Dirty Plans

My heart hammers in my ears as I slip out of my bedroom window. My feet hit the ground, and before I know it, I’m running across the dewy grass.

Lily’s house isn’t far but it still feels like every step means I could get caught.

But I have to do it.

My chest aches because in a few hours, my family will be moving and I’ll never see her again.

My best friend in the whole wide world. I can’t even think about it.

I’ve seen her every day since the first day of kindergarten and that’s been almost exactly half of my life now.

When I reach her window, I tap quietly and struggle to keep my breathing under control.

What if she doesn’t wake up?

The thought makes my insides feel sick. We’re leaving at first light—my mom’s words—because we have a long drive ahead of us.

I can’t not see her before we go.

After a few seconds, the curtains pull back and her sleepy face comes into view. Her hair is in a messy ponytail, with strands sticking out everywhere.

She’s so cute it hurts.

The window slides open.

“London? What are you doing?” she asks, her voice low and eyes wild.

She’s in the unicorn pajamas I made my mom buy for her tenth birthday and it does weird things to my belly.

I reach a hand out, trying to keep it from shaking. “Come on. I want to show you something.”

“But what about sleep? You’re leaving in the morning—” Lily protests.

“Please, Lily?” I’m not afraid to beg at this point.

She sighs, then nods. “Okay. Let me grab my slippers.”

She vanishes into her bedroom and a minute later, her fuzzy foot comes into view as she sticks her leg out the window. I reach out, giving her something to hold onto as she crawls through.

“If my parents find out I snuck out, they’ll have a heart attack,” she mumbles, followed by a big yawn.

“They won’t find out. Besides, we’ll just be in the backyard,” I whisper, leading her to the treehouse next to her garage. “Wait here.”

I drop her hand and climb the ladder so I can dig out the blankets I hid up there earlier in the week. Thankfully, no one goes in the treehouse anymore, so the blankets are right where I left them.

“Look out,” I say, standing over the door and dropping them to the ground.

Lily is gathering them up by the time I get back down to her.

“What are we doing?” she asks, clutching the blankets close.

“Isn’t it obvious?”

She shakes her head.

“We’re going to stay up all night.” I grin.

“I’ve never done that before. I don’t know if I can,” she admits, biting the side of her lip.

“Me neither. But I wanna try. I want it to be with you,” I say, shoving my hands into the pockets of my jeans. I’m already dressed for our move. One less thing that will take any more time away from Lily.

She smiles sweetly. “Okay.”

We move to the middle of her big backyard. Far enough from the tree, so we have an open view of the night sky.

She helps me lay the big blanket on the grass, then we sit down on it, covering ourselves up with the smaller blankets.

“I would have brought pillows but Mom would have noticed if they were missing,” I say, leaning back.

“It’s okay. It’ll make it easier to stay awake,” she says, lying down, too.

Her words make me smile as we settle in.

We lay there for a little while, just watching the stars and taking in the nighttime sounds.

“It’s so peaceful this time of the night,” she finally whispers, breaking the silence.

“That’s because the latest we’ve ever stayed up is eleven. And even then, it was the Fourth of July, so it was noisy all night,” I say, resting my head in my hands.

“That’s true. What time is it now?”

“Three, I think. I had to make sure Mom and Dad were in bed before I came over. They were up late packing.”

“Oh.” She doesn’t say anything else, but I can hear in her voice that she’s sad. I made her sad by bringing up the move again.

Great move, London. Real, good.

I clear my throat and roll over, propping myself up on my elbow.

“My dad said once there was a radio broadcast about the Martian invasion. It was before the internet and people started freaking out over it,” I whisper, watching her expression shift.

“Really?” Lily says, rolling over to face me. Her eyes are lit up now. I love they way they do that.

I nod. “Yeah. It was just a story. They didn’t know that, though. It’s funny now, but I guess people were really scared. They thought the Martians were actually attacking.”

“That’s crazy,” Lily breathes, then a devilish grin appears on her face. “I wish we would have heard it.”

“You would have loved it.”

Her expression turns quizzical. “How do you know?”

“Because I know you, silly.” I roll my eyes. “Why do you think I brought it up?”

Another sad smile rises and she lays back down. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“This. I’m going to miss you so much.” Her voice cracks and when I turn to look at her, tears are welling up in her eyes.

“Lily, don’t cry. Please. I didn’t want to make you cry.”

She wipes the tears away with the back of her hand. “You didn’t.”

“It sure seems like I did.” I frown.

She shakes her head, refusing to look in my direction. Instead, she stares up at the stars until her breathing goes back to normal.

I sigh, wishing none of this was happening. That my parents weren’t moving my brothers and me to Colorado. That we were just staying here—right next door to my best friend. And this was any other normal night.

I hate them for doing this to me.

I’ll never forgive them. Never.

For the longest time, I lay there, mad at my parents and the world.

Then I notice Lily’s eyes have fallen shut and she’s asleep.

So much for staying up all night.

Well, for her at least.

But there’s no way I’ll miss a single second.

Rolling onto my side again, I watch her for the longest time, trying to memorize everything about her.

I wish I could tell her how I feel but I don’t even know what this is. I just know she’s a part of me and not even moving away will change that.

Suddenly, a strange urge comes over me and no matter what I do, I can’t seem to talk myself out of it.

I hold my breath, scared I’ll wake her up, but my hand moves toward her. Every inch closer makes me feel more alive—and kinda scared out of my mind. But I know I can’t leave without doing it.

Slowly, I take her hand in mine, feeling the warmth of her palm as it rests in my own.

I exhale.

This is what home feels like. She’s my home.

I’ll be back, Lily. I promise.

If it wasn’t for these dirty bitches, I don’t know how I’d make it through the week. I’d probably end up one of those lonely, drunk ladies who has way too many cats and an impressive collection of yarn.

“Hey, Lil, can you flip the open sign off for me?” Tasia asks as she stumbles into the reading alcove of her adult bookstore with two dark brown folding chairs tucked under her arms. They almost look like extensions of her body since the color is nearly a perfect match to her beautiful, dark skin.

Beside me, Anna calmly sets her phone in her lap, then pushes her large-framed glasses up her face. Without missing a beat, she raises her right hand and flips the bird toward the front of the building. “Got it.”

Tasia’s expression deadpans. “Hilarious, Chang. Ever think of going into comedy?”

“I aim to please,” Anna retorts with the kind of straight face only she can manage. Maybe it’s her Korean roots showing. Or a prerequisite for being a female computer programmer. Pretty sure those ladies major in ‘Smart Ass.’

Trying to hide my smirk, I push off the small purple loveseat and stand up. “On it.”

Tasia’s dark eyes sparkle as she beams her giant smile at me and sets the first chair out. Then she turns to Anna and says, “See, that’s why she’s my BFF.”

“Kiss ass,” Anna says, pretending to sneeze as she picks her phone back up.

I laugh under my breath and weave through the bookshelves toward the front of the store.

So far, only three of us are on time—me, Tasia, and Anna. We’re waiting on Vivian, who’s notoriously late, but for some reason, it would be weird if she wasn’t.

The Dirty B’s have been meeting every Thursday night in the back of Tasia’s bookstore for the past three years. In that time, the four of us have built something I hadn’t realized I was missing in my life.

Friendship.

Camaraderie.

Hell, a fun group of women who like to sit around, drink wine, and talk about dirty books in a bookstore with more than enough reading material.

Best of all, they don’t care about what kinds of books I read, the ones I won’t touch, or … how I look.

That last piece has been a blessing.

It’s not always easy finding friends who can look past the slightly odd shape of my nose and the scar that tears its way from my upper lip to my left nostril.

Hell, not even my husband can seem to do that.

So, yeah, it’s been nice to be around people who see me for me and not my birth deformity.

Truth be told, it’s been eighteen years since the last time I felt like I was really seen for who I am. That was back when my best childhood friend, London, was still around.

There are times when I still can’t believe his parents forced him to move to Colorado. But that’s the way life goes, right?

People move on.

I walk over to the front door and flip the switch on the open sign. It goes dark just as the door lets out a shrill ding, announcing a newcomer.

Vivian waltzes in with a brown paper bag in her arms and a smile on her face. Her bleach blond hair is up in a messy high ponytail and she’s clad in bright pink yoga pants, paired with a black crop top that shows off her ample cleavage and midriff.

I’d be jealous of her annoyingly perky body if I didn’t know the woman it was actually attached to. I’ll keep my average weight and height, thank you very much.

“Hey, Flower,” she says with a quick wave of her free hand. Vivian is the only one who thinks calling me Flower makes more sense than Lily.

“Hey, Viv. We’re just about to get started,” I say, jabbing my left index finger toward the back of the store. “Was it your week to bring the wine?”

“Yup.” She nods and glances into the bag like she’s surprised it’s still in there.

“Nice.”

Vivian might always be late, but her taste in wine is impeccable. Plus, as one of Duluth’s most sought-after interior designers, she has the budget to afford the good stuff.

“Sorry I’m late. I was sucking Jordan off before he left for Tahoe and the man has stamina. But I had to leave him with an impression, if you know what I mean.” She winks at me and wipes at the corner of her mouth with the tip of her middle finger like she’s cleaning up whatever he left behind.

My face heats and I suck in a quick breath.

With Vivian, you never know if she’s serious or just saying something for shock value. However, the way her hair is slightly disheveled leaves me envisioning her boyfriend’s hands groping at it as he thrusts...

Fuck me.

I press a knuckle to my right eye socket.

She chuckles and continues through the store without elaborating further—thank god.

It’s been two months since Seth and I had sex and it’s starting to do weird things to my brain.

Shaking it off, I walk back to the alcove to find Vivian in my seat. Anna locks eyes with me and slowly raises hers to the ceiling like she’s praying to the gods to save her.

Instead of fighting it, I grab the vacant fold-out chair and pull it closer to the coffee table between us.

“I have glasses, ladies,” Tasia announces as she enters from the backroom with four wine glasses poking through her splayed fingers.

Other than talking about dirty books and the book boyfriends we’d love to bang, drinking wine and chilling with these ladies is a highlight for all of us. There’s no judgment and no shame. Only fits of giggles and the occasional drunk butt dial.

Tasia gives Vivian a once-over, then shifts her gaze to me.

I can tell she’s wanting permission to kick Vivian out of my spot, but as my best friend, she also knows how much I hate that kind of confrontation.

I shake my head and shrug.

It’s really not a big deal.

Tasia huffs a sigh and sets the glasses down on the table. “I really need to get a couple of recliners in here. My ass is getting too old to sit on straight-up aluminum for hours on end with you bitches.”

“You know, I could totally help you with the—” Vivian begins.

Tasia cuts her off with a swipe of her hand. “I’m not looking for an interior designer.”

Vivian’s face falls.

Anna, on the other hand, chuckles but doesn’t drop her phone. The woman is glued to her tech.

Tasia takes the seat next to me and points to the glasses. “Viv, you’re the last one here. You can pour.”

I catch her side eye and smirk as she leans back.

She might not make her move seats but she’ll get back another way.

That’s my girl.

Grinning, I shift the chair a little closer to the table when the doorbell dings again.

Everyone stops what they’re doing to exchange confused glances.

“You shut the sign off, right?” Tasia asks, standing back up.

I nod. “Absolutely.”

“But you didn’t lock the front door when Viv came in?” She looks like she’s hovering between hiding back here and going to the front.

I butt the palm of my hand to my forehead. “No, I got kinda distracted. Sorry, Tash. My bad.”

“Oooh, dropping down the BFF scale,” Anna chides, continuing to scroll.

I shoot her a look of annoyance but she doesn’t even glance up to catch it. Instead, she chuckles softly under her breath.

“It’s my fault. She was busy doing mental gymnastics about me and Jordan,” Vivian interjects. Again, she winks when she catches my horrified gaze.

“Is this pick on Lily night? Did I miss the memo?” I counter.

“Hello?” A woman’s voice calls out into the bookstore.

Tasia shoots everyone a look of consternation. “Behave.”

Then, she’s moving toward the sound of the voice. She doesn’t make it far before a short, curvy redhead full of freckles comes into view. The woman has deep-set dimples like me, but they look so much better on her.

“Is this the … Dirty B’s book club meetup?” she asks softly, as she wrings her hands together.

Tasia glances back at us and scratches her forehead. “Um, yeah. That’s—that’s us.” She circles her pointer finger around the rest of us.

The woman visibly relaxes. “Oh, good. I thought this was the right place, but you know, the directions weren’t very clear.”

Anna drops her phone and arches a black eyebrow above her frames. “You found directions?”

As resident tech nut, Anna created an app for the four of us to communicate during the week about the books we’re reading. But as far as I’m aware, there’s no website or anything that would house directions. Each of us has been specifically recruited by Tasia at one point or another.

The woman nods but doesn’t elaborate, so we all just stare at her as we try to process.

Vivian clears her throat and stands up. “Well, hi. I’m Vivian.” She thrusts her hand out across the spans of the coffee table.

“Carlie,” the newbie says, her smile broadening. She steps into the room with her arm outstretched.

Before she can make contact with Vivian, her knee bumps the coffee table, and the four glasses of wine clatter together.

Without dropping her phone, Anna presses a foot to the other side of the table, stabilizing it before it becomes a disaster.

Carlie pulls back. “Shit. Sorry.” She shakes her head and her cheeks turn a bright shade of pink.

“No big deal. Hardly a spill,” Tasia say with a shrug of her shoulder. She gives Anna a pointed stare, then turns toward the break room. “I’ll go grab a towel and another glass.”

With her hands by her sides, Carlie appears frozen to her spot.

I shake out my surprise and stand. “Hi, I’m Lily.” I opt for a wave. Seems safest at this point.

Her grin is back, melting some of the ice in the room. “Hi.”

I twist slightly and raise my hand toward the loveseat. “You met Viv, and the lady running to the back is Tasia. This is Anna.”

Anna tips her chin but doesn’t say anything. I’ve known her long enough to know that she has a perverse need to watch people squirm.

Carlie nods, her smile plastered on her face like she’s too scared to drop it.

“So…” I begin, turning back to her. “You found us online?”

Her gaze drops onto the table. “Well, not exactly.”

Anna snickers and crosses her arms over her torso. Her phone is still clenched in her right hand.

Carlie clears her throat. “I—I’m not super social. Bet you couldn’t tell, right?”

I smile and hold out a fist. “Introverts for the win.”

She fist-bumps me and continues, “I was searching for book groups in the area and I was coming up empty.”

Anna’s eyebrow twitches. “There are tons of book groups in Duluth.”

“Yeah, no—I meant romance-related book groups,” Carlie clarifies.

“You mean smut-related,” Vivian corrects, a wicked grin appearing on her face. She wiggles her eyebrows for effect.

Carlie smiles and nods.

“Did any of you bitches lock the door yet?” Tasia asks as she enters the room with a towel and another wine glass. When no one answers, she rolls her eyes. “Vivian, can you take care of it?”

Another attempt at retaliation.

Smooth, Tash. Smooth.

“Why me?” Vivian complains.

“It’s either that or clean up.” She tosses the towel in her face.

Vivian groans and drops the towel to the table. Without even verbalizing her decision, she gets up and walks through the bookstore.

“Do you really trust her alone up there?” Anna asks, blinking slowly. “Remember what happened last time?”

Carlie’s eyes widen. “What—what happened last time?”

Tasia blows out a breath. “Let’s just say … Viv has sticky hands, if you know what I mean. Shit, I better keep an eye on her. Chang, take care of that.” She points at the spill and dashes off to the front of the store.

“Quick, take your seat back before I have to spend the entire night envisioning stabbing Vivian through the boob,” Anna hisses at me, her voice low and urgent as she wipes up the wine.

I point to the back room. “But I should probably grab another folding chair for Tasia.”

Anna’s expression is devoid of any interest. In fact, it almost looks like she’s trying to glare a hole through my head.

“Oh, it’s okay. I can just sit on the—” Carlie begins, pointing toward the floor. She makes an attempt at dropping down and nearly takes out the floor lamp beside her.

Anna pops up. “I’ll get the chair. Lily, sit your ass down next to me. Carlie, grab a chair.” She hurries off to the back room before I can protest.

I shake my head and hold my hand out to help Carlie stand back up. “I promise, we’re not normally this chaotic.”

“I wish I could say I’m not normally this clumsy but that would be a lie.” Carlie huffs a laugh.

“Well, if it’s any consolation, you’ll fit right in.”

“Thanks,” she breathes, her shoulders sagging a bit. “I’ll admit, I was pretty nervous about coming tonight.”

I smile at her as Vivian and Tasia come into view. “Shit, I better sit down or I’ll be getting eye daggers from Anna all night.”

“Go,” Carlies says, shooing me toward the loveseat.

I sit down just as Anna enters the room with the folding chair. She dumps it in Carlie’s hand and practically dives head-first into the spot beside me.

“Hey, I was sitting there,” Vivian whines when she sees me.

“Actually, it was Lily’s spot first. You stole it but no one was man enough to kick you out,” Anna declares, picking up her phone and feigning boredom again.

I jab her in the side with my elbow.

“Just suck it up, Viv. You can tough it out with me and Carlie,” Tasia says, taking a seat. “Come on, Anna, hook me up.” She wiggles the tips of her fingers toward the glasses on the table.

Anna bends forward slowly and starts working as book club bartender. She tops up all five glasses and divvies them out.

“I’d like to propose a toast,” I say, raising my glass in salute.

Everyone stops in mid-sip to stare at me.

I clear my throat and continue, “To old friends and new ones.”

“Who are you calling old?” Vivian scoffs playfully.

“Cheers,” I say, ignoring her as I hold my glass higher.

“Cheers!” The rest chorus.

I take a sip, letting the notes hit my tongue. Blackberry, cherry, and a hint of something else—something really sweet—lingers on my tastebuds.

“Okay, so who actually read ‘Fuck Me Sideways?’” Tasia begins. “Carlie, I know you’re new so we don’t expect⁠—”

“The one by Anita Bang?” Carlie interjects.

Tasia nods.

“Great book. God, wasn’t Banner the perfect grumpy to Tess’s sunshine?” Carlie croons, clasping her hands together and holding them under her chin.

Tasia shoots us a look of surprise. “You—you read it?”

Carlie nods. “It was raunchy and I love it. Plus, I’m friends with Anita.”

Anna coughs on her wine. “You’re friends with Anita Bang?”

She nods.

“I can’t even say her name without squirming in my seat,” Vivian says, then bites down on her lower lip.

Carlie double-takes at Vivian. “I mean, her real name is Christie, but yeah. She’s great.”

“Okay, you’re gonna have to dish. How is it you’re friends with Anita?” Tasia asks, clutching her glass to her chest.

Carlie swallows hard and shifts her gaze around the room.

“You don’t have to tell us,” I say, trying to give her a way out. It’s pretty clear this question is making her uncomfortable.

“No, it’s—” Carlie begins, her lips twisting to the side. “It’s okay. I knew this was going to get asked at some point.”

“Ooooh, goss. Spill it,” Vivian practically cries out in glee, leaning in closer to her.

Carlie smiles uncomfortably and says, “I write … romance.”

“Really? Are you published?” Tasia asks.

Of course, she would. It’s literally her job.

Again Carlie nods.

“Anything we’ve heard of?” Anna asks, clearly as curious as the rest of us.

“Probably,” Carlie hedges with a grin bordering on grimace.

“Oh my god, the suspense is killing us.” Vivian taps her toes on the ground and squeals like a little girl.

Tasia takes a sip of wine. “So, I’m assuming you have a pen name, as well?”

Carlie points at Tasia. “Very astute.”

“We won’t tell anyone,” I say, mesmerized by the fact that we have an honest-to-god author in our midst.

Silence fills the room for a few beats as Carlie chews on the side of her cheek.

“Guys, she wants her privacy. We need to respect that,” I interject, reading her hesitation.

Carlie flashes me a relieved smile. “It’s not that I don’t want to tell you guys. It’s just—I mean, we just met and …”

Tasia waves a hand between them. “Totally get it.”

“I would totally bone Banner,” Anna spits out.

We all turn to face her. While a comment like that from Vivian is to be expected, hearing it from Anna is something totally different.

“Seriously? I thought you liked the nerdy smart ones who end up being a total kinkster?” Vivian gapes at her.

Redirection accomplished.

Anna shrugs.

“I totally agree. When Banner had to go into the bathroom to relieve his desires because he couldn’t handle the forced proximity with Tess …” Tasia fans herself.

“Oooh, and then she walked in on it!” I fire back.

“So, are you saying that turned you on?” Vivian gasps in mock seriousness.

“I mean, well,” I mumble, flustered. My face heats up and I reach for my glass.

Vivian leans in, her eyes trained on me. “I thought you were, and I quote, ‘only turned on by the sweet, romantic ones.’”

I bite my lower lip. “I mean, there’s something to be said about the way he was so different with her.”

“Say it, he was hot,” Vivian presses.

I press my lips tight. After a few seconds of deliberation, I spit out, “Fine, the way he was depicted was hot.”

Vivian lets out a howl of approval. “Yes. I knew it. I knew we’d break you one day.”

I look up at the ceiling. “Oh, for godsake.”

“Things still strained between you and Seth?” Tasia asks, her eyes full of concern. She’s the only one who knows how things have been going and I’m not overly in the mood to change that.

I shift in my seat and stare down at my empty glass.

“Things are strained? Do tell,” Vivian says, twisting to face me.

She’s a magnet for drama and crazy shit. So when things are going good in her own life, she’s looking for it anywhere else.

“You need to divorce him and move on,” Anna says without a hint of empathy. When my jaw drops open, she just shrugs. “You deserve better.”

“Look, things are fine. He’s just gone a lot and things have been⁠—”

“She hasn’t had sex in over two months,” Tasia fires back. “Sorry, Lil. You need some tough love here. It’s not normal.”

I blow out a slow breath and wait for the onslaught.

“You know he hasn’t gone two months,” Vivian blurts out, then covers her mouth.

My eyes shoot to her.

“Oh, Lily, I’m sorry.” She backpedals.

“Let’s drop it, okay,” I say, wishing the next bottle of wine was already open.

I know things are strained with me and Seth. I’m not stupid. But we’ve been married for almost ten years. I’ve come too far to turn back now.

Besides, my sister Angie would have a field day.

“Oh, guys, I almost forgot. Our new bookmarks came in,” Tasia interjects, changing the subject. “Anyone feel like going next door to grab them?”

“Why are they next door?” Carlie asks, confusion clear across her freckled face.

“Tasia owns Dirty Books and Dirty Deeds,” Anna offers by way of explanation.

“We get more deliveries at Deeds, so I just send all the mail there,” Tasia says with a shrug. “Plus it’s fun to see the vein in Quinn’s forehead bulge when he thinks he’s being overworked.”

Everyone except Carlie laughs at that thought. Quinn is the sweetest gay guy you’ll ever meet but he does get hilariously agitated over too much work.

“You own the adult toy shop, too?” Carlie replies, her eyes distant as she processes.

“Yep,” Tasia says, letting the P pop.

“I’m impressed. I assumed it was some dirty old man.” Carlie chuckles after a moment. “I guess that was a bit presumptuous.”

“What can I say? I’m a rebel. Stereotypes are the bane of my existence,” Tasia quips. “Now, who’s gonna go hound Quinn for the mail so you can relay back to me whether his eye twitches or his scowl concretizes?”

“Why do you bother asking? You know little Miss Goody is going to go,” Anna drawls, picking up a new bottle of wine and grabbing the opener.

All eyes turn on me.

After an awkward stare-down, I slap my thighs and stand up. “I guess I’ll go.”

At least when I come back, there will be more wine. And Anna better save my damn spot.