The odd bites…

December 1, 2011

14.00 pm: “BITCH!” Kailash said out aloud to his own company in a muffled little outburst. The afternoon sun was still blazing down on him as he walked along the side of the freshly tarred black asphalt road, which was conveniently enough completely deserted at the time to let him have his little outburst. Kailash wiped a drop of sweat off his brow and re adjusted his side partitioned lacklustre black hair with the inside of his palms. His ill-fitting and a tad too long cotton trousers helped in cleaning the road as he went along. Kailash walked alongside the left of the bushes with the red hibiscus flowers with this sluggish & pensive slow strides that if anyone from his past happened to see him right now then no one would even recognize that this was the same guy who used to stride confidently into classrooms with his head held high and a goofy smile pasted on his face even when he used to be late to class as he often was.

The huge trees on the sides with their huge branches & numerous small leaves provided him with some relief from the sun as he tugged along. He started thinking about these trees as he turned into the stretch of the road leading up to his old school. He tried very hard trying to remember their name but then gave up quickly just like the old times when he used to walk to school under the shade of the same nameless but providing respite from the sun trees and be thankful for them and would wonder about its name only to give up so easily. He was never thankful for them, not back then and certainly not now as he had much more important matters to think about.

Like about this girl, Neeti. The girl he called his sweetheart, they had been together for what now seemed like forever to all those who knew them. But they knew that they had been together for exactly 5 years 3 months and 21 days counting today. A fact that had been reiterated amongst themselves over the last couple of months, more in anger than in sweet reminiscence. Today morning they had another one of their fights after which he sulked and kept to himself just like with any other fight he’s ever been involved in. Kailash had actually been involved in a fight, a physical one only once in his entire life, if at all it can be called a fight was when he threw a fist-sized piece of rock at a boy for talking bad about a girl he secretly admired. And that boy dropped down on the ground upon impact, in Kailash’s own words, like a ‘bird that flew into a glass window’. But that was way back in the eighth standard and since then he had mastered and perfected the art of staying under the radar by flashing a disarming smile or letting his tongue fight his battles for him.

And that’s why Kailash was late to his own high school reunion. The invite said to be there by 12.30 noon but he was late and wondered if they had served lunch already of all things. He really didn’t want to go; Kailash didn’t have any friends that he looked forward to meeting. But there was this one person that he wanted to see, someone whom he thought he hated or didn’t care for anymore but nevertheless couldn’t keep out of his mind either.

‘I wonder if I will get any lunch today’ Kailash thought as he approached his school.

The proposal, 5 years ago…

Kailash is staring into his own reflection in the bathroom mirror, he is armed with a handful of hair gel and is trying desperately to turn his unresponsive hair into something more presentable. He is getting late and he should have left for college about 5 minutes ago if he had any real chance of getting there on time. Kailash was wearing what he claimed to be his lucky shirt, a dark brown full-sleeved shirt with small intricate self-designs in them along with a coffee cream coloured jeans. He needed all the luck that he could use as he was about to do something for the very first time in his life. He was about to confess his feeling of love to a girl, a girl that he met in college, a girl that he had become friends with over the last few weeks. The girl was Neeti, his junior in college.

The realization of having feelings that went beyond friendship wasn’t a sudden one, it was something they both realized gradually and even talked about it on days when they stayed back in college well after class hours, just talking and sometime sharing long awkward silences between them. It was during one of these silence filled moments yesterday that Kailash realized that he had to let her know how he felt but since it was getting late and since they were both tired after a long day and more importantly as Kailash didn’t know what exactly he was going to say about what he wanted to say, he postponed the announcement to tomorrow. He told her to meet him in front of the college library before class starts as he had something very important to say to her. He also asked her to tie her hair up, which according to him highlighted her angelic face even more and asked her to wear that light purple shirt and blue jeans that she looked so good in. Neeti knew what was coming but decided to play along and moreover ever since such feeling started growing in her mind, she too had become extremely shy around him and found it hard to express herself clearly. In fact, most of the time, she found herself smiling a lot and just nodding her head vigorously to everything he said, like when he asked her to come prepared for today. And Kailash after getting home yesterday did nothing except prepare for what he wanted to say to her. It was around 9 at night when he was finally done with the ‘speech’. He thought it was brilliant and that Neeti would say ‘yes’ as soon as he finished saying it. And the blend of excitement of having such a solid speech to give and the nervousness of having to do so gave him a sleepless night.

As he stood there in front of the mirror, he noticed his bleak and weary eyes they could really do with some sleep but he had far more pressing matters in hand. So he went over his speech once again in his head.

‘Hi Neeti, how are you? Thank you for meeting me. I’m sure you know by now why we are here. I’ve thought about this a lot and weighed in both and good and bad that could happen if we are to go ahead with what I have in mind. I’ve known you only for a short period but in this short time, you’ve managed to create a special place in my heart for yourself. Seeing you everyday makes me happy, talking to you always brings peace to my heart. I also want you to know that I value your friendship more than anything else. But lately I have started feeling something more towards you and I would like to find out where this takes us. So I am asking you Neeti to give me a chance, a chance to get to know you better, a chance to get closer to you, a chance to love you. Neeti, will you be my girlfriend?’

Kailash kept repeating the speech inside his head even after boarding the bus that would take him to his college. He was sitting pretty relaxed, confident in the knowledge that he had with him a foolproof plan that would see him through successfully. Kailash looked out the window and watched the cars and bikes hurry past him as he hummed a tune to himself, he kept imagining Neeti’s reaction and how wonderful it would be. This was the first time in his life that he was about to do something like this and he was excited and raring to go. He just kept repeating his speech… ‘Hi Neeti, how are you? Thank you for meeting me…’ he wanted it to be just perfect. He knew that Neeti had a soft corner for him but this speech was supposed to be final push that would put her over the line and make her fall for him completely.

Kailash got out of the bus and started crossing the road to get to his college on the other side of the road. As Kailash approached the gates of the college, he looked at his watch and realized that he was actually really late and for the first time this entire morning he was worried and wondered if Neeti would be still be waiting for him as the classes had already begun. As Kailash walked on the corridor leading up to the library, just before the bend in the passageway where it splits into two wings, he rehearsed his speech one more time.

Kailash emerged from behind the bend in the corridor and started walking towards the library. But Neeti was not to be seen, he looked around anxiously and his heart sunk for a moment not seeing her there. But before he could panic any more, Neeti emerged from behind the staircase.

‘What a beauty!’

She wasn’t tall, all of 5’2 she had a pretty petite body too but she wasn’t eating disorder thin and in fact had all the right curves at all the right places. When he looked at her face it was an embodiment of fear and nervousness, nevertheless, it was one of the many things of hers in which Kailash could get lost for hours, it was just pure perfection. But seeing her nervous face did take a little bit of shine away from his confident stride. Kailash found something else confusing too, Neeti was wearing a dark blue salwaar kameez and also had left her hair open. She was definitely sending mixed signals by staying back even after classes had begun but then not doing the things he had asked her to do. Kailash approached her tepidly and forced a smile as he found himself just a foot away from Neeti and about to do something that he had been obsessing over for the last 12 straight hours. Neeti looked at him with anxious eyes. Kailash waited for a second more expecting her to say something but when that didn’t happen, he began

“Hi Neeti, how are you? Thank you for meeting me.”

Neeti broke into a smile seeing him talk to her in such a formal fashion but that smile turned out to be his undoing as Kailash forgot his lines, he didn’t remember his ‘speech’ any more. So he hesitated for a couple more seconds before he tried again.

“So I’ve been thinking and I think we should… you know you are my friend and I’m yours and I have feelings… so I like you and I want to be a boyfriend. I mean… do you love me too?” Kailash blurted out as quickly as possible.

He realized what he had just done and closed his eyes with shame and embarrassment, he had messed up the one chance he had and he didn’t know what to do next. But Kailash soon opened his eyes upon hearing the sound of the most softest & melodious little laugh he had ever heard. He saw Neeti in a fit of giggles trying to control herself. Now he had no prior first hand experience to compare it with having never heard or seen angels laugh before but he knew this had to be pretty close to it.

“That didn’t make any sense at all! But my answer is yes… it will always be a yes for you, Kailash.”

08.00 am: It’s been 30 minutes since Kailash had gotten up, he had finished with all his morning ablutions and got tidied up and sat on the rickety wooden chair in the dining room reading today’s newspaper, to say he was actually reading would be an overstatement as his eyes were on the paper but they found themselves glancing at his phone regularly which was lying nearby. Neeti would call any moment now, that’s how they had arranged their phone conversations between them. In the morning, Neeti’s voice was what Kailash wanted to hear before starting off his day, so she would always call him in the morning and in the evening it was the opposite, Neeti couldn’t fall asleep without listening to his voice first and the onus would be on Kailash to call her. Just then his phone began to ring, Kailash then very nonchalantly proceeded to look who was calling and then very carefully and slowly folded up the paper and ever so casually picked the phone and walked into his room closing the door behind him, all this was actually a grand rehearsed show for the benefit of his parents who were close by.

“Hello!” the sweet child like voice said at the other end.

“Good morning Neets” Kailash said in a booming voice, he didn’t know why his voice had that extra baseness to it in the morning. Even before he had finished saying it, he was greeted by the sound of wet kisses over the phone.

“Neeti” he called her affectionately and kissed her back only to realize that the call had been disconnected.

‘Damn! This new age touch screen phones! You can’t even kiss a girl properly!’ he thought as he called her back immediately. As soon as the call got connected Neeti wasted no time in using her mock anger voice to threaten Kailash about breaking his phone. Kailash smiled sheepishly at his own silliness as he allowed himself to stretch out on his bed, he clutched a pillow tightly against his chest. Then he teased her by saying that Neeti could if she wanted to break anything in his house, all except for his poor little heart. Neeti knew that he was being extra cute and she liked it too, because of late Kailash was a lot of things but cute wasn’t a role that he played with regularity. His voice too was extra smooth and teasing to her ears. She chided him affectionately for being like this but he paid no heed to her.

“Kailash…” Neeti whined from the other end to finally make him stop his sweet talk.

“What is it Neets?”

“I feel like seeing you right now!”

“Then see me, you have my photographs with you, don’t you?”

“Not like that Kailash!”

“Then close your eyes and I’ll be there in a second…”

They stayed silent for a while, enjoying each other’s presence while forgetting all about yesterday’s tension. Neeti finally broke the silence by letting Kailash know how lucky she felt to have him as a friend and as a lover. She said that she really felt like the luckiest girl in the world for having him in her life. This made Kailash secretly very happy inside, this was something he always believed in but just hearing it from her for a change brought a smile to his face.

“Now leave all that talk about luck and tell me, did you get up early and study today?”

“Of course Kailash! After all I’m studying this hard so that we can be together in the future.”

The mere mention about the word future troubled him but to sidetrack that he quickly asked her to carry on studying hard for her CA exams.

“Yes I will and you too should forget all about ’Global Bank’ and look for some other job, okay!”

“I will Neeti… just give me some more time, I’m just not ready to go back and work in another bank or anywhere else right now.”

A moment of silence crept in between them as Kailash started thinking about his stint with the Global Bank and Neeti too realized that it wasn’t the brightest idea to bring up the topic of a job so early in the morning, she knew that it was still a sore topic for him.

“Okay darling so what’s the plan for today?” She asked him trying to change the topic.

“Um… nothing much there is this reunion thing that I have to attend in the afternoon.”

And as soon as he finished saying it, he regretted it, this time it was Kailash who had made a slight error in bringing up the topic of reunion so early in the morning, this was an event they both had their own strong opposing stubborn views about.

“Hey Neets didn’t you hear what I just said?” Kailash asked her with a nervous laugh but Neeti didn’t say anything in return.

“Uh-huh” was all she managed and she said that with the sort of aloofness that Kailash had seen creeping into Neeti voice over the last few months. And even after knowing very well that it’s best to leave her when she’s like this, Kailash went against his better judgment and asked her what her problem was?

“Nothing, just leave it.” Neeti sounded off.

“Leave what? What’s wrong with you?” Kailash asked irritably and regretted it once again as soon as he said it.

“Why do you want to go to this reunion Kailash?” Neeti asked questioningly. “You are not friends with any of them, still you want to go?”

“Look Neeti” Kailash started, his frustration beginning to show on the throbbing vein on his forehead. “Haven’t we danced this dance before? The day I got the invite and told you about my wish to go, you started acting so stubborn and difficult to even talk to, and now you are doing this again!?”

“You are going to meet Leela aren’t you?” Neeti said in a cold voice. The mere mention of Leela’s name sent a cold shiver up his spine, this was a name that he was trying to forget, and yet Neeti was adamant in using it like an offensive weapon.

“Oh! There we go again with Leela! Why do you keep bringing her up over and over again?” Kailash asked raising his voice.

“You don’t like it when I talk about her?”

“Oh for god’s sake! Stop mentioning her in front of me like she means something to me! I should have never told you about her in the first place…” Kailash trailed off regretting and hating the moment in the past when he mentioned to her about Leela and his big high school crush.

“Yeah who knows what else you haven’t told me.” Neeti retorted.

Kailash knew that it was impossible to talk to her when she was in this sort of a mood and decided to give up. He had no intention of ruining his mood so early in the morning by fighting with her. But Neeti persisted with her earlier demand of wanting him to give the reunion event a miss. She even pleaded with him.

“Why not? What are you so scared off?”

“Look I’m not saying anything else. I don’t want you to go! That’s final!”

“So that’s it?! You are going to decide where all I should go and whom all I should meet or not meet?” the anger in his voice was unmistakable now.

“Then who else is going to do it? Leela?” Neeti asked in a mocking tone.

“Oh shut up!”

“Kailash! Please! Why won’t you listen to me?” Neeti pleaded with him but Kailash was beyond the point of noticing it or hearing her out.

“I don’t want to talk to you! Get lost!” Kailash shouted back and flung the mobile on to the bed.

14.30 pm: Kailash walked in slow and carefully measured nervous strides along the corridor with the thin and frail looking pillars on its sides, which were painted in grey, leading up to his class at the very end on the left side. He didn’t even know why all his classmates and his teacher were all huddled back together in their old classroom in the first place; he thought that the entire batch would be getting together in a common large area where he could just slip in and out without garnering anyone’s attention. As Kailash walked on with only a few more steps left between him and the centrifuge fusion of his past and present that was the classroom filled with his old mates, his heart seemed to be in a world of its own dancing to the addictive beats of a Congo drum. His head was filled with serious thoughts like, how his ‘reception’ would be like after 10 years, would his former classmates still recognize him? Considering he hasn’t kept in touch with any of them. And silly ones like, where would they all be seated, will he find a place to blend in without drawing any attention to himself considering he’s so late for the function. And with a 100 different demented thoughts, Kailash entered the classroom.

And as soon as he set his foot down inside, the hustle and bustle and all the noise coming from inside the classroom suddenly died down, there was just too much of silence and that stopped Kailash in his tracks. He didn’t even dare look in the direction of the class but felt the weight of so many eyes penetrating through him. And almost spontaneously with the same stride that he stepped in to the class he turned around and started to walk out of the class when he stopped, hearing his name being called out in a loud voice. He turned back and saw it was his old class teacher, Shanti Madam. Even though there was a ‘shanti’ in her name, the fierceness of her voice and that along with her towering height and imposing personality made her name a flimsy ironical joke. Kailash now entered back, and walked as if in a trance following the source of the voice, he turned to his right to see his old mates all of whose eyes were perched on him.

‘Oh my god! They are still sitting in their seats like they used to do 10 years back! Incredulous! And everyone seems to have gotten so fat!’ Kailash was desperately trying to quench his own nervousness with humour. But the latter thought did lead to a smile forming on his lips. He was about to turn his head and look back at Shanti Madam when his eyes locked upon the site of Leela who was sitting in the front row. He looked at her for a second more than what would have seemed natural but Kailash recovered quickly, well almost as he took his eyes off her and was now looking at the floor below studying the basic tile pattern very closely.

‘Why did I notice her of all the people sitting here? Did she sit in the front row just to spite me? Why did Neeti have to remind me of her today? But Leela does look very beautiful, short hair really does suit her but she looked best with her long and flowing hair.’ Kailash was lost in his own thought and maybe that’s why he didn’t hear Shanti Madam call his name for the second time.

“Kailash!” The extra decibel in her voice got Kailash’s attention the third time around and thereby halting his train of thoughts.

“10 years! And you are still late to class, huh?” Shanti Madam said mockingly.

“Good habits die hard I guess!” Kailash answered her back with a poker straight face. Shanti Madam smiled at him, she had always liked Kailash and she didn’t know what it was about him but he had certainly managed to carve out a soft corner in her heart for himself and maybe that’s why he often got away with saying even the most outrageous things in front of her. Like on occasions when she would single him out for not doing an assignment or something and on the brink of getting angry at him Kailash would just casually say something very off putting as ‘Ma’am you are looking very beautiful today!’ and throw her off the game. And the most amazing thing was this strategy of his worked like a charm almost all the time, he was one of those kids that would do something irresponsible and would get away with it just by flashing a goofy smile. The old memories had calmed his nerves down and brought a slight smile to his face, he liked it so far, being back in school, being back in familiar territory.

“How are you Kailash? How come you went completely off the grid while the rest of my 21 students kept in touch with me?”

Kailash thought for a second to Shanti madam’s seemingly innocuous question but he knew the answer to that wasn’t that simple. He couldn’t tell her that he got tired of these old faces and that’s why he deliberately kept away from them, that would seem… so out of character.

“I’m doing very good madam and as for the second part of your question… I have a theory… that farther the distance, the more the heart grows fonder of the people we care about, that’s why I ‘deliberately’ kept away from everyone, Madam!”

Shanti Madam shook her head with a laugh. “Is there anything that ever leaves you stumped?”

Kailash shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t think so madam but you shouldn’t ask me about Bobby.”

“Who’s Bobby?” Shanti Madam asked in a puzzled tone.

“Madam please! What did I just say? I don’t want to talk about Bobby!” Kailash said in mock disgusted reaction, flinging his arms in the air.

“I give up Kailash, just go and find a place to settle down.” Shanti Madam knew that it was futile to try and reason with him.

“Don’t we all want to madam? But for now, I think I will just stand here and talk to you. Only if you don’t mind.” Kailash said in part jest and part seriousness because he really didn’t want to go and sit amongst his old friends.

“And what if I mind?” she asked him.

“Well then also I will stand here madam but it might get very awkward for you and I don’t want you to feel awkward at all!” Kailash said in a tone that if it was someone who didn’t know him better might have almost believed the sincerity in his voice. Shanti madam looked at him closely this time, really so little had changed in him. He looked a little taller but the rest of him remained the same, he still had that zany, youthful, energetic vibe about him. And his eyes, back in school days she had on countless occasions mentioned about his eyes, she always maintained that it reminded her of a puppy dog, a sad looking puppy. And it was this sad puppy dog eyes that saved Kailash from many a disastrous little social situations he found himself in courtesy his uncontrollable tongue. And in many ways, he was like a little puppy, always eager to impress.

Kailash looked around the class, this time trying consciously to avoid the gaze of Leela. As he looked around, he saw certain faces that he recognized immediately and some that he couldn’t. A few smiled back at him while some pretended ignorance. Kailash turned his attention back to Shanti madam.

“Madam, can I ask you something?”

“Sure”.

“What happened to these people?” Kailash asked gesturing to the class with his hand in a subtle manner. “They all look so different… like really different!”

“I don’t know Kailash they all look the same to me, they are all married… maybe that’s why they look different to you.” Kailash seemed very impressed with that answer.

“So after you get married you get fat and age quickly huh?”

“Be nice Kailash! And what is it that you wanted to know?” Shanti madam asked him trying to suppress her laughter.

“Nothing… I was just asking…” Kailash said hesitating a bit.

“So I’m guessing you are not yet married huh?”

A wry smile formed on his lips. “Oh no madam! Haven’t found anyone that insane yet!”

Shanti madam smiled at that and leaned more on to the table by pressing her palms forward.

“Guess it’s better to wait for the right person… actually I was just talking about this matter with them before you came in. How all my children have gotten married and are raising families of their own now.”

“Everyone madam?”

“Not everyone there’s Anita, Leela… and you! Actually no one knew anything about you so we weren’t sure.”

“So Leela isn’t married?” Kailash blurted out without thinking. Shanti madam nodded in agreement before a wry smile found the corner of her lips.

“But she is engaged, why do you ask?” the smile refusing to go from her lips. Kailash suddenly realized the big faux pas he had committed and got nervous once again.

“Nothing! Chee… che… I was just asking!” his voice was beginning to crack a little while Shanti madam continued to look at him questioningly.

“Hey madam can I ask you something?”

“What now?”

“Have they served lunch yet? I’m so hungry!”

15.20 pm: After dragging along and seeing the rest of his school Kailash got back into his old class after he was finally done with ushering in the nostalgic memories. Shanti madam had gone and so had most of his class mates, the few that remained had broken up into smaller groups and were seen chatting up with each other. Kailash stumbled along for a couple of seconds not knowing what to do, whether to stay or to go out. That’s when he spotted Tom, who with his tall frame and dark curly & moppy hair wasn’t tough to miss either, he was sitting with Poornima, Leela, Harish, Maria & Shweta. All of them were huddled around a bench & desk and Tom was gesturing him to come near them. Kailash walked up to them in confident strides and stood between Tom and Shweta facing Poornima, Leela, Harish & Maria from left to right. After a lull of silence, Maria who was the shortest in the group asked Kailash what was probably on everyone else’s mind.

“Where have you been all these years Kailash? No one’s even heard from you since that farewell party!”

Kailash was in that sort of a mood where he didn’t care about what anyone else thought of him and was also affected by Leela’s presence in that he somehow felt like he needed to make an impression in front of her and therefore he didn’t think much for an answer.

“I was studying people… studying about the complexities of life and the intricacies of inter-personal relationships.” Kailash said as he looked away pretending to think very deeply.

“So basically you are saying that the last 10 years you were in a mental asylum right?” Shweta quipped in drawing a few guffaws from the group.

“Yeah because one day I was walking down the street and a person asked me if I find you beautiful and I said no…” Kailash replied back without even blinking an eye. Shweta was left a little puzzled by his answer and didn’t find a quick enough retort and so were the entire group in all probability as everyone seemed puzzled by his answer and kept quiet more out of desperation than choice.

“Enough about me, tell me about you guys!” Kailash said stretching out his hands and looking expectantly at each one of them. Finally, it was Poornima who broke the silence.

“Why are you like this? Always acting out? Stop pretending for a minute!” she said in a mildly irritated tone. Kailash’s face grew serious but the sly smile never went away. He looked at her very intently like he was studying her. He knew this was his cue to engage in a one on one with her. He liked being able to get under the skin of other people, in fact he thrived on the cheap thrill it provided.

“Nope…I’m sorry, I don’t believe you!” Kailash said with a stoic face. Poornima was slightly put off by that answer.

“What, what do you mean?”

“You know, whatever you just said, I’m just not buying it. You may be saying one thing but the expression on your face betrays the emotion your voice is trying so hard to convey!”

Poornima looked round the group for support as he said it but they all sat there looking at her expectantly as if waiting for her next move.

“You think you are very clever don’t you?” Poornima asked in a haughty manner.

“Do you end all your sentences with a question mark?” Kailash asked her and it drew a guffaw from Leela who quickly muffled it when she got a stern glare from Poornima.

“And no I don’t think I’m clever or anything, I’m just smarter than you are!” there was a smug look on his face as he indulged in this extended one on one with Poornima.

“Whatever! Just stop acting! You are doing all this purposely aren’t you?”

“There you go again! Another question! What’s wrong Poornima? It’s like you are saying one thing and yet it seems like you don’t believe a single word of what you are saying, why is that? Just to instigate me? Maybe because you secretly like me”

“Whatever Kailash!” Poornima said crossing her arms across her chest.

“Ha! Classic defensive posture! Can’t handle a little truth huh?” Poornima was getting visibly agitated and Kailash didn’t seem to have any intention of backing down either.

“Shut up!” she screamed at him. Kailash chuckled at her reaction, instigating her some more.

“Why? Run out of more questions to ask me? Don’t you want to know if I’m acting right now?” He said with a wink in his eye.

Kailash looked around the group very slowly scanning each of their faces quietly. The expressions on their faces varied from the stunned to the awkward looking away. He was pretty happy with what he had achieved; he had managed to make them all take notice of him even if it was in a repulsive manner.

“Don’t worry I’m out of here. You people have fun. My Next stop is world peace!” Kailash said as he stole a glance of Leela who was looking at him in a sort of empathetic manner before he walked away from them.

15.43 pm: Kailash climbed the dusty cemented stairs very slowly almost dragging his legs through the stairs of the new building, at least that’s what it was called when he studied here 10 years back. Now this building like everything else around him, as he viewed it, looked old and jaded too. He had spent his 6th, 7th and 8th standard classes in this block. And as he stood by the side gate of the school earlier contemplating whether to leave, he felt this sudden urge to go and see his old classrooms and maybe even revisit a few good old memories. This was after all where he laid his eyes on Leela for the very first time in the 8th standard class. So it was sort of a homecoming for him, getting back to the roots of where it all started. More importantly, it would take him away from hustle & bustle of his reunion and from his unfriendly classmates. He wanted some peace and quiet and he tried desperately to stop thinking about Neeti. She had been calling him for some time now but Kailash didn’t answer his phone, in between the misconstrued fears and anger that he harboured he really didn’t have anything much to say to her. ‘Why was she hurting him so much?’ ‘why did her words cause so much pain?’ with such thoughts plaguing his mind, he climbed the stairs leading up to the third floor and on to the corridor which housed his eighth standard class room.

It was the third door on the right, he hadn’t forgotten his way around and as if in a trance, he headed towards his old classroom. By the time he got to his old class, he felt a bit odd, something was definitely wrong and he could hear the rapid fluttering beats of his own heart very loudly. But Kailash just ignored it and continued to move forward. Even at the lethargic pace that he was walking in, he almost bumped into Leela who was coming from inside the class room, stopping short of Kailash only by a couple of inches. He had not expected to run into anyone over here least of all Leela and was caught off guard by her presence. Leela on her part too seemed to be filled with the same emotion as she too seemed unable to move a muscle. Leela tried to diffuse the situation by offering a slight smile, which didn’t have any obvious effect on Kailash. He just looked straight into her eyes; it’s been 10 years since he has last seen her and more than 14 years since he first had a crush on her. Kailash knew he was staring but couldn’t help take his eyes off Leela’s light brown windows to her soul; he studied closely her silken tanned face, her shortened hair barely coming up to the length of her neck that in fact smelled like dry almonds from where he was standing. Or the smell very well may have been from the real almonds that he was carrying in his left breast pocket.

Leela too looked back at him; she was well aware of his feelings towards her back in school even though he never showed the courage or made a conscious effort to let her know about it. As Leela stood there looking at him she was transported back to the many nights she had spent thinking about Kailash, she wasn’t the romantic type, she didn’t believe in the cuddly stuffed toys and dark chocolate routine, she liked frankness and openness in people. And yet somehow he had managed to invade her mind space on many a nights and she often wondered why he never said anything to her when it was pretty obvious to everyone and their kin that he liked her. Looking back at him now, she realized that those yesteryear feelings don’t just wither away like that and this is a realization that dawned upon both of them at the same time.

Kailash felt a huge tug at his heart, it felt like he was hurting there and he got emotional all of a sudden when all those past memories of Leela came rushing back in, memories he had convinced himself that he had forgotten all about. He felt his eyes well up with tears. So he quickly looked away from Leela as he took a step back so that she could walk past him. He waited a couple of seconds for her move but sensing that she wasn’t moving from her position he looked at her again, this time the varied bottled up emotions threatened to come out any time. He tried to mask his true feelings with a smile and nodded his head at her as if to ask, ‘what’s wrong?’ and gestured at her to leave. Then Leela took a step forward and got closer to him, closer than they were a minute ago. They were standing on the doorstep to an empty classroom and the whole world too seemed to have gone empty and quiet for them to have this moment. In fact, the only sound puncturing this silence was the sound of their fast pounding heartbeats, which they could hear loudly and clearly in the midst.

“What’s wrong Kailash?”

She asked him in a soft voice. Kailash didn’t say anything back, he feared if he opened his mouth to say something she would hear the choke in his voice. So he smiled some more trying to convince Leela everything was fine.

“Kailash” she called again. Kailash was still wondering what to say to her when he noticed a small piece of plastic graffiti stuck on her hair by the sides. He gestured to her about it and even before she could react, he lifted his hand and picked up the little piece of intrusion, sliding it down the lengths of her hair. He lifted it up to her eye level and made sure that she saw the alien particle before he flicked it away. This little Samaritan act of Kailash brought a few strands of her hair from the sides to the front of her forehead down her face. And Kailash just as nonchalant as the last time proceeded to wipe the hair back and set it to its original place, all this time Kailash’s eyes were locked straight into Leela’s who was watching his every move very closely. Kailash felt like he was in a daze, he knew very well what he was doing but felt like he had no control over his actions. And Leela on her part didn’t stop him from removing the now, last imaginary strands of her hair from her forehead, his fingers brushing past her skin ever so delicately. And she didn’t stop him either when he started caressing her forehead with the back of his fingers. Kailash knew what was happening but he had no intention of stopping now as he started feeling her face with the inside of his palm, down the sides of her soft round cheek, he stopped for a moment to press her luscious full lips with the might of his thumb which parted a bit under the force. Leela looked at him with deep soulful eyes, she knew what was coming next but just couldn’t stop him as he took her face in full into his palms bringing her closer until his lips welcomed hers. To say Kailash just kissed Leela would be an understatement; this was a moment that he had been longing for many, many years. All the time he imagined it in his head sitting at home as a young boy, he always knew that it would be a good feeling but being in this moment he couldn’t believe how great a feeling this was actually turning out to be.

As Kailash stood there kissing Leela, he was experiencing a strange sense of calm, a sense of happiness and joy that had stopped being a part of his everyday life. From getting to know each other’s lips through soft delicate kisses, the moment was getting more passionate. Leela wrapped her hands around his head as Kailash brought her body even more closer into his own and they were getting lost in the heat of the moment when the sudden ringing of Kailash’s phone startled them. For a split second their lips released their deadly grip and when their eyes opened up to the reality surrounding them, almost on cue they took a step backwards, quickly letting go off each other’s body. They still looked at each other but now the daze was wearing off and they were slowly coming to terms with what they had just done. Kailash fumbled with his phone and ended the call without answering it but as he looked up at Leela, he saw that the vulnerability and passion that he had seen on her face earlier had all but disappeared and was replaced by more of a mortified fear. And Kailash couldn’t bear to watch her like this anymore so he backed away from her slowly while his eyes remained fixated on hers. He didn’t know what to say to her, he hadn’t planned on kissing her and now that it was over, he didn’t know what else to do. He turned and was about to leave when Leela cried to him in a high-pitched tone.

“This is wrong! We shouldn’t have done this!”

Kailash turned around to look at her and her panic-stricken face, he watched her very intently for a couple of seconds before replying.

“Oh stop it you filmy heroine! Get real!” And thereby Kailash dismissed her concerns just like that as a big smirk formed on his lips.

16.22 pm: Kailash was about to exit the school building when he stopped on hearing his name being called out. He recognized the voice, he turned back to see Leela running towards him. She slowed down her pace as she got nearer and her face seemed to be filling up with confusion as she got more near to him. Leela was out of breath from all the running and spoke in between long gaps for breath.

“Kailash I’m engaged!” Leela cried out hysterically. Kailash observed her for a second; he found the site of Leela who was visibly very disturbed highly amusing.

“Well, congratulations!” Kailash replied back barely able to withhold his laugh. Leela then hit him with the back of her hand.

“Stop it! I’m serious!” she demanded of him.

“Ow! And I’m serious, congratulations… Shanti madam told me all about it.” Kailash said in a matter of fact manner. This piece of news surprised Leela and she stood there slightly flabbergasted.

“What? You knew and yet… what was it back there then?” she asked slowly unable to digest the fact that he kissed her in spite of knowing her engagement status.

“Back where?” Kailash pouted his lips as he stood there pretending to think. Leela hit him again, this time more forcefully and threatened to poke him in his eye the next time if he didn’t behave.

“Ow! Leela! Fine we kissed. So what?” Kailash said in a whispering tone, still rubbing the side of his arm where she hit him.

They were all alone in that small passageway leading up to the gate but the way time seemed to stand still around them whenever they met, Kailash wouldn’t have noticed even if anyone else was around. Leela bore an exasperated expression on her face seeing the callousness with which Kailash was approaching the entire matter.

“How can you talk this casually? Why did you kiss me then?”

Kailash got a little bit angry on hearing her accusatory tone. As far as he was concerned that kiss didn’t change anything between them and it was consensual too, therefore he couldn’t understand why Leela was making a fuss over it.

“I… me kiss you? YOU kissed me too!”

Leela softened up a bit on hearing his tone as she shifted her weight on to one leg and crossed her arms across her chest. She was feeling confused and guilty about it all. She didn’t know what she was doing with Kailash before or even now, they weren’t even supposed to meet.

“Well you took the first step” Leela whimpered at him.

“So what if I took the first step? If you didn’t want it then you could have just hit me like you are doing now.” Leela realized and knew that she was as much to blame for the kiss as him but she didn’t want to hear that right now.

“What are we doing Kailash? What’s happening here?” Leela asked him in hushed tones as she hung her head low. This weakened Kailash, he didn’t want to see her like this, he moved closer to her.

“Hey… hey!” Kailash said softly as he gently nudged at Leela’s chin with his two fingers making her look towards him. He looked into her tear-filled eyes.

“I’ll tell you the truth” he spoke softly. “The truth is that you are engaged, the truth is that I have a girlfriend that I love very much, the truth is that the kiss back there was something that I wanted to do for a very long time and from the looks of it, so did you… the truth… forget the truth! Leela I want to kiss you again! I want to kiss you right now! I… I want to hug you so tight and never let go!” he said as he grabbed her by the shoulders forcefully. “Kailash…” Leela couldn’t even complete her sentence as a tear rolled down the smooth curve of her cheek.

“Look I know it’s wrong and that we shouldn’t do this but we owe it to ourselves to at least find out where this takes us. And don’t worry about your fiancé; I’ll take care of him! Even my girlfriend… I’ll make them all disappear; I’ll take care of everything!!” Kailash said raising his voice. Leela could see the mad glee in Kailash’s eyes as he was scheming his diabolical plan and it was scaring her so she shoved him back with her hands and released herself from his grip.

“What’s wrong with you?” Leela asked in a frustrated tone, shaking her head in disgust as she wiped away her tears before she turned and started to walk away from him. Kailash just stood there watching Leela get further and further away from him until she disappeared completely. He bit down on his lips to stop himself from calling out to her even as his eyes blazed up in anger.

“Unbelievable!” he fumed at himself.

21.09 pm: Kailash picked up the phone and punched in Neeti’s number. He had it on speed dial before but after a bout of their infamous fights after which they decided that they won’t call each other anymore, a decision that lasted for a long lasting 5 hours and 23 minutes. Kailash had in a huff deleted her number from the contact list but soon found out that it was difficult to erase those 10 digits that he had been dialling for the past 5 years from his mind. But he never kept her in the speed dial list after that because by then adding her to the list one day and then deleting her from the list the next day had become a regular pattern. And he found doing it as too much labour, so nowadays he calls her number directly from memory. Barely a couple of rings must have passed before the call was picked up by Neeti. A flurry of kisses made their way over to Kailash.

“Oh Kaisa where have you been all day? Why didn’t you take my calls? I have been trying since morning. Muwahh! I missed you darling” The genuine excitement in Neeti’s voice was unflappable but Kailash didn’t share the same excitement and was sort of offended that she had managed to lose all of today’s early morning steam and was talking about missing him.

“Yeah I didn’t feel like… anyways I have called you now, so…” Kailash answered back in a nonchalant manner. Neeti realized he was still acting sore about the fight earlier but decided not to provoke him this time.

“Kailash I’m so sorry about today morning. I really am, forgive me please!” But Kailash was in no mood to listen and was still agitated about the entire morning ruckus and plus a 9 pm action movie was going on that he didn’t want to miss so he decided he wont to talk to Neeti anymore today.

“Yeah its fine, leave it” he said in an emotionless tone.

“I am really sorry Kailash; you know how I am sometimes. I didn’t mean all that, so sorry my love!” she said in a playful tone hoping he would respond in kind.

“Neeti I said its fine! Just leave it!” he shouted at her. Neeti kept quiet for some time before answering in a soft trembling voice.

“Kailash… I’m apologizing here and you are still getting angry at me?” the mere mention of the word ‘anger’ infuriated Kailash more.

“Look Neeti! I wasn’t angry before, I’m certainly not angry now but please don’t go and make me angry by talking to me anymore, please for your own sake!” he said raising his voice. There was a long pause at Neeti’s end of the line.

“I’m sorry… I won’t make you angry any more. I’m leaving; I just called to say I’m sorry”

Neeti was sad and heartbroken; anyone could have realized that from her voice. Anyone but Kailash who was still acting indifferent to her.

“Hey Kailash!”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

This woke up Kailash for a bit, it even took his mind off watching the movie. Kailash thought for a while about what that line meant to him, especially today.

“I love you too” He said with a heavy heart.

December 2, 2011

6.00 am: Kailash is falling down rapidly from an unimaginable height and there is nothing to stop him from an intermittent ending. They say in your final descent the images of your life up to that point flashes before your eyes but the images Kailash sees on the giant screens that surround him as he continues his rapid decent are of images that he had never seen before. He sees a book, a maroon coloured leather bound book on which something is written in golden yellow paint and he sees an old man with no hair clutching the book close to his chest and falling back on to a white bed. Kailash can’t make any sense of it and as he looks down he can see the rapidly approaching bottom spiked with sharp and pointy thorns. But the look on Kailash’s face betrays the gravity of the situations, he seems calm almost effervescent in anticipation of the final descent. And just before he hits the bottom the entire scene fogs out suddenly and a sound asleep Kailash is awakened by the melodious ring tone from his mobile. He wakes up hazily & although he knows who’s calling, Kailash strains his eye at the illuminated screen, extra bright in the dark room and swipes the answer key.

“Hello Neeti” Kailash cooed into the phone before giving her a soft kiss.

And after about a two-second delay she too responded back in the same manner. Kailash lifted himself from the bed slightly to extend his arm and switch on the fan. He knew his mother would be awake and their muffled voices would be audible in the other room, even with the air conditioner running and the door shut tight but the noisy ceiling fan helped in downplaying their voices to a great extent.

“Hey Neets… how are you?” Kailash asked in a playful tone still pretending to be half asleep.

“Its 6 in the morning! Is that all you have to ask me?” she said matching his tone

“Okay sorry! Tell me, what are you wearing?”

“Chee! You are such a cheapo!” Neeti’s voice was filled with a deadly mix of childlike innocence and a vixen like naughtiness.

“Oh! As if you don’t like it?! Like we’ve never done this before!”

“Okay-okay but I have to leave in 10 minutes time to get ready for my classes, that’s why!” Neeti said, clearly trying to distract him.

“What classes start at 6 in the morning?” Kailash whined

Maybe Kailash was still half asleep or maybe he had deliberately blocked it out but he had pretty much forgotten all about yesterday and the way in which he talked to Neeti and Neeti on her part chose not to remind him of it. She liked and preferred her Kailash to be like this, sweet and romantic and carefree. He was in a playful mood this morning and so tried to be Neeti. Moments like these were becoming a rarity in their lives these days. And Neeti didn’t want to say or do anything to spoil it. Though both of them were aware of the situation, they chose to not say the obvious, that how long it has been since they spend some quiet time with each other just being silly and romantic instead of being angry and stubborn all the time. And secretly Kailash was wishing that this moment would last for as long as possible, after all this was the girl he… loved, right?

“Hey baby can you meet me today?” she asked him, a hint of doubt creeping into her voice

Kailash thought about it for a couple of seconds. It’s been a while since they last had a face to face and the last time they met, it didn’t end so nicely either.

“Sure Neets! I’ll come today.” Kailash blurted out quickly fearing that he would say something else if he pondered upon it for any longer.

“Oh thank you!” Neeti expressed her pleasure with the sound of a couple more of kisses.

Even though he was enjoying this moment his heart had suddenly become heavy when yesterday’s varied colourful images decided to pay him an early morning visit and then just refused to fade away, it was making him feel very guilty. So Kailash hesitantly apologized to her without mentioning anything in particular not knowing how she would react.

“It’s okay dear; we needn’t talk about it anymore.” Neeti said hurriedly, still not wanting anything to ruin a seemingly perfect morning.

“So I’ll meet you in front of your institute, okay?” Kailash said in a confused tone.

“Okay and don’t be late! Uh-oh! Look at the time! I’ve to go, see you there Kailash!”

“Hey Neeti wait!”

“What?”

Kailash paused for a second. There was a lot on his mind that he wanted to talk about but didn’t know where to begin.

“Nothing… See you when I see you.”

9.00 am: Kailash sat around the dining room table, slouching lazily on the heavy set wooden chair. He held in his hands today’s edition of ‘The Daily Express’ newspaper. His eyes drooped over as he went through the headlines. Kailash fell asleep for a second time today after waking up to talk to Neeti early morning and had woken up only a few minutes before. And he was now reading the worn out newspaper more out of a habit rather than having any genuine intent to read it. Because that genuine interest had packed bags and left for the high seas long ago, after rounding up the other interests of his life. He just skimmed through the various headlines without going too much into the details. ‘A politician there said something about something’, and ‘Another politician here said something back in retort’, ‘An accident in the highway claims the life of one’, ’The cricket team lost another match’, all this seemed like regular fare to him.

‘When will something genuinely interesting ever happen in this country?’ he thought to himself.

At an age when most people he knew were getting comfortable in their lives with safe and secure jobs and planning to settle down, if not already; Kailash seemed immune to all these social obligations. He often felt like he had engulfed himself inside this cocoon, shielding him from the mundane societal concerns and fears. But he wasn’t always like this, what brought about this change in him, he didn’t know and of late he had even stopped caring. It’s been 8 months since he left a high paying job in one of the most prestigious private banks in India. ‘But why?’ was a question that he didn’t have the answer to, it was also a question that he had to face from his boss, his colleagues at the bank, his parents and Neeti too. Kailash didn’t have that one perfect answer to give to everyone and he often tweaked his response to suit the person who was asking him the question. The real reason as he often told himself was that he was bored, bored with getting up every day and going off to work, sitting there in the bank and dealing with a lot of ‘ungrateful’ customers as he liked to call them. He wanted to do something else with his life, something more exciting, something that gave him a reason to look forward to every day and engulf himself into its midst.

What that was he didn’t know and he wasn’t too fond of initiating thinking about his future either. Because it scared him, being 27 years of age and still having to depend on his parents for survival and still not knowing what he wanted to do with his life.

“Kailash! Will you please get up and go take a bath now!” Kailash’s mom sounded off in the distance, awakening him from his semi-asleep state.

Kailash answered back that he will do so after some time in a disinterested manner. His mom came in and just stood by the kitchen door, holding a round steel utensil full of some kind of batter for making today’s second breakfast and with her big round eyes fixated on him. She spoke after some time when she realized that Kailash wouldn’t return her gaze.

“Why don’t you go get a job, Kailash?”

“Sure Ma! Let me just finish reading the sports section first.” Kailash answered without taking his eyes off the paper.

“Kailash!!” She called out to him, raising her voice.

Kailash flung the newspaper on to the table in a dramatic manner and answered in an irritable tone.

“I will okay! But not now, it’s not the right time. I’ve worked for such a long time; I deserve a few days rest!”

“Kailash it’s been 8 months since you left your job! How much more rest do you need?”

“Ma please!”

“Don’t you want to support this family? It’s because of you that your father still has to work so hard day and night!”

“Okay now don’t start with that please!”

Kailash said getting up from his seat and getting ready to go to his room. He hated her emotional blackmailing, especially so early in the morning and didn’t want to stay and listen to the rest of it. But his mother wasn’t ready to let him off the hook that easily.

“Do you know that he left at 7.30 in the morning to get to his new work site? When you were fast asleep!”

“Ma, I am going to meet Neeti later today, after her classes get over.” Kailash said in a dismissive tone. Kailash’s mom just stood there totally silenced by his response and with an exasperated look on her face.

“Did you even hear a single word I just said?”

Kailash just nodded without looking at her as he chose this particular moment to start practicing drums on the table top with his fingers.

“Just remember, 4 pm! I won’t be here!” he said as he walked up to his room.

“Why are you wasting your time after this girl Kailash? She’s not good for you!” she came forward a bit so that her son could still hear him.

“Nobody is wasting anyone’s time over here and Neeti… I love her and you just have to accept that! God! It’s been like 5 or 6 years and I can’t believe we are still having this conversation!” Kailash’s eyes threatened to bulge out of its sockets as he whined before her. She began protesting again but was interrupted by the incessant ring of the land phone kept on the steel table in the dining room, which had a certain leaning tower of Pisa likeness to it. Kailash quickly came out of his room and rushed towards the phone even before his mother could get to it and in one quick motion picked up the receiver.

“Hello!” His voice boomed into the receiver.

“Oh! It’s you… why? How did you get this number?”

Kailash seemed surprised to hear the caller’s voice. And as he started listening more intensely to what the other person had to say, his face started growing more and more grim. And after what seemed like the longest couple of minutes, Kailash hung up. Seeing the sudden change in her son’s mood, Kailash’s mom asked him what’s wrong.

“Who was that?” she enquired

“Um… no one.” Kailash replied back at her, his face devoid of any emotion.

15.35 pm: Kailash sat across Neeti over a table at Sanjaya’s café; it was near to her institute where she did her prep study for CA. They had seated themselves by the table next to the odd shaped brick pillar, which had over the years become their usual haven to chill out and grab a bite or two. Two glasses of Pepsi and two plates of vanilla pastry lay untouched on the table between them. This was the same menu that they ordered whenever they were over at Sanjaya’s which must have come up to an exact 128 times counting today, during the course of their 5 year old relationship. They themselves weren’t sure why they chose the Pepsi and vanilla pastry combination the very first time they were here and how it became a habit over the subsequent 127 times. They were very familiar to the staff at Sanjaya’s who always seemed to stock more than enough of Pepsi and vanilla pastry for their sake. Kailash and Neeti had once even set aside some time and talked about their peculiar menu, it was June 11th, and a Friday but then they dismissed their ritual as silly and laughed about it, confessing to each other that they both weren’t found of either of the items very much.

The reason why they remember the day so well, when they talked about the Pepsi and vanilla pastry menu had to do with an incident that happened on that very particular day. Right after they had finished up with their pastries, Neeti had excused herself to go and wash away the cream that had fallen on her scarf, Kailash then very quietly and stealthily followed her into the restroom located at the back of the little café without drawing anyone’s attention and closed the door quickly. And even before a startled Neeti could react he had already grabbed her from behind and turned her around & pinned her against the wall before planting a big long kiss on her lips. It took Neeti only a second to realize what was happening before she kissed him back ferociously by grabbing on to his collar. That they broke the kiss soon after and looked at each other with a sly smile before walking back to their seats nonchalantly and left Sanjaya’s ever so casually after paying the cashier made sure that this particular day remained engraved in their memories forever.

But that was almost two years ago and today on their 128th visit; they spoke nothing at all and just sat down at their respective seats after ordering the Pepsi and vanilla pastry. While Kailash was staring down intensely at his plate and fidgeting with the silver colour spoon, he failed to spot the fly that was buzzing around his glass of Pepsi, he even failed to see Neeti’s expression as she sat there looking at him with her wide eyes. Those eyes spoke volumes about the love she had for him, those eyes were filled with unbound happiness & mischievousness, partly due to the fact that it’s been a while since they last met and mainly because that’s how Kailash made her feel all the time, ever since that day in college when he looked in her direction for the very first time. But Kailash’s mind was oblivious to such feelings as it was parked someplace else and he didn’t even try to hide it. For every bit of news she had to share, every conversation she initiated Kailash stonewalled all of them by answering in monosyllables.

“Kailash are you even listening to what I’m saying to you?” Neeti asked, half a smile pasted on her face, half hoping that would make everything better. Kailash looked up from his plate with a slightly puzzled look, the corners of his mouth beginning to form a small frown.

“Yes-yes I’m listening, go on.” He said hurriedly. Neeti took one look at him but then decided to let it go and continued talking. Then she began talking about her day, earlier when her friends Shahid, Preethi & Prashu asked her to go out for lunch with them during break time. But then she declined their offer as she had bought a packed lunch from home itself. Neeti paused for any kind of reaction from Kailash but since that wasn’t coming she continued with her story.

“Anyways then Preethi said that if I’m not going then she isn’t going either … sweet girl that Preethi.”

“Okay.”

Neeti brushed her hair back as she continued talking about how Prashu then started begging with her to come with them and even took hold of her bag and threatened not to return it unless she went with them. Neeti laughed as she recollected Prashant’s face but the moment Kailash heard about him taking hold of Neeti’s bag, he suddenly became very attentive and got interested in her story for the very first time in this entire conversation.

“Why did he do that? What right does he have?” Kailash asked in a mildly irritated tone.

“Leave it Kailash, he was just being silly, anyways then Shahid too started begging and pleading with me to go along with them.”

“Why? They won’t eat without you or what?! What will happen to them when you are done with your course? Will they go hungry forever?!” Kailash asked her furiously

“Kailash! Keep your voice down!” Neeti hushed him down as she looked around. “And they are my friends and they were just being silly, why are you getting so upset?”

“Yeah right! Friends!” Kailash exclaimed with a sarcastic guffaw

“What do you mean?”

“Look, I know these kind of boys okay; they all want the same thing.”

“No not them, they are different, Shahid and Prashu are good boys.”

Kailash squinted his eyes as he looked at her, a slight smirk formed on his lips. This was like an unmanned goal post with the ball kept just an inch away from the goal line for him. He had to take the shot, albeit a dirty one.

“So basically you believe in them more than you believe in me?”

Neeti couldn’t believe the manner in which Kailash had managed to steer the conversation around and talk about absolute rubbish. She told him to stop talking like this.

“Fine I’m done talking too! I have to go someplace else.”

“Where? You just got here. Do you know how long it’s been since we’ve seen each other?”

“Look Neeti! I’ve to go, there’s this funeral that I have to attend.”

“Funeral? Whose funeral?”

“Someone’s… you don’t know that person, so…” Kailash shrugged his shoulders and got up from his seat, ready to leave.

“Are you going to leave me just like that? Can’t you at least spend a few more minutes with me?” Neeti asked him as her voice went soft all of a sudden, it was an early warning sign that the tears were just around the corner.

“Neeti! Why can’t you understand? It’s a funeral! I can’t be late to it.”

Neeti knew Kailash very well, once he had made up his mind about anything it was next to impossible to get him to change his decision and she very well knew that Kailash was going to leave her stranded in the café but she just wasn’t quite ready to let him go yet. And her tone was getting quieter by the second as she spoke.

“At least walk with me to the bus stop like always. Please…”

“Neeti come on! I’ve got to go, maybe some other time.”

Kailash was about to rush off when he suddenly realized about paying the bill, so he quickly fished out a 100 rupee not from his purse and flicked it on to the table and gestured Neeti to settle the bill.

“Look I’ll call you, okay!” Kailash said to her as he rushed out of her sight. Neeti quietly hung her head down as Kailash left, not wanting anyone else to see the tear that had begun to roll down her cheek.

18.19 pm: Kailash sat down comfortably in his seat in this fast food joint ‘Pi’s’ on the Sulfas road next to the Amodeus office complex after having ordered himself a health drink. The restaurant was brightly lit and bustling with people and energy. The place was really loud too, filled with the nonstop rambling of its patrons, the clinking noises of cutlery striking against the plate and the always in fashion obnoxious sound of loud chewing. Kailash often wondered why people found out that they had so much to talk to each other every time they were in a restaurant or in any place where a plate of food was placed before them, he was just the opposite and he always preferred to eat in silence at home and especially at a restaurant.

Waiters were rushing around serving each of the 17 tables with clockwork precision, those who had finished with their meals were seen leaving but no sooner had they left their seats, newer patrons were already getting settled down and their orders taken eagerly by the dutiful waiters who all seemed to be possessed by this inexhaustible source of energy. The mood and the energy in this place was in complete contrast to Kailash’s environment more than an hour ago as he was leaving St. Mary’s church after the funeral. There was so much silence in that place that he felt quite at home in that environment. People hardly talked and there was even no loud wailing by the bereaved family as he had come expecting. He never went inside the church and when he made it to the cemetery gate, the stillness of the place at first attracted him but then it quickly stifled him so he left even before the proceedings over there got underway. He spotted a couple of his friends at the church but he skilfully dodged them all, he was in no mood to meet and greet anyone. Kailash didn’t even take the effort to step up and pay last respects to the lifeless body. He didn’t want to see it, besides he never believed in retaining such an image as the last memory to remember a person by when there were so many happy ones from the past to choose from. So he left quickly and quietly and wandered around here and there aimlessly before he somehow found himself in front of ‘Pi’s Fast Food’. Kailash was sipping his drink at a leisurely pace when his phone rang. It was Neeti, he answered his cell.

“Hello”

“Kailash” Neeti called him softly. “I’m sorry”

“What for?”

“For earlier… you know, for ruining your mood” Neeti’s voice was dripping with sincerity.

“It’s okay, leave it!”

“Where are you know Kailash?”

“I’m outside, and you?”

“I’m at home… Kailash I really want to talk to you.”

“Okay will do that later, after I get home… I will call you.”

“Can you stay now only for a couple of minutes?”

“Neeti what did I just say? I will call you okay! Bye.”

Neeti was hurt but she knew there was nothing more that she could do with him. She had apologized to him even though he was the one really at fault. So with a deep sigh Neeti ended the call.

‘God! That girl just won’t listen!’ thought Kailash as he got back to his drink but now he felt like he had suddenly lost all his appetite. He didn’t want to be disturbed right now and he certainly didn’t want to talk to Neeti either. Sensing that the moment of isolation was broken, Kailash didn’t want his drink anymore and he almost got up, ready to leave when all of a sudden he felt his name being called out. At first he thought he was just imagining it but the second time he heard it, he was convinced. Even in the midst of this entire hullabaloo he recognized the distinct soft voice of a girl calling out his name but he just couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. He looked around the various strangers’ faces but still had no idea as to who was calling him. But he didn’t have to wait any longer as he felt the voice get a little louder the third time it sounded and soon the face behind the voice too appeared before him from behind the plump waiter in grey uniform with the thick handlebar moustaches. It was Leela.

Kailash looked up at Leela in shock, her face contouring with a wide smile. He was completely taken aback; she was the last person he expected to see at Pi’s. He stumbled out of his seat to say ‘hello’. She then thrust her hand out to greet him and he offered his limp hand in return.

“Hey can I join you?!” she asked and even before Kailash could answer her, she had swooped down and sat down in the chair opposite to him. Kailash wasn’t sure of what he was supposed to do next so he just hanged around for a second and looked at Leela expectantly, waiting for her to make a move, who then guided him to his seat with her eyes.

“So Kailash” she began with a mischievous tone, “what bring you here?”

Kailash looked unsure, he still couldn’t believe he was sitting and chatting with Leela. ‘What was she doing here?’ he wondered

“Um… nothing, I was just walking by and you know, got thirsty.” He replied to her in carefully measured words.

“I don’t think so” she said pointing at his glass, which was still 3/4th full.

“Oh yeah that.” Kailash scratched his head trying to come up with something intelligent to say.

“Come on Kailash! Drink up! Come on now!” she insisted

He didn’t know why but he felt compelled to listen to her and so he promptly lifted his glass and took a big sip out of it without any protest.

“So what are you doing here Leela?” Kailash asked in an unsure tone.

“Nothing just winding down, I am actually here with a couple of my office buddies.”

“Office buddies? How long… when did you get here?”

“Yeah office! Which is right next door and we’ve been here for the last 15 minutes. Now are you done with your questions, Mr. Officer?”

“But I didn’t see you when I came in and where are your friends?”

“Oh they left, we got to work night shifts till this project gets over and it has to be done before the Christmas break. I told them that I will catch up with them later and moreover I couldn’t just leave after seeing you here!” Leela voice was crackling with excitement. While Kailash nodded along to her every word in an attentive manner.

“Are you done with your questions now? Please!” she pleaded with him mockingly.

“Yeah, actually just one more, why didn’t I see you at the funeral earlier? Our friends were there, I thought you would show up”

Leela rolled her eyes in an exasperated manner and flung a crumbled up tissue paper that was on the table at him.

“Idiot! What did I just say? I’m so busy right now; I don’t have time for all this grieving and condolences.”

Kailash was about to open his mouth to ask another one of his twenty questions when Leela picked up the glass before him and took a big gulp from it. And after gliding it back towards him she just sat there nonchalantly. Kailash’s mouth was partly opened in shock and his eyes wide with confusion.

“I hope you don’t mind, I got really thirsty.” Leela said, shrugging her small shoulders. Kailash shook his head sideways to indicate that he didn’t mind. And how could he mind either when he was still finding it difficult to believe all this was real and that it was really Leela sitting in front of him. But Leela didn’t have any such problems, as she kept on talking to him, she was marvelling at the weird coincidences of life that made them meet up with each other two days in a row after not seeing each other for close to 10 years. But when she mentioned about yesterday, the mere mention of it brought a lot of revealing images into Kailash’s head and it made him visibly very uncomfortable.

“Um… Leela about yesterday.” Kailash began hesitantly.

“What about yesterday Kailash?” Leela was having fun seeing him get more and more uncomfortable.

“Um…you know… the thing.”

“Leave that, tell me something Kailash, do you begin all your sentences with, ‘um’?”

“Um… no… damn it!”

“Well anyways, there wasn’t much ‘ums’ yesterday when you were very busy kissing me, huh?”

Kailash almost got startled out of his seat at the mere mention of the word ‘kiss’, he looked around to see if anyone had heard her. This was supposed to be his big secret and he couldn’t believe Leela was being so flippant about it.

“Leela come on! Do we have to talk about the kiss?”

“Why not? You didn’t like it?” she asked him, pouting her lips pretending to be offended.

“No… I mean yes, um… no, you see… well you kissed me back too!” Kailash said pointing a finger at her, pretty happy on discovering a major offensive point.

“Ooh! What are you going to do? Go and complain to your mother? Or maybe to Neeti?”

Kailash was flabbergasted on hearing Neeti’s name. ‘How did Leela find out about Neeti?’ There were a thousand different thoughts going on his mind at the same time but he just didn’t know what to ask her next.

“How did you, how do you know her name?”

“Look…” Leela began, slanting back more into the cushion part of the chair.

“I’m Leela! I know everything that I need to know!”

“Yeah right! Someone must have told you, right?”

“Maybe? But do you remember telling anyone yesterday about her?”

“No.”

“I told you!” Leela said brushing back her hair with one hand in a haughty manner.