1
“Say not in grief that she is no more but say in thankfulness that she was. A death is not the extinguishing of a light, but the putting out of the lamp because the dawn has come.”
TW: Mentions of suicide. Foul language.
Fixing broken glass.
Picking up shards, putting them back together, cutting your hands, making them painfully bleed. Dried blood stains remain on the fixed shards, a reminder to all the hurt you had to go through.
And that’s how I felt when I tried to fix you. That’s how I felt when I tried to help you. That’s how I felt when you pushed me away.
I love you, Amelia. You should know that. I love you so damn much.
But you should know, it feels so hard to bear your burdens along with mine. You should know that I’m not as strong as you think. You should know that I’ve crossed way past my limit.
I hate you. For making me bear these burdens alone when we promised to be together forever. For making me feel so lonely and guilty when we promised to never make each other feel that way. I hate you for breaking your promises and I can never forgive you for crushing my whole world.
Amy... Why did you have to go out that day? Just why!? Why did you smile at me and say everything was fine when in reality you were not? Why did you have to carve yourself into my heart when you already planned to hollow it out? Why did you want to hurt me this bad? What did I do to deserve all this pain?
I remember everything from last year like it was yesterday. You ask me why? I remember all the ugly, agonizing details beacuse I relive it everyday. Like a film playing on loop in my head. Over and over again till I get so exhausted from everything and pass out. For a year, Amy, this has been my routine. And you were there everyday. Watching me as I went through with all the agony. You didn’t say anything. You didn’t make me feel any better. You just watched me live in misery.
I am a man of my word. I keep my promises. But sometimes even the strongest man can lose faith in himself. And once they do, they’re destructive. Like the fallen angels. Exiled from heaven onto earth. They lost their faith and brought out destruction in their wake. I’m nearing my fall. I can just sense it. Amy. If you can do something about it, please do. Please help. I tried fixing everything I could. You should be fine. I know you are, but... why can’t you help me out as well?
Just talk to me. That’s all I ask of you.
Please.
I love you, Amelia.
Please.
Please, talk to me.
