I
Lucy still woke up every day wondering if it was all a dream. Sometimes it took her a few minutes to remember that this was really her room and that her old apartment wouldn’t be on the other side of the door. Her parents wouldn’t invite her to lunch on Sundays, and her friends wouldn’t text her to ask about her plans for the weekend. That life was gone.
At first, she was reluctant to accept the scholarship, constantly questioning whether she could leave behind everything she knew about life for something completely new. Lucy took her time to tell the people closest to her the big news, knowing that everyone would encourage her — it was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, after all.
The truth is that she hadn’t been happy for a while, but that was still her comfort zone. Leaping into the dark could mean either great personal achievement or even more frustration, which would be unbearable to deal with at that moment. As always, she started to rationalize the situation too much and let fear take over. Sleepless nights, grinding teeth, headaches. Maybe that was a sign to do things differently. In the worst-case scenario, she could catch the first flight back home and pretend nothing had happened, right?
For the first time, the girl decided to act on impulse. She said yes.
Coming from a big city helped a lot in fitting into the frenetic and chaotic pace of Tokyo, but understanding and learning about a completely new culture was very difficult. Some things became easier over time, while others remained as confusing as on the first day. She still had trouble making sure she had taken out the trash on time, what the best tricks were for navigating the great maze that subway system was, and of course, improving her Japanese. She found it funny how her tone of voice automatically became calmer and lower when speaking that language, as if another person were taking her place.
The endless list of unwritten social norms also played tricks. Lucy was not used to the difference between formal and informal language, the different forms of treatment, and the implicit hierarchies in the environments, but she was more than willing to adapt.
Strangely, she seemed to like the city more and more and imagined it as her future home.
IT HAPPENED THAT DAY
Lucy wondered if the sound of her uneven breathing was louder than the teacher’s voice. She tapped her foot on the floor uncontrollably while unconsciously biting the inside of her cheek, getting more nervous. Maybe her classmates would imagine it was just the anxiety of the last day of school of the year, and they would even say "I know, I feel the same way". She was good at hiding her feelings, but it seemed impossible at that moment. Her only relief was that no one in the room could imagine what was causing her so much discomfort.
She ran her thin fingers through her long brown hair, letting out a loud sigh when she realized that class was over. Unlike the others, Lucy wanted time to pass more slowly. One of her classmates, a very tall boy with blond hair and slightly reddish skin, knelt in front of her and asked if everything was okay. Her tanned complexion had been a little pale in the last few days, and they had even asked if it could be the flu.
"Stress, you know how it is." She gave a shy smile. "But it’ll pass."
"And it’ll pass quickly since we’re officially on vacation now." He cheered, raising his fists. "And tonight’s still on, right?"
She had almost forgotten about the plans she’d been waiting for so long. A nice night with her friends at karaoke should be something fun, especially since it was a celebration, but something else was on her mind.
"Of course, I’ll be there." She leaned forward, now smiling for real. "And your excitement makes it clear who you expect to be with me."
Her best friend, Emi, had already caught the boy’s attention a few months ago. It wasn’t exactly a surprise. He tried to change the subject, but he was a terrible liar.
"Don’t worry, we’re both going tonight." She gave a mocking laugh and patted her friend on the shoulder. "But I have to go somewhere first, so I’ll be late."
Speaking out loud made the situation more real, and at that moment Lucy felt a shiver run down her spine.
Her biggest fears when moving to Tokyo were about studying or adapting, and at no point did the girl think about the possibility that her biggest problem would be someone else.
It seemed like a bad joke that fate made them meet each other, and that person was the one causing all that apprehension. How did something that for a few seconds seemed right turn into such a disaster? Lucy didn’t want to face that situation or her. No matter what needed to be done to end it for good, she wouldn’t think twice if she had the opportunity to run away.
"Come on." He shook her leg. "Can’t you reschedule?"
"I’m sorry, I can’t." She looked down, trying to hide her nervousness. ”It’s really important.”
"Shit," she repeated as she tried to fix her makeup by looking in the small mirror. The mascara had run down her cheeks, and the eyeliner was all smudged. The slightly swollen and flushed skin on her face was just the finishing touch so that anyone who looked at her for more than two seconds would know that she had been crying.
The short journey between stations needed to be enough for Lucy to recover from that tragedy. It was already predicted that things would be bad, but expectations were more than exceeded. Her big problem had apparently been solved, but she didn’t feel the weight lifted from her shoulders — on the contrary, it was as if a huge rock was on top of her.
Her hands trembled as they touched up her makeup, and she frowned trying to keep her eyes from tearing up. A lady sitting in front of her watched without showing any reaction, but she was clearly curious to know why the young foreigner was so out of control.
The voice on the loudspeaker announced the next stop: Shinjuku.
"Swallow your tears and put a smile on that face." There was no more time to compose. Lucy closed her eyes and took three deep breaths, muttering repeatedly to herself that everything was fine.
As the subway slowed down, she looked up, seeing Emi’s figure waiting on the platform. Her friend welcomed her with the tight hug she needed so much.
"Hey! This night is about you, remember?" Emi stroked Lucy’s hair, trying to provide some comfort. She didn’t usually interfere in other people’s lives, but she never hid how bothered she was by the situation her friend had been going through for months. Her protective instinct roared. If she could, she would have solved everything herself, and in a not-so-subtle way.
Without saying another word, Emi put her arm around Lucy’s shoulder and guided her towards the karaoke. Silence wasn’t something uncomfortable for them. In fact, it was a great ally in the difficult moments they had been through together. One of her hands gently squeezed the foreigner’s shoulder, while the other wiped away the few tears that still insisted on appearing.
The cold wind that blew hard through the narrow streets made them quicken their pace. Among the tangle of colorful signs with strong neon lights, there was the place where everyone was waiting for them.
Looking up, they could see through the large glass window on the facade the group having fun under the colorful lights of the room. They sang happily while jumping with drinks in their hands. Finally, that night would become normal.
"Come on," Emi opened the door and called out to her. ”You need to be around people who make you feel good.”
Unlike outside, the air in there was almost too warm, and they both immediately took off their jackets. As they went up the stairs, the sound grew louder and louder, and the voices mixed with the music. Upon entering the room, the group celebrated the girls’ arrival in unison. The noise was so loud that Lucy didn’t even realize that they had popped a bottle of champagne until the same colleague she had talked to earlier appeared with two full glasses.
"Ladies." He delicately handed them the drinks. "This is a very special night for everyone here, so it’s only fair that we go completely crazy!"
Lucy knew it was a terrible idea to drink when she was angry or sad — and she felt both at that moment — but her body and mind were begging for an escape. One shot. Two shots. Three shots. Between the off-key singing and the clumsy dancing, she downed the glasses without blinking, trying to make that bad feeling go away once and for all, but nothing seemed to work.
With difficulty, the totally drunk girl pulled out her phone and carefully typed a message, making sure she had written it correctly.
I’ll send you my location. I’m dying to see you tonight.
It was a matter of seconds before getting a reply, as if the person on the other end was ready, just waiting for a signal from her.
Finally. I’m on my way.
Discreetly, she began to gather her things and put on her jacket back on, planning how she could leave without being noticed. Emi, who was also clearly drunk, approached her, giggling.
"I’m going to say you went to the bathroom. He is less than five minutes away, you better hurry up.”
Of course, out of all the karaoke bars in the city, she had chosen that one. Emi insisted when everyone debated where to go that night, saying she already knew the place and that they served good drinks there. The truth is that she knew what Lucy needed and would do everything she could to make sure her friend got it. It was all strategic.
"Go play, you deserve it." Emi blinked and glanced toward the door.
As unpleasant as the cold was, it seemed to have sucked some of the alcohol out of Lucy’s body, who was now starting to shiver. Emi had said it would be a matter of five minutes, but it only took a second for her to hear the rumble of the car’s wheels turning the corner, and the vehicle with black windows and bright headlights approached quickly.
"Stop playing games with me," the deep voice behind the steering wheel said as he rolled down the window. "It’s been a month, Lou!"
She leaned over to look inside the car, and they both couldn’t help but smile at each other. Lucy opened the door and sat next to him, who didn’t give her time to even put on her seatbelt, pulling the back of her neck and giving her a long kiss. His large, tattooed hands held her firmly as if they didn’t want her to escape. His soft dark hair fell over his face, and he didn’t care about anything else but being with her.
"Shigeo," she whispered. "You already know what happens when we don’t control ourselves in the car."
As much as she wanted to see him, her studies were a priority, and he was a great distraction — a very good one, but still a distraction. Lucy assured him that the wait was over, ecstatic that their lips were finally touching again.
"You have no idea how much I missed this." He smiled as he looked at her. "Tonight it’s just the two of us. Whatever’s on your mind, let it go."
He always seemed to know exactly what to say. Lucy surrendered completely to the moment, allowing herself to forget any negative thoughts. She pretended not to hear her phone ring insistently, already knowing who it was. Shigeo knew it too, but he wouldn’t let anything interrupt them.
That could be postponed, but not for long. Lucy would be haunted by not having answered the call sooner than she thought.
