Chapter 1
At some point, I stopped being cherished by my fiance. I knew he cared about me and enjoyed being with me but “cherished“... it seemed like that word didn’t apply to me anymore. Something had happened with Aiden and he no longer thought I was worth being kept.
Imagine that I had been planning our wedding for the past three months. Aiden had proposed at a romantic dinner at my favorite restaurant, on a Sunday night, after a day spent making my favorite things. He had rented a separate dining room, an intimate and romantic setting that the restaurant offered, and the room was full of flowers and candles, but I didn’t think it was about anything but my birthday, which was that same day.
Aiden and I had been together for 5 years since we left high school. We finished college together and lived together for all that time. Our first apartment had been one with practically just one room, which was the living room that joined the kitchen and a separate mini bathroom. It looked more like a shoebox but it was what we both could afford at that moment. It was a place next to our university and served its purpose well enough, so much so that we stayed there for almost three years.
Well, our life together was always very calm and very happy. There was respect, consideration, intimacy... sincerity.
We were each other’s first, you know? That must mean something, doesn’t it? Is this special just for me? I wonder...I wonder if Aiden thought it was a great accomplishment as I did. I wonder if he thought it was the best thing in the world too...
When he still cared for me, he received a scholarship related to his passion, soccer. He was very good at what he did and he based himself a lot on the Brazilian stars who made history, Ronaldo, Ronaldinho, Pele... He watched videos and videos of the plays and tried them out on the school field after classes. I always went with him and fetched the soccer ball for him. Sometimes I even tried to kick and do some movement, but I was a disaster and he asked me not to do that anymore after I fell face down on the wet grass and came out all dirty with mud. We walked home laughing at my clumsiness that day, with me covered by Aiden’s coat. He hugged me tightly to him because I was cold and embarrassed but I never thought that man would ask me his ring back one day.
Our parents met when we decided to move in together and they both supported us as much as they could. Dad helped with our first car, and my father-in-law with six months of rent. We had full confidence that Aiden would soon be chosen by some team, but, for that, he needed to train, study, and show to the coaches and scouts he was serious and committed to his training.
During our time at college, he received many compliments, was interviewed by some interested parties, and ended up being hired by a smaller team. He worked on that team for 1 year and was so praised and stood out so much that he ended up being sought after by two big teams known worldwide. He was waiting to know which team would “buy” him and what the details of his new contract would be. We were talking about a million-dollar salary here, an opportunity that any young athlete would die for. But for now, the old team asked him to stay calm and wait, that he would soon receive information about the final decision.
The fateful night when everything went down, Aiden came home a little too quiet. He had been training all day and had not responded to any of my messages or the two calls I had made. He was disappointed in me and I knew it. I felt my stomach twisting with fear of what he would say this time.“You are not doing what I asked you to do.“, “Why did you act that way?“, “How difficult is it to do that for me?“.
He was irritated by my behavior with the wives and girlfriends of the players he had befriended. They were great contacts who helped him a lot in getting important people to go to the games he played. Don’t get me wrong, I was never rude and I had never treated the two ladies in question badly.
One was a wife and the other a girlfriend-almost-fiancée and their behavior was very irritating and sometimes even offensive. They wanted to go to bars, “Parties”, beauty salons, shopping malls...all the damn time! They liked to talk badly about other women, to discord about the “hottest” men and also, they liked to point out every one of my flaws. I had tried to go out with them more than five times for Aiden’s benefit but hey! I have my own things to do too! And Aiden always defended them, saying that they might even be airheads but they were always kind and polite to him.“Couldn’t you go out with them and make friends? Is that too much to ask?”
Yes, Aiden, it is too much to ask!
Well, it turns out that one day one of them suggested that Aiden had lowered his taste too much to be with me.Can you believe that?But they didn’t say it in a “bad” way. More like,you must be so grateful that he chose you! Because... you know? He is quite too much for you...Huh?? After that, I left the “special lunch” we were having and went straight home. They said horrible things about me after and Aiden ended up hearing I was impossible and vicious. He didn’t say anything to me at the time but kept pushing me to be with them and get to know them better. But now I hardly accepted any invitations and Aiden thought I wasn’t making much of an effort. I told him what they had said at lunch and he just argued that they certainly didn’t mean it exactly that way.
Now, I was waiting for him home and he greeted me with a curt “good night” and went up directly to our room to take a shower. Dinner was already ready and I was feeling almost embarrassed on my own skin. It had been two months since the disastrous lunch with the mean girls and things seemed to be getting worse every day.
I had made steak with potatoes, gravy, and broccoli to try to show my appreciation. I hoped that gest would make him smile, at least a little, but he went down to the kitchen with the same closed expression, sat at the table without saying hello, and ate dinner quietly, always looking at his plate, never at me. My heart was racing because it wasn’t like Aiden to act so badly towards me. He was never rude or impolite. He was always grateful for the meals, for the clean house, for taking care of his clothes... He always said I was the best but now... he seemed quite mad.
He finished dinner and walked into the living room and sat on the couch, placing his hands in front of him in a thoughtful, closed position. I was so embarrassed I didn’t know whether to wash the dishes or follow him.
“Riley,” he said my name in a strange fashion and I walked to the couch nearby him, pausing with an anxious face. He wasn’t looking at me, and even after some minutes, he kept staring at his clasped hands. Hmmm...
“Yeah?” I said anxiously, wringing my hands. “Look, I’m sorry, okay? I told you I don’t like them... they’re so...!” I thought about saying the B-word but decided not to do it. “They’re not my friends. I don’t want to go out every day for coffee and salad for fifty bucks.”
Aiden looked up at me impatiently. He ran a hand over his lips as if trying to calm himself down. “It doesn’t matter anymore,” he said calmly.
“Really? I’m so relieved..! I thought that...”
“No,” he interrupted me. “You don’t understand.” He paused again, lowering his head and looking at the carpet. “This is too hard for me, okay?” he said ominously. Huh? Okay, I guess?
“Okay,” I said lost.
“Riley, I didn’t want to have to do this. But, it’s not just that, okay? I need to focus on my career. I’ll sign the contract any day. I don’t need to... look... I can’t be worried about whether you’re doing what you’re supposed to or not,” he stated, turning his face up to look at me. He was wearing black joggers and a white fitted t-shirt. He looked as handsome as ever but his words made me wrinkle my nose.
“Hmmm... I don’t understand. Aren’t you going to make me go out with them anymore?” He looked at me even more impatiently, as if I was missing the point.
“Riley, I can’t do that right now, okay?” he continued and I noticed he swallowed hard and took a breath as if the words bothered him. “I’m sorry. But I’m not going to go through with this, okay? It’s over. I’m sorry.” He stared at me after saying those last words. Sorry?
I don’t know how most people react when hearing it's over. Honestly, I’ve never really talked about what goes in someone’s head at that exact moment. I know that some people scream, beg, say they can’t accept it, say they love the person and can’t live without them.
I also thought that I loved him and couldn’t live without him, but the words didn’t pass my lips.
I stood there looking at him, turning my face a little to the right, a little to the left, not knowing what to do with myself at that moment. But the first thought I had was, thank goodness we haven’t paid anything for the wedding yet.
“Why?” I asked in a barely audible voice. My face started to tingle a little and I put a hand on my cheek to see if it was still there. A stone had settled in my stomach and I wished I had not eaten anything.
Aiden stood up from the couch and began to pace in front of it, sighing uncomfortably. “This isn’t working, okay? I don’t have time for this. Look... I don’t want an argument, I don’t want any scenes, okay? We started out as friends, let’s end it that way,” he said decisively, stopping in front of the bookshelf in the living room.
That seemed to bring some air back into my lungs.
I stared into space for a while, wondering if my suitcases would fit everything. I had four good suitcases, but maybe I should go buy some boxes tomorrow. I also didn’t want to think about what it would be like to cancel the bridal shop visit that my mother and I were going to tomorrow. I also needed to cancel the appointment with the event planning agency... I couldn’t forget about that...
“Okay. I got it,” I said, taking the ring off my right hand and placing it on the coffee table. “Can you give me a few days to rent a place? Maybe a week will be enough,” I said, and I was glad that my voice sounded so firm.
Aiden turned suddenly as if I had said I was going to do a nude photo shoot for the internet. His face reddened slightly. “What?” he asked, looking me up and down.
“Can you give me a week to move my things?” I repeated very slowly since he seemed to be feeling suffocated.
He stared at me like a fish fighting to breathe. He opened and closed his mouth a few times as if that wasn’t what he wanted to hear.
“Sure... I mean,” he said and stopped without finishing the sentence.
“Great. You need to call your mom, she has some plans for a bridal shower.” I didn’t want anyone paying for things that wouldn’t be of any use. “Do you need anything from the room.?” I asked, turning to go up the stairs.
“What?” he asked dumbfounded, walking towards me with his arms slightly bent as if he was going to start swinging them up and down any minute. “That’s what you have to say to me?” he asked almost shocked, his face turning even more tomato-colored. “That’s it, Riley, seriously?! Are you kidding me?!”
I frowned at him, not understanding his attitude. “Pardon?” I asked calmly.
“Did you hear what I just said to you?” He asked like I was not acting normal. “Look, I think you better sit down. You must be not feeling well,” he tried to grab my arm but I dodged it, my face still very serious.
“I feel fine. You said we broke up.” He stared at me like I was crazy.
“And you have nothing to say to me?!” He questioned almost rudely. Hmm... Well...
“Do you want to... discuss who will get the computer and the air-fry or...?” I asked because we had bought a laptop and air-fry very recently so...
“I give a damn fuc... for those things!” he shouted, his face contorted. “Are you kidding me? I said we were breaking up and you ask me to move your things...?! About a damn air fry?!”Hey! They are very useful...!
He turned around, running an agitated hand through his hair.
“What should I ask?” I said annoyed. He gave a humorless laugh.
“I don’t know Riley. We’ve been together for five damn years!”
“Sure. But you’re the one who said you don’t want to be with me anymore,” I replied.
“I didn’t say that. I just said, now’s not the time, okay? Let’s take a break and...”
“No, thank you,” I replied, interrupting his discourse. “Breaking up is fine with me.”
He turned to me and now I would say his face was purple and there were veins on his neck that looked a little menacing. He was almost boiling with some dark energy. “Okay! Damn if I care, Riley. Do whatever you want. I don’t need anything from the damn room,” he almost screamed that last part, looking at me defiantly, as if he wanted me to continue the dispute. I nodded my head in agreement and turned towards the stairs.
Once again, Aiden made a sound of disbelief. “I can’t believe you, Riley.”
I didn’t turn around to look but continued up to the bedroom and locked the door just to be sure. I leaned against it for a while. My mind went to several places at once. I gave a tired sigh in the end, shaking my head in frustration. After, I went to my computer and searched for apartments to rent.
