Grey

"Lily, it's time for school. Please don't make me come and wake you up again," my mother said with a hint of frustration laced in her voice. She really did try her best to be patient with me. Being the stubborn teenager that I was, I drew my comforter over my face and sighed. I did not want to go to school today.

"Lily", my mother spoke from the dining room, which wasn't too far from my bedroom. There was a room that was meant to be the actual living room separating my bedroom and the dining room. However my family felt that it was too dark with the cheap panelling it held, and chose to essentially make it a catch-all room. It held a radio, some shelves adorned primarily by tribal figurines, a recliner, and an old and used dining table which housed my cat Leo's food.

"I heard you! Getting up now," I half yelled and groaned back to her in reply. My bedroom light was already on, making the mess of a room visible. I wouldn't say that the room was vile, but there were some unknown things matted into the carpet (I wanted to say caramel?), wallpaper torn from the walls half assed (my younger self's fault), and cheap posters that I'd stolen from the school library's teen and pop culture magazines taped and tacked up all around the room. I counted them a few times late at night. Last time I counted, there were approximately 50 notebook sized posters scattered across the neglected walls.

No reply left my mother's lips as I made my way to the bathroom that was right next to my bedroom. It was housed in a hallway that led to a spare bedroom across the hall from my own. The walls there were also covered in the dark and almost foreboding wood panelling. The bathroom was rough, to say the least. The septic tank was shot, so rather than having it drained and such, my parents made the rule of simply throwing away used toilet paper instead of flushing it. It didn't bother me much then, but looking back, I couldn't do it again. The floors of the bathroom consisted of wood, with a simple plastic protector laying on the floor next to the bathroom/ shower combo. Not too long ago my father had remodeled the bathroom. While it wasn't a perfect job, it was much better than the old and moldy carpet it once contained from the previous owners.

I looked at myself in the mirror, my long black hair being incredibly curly and frizzed. I laughed softly at my reflection, and plugged in my straightener. It was old, the cord was incredibly kinked up, and even held some electrical tape in a spot where the wires had become exposed throughout all of the uses the cheap straightener had endured.

After brushing my hair, I quickly ran the straightener through each damaged strand. Then it was time to ensure my eyebrows were groomed. I both loved and hated them. I had a perfectionist obsession with them. I'd cry for hours and hours over them. I just wanted them to be perfect. After fretting over plucking any short hairs that I could, I proceeded to use some old stick eyeliner to fill in any patchy areas.

I was wearing the same jacket I always wore. Well, I'd alternate between two different ones. One being baggy, the other being fitted for the days I felt an ounce of confidence. It always had to be jackets or long sleeves. I had to cover the scars and slowly healing marks from my self hatred. I glanced at my old and slightly cracked iPod. I had five minutes to wrap up my morning routine. I doused myself in my beloved mango perfume, changed from my night pants into my skinny jeans, and quickly laced up my graphics covered high tops. I ensured to put on my powder fresh deodorant, and essentially ran into the dining room to greet my mother a good morning.

She sat in her designated spot at the table, finishing up rolling cigarettes. I made a slightly disgusted face at the smell of the loose tobacco. I'd always sworn to myself that I'd never start that nasty habit. I was definitely wrong, it just took me a while before realizing it. "If you had taken any longer, kid, I was just gonna have you stay home with the excuse of being sick," she laughed, standing up, grabbing her pack of smokes and heading toward the door. Which, normally, I wouldn't have complained about staying home, however that day I really wanted to see Mia at school to make plans for the weekend. I wanted to spend the weekend at her place, for like the millionth time. I loved her family. They seemed to love me. It was a safe place.

Oftentimes, my parents fought. My father was an alcoholic at the time, and my mother was the victim of his unresolved anger issues. They stayed together for years, simply saying they didn't want me to come from a split up household. Neither of them wanted to lose me. So they stayed together. I still have some fond memories of them from growing up, however it would have been better had they been able to move on sooner than they eventually did.

I followed my mother to her old beater of a pickup truck. She loved that thing. She held onto it for years more than she ever should have. The heat only worked if it was turned all the way up, the AC no longer worked in it, the windows required a crank to roll down instead of a button, the radio had an option for cassette tapes, the CD drive didn't work, and it was hard to steer sometimes. I'd driven it myself a couple times while trying to learn to drive. I was not a fan. It was already on, she left it running to warm up often in the mornings. She placed her portable oxygen into the truck, lit up a cigarette while rolling down the window, and off we went. I silently cursed her for smoking while wearing that stuff. She was stubborn.

It didn't take much longer before the country roads led us to my high school. It was about a twenty minute drive, but the time went by quicker than you'd imagine. I had my headphones in my ears, listening to the latest edgy bands I'd gotten into, and I daydreamed while admiring the scenic view. I loved living in the country. I wished I was closer to the grocery store and fast food restaurants, but I loved the woods.

Oftentimes, I'd find myself exploring the woods around my home after school was out. I was one with nature. It didn't take long before we approached the school parking lot. We were greeted with other parents in the parking lot dropping of their children, alongside some buses still cycling through dropping off more. It was hectic. I went to a vocational school. Normally my mother would have dropped me off at my primary high school, and I would've waited for the buses to arrive to get me to the vocational school. However, I'd been very tired and stubborn lately, making it so that I wouldn't arrive on time to catch the bus.

I didn't like sitting with the other kids on the bus. They no longer made fun of me, however they'd always be talking loudly, playing their off key country music on cheap blue tooth speakers, passing around snuff, and occasionally they'd look at me with pity on their eyes. I wouldn't talk to anyone unless they persisted in trying to chat with me. I was always closed up, arms around my waist, and eyes planted firmly on the scenic view out the window.

I pulled an earbud out of my ear and proceeded to prepare for the day. "I love you, mom," I spoke sweetly. She smiled. "I love you, too, kiddo." With that, I jumped out of the truck and rushed to the school. I couldn't wait to find Mia.

"Lily!" The red haired girl herself squealed and ran to me. Her hair was beautifully natural. Her eyes were a sweet hazel color, and her skin was fair. She didn't have many freckles, only a few acne marks. It came with the territory of being in our final years of high school. I extended my arms to my side, tightly gripping at the cuffs of the jacket, to be met in a sweet embrace with my best friend. "Soooo," I said as we pulled apart from our greeting, "can I come over this weekend?" Her eyes still remained as happy as ever as she nodded gleefully. Her soft red curls fell into her face as we began making our way to our shared class.

We were both studying IT Networking. It was quite boring, but as we were the only girls in the class, it made it a lot easier to get by without studying a whole lot. It was a small town. The teachers were biased. I think they were thankful just to have some gender diversity in the class to be honest. The guys all constantly helped us, the teacher cut us some slack, and I'd even get paid by a few of the guys to help with their math homework.

"So, Lily," Mia began with anticipation in her voice as we took our seats. "My cousins are gonna be staying over this weekend as well. My parents already expected you to come, so you're still good. But we all get to hang out!"

Anne and Jacob.

I'd never really spent any time with them. However, I knew that Mia idolized them. They were some of the only people around the area we knew that liked edgy music as well. Mia would give me pirated music they'd given her, pirated anime and horror movies, since I didn't have internet at my home to get my own. So in a way, the married couple (Anne was the actual cousin, Jacob being married to her) shaped my interests. I'd obsess over the content Mia would provide me. I'd listen to the same songs for hours on repeat, escaping my reality. I'd watch the movies multiple times over, obsessing over specific characters. So I would have been lying if I didn't admit to partially idolizing them myself, without having even gotten to properly meet them.

"That's awesome! Are they gonna be bringing their son Charles as well?" I asked. The only time I'd actually seen Anne in person before was when she was pregnant with Charles. She seemed intimidating. She had an aura of 'I own this world' that surrounded her. I'd never heard her voice in person, either. "Nah, they're gonna let him spend the night with his grandparents. It'll make for more space in the room," she casually mentioned.

'Same room?' I thought.

I would've imagined at least I could have slept in her little brother's bed and him downstairs instead of us all sharing the same room. I didn't mind, though. It was honestly exciting. I'd always expected people to be repulsed by being around me through the night. Mia was one thing, we'd spent almost every weekend together for years. "How are we gonna sleep?" I asked. Last I recalled, Mia only had the one bed. Well, it was two mattresses piled together, but they'd always been that way. "I'll just move my mattresses side by side. We'll sleep next to each other on one, then Jacob and Anne share the other. We'll watch scary movies and listen to music all night," Mia happily explained. Okay, that'll work.

"Also, L, Anne wanted to know if she could add you on Facebook?" Mia asked. I shrugged and nodded afterward. I only had maybe 50 Facebook friends, most of which were my family and a few people from school that I actually spoke with once in a while. "Sure. Let her know that I can only talk while I'm at school, though. I don't want her to think I'm blowing her off or anything."

"Of course, I've already told her all about you! She feels like she already knows you at this point," Mia spoke. Which I could relate. Mia constantly talked about them and showed me pictures. The rare weekends that I didn't get to spend with Mia, it was because she spent those nights at their place. I'd be sad, but I'd be greeted by a bunch of stories the following Monday at school. I had always fantasized about meeting them.

"When do you think she'll add me?" I asked anxiously. It wasnt a negative anxious emotion, though. It was the kind of festering excitement that sent butterflies off in my stomach, and I really couldn't wait to see what happened next. Whenever I got that excited about something, I already knew that I'd be zoning out thinking about it all of the time. Imagining all of the ways it could go right, all of the ways it could go bad, and how maybe, just maybe, it could change my life for the better.

"She'll wake up in a few hours, then see where I let her know that she can," Mia spoke with glee in her voice. Her hazel eyes were so full of life and energy. Her smile was gorgeous. Her face wasnt nearly as pudgy as my own. She had a few curves to her figure, but I was definitely sporting a double chin and a protruding belly that I always had to stuff into my skinny jeans. "I can't wait," I said begininng to tap my foot against the tiles that were beneath us.

Mr. R then stood up from his desk, making his way to the front of the classroom. That corny smile that he always sported was etched into his face, causing his forehead to crease and some wrinkles next to his eyes to show more prominently. No one in the classroom knew how to pronounce his full last name. His skin was dark, showing his heritage to Italy, I believed. That was just what the rumor was. My school was in the middle of rural West Virginia. We did not have very much diversity here. The majority of everyone was both white and straight. The few people who did not fall into those categories... Well, you could say that everyone knew about them. It wasn't so much bullying as it was gossiping. It still wasn't acceptable, but there was no changing it.

"We have a pop quiz today!" He cheered, clapping his hands together. I nervously bit my lip and looked over at Mia, to see similiar concern in her eyes. The majority of the classroom let out low groans, a few people cursing just loud enough to be heard but not loud enough to distinct who it came from.

"Gosh guys, it was a joke. However, gauging by the reaction, we may very well have a test coming up soon this week," he shook his head and began to hand out papers filled with information, presumably regarding this so-called upcoming test. I quickly grasped the paper from his hand as he passed the workstation Mia and I were seated at. I spared him a smile, my eyes refusing to meet his large brown ones as he returned the smile and continued around the room until everyone had the paper.

"Since the week is almost over," he spoke as he made his way to his desk and plopped into his computer chair. "I am just going to allow you guys to spend the period studying to information. Just please keep the volume level reasonable once you guys are finished. I do not need another complaint." He was justified in his request. The class full of pubescent boys that were all incredibly nerdy did become very loud and chaotic more often than not. Between playing video games they had pirated, blaring music on bluetooth speakers, or worse - huddling in a corner laughing their asses off watching pornography; they were all quite the handful for Mr. R. I did not envy his job. Sometimes I debated with myself as to why I chose to stay in this classroom.

It was easy. Mia and I didn't have to put forth much effort. We could sit on our phones all day, and I'd occasionally get to play video games with a few of the guys that didn't unsettle me. We had this class twice a day, and then the other subjects would alternate. The day was broken up into four periods. First your elected study, then two academic classes alternating throughout the week, then the final period being your elected study all over again. Each class was around an hour and 15 minutes long, allowing for time to travel to the next and plenty of time for lunch and a brief free period (so technically a 5th period that was 30 minutes long) that was given after lunch.

At the time, I genuinely hated being sixteen years old. I was barely sixteen, slowly approaching seventeen before the end of the year, but I could have sworn that time always dragged by so painfully slow. I just wanted to be eighteen and on my own. I loved spending my days with Mia, but I really hated the home that I always went back to aside from on most of the weekends.

"Time to chat!" Mia looked over at me with a happy expression, not bothering to whisper as the rest of the class was already picking up the volume. I glanced up at Mr. R, who now work earbuds on in his own world. That relieved me.

"I love chatting," I laughed, turning to face her and laying my head on her shoulder. We were completely platonic, however everyone insisted we were together, which afforded us hundreds of comments from the group of boys we shared a class with. I didnt care nor did she.