Chapter 1
My office was got rid of I had nowhere to write on and my hands were playing me up so shakily I began to write it out. My body is worn away there is no replacement and I am not bionic. Please tell me someone wherever you are why is it time erodes and not creates? If I was able bodied would I feel this way? My body is now torn into something called natural decay. I am not some bouncy woman ready for anything. I am practically prepared for nothing.
Sorry self-pity is not the right manner to write and I am being tiresome. An illiterate tiresome body comes to un-cog your ears. The editions will not get printed and there will be force used to deter further literary efforts.
I am now so used to the slow wraths that come my way it is like I expect them.
But this is not the manuscript I am just speaking for the sake of it. I have been allowed to remain silent for a number of numbing years and now I have bloomed.
There is a show of hands why have I bloomed? I do not know my life was so bleak that now it is some light I want to speak out.
I have to share what made me like I am today.
Myself is included in this deal and yet nobody likes this little me. I am not immune to being unpopular. I am almost done with the issues and all the tears.
You know the lot of us we were in many of my stories just in case you all missed the whole of them. I can comment you must never miss another word it is the worst for you. Sorrow led me to work on the stories of the sorrow of loss and the sorrow that life is never going to happen like I want it to. Many years have got me down. I did not know how down I was feeling now.
To think I am not printable leaves me sorrowful. People dislike pain a painful creature like me just jumps to throttle. I have destroyed some movement they said. I believe in equality. I do.
Peers said they disliked me they said I should be more robust and able-minded and be up for anything. I am almost likable they said when I assert myself.
I think of suits and armor and then fade out there is not much in suits and my suitability is behaving in a faded demure manner. Then I made a move and everybody was surprised a man sat next to me then he had to get away. I did not do anything at all. I was so sweet.
They said, "There is a joke because I bought into the disruption of many major shops." Some of the family own. I am more than surprised and seek to know how and why the man should know so much. He speaks so shattered that he seeks a seat as much as possible to cool himself. I am not surprised by this.
"Whores are in there in the shops,"
"We earn extra money to feed our habits,"
"We are not like that," We all said and spat at the words because we were not going to fall into that sort of life. We were a good family and came from a good family. We had pride.
"You have been warned if you don't want that sort of life then stay out,"
She left us the keys and sent a glimmer of doubt in me. Mother said," I know I am full of virtue will not happen."
As the editors used to say like a duck in the rain? I used to believe that then they got to me. They got underneath my skin.
Sexy and bad and then sad because sex is bad said Mother and Dad did not comment he said Mother was weird and I did not know any different. I was a good child from her virgin birth. She said she had been a virgin and I believed her.
So her sad face and constant crying out and pleading did not mean a thing to me because I was too busy doing the chores and making the shop work and the whole thing was a raw deal. I had no time to make the grey matter work and what time I did have I slept.
I cooked up a storm of cooked breakfasts and was highly organized but did not know how men were not back then.
