Julia.

August 1991.

Southern California.

I was looking back on my life.

And all the things I’ve done to me.

I’m still looking for the answers.

And I’m still searching for the key.

The wreckage of my past keeps haunting me.

It just won’t leave me alone.

I still find it all a mystery.

Could it be a dream?

The road to nowhere leads to me.

Ozzy Osborne.

Heh, gonna finally nail this stupid drunken cunt…

I tossed Dana’s panties onto the motel room floor, then tossed her onto the bed, just like I had flung her sixteen-year-old version into a swimming pool in my senior year, a whole decade ago. She had gained twenty or so pounds since then, mostly on her belly and face, but was still relatively small. Though my slim six-foot tall build had practical limits, manhandling women was one of my go-to seduction tactics. It occasionally frightened or turned the woman off, but that was a risk I was willing to take, particularly with one I did not give a flying fuck about.

Dana bounced once on the soft king size mattress and squirmed in delight. “Oooo! Just throw me around, Ray. I love it.”

Heh…

I lifted a pale ankle to my shoulder, admiring her fluffy, well-trimmed dark bush in the dimmed light. It coordinated well with her brunette Business Woman pageboy cut, a sharp contrast to the mid-back, feathered, Farrah Fawcett style she had adopted in 1981. “So fucking hot, Dana. Just like I remember you.”

It was only a partial lie. I had never considered her as more than objectively cute in the three years we spent together in marching band. Back then, Dana was a slender, long-legged, plain-faced junior with a huge Roman nose, and only her bubbly ass had stood out to me. However, for some odd reason, me and my friends had all found her immensely sexy. That had not changed one bit, and my cock surged with excitement.

Dana’s better looking now than most of our classmates who really let themselves go…

She sat up on the bed. “Oh! Ray! You know, I kind of had a crush on you back then.”

Bullshit. You despised me, bitch…

Emotions, especially hateful ones, always hit my face before I could contain them or look away. Dana knew that first hand.

Unhooking her bra served as a placating gesture. “I’m not lying, Ray. I mean, yeah, you got me drunk and tried to take advantage of me in the pool house, but I wasn’t really pissed off. I wouldn’t have been there with you if I didn’t like you. I just wasn’t ready to go that far so quickly, and you made me feel… cheap. Even so, I would have given you another chance.”

Uhh, Dana? I hardly had to twist your arm to drink with me at that cast party. How did it go? Oh, yeah. “Ray, Let’s go have some fun. Do you have any more booze?” Sheesh, talk about rewriting history…

She continued, “But then, you moved onto my best friend, Alison. I’ll admit, that really bothered me. Especially the way you were with her. Sweet, romantic, and all that.”

Dana had done her best to cockblock my brief and unusual relationship with stunning young blonde Alison. For the first time, I realized jealousy might have been a factor.

Alison was special to me. You never were and never will be, Dana. But, hey, look on the bright side. It’s YOU I’m gonna fuck tonight, not her…

Due to confirmed promiscuity, in high school Dana had been widely regarded as pump ’n dump material. Had I been less disrespectful to her at that boozy party, I would have been another notch on her jiggly ass, instead of going home blue-balled. On the other hand, I had learned a valuable lesson.

Don’t tell a slut she’s a slut…

I changed the subject while taking off my clothes, “I’m glad you’re here, Dana.”

With my teenage transgressions apparently forgiven, Dana proudly shed her bra and arched her back, showing off the obvious enhancements. “Do you like them, Ray?”

No. Not at all. For fucks sake…

Having fondled her unnatural-feeling tits on the way to the motel, I knew what to expect, and had preemptively rubbed my forehead, hiding my face for the split second I needed. “Fantastic, Dana. They look great on you.”

Fucking disgusting. Like two coconut halves on her chest. With ugly ass scars along the bottoms. What a waste. I loved Dana’s cute little tits. So pointy and sexy…

Breast implants had never appealed to me. Out of the fifty-something widely varied knockers I had handled, my ex-girlfriend Eve’s ridiculous volleyballs were the only ones that I had hated. I had even stopped beating off to some of my favorite pornstars when they went under the knife.

She cupped them with both hands, a total cliché. “You can thank my ex-husband. He paid for them.”

Ugh. I’m really starting to dislike her. Fortunately my cock doesn’t care about anything but that hairy pussy. Let’s just get this over with…

I grabbed a pre-lubricated condom and knelt on the bed but Dana closed her still great legs. “Wait, Ray. First, can we do… whatever you did to Alison?”

I wagged my finger at her. “Allegedly, Dana. What I allegedly did.”

Her eyes rolled. “Ray, relax. I’m sure the statute of limitations on that age of consent shit passed a long time ago. Besides, you were just a teenager, too. C’mon. Alison wouldn’t tell me what happened, other than, “Oh, my Gawd, Dana. Ray made me, like, come soooo hard.”

I laughed at her spot-on imitation of the Valley Girl accent Alison had picked up in her sophomore year. A little humor from a woman went a long way with me, so I reconsidered my vengeful plan to simply bust a nut in Dana as fast as possible, leaving her unsatisfied in the same way she had left me in the pool house.

Ahh, why not. I sing about forgiveness at Bible studies. Don’t want to be a hypocrite, heh…

Dana had urinated a few minutes ago when we first entered the room, so I forgoed any warnings.

It’s a motel bed. She can squirt all she wants…

“Lay on your belly, Dana. Open your legs.”

Dana obeyed and looked back over her shoulder. “Like this?”

Without her flabby belly and plastic tits showing, Dana’s ripe figure looked as delectable as ever. Though much less firm than its teen rendition, her round, wide ass below a trim waist still primally excited me. I ignored the extensive mottling, just like when I had boldly untied her swimsuit bottom in 1981.

It’s not that bad. She just got her cellulite earlier than other girls…

“I always loved your ass, Dana. Really sexy. Especially in those cute little Dolphin shorts you used to wear.”

I traced my way all over her body, using fingertips, whole hand caresses, and back of the nail teasing.

“Goddamn, that feels good, Ray.”

I laid down next to her and added neck kisses to the mix. “Spit on my thumb, Dana. Get it really wet.”

She more drooled than spat, which worked equally well. Starting at the inside of her thigh, I slowly brushed the hand towards her crotch. Another of my favorite moves was to stop a millimeter from touching a woman intimately, letting her close the distance. Dana didn’t give me the chance. She shifted her whole body, bringing damp pussy lips in contact with my dripping thumb.

Not fully open, I teased up and down her portal, feeling it spread. Dana groaned, “Put it in, Ray.”

Drunk chicks make this shit simple…

It only took two gentle pumps to fully embed my thumb in her, then I searched for the G-spot. She moaned, “Ahhh, that’s so good, Ray.”

Found it. Hmm…

Dana’s extra spongy area was further forward than I expected, which made what I was about to do more challenging. Normally, I would clamp my fingers on a woman’s pubic mound, then rock my whole hand back and forth, with the thumb stroking her G-spot and my palm rubbing her clit. However, Dana’s configuration prevented proper clit stimulation without contorting my thumb joints. I kissed up and down her lightly freckled back while waiting for a solution from my subconscious, intuitive mind.

You’ve got two hands, dumbass…

I turned myself around, resting my head on Dana’s soft ass, then reached under her belly to her waiting clit. I resumed the rocking motion, and she gasped, “Whoa. Fuuuuuccckkk!”

Since my lips were right there, I kissed all over her buttocks. And since her asshole was also right there…

“Dana, hand me the vodka bottle.”

The drink of choice for alcoholic women, she had brought a pint of Grey Goose to the motel. After taking her own swig, not an easy feat from her prone position, she passed it to me. I partially filled my mouth with vodka, diluted it with plenty of spit, then let a bit dribble between her cheeks.

Her hips bucked when the alcohol tingled her asshole. “Ray, what are you doing? Ohhhhhhh!”

With her anus disinfected, I laid my tongue on it, then concentrated on coordinating my hands. “Tell me how you like it, Dana. Faster, or slower, harder or softer.”

About half of the women I had been with were unwilling or unable to provide those simple directions. Dana fell silent for ten seconds, then said, “The speed is just right. Harder inside me and gentle on my button. Mmm. Ray, your tongue? Can you… just a little?”

“Of course.”

I made the necessary hand adjustments, then slipped my hardened tongue tip in her ass, enough to move it in small circles.

She cried out, “That’s… Perfecttttttt, Ray. Keep going, just like that!”

I estimated just under a minute passed when she grabbed a pillow to scream her orgasm song into.

“Haaaaahhhh, Ohhhhhhh, ohhhh, Huuuuuuuhhhhh!”

Fresh wetness covered my hands, and her clenched asshole tried to force my tongue out. I kept at it, and a few seconds later her toes curled and Dana’s thick round thighs shook like mad. She abandoned the pillow and howled, “Ohhhhhhhh, fuuuuuuuccccckkkk!! Oh, my Goddddddd, fuuuuucccckkkk, Rayyyyyy! Hoooooooooooooo! Hoooo!”

Still trembling, Dana rolled out of my grasp and hugged herself. I knew better than to touch a woman who did that until the overstimulation passed, so I rolled a condom on. A minute later she lay flat and reached for my head, then kissed me at length.

“Wow. Ray? You really all did that to Alison? When she was a soph…”

I cut her off. “I’m pleading the fifth, Dana. But here is something I didn’t do to her.”

Roughly, I moved Dana onto her hands and knees, then entered her dripping pussy in one slow thrust. She panted with pleasure and shuddered when my extra thick base stretched her. “You okay, Dana?”

Not that I really care…

“Hoooooo. I am now. Yes. More than okay. It hurt a little at first, but a good hurt, you know. Really good. Go ahead, slam me like I know you want, Ray.”

I don’t need your permission, but if you insist…

My slight upward curve required a particular angle for the straight in and out shot which optimized my pleasure. I forced her legs a little farther apart with my knees, then grasped a fistful of her now messy hair. I clenched my hand a few times to get her used to the delicious scalp pain, then pulled her head up. After Dana’s back arched properly, I grabbed her fleshy hip hard enough to leave marks, but not bruises until the next day.

Don’t worry, Dana, you’ll have plenty of souvenirs when I’m done giving you the hate fucking you earned ten years ago...

Nearly every woman I boned in my twenties had received some level of positive bonding, from simple affection to intense love. However, I also sporadically used sex as an outlet for rage, sorrow, self-hatred, and despair. My girlfriends had all accepted being the occasional cum dumpster, and had even loved seeing all of me.

Unfortunately, my last long-term girlfriend Erica had left me for good nearly four years ago. I rarely had sex with women outside of my work and church social circles, and was wary of the consequences of using them in such a manner. Dana filled the gap between familiar and foreign. She and I had been naked together before, but people change so much from their teens that she was essentially a stranger. I had no idea what she had been doing, other than being married for an unknown period of time, acquiring bolt-on tits, and poisoning her liver.

Nor did I care, as I had no intention of ever seeing Dana again. In fact, I had only gone to the ten year reunion of our marching band’s triumphant sweep of a prestigious national competition in the hopes of an easy lay. Dana was merely one of several likely candidates I had in mind. Just half an hour ago, as soon as I had arrived at the banquet hall, pre-intoxicated Dana had made that process extra easy by rubbing herself on me, drawling. “Damn, Ray. What a hunk you turned out to be.”

My audacious response, “Let’s go to the motel across the street,” had been perfect, and she had giddily followed me to our $49.95 love nest.

Commencing the savage pussy pummeling, I slammed my cock into her. Dana cried, “Holy shit, Ray!”

I had been blessed with a sprinter’s fast-twitch muscles, capable of short bursts of astonishing force. My hips rammed my steel cock not just into her pussy, but through it, literally balls deep, at four thrusts per second.

Just getting warmed up, Babe…

Muttering to myself, I narrowed my eyes and let it all out.

“I fucking hate you, Dana. I should have done this to you in the pool house, held you down and just taken you. And then you tried to keep me from Alison, like I wasn’t good enough for her. You know why I made you feel cheap? Because you were an ugly piece of shit. You’re lucky I looked at you twice back then, with your zitty cheeks, greasy hair, and that humongous beak. And those beady brown eyes, Dumbo ears, witchy chin, and chapped lips. Bitch, I used to beat off to my favorite part of you, those perfect little cone tits, and you fucking ruined them. Unforgivable. I haaaaaaate you, Dana.”

I harshly yanked her head back and growled in her ear. “I’m gonna fucking destroy your pussy, Dana.”

“Oh, my God. Do it, Ray.”

I roared, “Ahhhhhhh, yeahhhhhhhh!”

I forced her face into the mattress, then let go and spanked her ass hard, watching it redden. I latched onto Dana’s hips with iron grips and tripled my assault speed and intensity. Because I am a sick fuck, treating a woman this way can supercharge my pleasure, and within two minutes, an orgasm was already on its way. With only about five seconds before liftoff, I moved onto self-hate.

I’m such a goddamn loser. Instead of valedictorian, I graduated as a pothead. Instead of getting a PhD like Dad, I dropped out of community college. The only thing I’m good at is fucking worthless slags like you, Dana. Here you go, cunt…

“Arrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!”

I had hoped to include sorrow and regret, but my cock had its own agenda. A half week’s worth of jizz ballooned my condom in ten hearty surges. Barely registering, I felt a distinct tingle from Dana’s slurping pussy.

“Ohhhhh, don’t stop, Ray. I’m gonna cum!”

A woman’s orgasm was not an unusual by-product of being hate-fucked, though not at all my goal. I had a vague idea that women loved being the source and recipients of such brutally raw male emotions, but who the fuck really knows.

Chicks are weird…

All my bitterness and rage towards Dana was now harmlessly swimming around in the condom, so my customary generosity in lovemaking took over. I resumed the supreme pounding, giving it just a little more oomph and angling my thrusts downwards for her pleasure.

As if to make up for my previous disdain, I praised, “Goddamn, you’re so beautiful, Dana. I’ve dreamed of this since the first day I saw you.”

“Ahhhhhhhh, I’m cummmmmminggg. Ray! Keep going, fuck meeeeeee!!!”

Her noises were only a little bit overdone, and I appreciated the enthusiasm. So much so that I would have happily given her another climax. However, my cock rapidly softened, ending our session. Remembering her post-release sensitivity, I let her purpling hips go, then rolled off the bed, leaving Dana curled up. She smiled softly at me, then closed her eyes while humming, “Mmmmmmm. Mmmmmm. Mmmmm.”

I watched Dana’s serenity for a moment, then turned away. Normally, during a hate fuck, my worst nature would completely take over. The sublime rush was both something I feared and craved. Yet, this time, everything was much more subdued, a change which gave me pause.

Hmm. Perhaps I’m growing out of my socio tendencies, and can be a decent boyfriend or even a husband now. Huh. Something to think about…

By the time I returned from the bathroom to flush my seed, Dana was still nude, opening her purse. “Whew. I don’t think I’ve ever been fucked like that. I’m going to be sore tomorrow, maybe all week, but totally worth it. Umm, Ray? Did you mean what you said? At the end?”

I doubted Dana cared if it was true. She just wanted to hear it. “Yes, I did.”

“I liked that, Ray. If you ever get married, tell your wife stuff like that. All the time.” She pulled out a business card. “Okay. If you want to get together again, here’s my number. It takes a little planning for me to get a babysitter for the kids, so I can’t do spur of the moment things.”

Kids? Oh, hell no…

“I’ll keep that in mind, Dana. But sure, I’d love to do this again.”

I took the card and read aloud, “Dana Dawkins. Licensed Realtor. Nice.”

She posed, duplicating the very attractive studio picture from her card. Except while naked instead of wearing a business skirt and blouse.

Heh. I bet she fucks her buyers…

We took our time putting on our clothes, sweetened with intermittent kissing. Dana smoothed her dress, which had a clever control panel that slimmed her belly. “If you ever need to buy a house, I’m your gal, Ray. So, are you going back to the reunion?”

“No. I only came here to see you, Dana.”

She cracked up. “Now, that was definitely a lie. But thank you, that was sweet. You’re very unusual, Ray.”

I shrugged, “I get that a lot. Alright, I’m going to check out and take off. Have a great time with the reunion.”

“I will, Ray. Hey, leave me the key, and I’ll pay for the room. There’s some other… people… I haven’t seen in years, you know, and I might use this later.” Dana patted the bed, winked and polished off the vodka.

Wow. She’s gonna have her own band camp…

I kissed and groped her one last time. “Sounds good, Dana. Take care!”

Heh, glad I used a rubber…

Note: Spotify playlist for Julia.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/43uluruFiYiKxsCUt7ib8P?si=ZpceFqHcSUuZpshRlv0Vjw&pi=33n9m-G4SfOgZ

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