Christmas in New York

1

I can’t believe how this year turned out. It’s December 22nd, and I’m on a train heading to New York City to celebrate Christmas with my estranged sister and her husband. Why? Well, our parents died in a car crash when we were young, and I haven’t been back to New York since I left for college a few years later. And in college I met Chad, fell madly in love, and I spent the holidays with him and his family up in Boston every year. I moved there with Chad after we graduated, and his parents got me a job at the family company. Chad and I worked and lived together for nine years, until everything fell apart a few months ago.

In August, I was so sure Chad was about to propose. Instead, he dropped the bomb that he wasn’t in love with me anymore, and felt it was time for us to break up. And since his parents had bought us the house we lived in, and we weren’t married, he felt it was appropriate that I packed up my stuff and moved out. And for four months now, my stuff has been in storage, while I’ve been crashing with my friend Kristen, my only friend in Boston that isn’t connected to Chads family.

And just to make my life a little bit worse, about a month after Chad dumped me, his parents told me it was time I left the company. That I had ‘outgrown my position, and there wasn’t any place for me to move ahead within the company’. Translation — they fired me because it was awkward having me work there after Chad dumped me.

And for three months, I’ve been holed up in Kristen’s microscopic guest room, applying for any job I might be remotely qualified for, no matter how crappy, and still haven’t had any luck.

So now, I’m going back to my sister, whom I haven’t seen for years. Rachel is six years older than me and had just finished at NYU when our parents died. She stayed in New York, raised me through high school, and married her high school sweetheart, Gary. Now they live in a brownstone in Brooklyn with their two kids. The whole thing feels completely alien to me.

The train ride is coming to an end, and I gather up my stuff, putting my hat and mittens back on, getting ready to get off at Penn Station. Fortunately, there is a train that goes to Brooklyn, so I won’t have to leave the station. I know, I used to live here, but I haven’t been back for over ten years, and I’d rather not venture around by myself on the first day back. Not to mention getting lost in the crowd of people rushing around to get everything they need for Christmas. And when I get to Brooklyn, Rachel is picking me up, so I won’t have to walk or try and catch a cab in the rush.

I pull my bag over my head and grab my suitcase, exiting the train as it comes to a stop. Making my way to the next train, I weave in and out between all the other travelers, coming and going, making their way home for Christmas. I look at them all, hurrying around, trying to reach their destinations, finish their errands, and keep living their busy lives. Suddenly, I feel so out of place. I don’t belong here, among the busy people. I’ve been sitting on my ass for three months straight, trying to get any job that would have me, while failing to figure out my next step in life. I’m thirty years old, newly single, unemployed and have nothing going for me. I’ve also run through most of my savings getting by these months, even without paying more than a symbolic gesture in rent.

With a sigh, I continue on, find my train and begin the final journey to my sister. When I called Rachel a couple weeks ago and told her everything that had happened, she immediately invited me to spend the holidays with them, even though I haven’t seen them in years. Rachel and the family came up to Boston for a visit two and a half years ago, and that’s the last time I saw them. I really wish I had been better at keeping in touch, but Rachel looks almost exactly like our mom, and it’s just been so hard being around them.

I’m brought out of my reverie as the train slows down and it’s time for me to get off. Grabbing my things once again, I leave the train and start looking for my sister. I get out into the cold winter air, wrapping my wool coat tighter around me as I look around for the tall, slender blonde that is my older sister. It doesn’t take long before I spot her — her hair is pulled back in a ponytail and her light blue eyes are sparking from the Christmas lights all around us. She’s wearing a white coat that looks expensive, and tall black boots that matches her black leather gloves. She’s standing in front of a black Suburban, looking like she owns the whole place. Rachel has a bachelor’s in economics and works as a financial manager at a corporate law firm in the city, and I must say, she looks the part! Gavin works as a software developer and has his own firm, so they’re both pretty high achieving individuals. But I guess they have to be to afford the kids private school and everything.

“Mary!” She shrieks as soon as she spots me, opening her arms as I approach her.

“Hey, Rachel.” I smile as she envelops me in her arms.

“I missed you, kiddo. And even though the reason you’re here right now is kind of sucky, I’m so happy that you’re here. And the kids are so excited to have aunty Mary celebrate Christmas with us for the first time!”

“Thanks. I missed you, too. Honestly, I had no idea how much I’ve missed you, until I saw you right now.”

“Oh, sweetie, don’t worry about it. You’re here now, and that’s all that matters! Now come on, let’s get out of the cold.”