Between Loyalties

His forehead was pressed against mine, locking together our gazes.

There was only him. Only us. Our labored breaths mingled -- panting the only sound in the corridor.

We both knew this could be the last time we were together and the desperation between us was making us sloppy.

Fucking in the middle of the night in an empty hallway was not our usual routine. Gav and I preferred privacy-- the inappropriate nature of our relationship necessitated it. Months of careful meetings. And yet here we were; my legs wrapped around his waist, pinned between his hips and the wall. Months of caution thrown to the wind for one moment of connection.

We should have been fucking. It should have to do been fast and needy.

It wasn’t.

He indulged in our connection. “I love you,” he whispered. Finally, the words we had both felt, but neither of our stubborn asses could say.

“I love you too.” I whimpered. I could try to blame the shaking of my voice on how good he felt in me, but if I was honest, the bulk of it was the simple fact that I was going to lose him. If our relationship survived tomorrow we would still be doomed because there was no way my father would allow me to be with someone he had not thoroughly vetted. I had made the deal with him after all.

Gavrili had been holding himself back, making slow love to me to reinforce the truth of his feelings physically.

“Please,” I begged. “Fuck me.”

He brushed his nose along mine, “Sophie, I don’t want to hurt you. I’m not sure I’ll be able to hold back.”

“Make it hurt. I want to feel it in the morning,” I grabbed a handful of his blonde curls and pulled. “I need it harder. Please, Gav.” His fingers dug into my hips as his control started to unravel. If I was lucky he’d leave bruises so I could remember his touch for a little longer. I squeezed around him, demanding. “Take. Me.”

My lover growled and pulled back before slamming himself deep into me.

Fuck yes. I needed to work out the longing before it swallowed my better judgement.

I cried out, which was stupid considering we were trying to remain hidden, but he'd been a quick practice of what I liked. Gav’s smug, smirking mouth swallowed the rest of my frenzied moans.

“Touch yourself,” he ordered between thrusts. “Come around my cock.” My hand slid between us until it found my throbbing clit. He hadn’t been lying about not stopping. I needed the smallest push to trigger my climax. Waves of pleasure shook my body and danced on the edges of my vision.

He didn’t stop his punishing pace.

“I’ll bathe in blood to have this pussy again,” he threatened. The promise in his lust stricken voice went directly between my quivering thighs.

“Let’s avoid the blood all together,” I laughed breathily. Anything else I was going to say was cut off by a snap of his hips that hit the perfect spot. Gavrili kept thrusting at that same angle until I was crying for another release. On second thought, if bathing in blood could keep me having these orgasms with Gav, I might've considered it.

His teeth sunk into my neck and ripped the orgasm out of me. Without his lips to devour my moans I was just barely able to mute my enjoyment while he laid claim to me. The clamping of my walls around him pulled him over the edge; another two thrusts and he was pulsing inside of me.

I rested my head on his shoulder while I caught my breath. We stayed there panting, until my heart broke through. “I love you, Gav. No matter what happens in the morning, I will always love you.”

He made no promises, knowing he couldn’t guarantee them. “I love you, Sophie.”

“I pray we don’t see each other during the meeting,” I murmured, pressing a kiss to his neck. This wasn’t what I wanted. It wasn’t what I’d planned. I wasn’t made for love, at least not the kind that made my heart shudder and quake.

And yet…Gav.

I had gone to find him as he was doing his rounds and I swear to God I hadn’t meant to end up with him inside me, but somehow we fell into each other instantly.

Love made real.

He helped me back onto my feet and rearranged my nightgown, smiling fondly at my tousled state.

“You should be in bed, Soph,” Gav pulled me to his chest tightly. “We don’t know what weird shit people could be trying to pull overnight.”

I sighed all of my weight against him, “I’m pretty sure that’s your job.” “Yes. When I’m not being lured away by my own personal siren,” his scoff ruffled my hair.

“Well then, I guess we should call it a night. Consider yourself lured to bed.” I chuckled sadly.

I fell further into him, his chest caving from a heavy sigh. It was his disappointed sigh. Not to be confused with his reluctantly amused sigh, or his just barely not punching someone sigh. Gav cupped my cheeks with his large hands and pressed the sweetest kiss to my forehead, then he stepped back to heft me into his arms.

Our walk back to my apartment was silent.

Two doomed hearts wordlessly screaming.

It was too easy to get back to my room. Too fast to be sitting on my bed again.

“I have to go back to my rounds,” he broke our somber silence. I knew he’d much rather slip under the blankets with me, holding me close until sunrise when he'd leave like he always did, but he did have a job to do.

Our beds were the one place we could forget everything else; it made our possible final goodbye all the more unfair.

Pretending I was even going to sleep was a farce: anticipation for the meeting, missing his warmth, and wallowing in my incredibly stupid sorrow were fighting each other for my mind.

“Will you stay? Until I fall asleep? Please,” I hugged around his neck. Desperation was not a feeling I’d regularly had, and I certainly didn't act on it. Gav held me tighter. He reached around me and pulled back my blankets. Gav’s strong arm around my waist lowered us into my mattress.

I hated to love how easily he was able to haul me around. I giggled into his chest. “You're ridiculous.” Gav shrugged. His head was resting on top of mine, but could feel him smirking.

“Stay safe,” I caressed his stupidly attractive chest, memorizing the feeling of the well sculpted body beneath his shirt. His broad shoulders and athletic abs were why I'd started lusting after him in the first place.

“You too. Tomorrow, stay back with the other teachers and you’ll be fine,” Gav brushed my hair away from my face. “Sleep, Sophie. Please for my sake, sleep.”

Worrywort. My yawn surprised me, “I think you wore me out on purpose.”

“Despite the fact that it was you who seduced me? You are correct,” he looked down at me with a lopsided smile.

My lover glanced at his watch, grimacing. “Good night, beautiful.” He kissed my lips and pulled himself away.

He didn’t waste time dragging his feet; there was work to be done. Responsibility. And heartache had no place in our world.

I wanted to mourn the woman I'd become in the years teaching, separated from my upbringing. If I went back I'd lose the self I'd found. I wouldn't believe in love or think I deserved it even if it did exist. I wouldn't take moments of peace to read and reflect over a hot mug of tea.

No. There was no room for frivolity in my family. Frivolity got you killed.

Despite my mind racing with all the ways tomorrow could go wrong, the pleasant soreness between my legs grounded me. He was real and our love was real. Nothing could take it away from me even if they took him.

And for Gav, I slept.