Diary Entry 1
They tried to control me. They tried to make me feel as if I was nothing. I tried not to listen. I did. To make sure they couldn't determine my fate.
I sit here writing this in the only place I feel completely safe. In the warm embrace of the person I love. I know I will not be judged or hurt. I am writing this to process what I have been through.
They made me feel as if I was weak. As if I had commited a crime by just being alive. I tried to do better. To do better for myself. To be better, to live up to their impossible standards.
I failed time and time again, for I could never be perfect.
You might be wondering who 'they' is and it is everyone who said they loved me or cared about me.
I wish I could be an equal. To not be judged by others and to not have to live up to someonelse standards.
It took a toll on me. Mentally and physically. I starved myself, pushed myself to the brink of destruction just so I could feel good enough.
I have left those people in my past and hope to never have another encounter with them again.
They looked at me and said I was unworthy of their love.
This included my family close and distant and the people that called themselves my friends.
To anyone reading this: this is the story of my trauma but it also made me the person I am today. For that I will be forever grateful. Without them, I never would have met the love of my life or gotten to where I am today.
Thank you to all those who hated on me, I would not be where I am today without you. Loving myself in my own skin and being able to love someone else who loves me just as much.
