait till tomorrow.

Roxanna: Okay then i’ll try and make time for you tomorrow then.

Celine: Sure, Goodnight hope the calming effects of the lavender start to kick in.

Roxanna: Yeah me too, Good night.

Roxanna chuckles a bit seeing that she went right back to sleep before hanging up. Her hand holding her phone drops to the side. Pondering if she should try going to the doctors again. The more she thinks about it the more it seems like a waste of money. Seeing as they’re going to prescribe her more medicine. Which only gives her the effect of feeling sluggish and constant headaches.

Irritated that nothing has worked for her at all. Feeling bad that even Celine had gone through a bit of trouble to find the body wash only for it not to work as intended. Figuring that it might be some sort of punishment for something she has no recollection of ever doing. Staring at the walls it felt suffocating, as they seemed to come nearer to her.

At first this feeling was just in her room at night. Then one day it became so intoxicating that it started to affect her at work. Once having switched to the stairs for half a moment. Being unable to breathe once she was on the elevator. Roxanna has had problems with feeling clustered before but it wasn’t as intense as it is now.

With her body constantly feeling heavy, taking the stairs was relatively taxing on her. Having to revert back to the elevator half a month later.

“You can’t even handle a little pressure, are you that incompetent?”Hearing the condescending tone of her inner voice.

“I’m not incompetent, just tired.” Roxanna trying to reason but not sure who she’s even reasoning with.

“Your boss says otherwise.” Hearing her inner voice speaking back to her she’s not sure if it’s her talking or just her thoughts.

“You’re ignorance of you’re own self is why people don’t like being around you.” Roxanna knows that’s not true. Sure her relationship with her co workers is cordial, but that doesn’t mean they don’t want to be around her.

Right?

Trying to mute her thoughts, but they only seem to grow louder the more she tries. Roxanna doesn’t want to hear any more of it. She hates her thoughts and keeps telling herself that. All she wants is for them to stop— “Stop talking, please.” Feeling like the bed had given way from under her. Feeling herself fall or much rather she’s sinking, feeling the air in her lungs replaced by water. Finding it hard to breathe sinking further into a murky, dark abyss. Not sure if she can bring herself back to the surface. The peace she felt at this moment is all she wants to feel. The silence she desperately wants wrapping her like a blanket. Closing her eyes feeling the air trickling into her lungs again.