Prologue
Prologue
Melody
I lay in my bed staring at the ceiling. I don’t know how long I’ve been in this position. It could be minutes, it could be hours, hell with the way my life is going it could even be days. I can’t remember when life started feeling this way. Like everyday just blends into the next. Everyday is the exact same. You watch everyone else living their lives with a smile plastered on their face and you envy them. You even hate them sometimes. How can they make life look so easy, so enjoyable, when you struggle every single day to even pull yourself out of bed. I can’t say it’s pain or sadness that I feel, I think its the absence of any type of feeling or emotion that makes the days drag by. As i lay here staring at the ceiling, I try and convince myself that everything is fine. That I’m fine, but the numbness in my heart stops me from even having the ability to feel fine. What the hell is wrong with me? If I can’t be happy, I should at least be able to settle with feeling fine.
Settle. That’s a word that leaves a gross taste in my mouth. Is that what I’m doing right now? Am I settling? I can’t help but think about what I could possibly be missing out on while I spend my life settling. I’m not happy, I don’t feel loved, I don’t feel heard or understood, so why the hell am I still here? I don’t want to be here anymore but it’s just so hard to get out of this damn bed.
Dominic
I have this recurring nightmare of being buried alive. I’m surrounded by darkness, my chest is being weighed down while my lungs fill with dirt. I want to fight, I want to scream but it’s pointless. No one can hear me, no one is coming to save me. I force myself to wake up and when I snap back to consciousness, the feeling never goes away. I am still in that hole in the ground, slowly suffocating. Silently begging to be saved.
I don’t know how I let my life get like this. I crave normalcy like I crave a cigarette. I watch everyone else happy in their relationships. I watch them laugh and make countless memories together and my heart aches at the number of happy memories I have. If i’m being totally transparent I think I could count them on one hand. I don’t want to constantly be complaining about my life when I know there is many people out there who got it a lot worse than me but fuck all I’m asking for is fresh air. I don’t want to be buried in darkness anymore.
