Overthinking
Cleo
As I sit at my vanity table, looking at myself in the mirror I’m not sure how to feel. Tonight could be really interesting. My co-worker fell in love with my best friend through photos and after years of waiting, I finally set them up on a blind date earlier this year. Needless to say, the date went very well because tonight I’m going to their engagement party.
The last time I was at an engagement party it was my own, I thought I was blissfully happy but two months after that everything came crashing down. My fiance cheated on me with his secretary. He was an older man and I thought he hung the moon.
My parents approved - my father practically hand-picked Pete for me. Pete has political ambitions and my father is nothing if not political. I think he thought if I was close to Pete, he would be too. He wanted to pull strings and make himself more important but he was my Daddy, I couldn’t see how wrong it was.
It seemed like my whole future was laid out in front of me. When it all turned to dust I was left standing alone in the rubble. My father wanted me to stay with Pete, even after he knew about his infidelity. Mom took his side. At least that’s how I feel because ever since I ended that relationship my parents hardly talk to me.
I don’t know what I was thinking then, now I would never date someone like Pete. All of the signs were there. I know there have to be good guys out there but I haven’t met one in a really long time - at least not one that was interested in me.
Being engaged, or even in a serious relationship seems like another life now. I didn’t even know my bestie Bri then, but now she is like my sister.
So, even though I have all that stuff in the back of my mind, I’m so happy for Briala and Grayson too. They are both such good people who truly deserve each other. I can’t let my triggers take away from their happiness.
More anxiety comes from the fact that I don’t know what to expect from the party. It is being held at Grayson’s parent’s house, the Beauregard Estate. The Beauregards are incredibly wealthy and I’m sure there will be a lot of important people there tonight.
My gut sinks, and I feel my stomach roll - could Pete be there tonight? He does pal around with those old money types.
I’ve always known Grayson came from money but he’s so down to earth that it’s easy to forget. Instead of worrying about networking like I usually would at an event like this, I’m more worried about the personal impression I’ll make. I hope that I will be able to get along with everyone and fit in alright. I haven’t felt great about myself lately and I really need a win.
Earlier this month, my ex-boyfriend Dave fell for someone he works with and we broke up. Ever since then, I’ve felt pretty shit about myself. It seems like I can’t keep a man no matter how hard I try. I’ve lost my last two relationships just because they couldn’t be trusted at work.
It’s easy to feel unlovable. I try to pretend that I don’t care and that I don’t want a relationship, but deep down it’s because I’m so afraid of getting hurt again.
Everyone always leaves so what is the point of even starting something?
That’s what I think but in my heart, I know I’m lonely. I want to find love and companionship so I have to keep putting myself out there.
Either way, talking to myself and looking at my dark, sad eyes in the mirror isn’t helping anything. So I take a moment to compose myself then go about the process of taking my rollers out.
I’m going for classic beauty tonight. Usually, I’d push the boat out with a sexy mini dress but I think this is the perfect event to feel like a princess. It’s not very often your best friend has a ball in her honor.
After fumbling around in my closet I finally decided on a dress to wear, a beautiful blue gown that I’ve had since college. I think I bought it for a formal or something but it feels like the right thing for tonight. The floral details are kind of like the dress Bri is wearing and with the way the waist cinches in I still feel pretty hot. This will do, it’s Briala’s night, I’m just there for moral support anyway.
Now that my short dark hair is curled to perfection and my cheekbones are nice and contoured I feel so much better about tonight. There is something to be said about dressing up, it’s a nice self-esteem boost to see yourself all shiny.
I’m not dense either. I’ve thought about the fact that there could be eligible bachelors there tonight. I’m in no position to waste the chance to meet someone special.
After one last look over in the mirror, I called a car and after it arrived, we headed toward the Beauregard Estate. I’ve been to this area of town before but not very often. As a contract law attorney, I’ve had some clients with money but none quite like the Beauregards.
As we roll up to the estate it’s even more beautiful than I imagined. I’ve seen photos of the home before but the grounds are gorgeous and immaculately kept. When we round the main circle of the drive it’s easy to see that the stately house is swarming with people.
There are tons of cars and people buzzing around outside so instead of waiting in line, I just let the driver drop me off at the end. I walk up to the front door where a doorman greets me warmly and once I give him my name he lets me inside.
When I step into the foyer it is bustling with people. Classical music streams from a piano and chatter fills the air. Upon scanning the room I don’t recognize anyone so I walk around the space trying to get my bearings.
I climb the vast steps up to the second floor but I’m still coming up short. Somehow I thought this would be like a company event and I’d find the partners to chat up, but there are so many people here it’s hard to find them.
Just when I feel really out of place I see Briala and Grayson walk in. I walk carefully down the stairs, no one needs to see me trip on my skirt and fall on my face. I wrap my arms around Briala, then hug Grayson, and Briala’s mom in turn.
Briala is wearing a beautiful pink evening gown with flowers all over it, she’s practically glowing. The scene is only made cuter by Grayson wearing a matching pink tie with his dark blue suit.
“Wow fancy pants, this is quite a party,” I laugh playfully.
Bri’s cheeks pink up, “Don’t tease me, I’m having a hard time.”
“Nope, you deserve this, you’re the star of the show,” I assure her, moving her long brown hair off her shoulder.
Grayson’s mom comes over, pulls him and Briala away, and starts skirting them around the room making introductions.
Now I’m left alone with Bri’s mom, good thing we’re so close, “Sharon! It’s so good to see you,” I say as I wrap my arms around her again.
She hugs me tightly, “You too sweetheart, how is everything?” She gives me a comforting pat on the back.
Sharon smells just like a remember, a comforting scent of lavender and vanilla. She’s a beautiful woman with porcelain skin, warm brown eyes, and hardly a gray hair on her head but tonight, she looks breathtaking in a mint green sheath dress.
Now that my parents are standoffish, and everything is political at home, I don’t fit in. Sharon is like a second mother to me.
“Same old, same old,” I fib, even though I want to spill my guts about everything I’m feeling.
Briala is her daughter, she deserves to have fun tonight too, I can’t drag her down with my worries.
“Let’s get a drink and catch up,” she says with a smile, reaching for my arm to stay close in the crowd.
After we locate a bar and get drinks we find a spot out of the way to chat.
“So tell me about Grayson, I heard you have your hands in this,” Sharon’s smile reveals she’s pretty happy about the situation.
“Oh, well, he really is a dream, I wouldn’t have set them up if he wasn’t,” I try to reassure her.
Sharon looks at me with intense eyes, “Why Briala?”
I think I get where she’s coming from but she doesn’t know them the way I do, “He loves her, I don’t know how to explain it, he saw the photos of her in my office and he’s been pining for her ever since. I had to wait for her to get rid of Justin before I introduced them.”
Her face lights with realization, “So this has been going on a long time?”
“They haven’t been together very long but he’s loved her since before he met her,” I try to reassure Sharon further. Her eyes bulge a little.
Leave it to me to put my foot in my mouth but if I didn’t believe in Grayson I wouldn’t have introduced him to Bri so I add, “I’ve seen him go years without dating just to get to Briala.”
“Wow,” Sharon beams at me, “All I want is for her to be happy and I can see that she is.”
Bri’s mom seems sold so I try to drive it home, “She is and so is he, they are perfect for each other.”
“And how are you doing?” Her eyes scan my face like she’s reading a book.
Sharon knows me better than my own mother, so it’s hard to hide anything from her. It’s like she can sense what’s bubbling just beneath the surface. Sharon has always been wonderful in any situation, but I know she’ll tell Bri whatever I say. I’ve been hesitant to tell Bri how I’m really feeling because I don’t want to rain on her parade.
I try to talk around it, “I’m hanging in there, work is busy but going well.”
She looks disappointed when she says, “No romance?”
I can’t lie to Sharon so I admit, “I was seeing someone for a while but it didn’t work out. I’m fine though, I do better on my own.”
She’s giving me sad eyes and I don’t want to do this right now.
I know she just got home from a mission trip so it’s easy enough to change the subject, “What about you, how was Africa?”
“Incredible as always,” she beams, “With the kids, it’s always very moving and I feel like I made a difference, but being back on my home turf is pretty nice too.”
After that, our conversation just continued to flow. I love hearing Sharon’s stories about her trips to Africa. I keep telling myself I’m going to go with her one day. One day when I’m not so focused on work. Either way, this is a cushy spot for now. Having a drink and catching up with Sharon is something I can do all night.
