Prologue : An Anomaly
If somebody were to ask me to sum up my current life, it would only take a single word.
Selfish.
Throughout my current life, I was surrounded by all sorts of people. Some wished me well while some envied me.
Regardless of our relations, jealous or admired, I was only perceived in a good light.
But nobody knew how I saw them back.
My figure to them was like a climber at the top of a mountain peak, they envied or aspired me unaware that I have always just looked down at them as just parts of the crowds.
Slowly my gaze lifts from the ground and I see ahead of me.
But immediately sharp sunlight blinds my eyes, I would have considered it very annoying before but I simply smile now.
Raising my hand, I block the sunlight to look at the clean lonely road ahead of me.
There wasn't anything unique nor was it a place that I was very fond of, but now this place almost foreign to me was where I envision myself taking my last breath.
Ending my life selfishly here, I was decorating my death as an accident rather than a serendipity and escaping before the storms.
Honestly it was pathetic from me.
My heartbeat was audible, my nerves couldn't settle down. Despite choosing this route myself, the fear of actual death made me hesitant now.
Just another sunset, I wanted to witness it once more. Just another friend, I wanted to spend more time with, no matter who it was.
But I shouldn't.
When I die, everything will go according to plan.
If I changed it for my feelings or another optimistic decision then all my work until now would be in vain… I wouldn't become what I want to be.
Conflicting feelings over my plans overwhelmed my previous thoughts of loneliness.
The root of these new feelings was obvious as it was without any facade, but this reason was something I wanted to hide and take alongside my life.
This alone is my last wish. To perish with the last speck of pettiness in me and remain as completely flawless as someone could perceive.
“I want to die as a good man…”
My grieving voice drifts away with the wind carrying it, unheard by none except one person.
