Do I Wanna Know?

It was dark in the room when the clock on the nightstand marked 3 a.m.

Alexis wasn't sleeping though. She was sitting on the edge of the mattress, one hand running through her unruly hair and an unmade bed resting behind her quietly. Those sheets seemed to be keen on unraveling a story, one that Alexis was unwilling to accept and even less inclined to admit to herself.

'Everything was fine'- that was her comforting mantra.

'Everything was okay' was her murmur whispered to the ceiling during her sleepless nights, holding onto the pillow with force against her chest, her whole being consumed by an unlikely heat for mid-December.

That disheveled bed was the only witness to those restless nights that kept her company for the last week. Sleep didn't come easy and when it did, even her dreams were haunted by a familiar guitar riff, looping in her subconscious as if to mock her.

Alexis ran her hands on both her cheeks, finding them scolding hot and lined with tears that she didn't recall crying.

The worst part was that sadness wasn't responsible for them, oh no, far from it.

They were an excruciating result of a far more tainted desire, something that made her cling to her duvet with intensity.

Not for nothing, she was jolted awake by a particularly vivid dream, the ghost of a pair of steamy lips still grazing her neck, like a mark. The young woman brushed against her fingers against her throat, trembling.

She had been well aware for a while that she was deeply attracted to Derek and she could make her peace with that kind of feeling; it was pure and simple, carnal desire, nothing deeper than that.

She could handle it and keep going on with her life with reassuring serenity. More or less.

Nevertheless, Alexis had known for a while that the situation had exceeded the status quo, evolving into an overwhelming mess. She didn't feel in control of her emotions and her secrets kept screaming to come to the surface. She sensed it every time she had one more drink than usual during her nights out: words were begging to run rampant and to end her torments.

On the other hand, Alexis firmly believed that it would have been the equivalent of a tumble off a cliff more than the relief of finally being free of that suffocating feeling that caught her off guard every time she thought too much about him. Every time it happened she was wary and careful to build a boundary wall around her heart meticulously.

It was tiring, it was frustrating.

It was crushing.

She wasn't sure why she was taking it badly: never once in her entire life had she been petrified by a crush.

The woman found herself chuckling without glee, covering her mouth with both her hands: defining it "a crush" was a crude insult to her intelligence.

It had never been "just a crush" with Derek.

The feelings she harbored were profound and left no escape, she was a moth doomed to be inevitably drawn to the flame.

She rubbed her tired eyes with the palms of her hands, scoffing at her dramatics. Was she back to point zero, to the scared little girl of the first year? So scared of having fallen in love with someone unexpected- her best friend? Paralyzed by the fear of not being reciprocated and ruining one of the cardinal relationships in her life, triggering a domino effect that would lead to her being alone once again?

Oh, her best friend Leighton would have kicked her ass-verbally of course- if she could have heard those thoughts and with good reason. And what would she have to say about her insomnia in the past week?

What about the way she left the pub with her tail between her legs after listening to Derek that song in particular?

Whether he did it on purpose or not, he hit a perfect mark and struck a nerve.

To be completely honest, Alexis suspected-she was almost sure- that nothing about that night was coincidental, to the choice of that particular night down to the tracks. She mindlessly stroked her head, letting her hands glide over her curls turned frizzy by humidity. She flattened them down with nervous strokes.

Alex Turner must have found himself in a pretty shitty situation at some point if he came up with the inspiration for that damn song. Or maybe not, nothing is certain.

She pulled at her hair lightly: she wasn't making sense. Alexis was quite sure that the lack of sleep was mining her clarity of mind and made her mind run wild towards incoherence with open arms. She gulped down a bit of water straight from the bottle close to the bed, letting her body slide down to the floor, back against the bedframe.

She sighed deeply with her head lying against the mattress, ogling the ceiling with defeat in her eyes.

She was so busy throwing insults at herself and mumbling Arctic Monkey's "Do I Wanna Know?" that she almost jumped out of her skin when her phone vibrated.

She brought one hand to her chest trying to calm down her crazy heart before reaching for her phone, muttering "damn notifications" under her breath.

Alexis unlocked her phone unconcerned, anticipating it was just a simple Instagram notification.

As soon as she scrolled down, her phone slipped out of her hand and landed with a dull thud, the noise muffled by the carpet.

Her pulse started galloping like crazy while the blue led mocked the woman with a new incoming message.

It was almost 3 am on a random Thursday, who could be the other crazy one being up so late?

She felt her heart skipping a bit, running wild as if reminding her she knew the answer perfectly. The young woman only got a glimpse of the initial of his name and it was all she needed to understand.

She tapped her fingers on her knees in an anxious rhythm, glaring at her phone like at any given minute it could have hurled at her and mauled her.

It vibrated another time before the incoming call screen popped on. It lasted a few seconds at best then the room darkened again.

On the verge of panting, she seized the phone as though it was a grenade. She felt a bit silly for her reaction on the edge of over-dramatism.

There were two messages from Derek.

He felt the need to make sure she understood there wasn't any mistaking: the second text said something along the lines of 'I know you're still awake Lexi, I just can almost feel it. Can we talk? Unless I'm bothering you, which is not my intention, I swear.'

It was a difficult interpretation, was he drunk or did he simply lose his wits?

While Alexis was stalling, a third text came through.

Her mouth went dry.

Before she could read it, another call came in. From Derek again. It vibrated for a few infinite seconds until Alex mustered the courage to slide the green button and answer him.

'Hey, hi' she said with a hesitant note in her voice.

She heard a deep sigh on the other side, a pause charged with emotions barely restrained.

Alexis bit down on her lower lip, the fire of anticipation menacing of burning her alive.

'I really don't want to sound like a pervert or a stalker right now, but I reckon it's going to be inevitable' Derek started saying, almost resigned, before stopping to ponder his next words. 'But... I'm in the parking lot close to your home with two beers. Would you like to come downstairs to talk?'

It was her turn to sigh, probably the first of many for that night. Her heart hammered in her chest again at the thought of Derek, night, and sighs in the same sentence. She closed her eyes, shaking her head to chastise her thoughts, nails digging into her palms while trying to get every possible scenario involving those three words out of her head in vain.

The seconds stretched out lazily, but Alexis's mind didn't manage to quiet down and get the control back, her feelings were taking up space in her chest screaming bloody murder for her attention.

One memory in particular was flashing like a movie beyond her closed eyelids: last weekend's concert at Cherry's Beat.

Not even in her wildest dreams Alexis pictured the night ending with her cowardly flight from the place, her defenses brutally murdered on the floor of her friend's circle favorite pub.