Pizza Elf

In a beautiful forest, unknown to man, there is a little town where the Elves live. Every Elf is special and unique, but there is one Elf who stands out the most… Everyone knows about him, and everyone calls him one thing, “Pizza Elf”. Now, it’s been awhile, and nobody has seen much of Pizza Elf lately…nobody but his big brother, the town doctor.

A small Elf dressed in a doctor’s coat slowly makes his way across town. In one hand, he is clutching a bag of medical supplies, in the other, a massive scale. Everyone else in town stops what they are doing to watch their doctor make his journey across town. The wind blows, making his coat billow a bit like a cape.

“I’m almost afraid of what I might find,” the doctor says with a sigh. “What sight will I behold when I enter that door?”

The doctor, having short legs, hops along with his supplies in tow. Finally, he reaches a building with two stories. The building, shaped like a Christmas ham, is bulging at the bottom and narrows at the top. The front of the lower portion hosts a sign which reads ‘Pizzeria’.

The doctor reaches out to open the door, but hesitates. Does he dare open the door? The doctor does, in fact, dare to open the door and does so, wincing. Nobody greets him, but a delicious smell wafts to his nose.

“Well, brother must not be TOO sick if he’s still cooking pizzas,” the doctor says, shaking his head. “Brother! I have arrived as you asked!”

“Doc! I’m in my room, feel free to ascend my stairs!” Pizza Elf calls back.

The doctor slowly hops up the steps to Pizza Elf’s room. Pushing the door open, the doctor finds the biggest, fattest, Elf ever. Pizza Elf is tucked into bed, but the bed itself is broken, bowing in at the center. Pizza Elf smiles up at the doctor, pleased to have company.

“I came as soon as you called,” the doctor says, looking his brother over. “It’s worse than I thought.“

“And how bad is it? Will I still be able to run the pizzeria?” Pizza Elf asks.

“Well, let me run a quick check up, then I’ll tell you the news,” the doctor says, helping Pizza Elf out of bed. “I say… I may be your big brother, but you, my friend, are my BIG brother.”

“Why thank you, brother!” Pizza Elf says with a grin.

“You’ve always been the biggest Elf of all,” the doctor comments, motioning for Pizza Elf to stand on the scale.

Pizza Elf steps full weight onto the scale. The scale breaks within seconds, unable to handle that much girth. Pizza Elf stares at the broken scale, a bit confused as to what that could mean. The doctor face-palms, groaning.

“Doctor…?” Pizza Elf asks.

“You broke my scale…” the doctor says.

“You have a bigger one, don’t you?” Pizza Elf asks, naively.

“No! I purposely brought my biggest scale because I knew you’d never fit a regular scale!” the doctor yells.

“Oh…that bad, huh…?” Pizza Elf asks. “I’m sorry.”

Pizza Elf curls up in a ball and rolls back to bed. As an Elf who is shaped like a hedgehog, Pizza Elf frequently rolls around in a ball for faster transportation. Though, technically, hedgehogs curl up for self-defense, not to roll around like a ball.

“I still remember the day you were born…” the doctor says, closing his eyes. “You were very fat back then, as well. Mother had a lot of trouble birthing you. And I said “Wow! He’s like a big potato!” and mother yelled at me. We figured you’d grow out of it, but it seems you only kept growing bigger.”

“Brother, it’s not very nice to fat shame people. Besides, I’m adorable!” Pizza Elf argues. “I bet you’re just jealous because you’re not cute.”

“You need to change your lifestyle before it is too late. Listen, I’m trying to help you because I love you. You will die if you keep getting fatter. There’s a BIG difference between being chubby and being morbidly obese and you, my friend, are getting awfully close to being morbidly obese,” the doctor says. “Start small…less pizza, more exercise.”

“I don’t think so,” Pizza Elf says, coughing and closing his eyes.

“You don’t think so?” the doctor asks.

“Don’t you EVER make me give up pizza! Pizza is life!” Pizza Elf yells.

“Well, in this case, pizza will be death!” the doctor yells.

“I’m not changing anything. You can’t make me!” Pizza Elf yells.

“You’re right… I can’t force you to do anything… Farewell, my brother… I sincerely hope this is not our final goodbyes,” the doctor says, casting one last concerned glance at his brother.

“Less pizza my butt… If anything, I feel like eating MORE pizza…” Pizza Elf grumbles.

The doctor leaves and Pizza Elf is all alone again. The fat Elf sighs and stares at his belly. Perhaps another pizza would cheer him up! Pizza Elf smirks and rolls out of bed and back down the stairs.

“Making some pizza! Pizza, pizza, pizza!” Pizza Elf cries out cheerfully as he assembles his ingredients. “I’m so happy I stocked up on pizza ingredients!”

Pizza Elf eats pizza for breakfast, after breakfast snack, pre lunch snack, lunch, after lunch snack, pre dinner snack, dinner, after dinner snack, and any other time he feels hungry.

“I should open the shop again, soon… Maybe tomorrow… I’m still feeling a bit out of sorts today,” Pizza Elf says, talking to himself.

Pizza Elf, with his short little arms, somehow manages to skillfully toss a large pizza crust in the air, spinning it gleefully upon his finger tip. He hums a little tune and tosses the pizza into the air again before catching it and beginning to assemble his creation. With a basting brush, he adds a bit of olive oil to the crust. Next, he begins slathering on his homemade pizza sauce.

“Mmm, looks good already!” Pizza Elf says, tasting a bit of sauce on his unwashed fingers. “A little raw dough won’t kill me!”

Next comes the cheeses which he sprinkles on generously. Almost the entire crust is coated in cheese leaving just a bit at the edge, the crust, uncheesed. Pizza Elf gives a long whistle, examining his work. Next, he rushes and grabs pepperoni, sausage, and bacon, then black olives and bell peppers.

“That’s one beautiful baby!” Pizza Elf comments. “My signature mix!”

Into the brick oven goes the pizza! Now all that’s left is to wait! With how hot the pizza oven gets, it shouldn’t take too long. One of the best parts about living above the pizzeria is that it’s always warm upstairs even in the winter, as long as the oven is kindled. Well, the main reason living above a pizzeria is so great is that you can get pizza whenever you want.

“I only wish big brother stayed for lunch… Oh well. He’d probably refuse my pizza. He’s too health obsessed,” Pizza Elf says, lying his chubby cheeks on a table as he waits. “Man I’m so lonely…”

Soon enough, the delightful smell of pizza was permeating the air. Pizza Elf smiles broadly, his big round cheeks glowing a rosy color. Quickly, using his large pizza shovel, he draw his creation out of the hearth. He takes a deeeeeep breath, enjoying every second of being in the presence of pure beauty.

“Oh pizza, I love and adore everything about you… Now, I wonder, how should I consume you…? Bite by bite, perhaps? Slice by slice? Or, maybe, I should just roll you up and slide you down my throat you little snack, you~!” Pizza Elf says, lovingly stroking the pizza. “OW! You’re smoking hot!”

Pizza Elf devours his entire pizza which was big enough to feed an entire party. This, however, is not the biggest pizza he has ever made. Outside, Pizza Elf has a HUMONGOUS pizza oven and has been waiting to create the world’s biggest pizza with it. Perhaps soon, he could make his dreams come true, creating a pizza so large that multiple people need to pull it out of the hearth.

“Man, I love my life…” Pizza Elf says and belches as he pats his belly. “I wouldn’t change a thing about this…”

Too tired to roll back up the stairs, Pizza Elf falls asleep in the pizzeria. The chubby Elf coughs a bit, rolling in his sleep to find a comfier sleeping position. All the while, his brother has returned to his office, disappointed that he could not help. Doctor Elf sorts through his supplies, preparing in case some other Elf needs his assistance.

“If only there were a way to help my big little brother,” Doctor Elf says, sighing heavily. “If only I could get him out of the pizzeria for awhile.”

“Be careful what you wish for… The world is a dangerous place, do you really think he could survive out there?” a little voice asks.

“Ah! A Gremlin!” Doctor Elf screams.

“Good morning, Doc! Don’t mind me! We’re new in town and are looking to set up,” the Gremlin says, grinning a crooked smile.

“Why have you come to me? I’m the village doctor, not the mayor,” Doctor Elf replies.

“You seemed rather important. Well, if it doesn’t matter to you, my team is going to go get comfy,” the Gremlin says and toddles away.

The Gremlins are like Fae mixed with Imps and they lack Fae wings. Most of them have sharp, crooked grins, and seem to thrive on chaos. Being so small, they can squeeze into tight spaces and sneak into places they do not belong. A lot of the other magical beings despise Gremlins because of their intense mischief.

“Don’t cause any trouble, you hear? Or else I will report you to the mayor!” Doctor Elf threatens.

“Oh, believe me…we’re here to help…” the Gremlin says with a smirk. “Perhaps I’ll see you again later!”

With that, the Gremlin leaves. The doctor rubs his tired head. Surely nothing good could come from the Gremlins arriving in town. With a sigh, the doctor resumes his work.

A long while later, Pizza Elf awakens. He groans, sitting up straight. The first thing he notices is that the door to the pizzeria is open a little. Someone, or something, must have opened the door.

“Oh no… Someone broke in on me napping!” Pizza Elf exclaims, suddenly feeling a surge of anxious energy.

Pizza Elf quickly rolls onto his feet. Looking around, he finds the pizzeria has been completely ransacked! The plates are busted, the tables are broken, and all the ingredients are missing from the storehouse. Pizza Elf swallows hard, feeling his heart drop into his stomach.

“EVERYTHING IS GONE!” Pizza Elf wails.

Pizza Elf rolls, nearly breaking the pizzeria door. He exits the building and rolls back up right on his feet. Looking around, he finds the rest of the village in tatters as well. The Gremlins have wreaked havoc, and almost everyone has suffered losses.

“NOOOOOOOOO!” Pizza Elf wails.

“Brother…” Doctor Elf gasps, squeezing out of the wreckage of his destroyed house. “The Gremlins! They destroyed everything!”

“They stole all my pizza ingredients!” Pizza Elf wails.

“I should have just reported those Gremlins when I saw them…” Doctor Elf groans.

“You don’t understand! This is dire! I could die without my pizzas!” Pizza Elf exclaims, grabbing his brother’s shirt and attempting to shake him.

“Mmmph!” Doctor Elf exclaims, accidentally getting pressed into Pizza Elf’s fat.

“Sorry, sorry… No, I have to do something about this… I know! I’m gonna hunt those Gremlins down and force them to give me my pizza ingredients back!” Pizza Elf exclaims.

“And teach them a lesson about being more destructive than even an Imp?” Doctor Elf asks.

“…maybe, but mostly I just want to get my pizza ingredients back,” Pizza Elf says.