Chapter 1
CW: swearing, explicit sexual imagery. (you know, the good stuff.)
Hector rolled over to give Sara some privacy, trying not to think about the way her white flannel had clung to her. God this was so inappropriate. Should he sleep outside? Maybe if he salvaged the tarp from under her tent he could- a delicate movement caught his eye. His cell phone. Her reflection was mirrored on the black screen. She was sitting on the opposite corner of the tent with her back to him. Her pants were off, but she was seated, so he couldn’t see more than a thin band of black elastic hugging the top of her hips. Close your eyes you ass. He willed himself. But her hands were in her hair now, deftly taming the wet locks into a high messy bun. Her back gently arched, her shoulder blades easily traceable through that shirt. And the shirt was coming off now, she’d pulled it over her head, and was turning her face as she set it next to her and- their eyes locked. Hector’s eyes widened in shock and guilt. He threw his hands over his eyes and curled away from her as she instinctively covered herself with her bundle of damp clothes.
“Oh God Sara I am so sorry, I can’t- I can’t believe I just did that. I’ll go sleep outside when you’re done. Shit! I am so, so sorry.” What would he do? She would file a complaint. Jesus! She had every right to, what was wrong with him?
But Sara rushed to reassure him. “No! No Hec it’s alright I, I mean, I know it’s not alright, I know we-” She swallowed, her voice got quiet, “I know I should be upset, but, but I’m not. I’m not upset that you saw,” she paused, “and I’m not upset that you were looking.” Her words hung in the air as seconds moved past like minutes, neither of them moving.
Hector gave a short sigh, digging his palms into his eyes. A whisper escaped him, “You don’t know what you do to me.” Sara’s breath stilled, but Hector thought better of it. “Please just put your clothes on.” He heard her shuffling about. He nearly lost the battle when he heard the soft snap of her bra clasp, but he clenched his teeth and remained resolute. Finally he felt her move into the sleeping bag next to him, her head at his feet. He didn’t relax until he felt her stop moving. Then he let his hands fall, keeping his eyes closed. He rolled onto the flat of his back, his arms coming to rest at his sides, palms facing upward, forcing himself to take slow, deep breaths. Focusing on the sound of the rain.
“Would it be so bad, Hec?”
His eyes snapped open. Just don’t say anything. He told himself. She’ll fall asleep. You can pack up first thing in the morning. Blame her tent.
“Hec?”
His had flew to his forehead. “Shit Sara, what do you want me to say? Sure, let me just rub one out with one of my students. What could possibly go wrong?”
“Well when you say it like that-”
“Not very sexy is it?” His tone was biting. His eyes met hers. Her head was laid back on her pillow casually, a loose curl trailing down her cheek. Her eyes were soft, focused. How he wanted her. For months he’d wanted her. He thought he’d done a good job of hiding it. He fought to keep a look of anger on his face. “You can’t start your career like this.” A smirk played about her lips.
“What, by ruining yours?”
“God damnit, Sara!” he turned away so she wouldn’t see him smile. If he’d been ten years younger... stop it. He wasn’t. He was a 52 year old widower thinking of sleeping with the pretty grad student. No you aren’t thinking of sleeping with her! He commanded himself, shutting his eyes again. But there she was in his mind’s eye, head thrown back with a look of ecstasy on her face, breasts pushed into his chest with her arms wrapped around his neck. He forced his eyes open. Deep breaths Hec, just take deep breaths. “You have got your whole career in front of you, Sara,” his voice softened when he said her name, “and it’s going to be brilliant. Don’t fuck it up because of some silly schoolgirl crush.”
“You think I’m a little school girl?”
“Don’t make this more gross than it already is.”
“What’s gross about it, Hec? We’d be two consenting adults-”
“You’re in my lab, Sara. I’m your boss. There’s a whole university department that makes videos on this. This is the part in the video where I excuse myself and then it cuts to tomorrow morning and you say, 'Sorry about that professor, my father walked out on me as a kid and so now when I’m feeling lonely I finger myself thinking about you.'” That was a low blow, Hector knew it, but he was so close to losing the war raging within himself. The only thing keeping him from pulling her under him was pushing her away. He glanced up at her. Her face had fallen. You absolute bastard, Hec. He shook his head. “Sara, I’m sorry, I just can’t-”
“I could move labs.”
“Come on, Sara!”
“I’m serious.”
“Two projects in progress with collaborators at John Hopkins and Yale, and you’re just gonna chuck that all in the bin so you can bed the department’s least eligible bachelor? You wanna fuck some crusty old man there are plenty who’d get in line, I’m sure. Forrest Billing’s had his eye on you, I’d be happy to introduce you.”
She smiled, thank God. “Gross, now YOU stop.”
“Maybe Anthony Fletcher?”
“Oh my God Hec, Stop!” She was laughing now.
God that beautiful laugh. He wanted to cup her face in his hands and kiss that perfect little mouth. “Just go to sleep Sara. Tomorrow I’ll call Andrew and we can meet back up. We’ll blame the storm, say it flooded out the traps.” He moved to leave the tent. Sara was between him and the flap. He avoided her gaze as he moved over her and crouched down to tug on the zipper.
“I see how you look at me, Hec.” Shit. “You’re good at hiding it, but when you think I’m not looking, when you think I can’t see you-”
He cut her off, “All the more reason for me to get lost.”
It was a mess outside. The squall that had ripped open Sara’s tent had soaked the campsite. Hector’s boots were drenched. He forced one on while still halfway inside the tent and was working on the other when he felt Sara’s hand on his forearm. He stilled. He wouldn’t turn to look at her, but he couldn’t bring himself to get up and leave. He sighed and rubbed his eyes, “What do you think we’ll get by doing this?”
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have pushed it,” she backtracked, “probably just the storm and daddy issues.” She gave a wry smile, “But there’s no way I’d let a crusty old man catch his death out in the rain. I won’t bother you, I won’t even talk to you. I’ll go to sleep and pretend this never happened, just stay inside.” She pulled her arm back and laid down, rolling away from Hector and pulling her sleeping bag up to hide her face.
Hector couldn’t decide whether it was bravery or cowardice that kept him from reaching over and ripping her sleeping bag open and climbing on top of her, but it sure felt like the latter. He removed his boots, and crawled back into his sleeping bag. Sara rolled over so she was facing away from him. He turned off the lantern and tried to sleep, but it wouldn’t come. Whether his eyes were open or shut all he could see was her. How was he supposed to pretend nothing had happened? For so long she had been his dirty little secret. How many nights in the shower had he thought of her while he played with himself? What would he do now that he knew she felt the same? She would have to move labs, there was nothing else for it. He’d make sure she was taken care of, but how would he explain it? A cut in funding? Clashing personalities? The visceral desire to spread her out on his desk and-
A flash of lightning lit the tent as the air was split by thunder so loud that Sara shrieked in surprise. “Holy shit!” she bolted upright, gasping.
“You ok?” Hector had lifted himself onto his left arm, reaching towards her with his right.
“Yeah,” Sara laughed, “What is up with this weather?” In the dark she couldn’t see him, and he withdrew his hand.
“You ok?” he asked again.
“Yeah Hec, I’m ok.” But she didn’t lay back down.
“Do you need anything?” she didn’t answer right away. He strained to see her face.
“Nah, I’m alright Hec, thanks.” she finally lay back down. Hector went back to his spiraling thoughts, alternating between fucking her and firing her in his minds eye.…
