Intriguing

"The story had a lot of potential and I will eagerly await the next chapters. There was a lot of humour interspersed between the action, such as "used to trap over-zealous foes" and Sir Vigilance's incredulity at the bag of platinum coins. The thing which struck me most about naming most people after abstract things was how simple it made understanding the characters. In the same spirits, Swiftrod elicited an unruly giggle from me. Charles' devotion to his father was commendable, and quite atypical. Normally, young boys are more than willing to exile their fathers so that they may become king. There were certain things which I did not like. Top of the list was the terrible grammar and punctuation. There was an abrupt transition into script writing style at the end. Sir Swiftrod seems to have authority greater than the king, which seems ludicrous now given that the other knights were forced to do such a silly thing by the king. Who exactly has the power here? The exchange between Vigilance and Charles was a huge mess. Charles' frankness seemed to imply that Vigilance had often conducted clandestine surveillance for the royal family, and yet Vigilance had not been sent by Chancellor to scout the area around Overlooked Fall. Vigilance's tone is too informal for a medieval setting. Charles' plan to bring Chancellor back seems to have no purpose. What difference does it make if Chancellor lives in Westbrook or Overlook Road? He will not be able to interact with people in both cases, though I suppose Charles can visit him more frequently in Westbrook. On the whole, I enjoyed your story. Keep up the good work, and I'll be sure to return for the next chapter."