Swords and Gods

-- Axton --

Four years prior

Juniper gripped my arm tightly as I guided her back to the castle. Each step she made became increasingly hesitant as nerves set into her petite frame. Her gaze darted past me toward the iron railing that separated the path we were walking on and the abrupt cliffside that overlooked the river below. Tiny bumps rose from the porcelain skin on her forearms as the sharp, winter breeze rippled over the narrow walkway – in my anxious ignorance, I couldn’t tell if she was cold or afraid.

I forced myself to keep my eyes ahead of us. Convinced myself not to look at her large, doe-shaped chestnut orbs or the long strands of dark brown hair that fell from her loosely woven braids. My sheer determination prevented me from gazing at how her gray and green floral-printed dress hugged her waist and exposed the front of her slender thighs before cascading down to the ground behind her.

Even dressed so casually, the youngest Princess of Tortura was a marvel of beauty and grace. She was so breathtakingly perfect that it was hard to imagine anything in the world could be as gorgeous as she was.

Get yourself together, moron, I scolded myself. Just keep walking.

I have to tell her, though. I have to say something before I leave. Just… Anything at all.

I officially signed the orders that morning. Finally passed all of my medical checks and training proficiencies, along with the years of scolding and punishment for enlisting in the Guard at such a young age – and without completing the formal education that I was fortunate enough to have been allowed access to. The new Sergeant badge I had been bestowed that morning was firmly pinned to the sleeve of my uniform jacket and felt heavy against my arm. The gold insignia carried a source of pride just as much as it foreshadowed my daunting fate – to join the war front in Angatha.

Dad would be proud.

Juniper froze as we reached the first turn in the path. The most narrow of them all, it also had the steepest drop down the cliff to the river. It was a good fifty-foot plunge into what would surely be an icy cold death if one were to tumble over the railing. Not many people took this path. It was occasionally sought after by a few soldiers desperate enough to find some solitude or secret meetings, but the route was far from being selected for regular commute. And I could practically hear Queen Abigale scolding me for traveling this way, let alone bringing her daughter on such a dangerous route.

But it was the only sure way I knew how to get her alone, without other people lurking about who might listen in to me stumbling through words as I prepared to spill my guts.

Her fingers trembled as they adjusted around my right bicep. The movement caused my heart to jostle within my ribcage. Butterflies released themselves from the caverns of my stomach as I caught the scent of lavender and rose. My throat tightened as I turned to her.

“Are you okay?” I asked, finally turning to face her.

She stared blankly at the water down below, watching the waves crash against the jagged rocks that made up the cliff face. Her brother, Silas, and I had always made jokes about jumping off of them in the summer, but every year when the summer came, we had always chickened out – too afraid of the pointed edges of stone that would have likely impaled us.

“Y-Yeah. I’m f-fine.” Her airy voice squeaked with tremors. She shifted her feet, stepping behind me as though she expected my large frame would hide her from her phobia of falling. “W-Why did we come this way?”

I ran a hand through my freshly cut hair, cringing slightly at the absence of my familiar mahogany brown curls. “It’s quicker than going through the city.” I jerked my head toward the tall stone walls of the castle ahead of us. “It’s a straight path from the temple instead of having to weave between streets and crowds of people.”

June nodded and slowly tilted her head to look at me, her face blanched with fear. “Mother always told me not to come this way.”

“Yeah,” I sighed and placed my hand on hers. “But I’m here with you. And I promise I’m not going to let you fall.” I loosened my grip and took a slight step toward the railing, keeping her on the side of the path closest to the stone wall to our right. “If anyone falls, it would be me.”

Juniper rolled her eyes and shook her head. “That doesn’t make me feel better, Axton.”

My heart froze mid-beat as she tightened her grip on my arm and pulled me closer. Her sweet, floral scent once again swept through the air around us in a dance as graceful as she was. A delighted grin crept across my face – our whole lives, my inability to control the urge to smile was one of the many flaws I succumbed to around her.

That and how I had been too much of a pussy to tell her how I felt.

“We can stop for a moment if you want. Just take in the view.” I gestured toward the sky above us.

The weather was pleasantly fair and mild for a winter afternoon in Tortura. The chill that cooled us was a gentle breeze from the oceanside to the west. The capital city of Rumyr sat at a higher elevation than many of the other cities in the kingdom and, therefore, was more exposed to the wind which pushed large, feathery clouds through a crystal clear, blue sky.

I glanced around at the scenery, taking it in. There was no telling when I would see Rumyr or Tortura again. Or if I would ever see it again. Silas and I were to be on the next shipment of soldiers heading east into Angatha in a week. To fight in the war that had started when we were barely toddlers. One that had already claimed the lives of hundreds of thousands of soldiers all over the continent of Varanthe.

There was a possibility that I would be one of them.

Especially since I was human, unlike Silas.

Unlike Juniper.

Her Devine energy vibrated gently against the path, reverberating through the air between us. I turned to see her watching me, studying me. Sadness darkened her eyes as though she, too, was filled with the same strain of worry and dread that I was. She snapped her attention down and began fussing with the sleeve of her dress, a rose hue freckling her cheeks. Taking a deep breath, I dared to tuck a lock of her hair behind her ear.

“Talk to me,” I coaxed gently. “Tell me what’s wrong. I know there’s something else than just you being afraid of being near the cliffs.”

Silence blanketed us. It was a stillness that I wasn’t used to with her. Though June was much more docile and gentle than her siblings, there still was a curious quirk about her. A genuine interest in the world around her and the people that inhabited it. A desire to connect with just about every creature the gods had created.

“Are you afraid?” she asked softly, her voice barely a breath in the quiet surrounding us.

“Yeah,” I answered honestly. “A bit.”

“N-Not… Not a lot?”

Another gust of wind swept through the trail, enticing another shiver from her. I slid off my jacket and pulled it over her petite frame. Those chestnut orbs once again rose to meet mine, capturing me in such a way that my knees threatened to buckle from under me.

Tell her. Fucking tell her!

My chest tightened as words jumbled within my throat. I forced my hands to remain still, shoving them in my pockets as I stepped back.

Vulnerability was never something I was comfortable with. Not since Dad died, and the entire city watched me under a lens of pity and despair laced with reminders of his accomplishments. They all seemed to be waiting to see if I would live up to his legacy – not giving me any other identity than “Mateo’s son.”

“I guess…” I exhaled and looked down at the ground. Her white sneakers seemed so odd standing before the black shined leather of my boots. “I’m more afraid of leaving before I can say what I need to certain people.”

“L-Like who?” she whispered. “Like what?”

My heartbeat echoed in my ears, increasing with every breath I took. Even with the cool air surrounding us, I felt the flush of heat boil underneath my skin. My stomach knotted violently as anxiety tried to take a firm grip on the last shred of bravery I had in that moment.

Just say it.

“You know, June.” I kept my eyes fixed on the cobblestone pathway. “I’ve always found you beautiful.” I dared to lift my gaze to her face. Her pink flush turned a violent crimson as it stretched over her small, pointed nose and toward her ears. “Since we were little kids, and you used to follow Silas and me around the gardens and courtyards. And when we got older… I-I always wanted to tell you. I just… I guess I just didn’t know how.”

June blinked, a look of surprise fixed upon her features.

“I know this is probably the worst time to tell you,” I continued. “But I can’t… I can’t leave and not tell you how I feel.”

June didn’t respond. She just kept looking up at me with wide, shocked eyes. I took another step back, fearful that my towering height was too imposing. That I was making her uncomfortable and intimidated.

“June, if I make it back… alive… I would like to… I don’t know… Maybe we could see each other. As more than just friends.”

Juniper took a small step forward. Her dark irises were no longer clouded with fear of the ledge behind me. Rather, curiosity swirled within them, the faint glimmer of joy at my candid confession. I mirrored her, closing the gap between us, and reached out to brush the back of my index finger against the soft skin of her cheek.

Something inside me flickered to life as a gentle, gleeful smile etched over her lips. It pulled me toward her, closer and closer, until my lips hovered an inch over hers. Juniper swiftly lifted herself onto her toes and grabbed the slope of my chin, planting a deep kiss as I stood dumbfounded and speechless. The taste and feel of her lips against mine refilled me and soothed the anxiety buried in my chest. As though the embrace was a flood of cool water, washing over my senses and settling that raging storm that had brewed within me.

I slid my hands down to her hips, pulling her closer to me as our kiss deepened. Her petite body molded into mine – like puzzle pieces joining together. Yet as Juniper gripped onto the shirt of my uniform tighter, needier, I felt that surge of apprehension rise in my throat again. Worry quickly darkened the elation I felt.

The sudden reminder that I was about to leave for war.

That I might not make it back.

She whimpered blissfully as my tongue swept across her bottom lip, but as she parted her mouth for me, I pulled back and lifted my chin to rest on the top of her head.

“Axton?” June pressed against my chest. I looked down to see her eyes narrowed underneath her gathered brow.

“We can’t.” I loathed myself for having to deny her. Deny us. “Not yet.”

“Wh-What do you mean?” She stepped back from me. I darted my glance away as tears beaded on her bottom lashes. “Why?”

I exhaled and closed my eyes. “I’m… I’m afraid of starting something and me not coming back.” My heart ached as the words left my lips. “I’m afraid of you hurting the way my mother hurts. I don’t want to leave you as broken as she was after my father died.” I looked down at her and cupped her face gently in my palm. “But I swear to you, June, before the gods, if I come home, I want nothing more than to have that moment with you. If you’ll let me.”

Tears trickled down her cheeks, and I gently swept away the first droplets with my thumbs as I cupped the sides of her face. The sight of her bottom lip quivering pained me like nothing I had ever experienced in my eighteen years of life. But as I looked into her eyes, I suddenly saw a faint glimpse of every future I had ever desired.

Every dream I could ever fathom.

As though the gods she believed in had reached down and given me an image of a world they had designed solely for me and her.

“Come home,” June whispered.

I kissed her forehead softly and whispered into her skin, “I will. I’ll make sure that I will.”