Sunflowers for Her

If knowledge is power, I intend to learn it all. Since when do I believe that? Why does it drive me? Why is there a burning flame that consumes me whole? That consumes my thoughts. That consumes my soul. A never ending flame that destroyed who I was and created who I am. Where did that little girl go? That girl who loved her mom. That girl who loved her school. That girl who wanted to build something greater. That girl who dreamed of a life she couldn’t wait to live. Where is she? She’s not here. I’ve lost myself.

What am I doing? Val control yourself. Keep feeding these thoughts, and you’ll never finish. The library will close soon, and I don’t want to check out another book.

Wait, what am I reading? A book about plants and flowers. That’s right, I’m researching sunflowers. I’ve heard they hold on to some poisoness property. I need to make sure if that’s true. Wait, why am I looking into that? Because it can be useful. For what? I don’t know. Poison is deadly. There is power in deadly, and I crave power. NO, I NEED IT! What? Since when have I been searching for power? AAAAAHHH!!! WHAT IS GOING OON!

“Darling, the library is closing. I need you to leave.”

“Oh, I am sorry ma’am” I quickly jolted, “I didn’t mean to stay so long.”

“It’s alright Valeria, as long as you leave now,” She looks down at the book in my hands, “Are you going to check it out as well?”

“On no, it’s just a quick read. Well it was just a read, no I mean is,” STOP, “Sorry, I am done with the book, what do I do with it?”

“Just leave it with me, I’ll take care of it.”

“Thanks,” I leave the book on the table and exit the library.

The winter cold greats me as I enter the stone vacant hallways of this fort. The last bit of sunshine and snow swiftly flies in through the glass-less windows. The torches nicely lit open the path forward to my destination.

What else am I going to do? What can I do today? I can read the books I checked out, or eat something. I haven’t visited the dinning hall in some time. I can ask Paya to bring me some bread or wine.

I should look for Rose, she might be back.

Paya probably set me a bath, I should use it this time. She goes through so much trouble for me. I should be more considerate.

I just can’t stand baths. I don’t like getting wet, or the texture of the sponge. I don’t like it when it takes too long to transition to new temperatures. How I need to stand naked outside the bath before getting in.

Paya does go through a lot of work to warm the bath. For her, I’ll bathe today.

I need to be careful about undressing. I don’t want to ruin my black-feather coat. Rose went through alot gifting me that. It’s bad enough that I use it every day. I don’t want it to weather away.

A wooden-door creek echoes across my room as I enter. Candle light illuminates my room, revealing the place I spent my time on.

A red silk soft bed, nicely tidy by Paya. A wooden desk invaded by books and paper, destroyed by me. A clean dresser that barely receives use. Bookshelf full of knowledge and treasure. A gem globe full of Rose’s finger tips, and a silver and gold shield branded by the fort’s crest.

Before I do anything I need to rest, at my desk? I need to calm down. I need to slow down my mind. WHAT ARE YOU DOING! No, stop. I need to stop. STOP FROM WHAT? YOU ARE NOT DOING ANYTHING! Val, take slow deep breath. In through your nose, slowly out through your mouth. In through your nose, slowly out through your mouth. I’ve been doing plenty. I just did hours of sunflower research. YEAH AND YOU STILL DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT SUNFLOWER POISON! I don’t need poison. What is this research for? Curiosity? It can be satisfied tomorrow. I don’t need to complete my research today. TOMORROW YOU WON’T DO IT. JUST LIKE TODAY YOU DIDN’T READ YOUR BOOKS. The day is not over, I can still read them. NO YOU WON’T. YOU’LL JUST MAKE ANOTHER EXCUSE!

“Val it’s me, Paya” a voice speaks through the door after offering a few knocks. She comes in and continues, “Your mother asked me to deliver your dinner.”

In her hand she carries a steel tray that hosts a warm bowl of soup, a side of bread, and an empty cup. She displays the tray in the only free space at my desk. She reaches into her bag and adds, “I also brought you a bottle of wine.”

I extend my hands and accept her lovely gift, “Thank you Paya.”

She sits on my bed next to my desk, “How are you dear?”

“Nothing changed, it’s all the same.”

“Things stand to stay still. It doesn’t mean they can’t move.”

“But when they stay for so long, isn’t it insane to expect them to move?”

“By nature things don’t change. If not for the wind, the fish, the toads, or the kids playing, the water on a lake would stand still.”

“Yet without choosing anything, the water at shore never rests.”

A silence fell on us. Nothing but the flames of candles to accumulate us. An awkward pause lacking any purpose. We stand in silence not in defeat but in truce. A mutual understanding only built by our care and love.

Wait, defeat? Truce? We’re we fighting? Was this an argument? YOU THINK THIS WAS A FIGHT? YOU THINK YOU’VE BUILD AN ARGUMENT? THIS IS YOUR STRUGGLE? IF YOU THINK FOR JU-

“They are coming back for winter,” Paya interrupts the silence.

“I know, Rose always returns.”

“I am not talking about her, or the usuals. Way more people, more than last year. Even some who were thought to be dead.”

“That many? Why the sudden visit?”

“Don’t know. The fort will surely be full, it’s been years since the last time that happened.”

“That many members? Why now? The fort is mostly empty during winter. Hunters are always encouraged to return, yet few do. Only Rose is known to return.”

“Darling I don’t know what to tell you. My best guess is the yearly banquet, and even that’s not special enough.”

“I guess I’ll have to find out.”

“Try not to spend too much time on it. After all, it is not everyday you can see your brothers and sisters in crest.”

“I’ll try.”

“Well,” Paya finishes as she stands, “Your mother also asked me to make your bath. So if you incline that’ll be ready for you.”

“Thank you Paya. I know I don’t use it much but today I will.”

“Good to hear it. I’ll get that ready,” Paya left for the next room. Leaving me alone with my soup.

Meat soup to be precise. Cubes of meat sunken on a steam bath of clear sun. Fluffy fresh bread ready to get claw.

I am so hungry, I just want to eat. EAT! YOUR NOT EATING. WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO EAT? NO, YOU’RE HAVING NON! THE ONLY THING YOU GET TO ENJOY IS GUILT! GUILT! YOU ARE WORTHLESS, YOU CAN’T EVEN EAT. YOU DO NOTHING ALL DAY. YOU JUST STAY IN YOUR ROOM AND READ. FOR SOMEONE WHO STUDIES A LOT, YOU ARE QUITE USELESS! LOOK AT ALL THOSE BOOKS YOU CHECKED OUT! LOOK ALL THOSE BOOKS YOU HAVE! LOOK AT THOSE BOOKS ROSE GAVE YOU! HAVE YOU READ THEM! HAVE YOU! NO, NO, YOU HAVEN’T! WHY? I’LL TELL YOU WHY! BE-

“I am here,” a beautiful voice sings to me. A song only I hear. A song only addresses me. A woman greets me, but not just any woman. The most beautiful, unique, funny, supportive, honest, handsome, lovely, caring, irreplaceable person I’ve ever met.

The sun just walks into my room. Weaving her orange-sun hair, carried by her caramel skin. Her yellow-gold eyes stared deep into my soul, quenching the eternal flames that consumed me. A sword woman dressed in red leather armor, “your one and only Rose!”

She walks closer to me as if I am the only thing around. Then she notices my bowl, “Aaah, I miss dinner.”

“You can have mine.”

“Girl don’t get me started. Eat your food,” I choke at her command. I don’t know why, but the speed inside me halts. She walks closer to me and leans down at my level. My face leveled to her face.

There is only one thing in my mind, and I won’t think twice. She stops me, “If you want one, finish your food. Besides, I am only hungry for you.”

Without any trouble, I claw my bread and eat. Instantly, as the bread hit my tongue, my true hunger kicked in. I am so hungry. I don’t think I have enough food.

“Oh- wine,” Rose interrupts my flame, “Don’t mind me opening this,” She picks up the bottle and notices the single empty cup, “Oh no, there is no cup for me,” she looks at me and smile, “I guess you’ll have to be my cup.”

I laugh at her suggestion and regrettably respond, “No there is one cup we can share.”

“Aaaw bummer, but if you insist we can share,” she pours a drink, and after a sip the gem globe suddenly distracts her, “Globy” she calls as she spins the globe around, “So Valy, how’s your day been? How are you?”

“With you around a lot better. I was reading at the library for pretty much all day. Then the library closed and I got kicked out.”

“Ha, Sai that old hag. Why she closes the library? Only Hunters have access to it, there is no need to close.”

“I wonder the same thing, but in the end she runs it. I gotta follow her rules if I want to be on her good side.”

“That makes sense. Hey guess what? Good news.”

“Yes?”

“I am done with my jobs. No more hunting for this Hunter, at least until winter ends,” My eyes lit with hope. What I’ve been waiting for all year. The time when Rose is off and we can just relax, “So you know what that means. I am completely yours until spring. Then back to hunting monsters.”

Paya exits the bathroom and meets me, sharing wine with Rose. She froze for a moment before snapping off, “Oh hi there. Sorry to interrupt.”

“It’s alright,” Rose and I harmonize.

“Val the bath is ready when you are,” Paya quickly leaves my room.

“Valy a bath? Feeling daring today?”

“I felt bad for all those times she worked hard and I didn’t appreciate it. So I wanted to show appreciation, but I am starting to regret it.”

“Why? You had good intentions.”

“It’s not about my intentions. I just simply hate baths.”

“Hmm,” Rose calls out, acting like she is thinking. I already know what she is going to propose and I already have my answer. Still I’ll hear her out because I like it when she’s herself, “would it make you feel better if I join?”

“I’ll hate it less,” Rose pulls me by my hand swiftly guiding me, “wait, wait, wait, wait,” I interrupt pulling my hand away. As soon as my coat lay on my bed, she pulled on me again.

Steam blast straight to my face. Still a dry cold air rushes from behind, Rose shuts the door. My boots choke on my feet. My pants tightens on my waist. My long sleeve shirt dries out the air in my body. IT’S TOO HOT IN HERE! Wait, Rose is still in her leather armor.

I see her struggle to remove her chest plate, so I rush in to help. Pulling off her gloves and then lifting off the plate.

She closes in on me and pulls off my shirt. Finally air goes in me, but instead of offering comfort it suffocates me.

We slip off our boots and slide off our pants. So much better but it is still not pleasant.

She removes my chest piece and I remove hers. She finishes undressing and jumps into the wooden tub, “Aah, it’s perfect,” I finish undressing but I don’t get in. I now feel cold, as if the heat never sat in, “Common get in.”

“Give me a second, my body is not ready yet,” I stand here naked and cold. My skin peels in and rough up. Slowly the steam warms me, and my skin goes smooth.

I dip my toe in only to shyly take it out, “it’s too cold.”

Rose breathes in deep and releases it all out, “What about now?”

I tried it again and now it’s perfect. The water overflows as I sit on her. The tub only fits one, with two barely anything gets done, “Much better.”

“See that wasn’t so bad,” Rose tries to comfort me.

“Now, at first it was hellish.”

“Really? I had fun. You undressing me like I desperately needed help was cute.”

“Well now the moment is beautiful, but earlier it was a nightmare,” I see new scars on Rose and get distracted by them, “What happened here?”

“Oh those, I got them fighting a griffin. Down east a village hired me to take care of it. These I got fighting a group of gnolls. It almost got my tit.”

“It was that bad?”

“Yeah, I had to get my armor replaced multiple times. That is not the same set I left with.”

“You have to be careful. I’ve noticed more mission posts than usual.”

“It is bad out there. The number of monster sites have been increasing lately, but you don’t have to worry. This fort has never seen a greater swordswoman than me. Now enough about that, let’s get you clean,” Rose gets the sponge but I steal it and toss it aside.

“No, I’ve reached my limit. I am not dealing with that texture.”

“Fine I’ll use my hands then,” She pours oil on my shoulders and rubs her palms on my skin.

Her hands gently hug my neck then slip lower on my back. She goes lower, lower, lower, and lower. Before she has the chance to do anything, she switches her hands over mine.

She adds oil down my arms and from the palms of my hands, she glides hers up to my shoulders.

She softly twists her hands deeper in my arms and rides her hands back to my palms. From here she lifts and lands her palms to the inner side of my thighs.

She pulls me closer.

She drips more oil on me, this time on my knees. From here she ran her hands in circles. Going left and right, and slowly up.

Up she goes getting closer and closer to my essence. Yet her hands never left my thighs, since she chose to not satisfy me.

She finishes off my legs and commands me to turn around.

My head faces her. Our bodies face each other. I sit on top of her.

She rubs more oil on her hands and plants them at my hips. She drags them across my belly and sides.

Her fingers push up and play at my chest avoiding all the fun.

She stops and looks at me. Our eyes lock and Rose adds, “I see you Valeria. I see the moon in front of me. I see a beautiful, unique, smart, powerful, talented, artistic, lovely, caring, and irreplaceable woman. I see fair skin, night-dark hair, and red-piercing eyes. I see all of you, and I see how much I love you.”

“I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you t-” I couldn’t resist any longer. My lips muffle her voice as I claim my overdue reward.

My whole body is pressing against her, our legs intertwining and our breasts having their own kiss.

Her hands went where they didn’t go before, and I did the same sharing my joy.

At this moment we physically connect, releasing the frustration and desire built up for too long.

My whole world stops. My mind is quiet, and all my worries and troubles end. For only this moment my eternal consuming flame perishes.

For only this moment I experience true peace. I am ok with that. For only this moment matters to me.

“I was wondering when you’ll claim your prize,” Rose smirks at me.

“I was waiting for the perfect moment,” I answered, “Can we now finish our bath? I am getting tired of the water.”

“Sure, this crunch tub is killing my back,” I finish washing off and return back Rose’s favor.

Finally out of the water but not completely comfortable. My skin itches as gravity pulls the droplets left on my body.

My body is uneasy as my soak hair assaults my back and breast.

I feel an unnatural disgust at my slippery toes. That horrible feeling of wet skin slowly drying up.

How can I deal with this every day?

Luckily for Rose, her body instantly dries as she exits the bath. All but her hair steams the water away and slides the oil off.

She passes me a towel and grabs one for her hair.

I stare at my towel in horror, as I am reminded of its peakley-hairy rough texture. I now have to let this monster harass my body.

Rose steals my towel, “Try to think on this instead,” She starts kissing my body and following it with a gentle towel tap. She continues on until my body is dry, “and now we are done.”

“Thank you Rose, I appreciate that.”

“No problem, anything for you. Plus I am sure you did more than just appreciate those kisses,” I laugh at her notion and she takes the opportunity to kidnap my clothes, “We’re dressing for bed tonight.”

“What?” I rushed after her.

The cold blasts my unprotected body. Tiny needles attacking every inch of me.

I see her grab my coat off the bed. Adding another member to her hostage list, and stopping at the doorway of my dresser.

“Lets try something new for a change,” she suggests pulling out all sorts of clothing that haven’t seen the light of day.

Ever since Rose gifted me my coat I haven’t worn anything else, and it’s hard to imagine me not wearing it.

There is a comfort in wearing the same thing over and over again, especially when it’s linked to someone special. Though I can’t blame her for wanting to wear something new. Having to constantly wear armor must get tiring.

“Plus I wanna be ready for tonight. Oh, I love this light blue,” she claims, pulling a nightgown.

“Tonight? What’s so special about this night?”

“Tonight’s the night we reunite,” this time she pulls a purple nightgown, “Darling for you.”

Rose saunters closer to me, “You’ve got no idea how long I’ve been craving for this night.”

“I can be imaginative, try me.”

She pushes me into bed and slowly crawls over me. She leans into my ear and whispers, “You won’t see it coming. What I’ve been conjuring since last year. Let’s just say I am going all out. I won’t be holding back like in our bath.”