The Starr In Her Darkness

"Is the temperature OK baby girl?" he called as I slid down in the hot bubbly water "mmmhhhmm" I hummed enjoying the warmth of the water on my aching muscles. "what a day" I said to myself, Thinking about my day at work. Today had been even more trying than normal due to having to train 4 newbies on my own all because nikki had decided today was a good day to call in sick, I knew she wasn't sick she just hated training the new staff as much as me. "here you go" he said while handing me a beer. I was so deep in thought I hadn't heard Jerry climb the stairs. "relax baby, it's the weekend now. I have you all to myself" he smiled and I saw that twinkle in his eyes I'd fallen in love with from the very 1st day I'd laid eyes on him. "I'm gonna treat you like the queen you are, your not gonna lift a finger. I love you so much Amethyst, your my whole world"

I was jolted awake by Jerry swearing and bashing around downstairs. Dread filled me as I was brought back to reality, what I'd give to go back to the day I'd just been dreaming about. I was too scared to get out of bed. So I just laid there listening till it went quite and I heard the front door shut and his car start. Then I breathed a sigh of relief. Life was so unlike it had been 17 months ago. I was a shell of a women I used to be. As I sat up a deep sharp pain shot up my back, my latest throphy from Jerry a very sore and bruised back, he'd pushed me and I fell backwards on to the coffee table. I can't remember what I did wrong if I even did anything wrong at all. Tears threatened to fall so I get up, Slowly and headed to the bathroom for a shower.

Now I was dressed and had cried till my tears ran dry I had to make sure the house was clean and everything was ready for when Jerry got home. As I walked in to the living room with my coffee I saw the after math of the noise from this morning.

Jerry had been in the paperwork cupboard in our unit, and there was paperwork all over the floor and a broken photo frame of me and Jerry laughing, I'd hidden it in the cupboard as it was just too painful to keep looking at, At happier times, when he loved me. I'd slowly started hiding the photos of us round the house. It had a smudge of blood over the remaining pieces of glass in the frame. I felt a twinge in my chest had he cut himself, was he OK. And then i had to remind myself that I didn't care. He wasnt my Jerry anymore he was no longer the man I had fallen in love with, so no I didn't care. As I went about clearing all the paper away I came across my leaving card from work. And again tears filled my eyes, I'd loved my job. Loved the people I worked with. But Jerry made me quit. I angrily wipe the tears away. I wasn't going to cry anymore today. I'd finally done with all the paper and glass. It was Wednesday which meant I had to go food shopping. Jerry always left just enough to get our usual food shop and never a penny more. It didn't matter if I needed anything he would do that so I would have to ask him for money. He loved the fact I didn't have a penny to my name, so I would as he put it 'always need him'

While I was packing away the last of the shopping my phone rang, I couldn't answer it so had to leave it to ring. Once I was outside I checked the missed call, Shit it was Jerry. I got a nervous feeling in my stomach. Quckily I rang him back, as I listened to the rings I started to sweat. I knew he was going to be so mad. "hey baby girl, everything OK? You didn't answer when I called?" WTF he was being nice and sounded like my Jerry again, a tear slid down my cheek. "H.. Hi yeah I'm fine, I was just packing shopping" i whispered still in shock. "I was hoping you would be still out shopping. I've got lunch free and wanted to take you out for lunch" he sang down the phone "but I've got all the shopping with me" I couldn't believe my ears. We hadn't been out to lunch for what felt like forever, and he hadn't spoken to me so nicely in the same amount of time I couldn't help it tears were streaming down my face and I didn't care, he was back my Jerry was coming back. "that's alright, by time you get here I will be done and we can quickly take it home and then go to lunch, how does that sound?" I sniffed and wiped my eyes "I... I.. Would love that Jerry" I said smiling. "good, see you soon baby. And Amethyst?" oh no my heart sank what was it he was going to say. "yes Jerry" I said calmly not wanting to ruin this. "I love you" and with that he hung up. I was too shocked to move, too shocked to breath for a moment.

After a few minutes I was able to move. I picked up the shopping bags not caring that they were heavy and walked the 20 mins it took to reach the car dealership Jerry worked at.

I hurried to his office nervous but just as excited. As I got to the door I could hear talking, I could make out Jerry but there was also a female voice, my heart quickened in my chest and my hands were sweating making my grip on the shopping bags loosen. I took a deep breath and tried to see reason she was probably just a colleague and then I heard Jerry say "no, I can't see you anymore. It's over!" I stumbled backwards and into a desk and with that dropped the bags the pain in my back had nearly dropped me to my knees. He was cheating on me, Jerry was cheating on me. I couldn't breath, I needed to get out of here.

As I was about to bend down and pick up the bags a man was just reaching me and had a concerned look on his face. "you OK, do you need me to help you pick up your bags" he paused for a second then continued "you seem to be in pain, and as beautiful as you are you don't look so good" his deep voice washed over me like smooth silk. "n.. No no I'm OK. I can manage. Thank you" I wishpered and with that Jerry's office door opened and that little skank walks out all legs and blonde hair. I felt sick, I just wanted to go home. Jerry's eyes locked with mine and then to my shoulder where the man had his hand I hadn't realised till now and I pulled away and picked the bags up and walked to Jerry, as he moved to the side I walked into his office and put the bags down.

Jerry slammed the door and walked over to me just glaring at me.

After what felt like hours he spoke. "why was he touching you, do you know him?" I was still shocked at what I had heard and couldn't form a real sentence "I... I.. But.. You was.. No" I said quietly he came to stand right in front of me and reached for my face, I automatically flinched and pulled away from his touch. But he just cupped my face in his hand. I leaned into his touch missing this simple touch his hand was warm but felt alien to me now. All ive known from him in months was aggression and pain. I couldnt understand what I saw in his eyes, was it pain, guilt!

As he moved his hand away he spoke "Amethyst.... I'm sorry." was he about to tell me about his affair my stomach had a knot in it as I braced myself for what was next. "I know that we have been, distant lately and I've been.....abit hands on and I've hurt you. Really hurt you. But I found a picture of us today when it fell out the cupboard and smashed I picked it up and saw how happy you was then, your smile reached your eyes, it doesn't anymore and that's because of me, i know. On my drive to work I had time to think about us and I want to try and fix things. I want to be the man you deserve" id sunk to the chair behind me by time he was done talking. My feelings were all over the place I didnt know how to feel. Tears started to fall yet again, he wanted to fix things, did he still love me then?  But after what I'd heard I just couldn't concentrate "say something please, it's not to late to fix things. Let me try. You still love me don't you?" he was starting to raise his voice. I moved my gaze to him and spoke "Jerry... I heard you... I know you've been.... sleeping with her" I choked out. Rage filled his eyes "I just spilled my guts to you and said sorry and that I want to fix things and THATS what you come out with!! You don't know anything, fuck you Amethyst. Fuck this marriage, why did I bother trying to sort it out." he shouted down to me

"I want to fix this too.... But... I heard you... Jerry please can we go.... I don't know how much more... I can take. I want to go home. We... Can talk there" I said in between sobs. Running his hand thru his hair and pacing the small space in his office, he looked like he was in pain and torn up about something. "just get out, go home... I... You should go" he said calmly and went to his desk. I knew better than to keep on at him. So I grabbed the bags and stood up, not letting him see that I was in pain. I walked out of his office and out the dealership. As I rounded the corner I took some deep breaths. Thinking to myself I needed out, I needed to leave him. A car stopped at the side of the road, a brand new car. The window rolled down and then I was met with ocean blue eyes and that deep silky voice "let me take you home" I just nodded, too tired emotionally and physically to talk. I gave him my address once I'd settled into the seat. He smelled amazing, I glanced at him while he concentrated on driving he was handsome like the models in magazines were, dark brown hair just grazing his forehead, straight nose, perfect jaw line, a light dusting of facial hair and plump lips. Wow he was a god. Ive always thought Jerry was gorgeous but this guy was just wow. "my names Axel and your Amethyst, right?" of course he knew my name Jerry shouted loud enough. "yeah, thanks for taking me home" I said quietly so quietly I didn't know if he heard me because he didn't say anything. "I'm sorry if you heard any of that. Me and Jerry have had some problems in our marriage lately" why was I telling him this. "sorry... I shouldn't have said anything" I said again. Tears threatened to spill again. I turned to look out the passenger side window so he didn't see me let a few tears out. I stiffened when I felt his hand on my knee. "you don't have anything to apologise for. I didn't hear much. And besides I was drawn to you well before you entered his office. Now do you need me to help you with your bags?" he said softly as we pulled up to the house. I couldn't form any words just stared into his blue eyes and felt so relaxed I didnt wanna move. I never felt relaxed anymore. But he just had a aura of calm and I wished I could stay here. But I knew I couldn't. So I just shook my head and opened the door to get out when I heard his gasp I turned around and saw his eyes dart from my back "did he do that to you, does he.... Amethyst does he abuse you?" shit I had to get inside and away from him. I jumped out the car and shut the door, ran to the boot of the car and opend it but before I could finish getting my shopping he was beside me. "please let me help you" "no no it doesn't matter I'm used to it, it's mostly my fault anyway I do stuff wrong and he doesn't mean it" I rammled on like I was trying to talk my way out of a crime. He stopped me. With a hand on my face, warm and soft and gently. "I meant with the bags" he smiled. I stepped back so he could help carry them to the house. Once he'd put them on the kitchen side he went to talk then stopped and walked towards the front door. "thank you again and sorry" I sighed and looked anywhere but in his eyes. "please don't apologise, you have nothing to apologise for and it's my pleasure. Just know that if you ever need help, there is help out there. I would leave you my number but I know that wouldn't go down well so... Please if you need me for anything just look up Starr children's home and you will be able to find my number" as I watched his lips while he spoke I found myself wondering what they would feel like against my skin. "I... I... Don't know what to say.... I'm OK honestly and thank you. Please go now" and with that he brushed his hand down my arm sending goosebumps up my arm. I watched as he gracefully climbed in his car and drove off.

A/N THANKS FOR READING. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO LET ME. KNOW WHAT YOU THINK AND IF YOU WOULD LIKE MORE. If there any mistakes, please be kind