What is your opinion?
OMG
"I LOVE IT YOU`RE A REALLY GOOD WRITER. IT WAS SO AWESOME BUT YOU ONLY WRITE 10 CHAPTERS??JAJAJAJJAJAJAJAJJAJAJAJJA"
so good
"i really liked the plot and the book in general, but i think you should work more on your grammar mistakes."
Stop Wishing
"Okay, so I saw the improvement in the last chapters like you really did change the writing style. You began to describe even more and use different words like 'Say' or 'Ask'. So please Just keep going"
Stop Wishing
"Okay, so I have been reading all reviews and I am sorry to tell you that all them are true, like you really need to work more on the specification of the character's feelings like in what they feel and think about the things surrounding them, you have got better in the last chapters and it seems like you got in count the reviews but please work more in that as for your plot. I really like it, you seem like the idea but please work on your grammar. Just keep writing, you have a lot of potential who I said."
Okay
"The author has the idea opf it, but the problem is that maybe she has to describe even more the story but she does have a lot of talent. Hope you keep writing."
great
"you seem like the idea but please work on your grammar. Just keep writing, you have a lot of potential.but i like it, is an awesome story."
Stop Wishing
"i really enojoyed the book, i liked the plot of the story,i think that you should publish more chapters and you need to work in your grammar"
Stop wishing
"I enjoyed reading the story of young people involved, especially their feelings of love and death. Some attention need to be given on the spellings. Overall it had a good plot. Keep on writing."
Opinion
"It´s a bool that has a good beginnig but that could add some more characters to make it envolve in the principal character at the end."
Stop Wishing
"Depending on which software you used to write this story, there is a function called "spell checker/grammar checker". USE IT. I managed to get through the first chapter but the spelling and grammar mistakes through the fourth paragraph of the second chapter were just to much to bear. So, my PROFESSIONAL advice to you is this: EDIT YOUR WORK before you present it to ANYONE to read. You know very well if you turned in any school paper that looked like this, you would fail! Because of the subject matter, I'm going to assume you are no older than your characters. Which is why your story did not grab me. I finished high school in the 1970s. HOWEVER your "mystery" about Leah's "love of her life" was well placed. End of first chapter before the reader finds out he's dead, and why Leah and Zoe are no longer friends. I got as far as introduction to obnoxious boy in her school, but you really need to give a little more thought to describing immediate feelings of characters, rather than relying on description of facial expressions, as the facial reaction to emotions is NOT "universal". Good start! But don't EVER post anything online until the spelling and grammar are perfect. Even if you actually speak without saying every word in a sentence, don't write that way unless you are writing dialogue. That is the ONLY acceptable place for poor English! Never. never, ever in narration!"
Has potential
"I have read a few of the opening paragraphs, and the main problem that jumped right out at me was the grammar, basic sentence/paragraph construction and context. Also think about emotions, how upset your character would have been to hear her dad crying. What did the ‘assistant’ who asked her to move look like? Was she angry? What did her dad look like? I am sure your story would benefit hugely from some further development and basic editing. At the moment, your dialogue and narrative is a bit clumsy and your sentences/paragraphs could be better structured. To illustrate, I have re-written the first few paras to illustrate my points. I like your character development and I am sure your story could be fabulous, it just needs a polish. THE FOLLOWING IS JUST A SUGGESTION. IT’S YOUR STORY AND YOUR STYLE, SO FEEL FREE TO IGNORE MY COMMENTS… Stupid school, stupid summer. Why did it have to end so soon? I exit the plane and, after picking up my black luggage, look round for my dad. Its two o’clock and he’s still not here, what a surprise. He is a good dad to my brother and me, but he is always late. It’s something I’ve had to get used to. “Lady, can you move please?” I look up into the angry eyes of a bustling airport worker, so move out of her way. I just came in from Washington DC where I had been visiting my mum. You see, I was fourteen when my mum and dad divorced because my mum was a workaholic. Although she always had time for my brother and me, she paid no attention to my dad, who got more and more upset over it. After they talked it through she decided to leave, so I now spend every summer with my mum. When she first left, I remember feeling angry and upset, especially when I used to hear my dad crying because he missed her so much. He once told me it had been the biggest mistake of his life. Speaking of the devil, with a sigh of relief, I see my dad and my brother John walking towards me. Dad is smiling, lighting up his kind (brown/blue/green) eyes. John looks different, he used to look cute but now he is more handsome. Of course, I am not going to tell him because his ego is bigger than Mount Everest; okay, maybe I am exaggerating but it is pretty big. I hope you find some of this helpful, but if not, please feel free to ignore it."
You need to work on it.
"From the first line you wrote I felt that there was a lot of work that was needed. You seem to be speaking through a lot of this including the dialogue. Even though you should want your readers to have that sense you shouldn't divulge directly that way. You need to work on your descriptions of not only people, but of surroundings and emotions. You rush through scenes without really giving important dialogue especially in the beginning. Though you give key points here and there you need to work on what you want your readers to feel as they read your story. Overall, there is always room to improve."
