Hollowness
We feel horrible.
No! We feel nothing.....
It's like we are stuck in a place there is no one except sheer silence. Dead Silence.
It's suffocating.
It makes me realize, when they leave in a coffin to be buried, how they feel.
It takes their breath away. They might have felt agony being in dark.
They are alone!
That's how we feel when someone really close gets lost in time. Their time gets stopped.
Eyes Closed. Stopped Breathing. No beatings of the heart. No pulse. Just frozen.
So cruel.
We stand there and see the soul slip away in the air and vanish. Nothing seems to exist then. Time for a moment gets halted.
Just silent cry breaks out.
Everything breaks apart. Emotions get numbed. The feeling of our existence seems valueless.
The heart plays with the mind. Mind gets deaf. Heart opens the hollowness, we feel inside.
It's a hole of darkness....
There start opening the old stored memories and the mind starts to play. That's the time turmoil gets started inside of us.
We cry out and called to those moments of old pages to live again. But we forget, old and torn pages sometimes get so ruined they can't be repaired.
Somethings are mean to be the old pages.
Humans are rare species when it comes to emotions. Everyone functions in different ways. Some do feel and some ignore. Some cry in silence and some cry their heart out.
Time starts again. Illusion turns out to be reality. Mind starts to get back to the place.
But heart....
It never changes. It still hurts. It still gets haunted by past memories.
Want to chase them away. Don't be stupid. It just doesn't go away. We seem to accept it. Time plays its card.
Days go away...running....
Though in the back of our mind we still hold them close. We might have stopped crying but hollowness stays there.
It's never going to get faded. There will always be a sheer silence which was once used to be filled with pure bliss.
A never ending silence...
But we never push them back. We only get into our routine. No changes. The change is just the demise of a beloved.
Is it true that nothing changes? Wrong! Cause even there are no changes but we change. Our life changes.
Cruel laughs we laugh!
Chuckling with a bitter sense where heartfelt mourning stays fresh as new green leafs of spring forever.
These feelings never get old. It pours as rain drops, wetting us with tears of bitter truth.
Sweet memories stay..
We are not void of getting rid of sadness. It comes naturally. It comes through reality. It comes as a strong wind of bad weather which we can't ignore.
We are bound to feel it. We can't let them go. It will still come running as the waves of the ocean. We don't have the ability to push them back. As it comes to surface and it will also go back.
And It will come again. There is no meaning of running away from this. It will play it's role.
Pathetic!
Emotions, memories and never ending words of beloved ones will remain in our memories. We may get involved in our daily life but nothing changes. These are the ones we can't forget even by mistake.
They exist in every corner of our own cocoon.
Never gone.
When we open our eyes in the morning that's the time we feel that unwanted emptiness.
We feel then that we don't hear the voice anymore calling us out.
We never feel the same joy to share our meal with anyone.
We never see the person to have a heartfelt talk.
We don't see the person on a rainy day sharing a cup of milk tea enjoying the blissful silence.
Sometimes melody playing in the back and we were laughing and playing games.
There is everywhere we live, exists the hollowness of a lost person.
Beloved. A Family!
We do move on but this emptiness stays. We never forget them. We just make new memories so those old pages of memories get pushed back to a corner of our mind.
Taking a small place for ever.
We can never fill those hollowness that is filled with felicity and sadness. Cause this makes us strong and this gives us learning of life. It makes us brave enough to overcome everything every time.
We learn a life lesson.
But every time getting hurt!
Perhaps this is how we feel when our heart bleeds invisibly. We feel numb. Our eyes sting as hot tears fill them. But we feel blank.
Nothing!
Fates laugh. Too Ironic. We also laugh at our fates.
In the end, Hollowness Remains!
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~ White Diary A.I.
