My Lucky Charm
Dear reader, I want you to know that this is not a love story, and it is definitely not a tragedy. This is a letter for you. I want you to read it carefully and honestly write back to me a response answering this very important question: Was it wrong to kill this man?
I get up from my bed to look at my face in the mirror; swollen eyes, tears reaching my lips, red and runny nose, messy hair, and a lifeless face. I couldn't recognize myself anymore.
The prideful Laura, who used all kinds of make up and skin-care products to look her best even if she was going to a 5 minute-trip to the grocery store, is now in such a pathetic condition. In fact, these were the first words that came out of my mouth "You're pathetic....." I told the 24 year old woman I see in the mirror.
Why would I give someone such power over me? Swaying my emotions and making me feel such sadness and despair... I've been here before. A man made me feel this way many years ago, and as if it was my fate, I am feeling all this misery all over again.
I drag myself out of my room and sit in my balcony. I look down and find the dumb couple next door walking hand in hand and laughing to what I assume is a lame joke he told her. The lame John tried to flirt with me once. I had no idea back then that he would be a sweet gentle man, after all, I can hear them from my apartment. They are always laughing, smiling, watching loud movies, and going out together on weekends.
I light up a cigarette and blow out the smoke slowly while thinking of that day.
He moved in 5 years ago. It was when I still thought that Frank was the love of my life. After a few months of meeting at the elevator in the morning and walking together towards the bus station, we grew closer and he came to my apartment one night. I admit now that it was foolish of me to push him back when he tried to kiss me then. Who knows, I may have been smiling like his girlfriend now instead of all this anger and sadness.
Ugh.. Is he kissing her in the middle of the street? Can't they wait to get in their apartment? I throw the lit cigarette towards them with all the bitterness in my heart.
They cut off their passionate kiss and look up immediately. "Sorry! I didn't see you down there..." I didn't wait for their reply and went inside. John did shoot a glare at me, but this is the least of my worries right now.
I go to the kitchen and grab a snack, then grabbed a mug to make myself green tea. I should press the tea bag on my eyes to treat the puffiness, and maybe a pill for this headache.
Dear reader, you could say that I'm in the Anger stage of Grief and that I won't allow anyone in my office to notice that I cried my heart over some guy. After all, nobody knew that I loved Frank, my lucky charm, for the last 6 years...
Too confusing for you? Well, maybe we should go back together to my first year in college 6 years ago when I was at the crisp age of 18.
I wasn't what you would call a "social butterfly", but everybody knew me and tried to have a conversation with me at least once. I was the athletic hot girl who didn't have "killer looks" but is charming and charismatic in her own unique way.
I walked on campus like I owned the place, and when I started smoking, my circle was always in the smoking area and there is where I chose to spend my time when I didn't have a lecture to attend.
Frank was a quiet guy, I wouldn't have met him if it weren't for that damn bus. He didn't come to the smoking area, didn't get involved with my circle, and always spent his time in the studio. He had a talent in photography and I had a curiosity that made me study journalism. These two qualities in particular made our first interaction "magical".
I was sitting on the bus with my headphones on, listening to music when I felt a camera's flash on my face. I looked at this strange guy holding the camera and ask "Excuse me? Did you just take a photo of me?"
He removed the camera and moved towards me "If you could just look at the photo I took! It's amazing!"
"Hey! I don't care if the photo was goo-" he technically shoved the camera to my face and displayed the picture he took. It was really good! You know how you take forever to set the lighting and strike a pose and do all that to get the RIGHT photo? This guy took it in one go!
"Let me have a good look at it" I take the camera from his hand and zoom a little. "It looks like my next Instagram post" I tell him with a playful smile, and he gets all excited so I wanted to pull back a little, "BUT! This is the last time that you take a picture of me without my consent. Do we have a deal?"
"Yes Ma'am!" He salutes me and we start laughing at the entire situation. "Give me your number and I'll send you the picture once we arrive on campus, I'm Frank by the way"
"I'm Laura" we shake hands "Frank, are you sure this isn't some tactic for you to get my number?"
He laughed off the idea, but my pride, or ego or whatever demon it is that possessed me that day, made me believe that he was being shy about it or something.
Be careful, dear reader, of such thoughts. They creep into your brain and make you believe in all sorts of nonsense. You start watching videos titled "5 signs he has a crush on you but doesn't want to show it" and believe that somehow he wants to be with you but can't pursue you for a reason.
I received the picture and saved his number, and I was thinking about when he would talk to me again. We reached the campus and I start heading towards the smoking area with a dark mocha cup in my hand. He rushed my way "Laura! Where are you going?"
I look back at him "I'm heading towards the smoking area, wanna come along?" He freezes for a second and then said "Oh, I wouldn't have guessed that you smoke"
"Well, and now you know" I look at him and a hint of disappointment shows up on my face.
"It's just that smoking is bad for you, it'll make your teeth yellow" I lift up an eyebrow and say "Oh, so you're the health minister now? My mocha will get cold so I'll get going now"
"Laura wait," I ignore him and keep walking for a while, "Wait I'm sorry!" I stand still so that he could take a hint and come. He gets the hint and walks hastily "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way so please don't get mad at me"
At that moment, I looked at him with his round puppy-like eyes and my anger just passed by as if it never happened. I wouldn't have spared a second had it been someone else, and that is exactly the moment I realized that I'm in deep shit.
"Okay fine don't worry about it because I'm not mad anymore, but I'm going to the smoking area so are you coming with me or not?"
He checked his phone for the time and said "Maybe we could meet some other time because I have a morning class soon"
"Ok sure, have a nice day" I wave and make my way towards the smoking area. As I walk, my thoughts were all over the place. What was that? Does he like me? Did the fact of me being a smoker turn him off?
Well, if that's the case then I shouldn't care either, or so I thought, but when we got on the bus later that day to get back home he got excited when he saw me and rushed to sit beside me. We talked until I had to step off, and when the bus was leaving he waved goodbye from the window.
Now, dear reader, if this happened to you what would you think? Isn't it normal for me to think that he likes me? Well, what happened the next few days might convince you.
The next day, and the day after that, and the week that followed, we were inseparable. He even followed me to the smoking area and started smoking himself. I felt bad when he smoked his first cigarette and started coughing but he said that it's fine because he wanted to. When I asked him about how someone who thought that smoking is bad for him could start smoking, he shrugged and said "I wanted to have one more thing in common with you"
We had a lot of things in common. We liked the same music, movies, and books. Even the neighborhoods that we grew up in were similar. So, when he said that, I naturally thought that he liked me and was waiting for the right moment to tell me.
But God tried to warn me. You know when you ask God for a sign, and he gives you a CLEAR one, but you choose to look the other way? Yeah.... that may be the only way to describe what happened that day.
On April 21st, as I was waiting for Frank on the bus, a girl with long straight hair came up to me and asked: "You're Laura right?"
"Yup, that's me. How can I help you?" she smiled with her pearly teeth, small and shining white, and said "Frank told me to ask you to reserve his seat because he is running a bit late" I wanted to ask who she was, but I got a feeling that I shouldn't.
"Ok sure, thank you.." I pointed a finger her way with a confused look so she directly said "Oh! Penelope, I'm surprised that Frank told you so much about me but never thought of showing you a picture"
Damn it.... I had a feeling that this girl is trouble, but I wanted to ignore it till the end.
"I know right!" I laughed it off to avoid the situation, but Frank never talked about her. I've never seen him with her, his wallpaper is some anime wallpaper, and his Instagram doesn't have any picture of them together. What the hell is happening? Is she just a friend? He can't have a girlfriend!
No, Frank is not the type to cheat on his girlfriend, and he clearly has feelings for me.
As my mind raced with these thoughts, Penelope checked the time and smiled "I have to leave now, it was great to finally meet you Laura!" so he told her about me, but said nothing about her...well, maybe that shows who is more important right?
I smiled back and waved goodbye after saying "It was my pleasure to meet you Penelope! Hope to see you more often"
She stepped off the bus and my thoughts were all over the place. I looked at her from the window and I saw my friend Theo talking to her, so when they were done I called him from the window "Hey Theo! Here !" He waved back at me and came to the window "What's up Laura? If it's about your lighter, I swear it's not me this time!"
"No it's not about that. Who's that girl?" He looked back at Penelope and then said "Who? Frank's girl?"
It was a slap to my face. The first slap, dear reader, among many others that are yet to come during my long, miserable years with my Lucky Charm.
