Chapter 1
Lainey
I hadn't seen it coming. I had planned my ass off for every possible eventuality, every possible hitch or problem that might arise. Emergency back ups and plan B's for all them.
But I hadn't seen this coming. There was no emergency back up for this.
And so, here I am, sitting in my car in the parking lot of a Dairy Queen, trying to figure out what the solution is. I can tell you that after two ice cream sundaes, the solution is not ice cream.
I'm going to have to do something though. I've been in this lot for almost three hours now and I'm starting to attract some unwanted attention. Can't strangers let me wallow in peace?
I get it though. There should never be desperately sad women with tear stained faces in the parking lot of a Dairy Queen. Ice cream rocks!
I start the engine, giving my eyes one last swipe of my damp sleeve, hoping to banish the last of my tears. I put the car into gear and pull away, doing my absolute best not to mentally picture the image of my fiancé's dick in my best friends mouth a week before our wedding. I try and fail. Because I think that image will be imprinted on my brain for eternity.
Thankfully, the journey to my office building is short, and I reach the parking lot before any major tear-blurring vision. I cannot face going home to the house we share just yet. It's a weekend and the lot is mostly empty.
I park in my designated spot, like I've done hundreds of times before, and kill the engine. This time feels different somehow.
I sit and do some more tragic wallowing because, well I don't know why. But I know I don't have a reason why I shouldn't right now.
Twenty minutes later, I'm feeling numb. It's all consuming, almost as if I'm detached from my own body.
How did this even happen?
For one terrifying moment, I feel like I might never be happy again, that I have nothing left. Which is stupid, and a spark of my survival instincts peek through. Time for a pep talk.
I'm a strong, positive, upbeat person. I can do this. This is just a blip, yes, just a minor blip. I can figure this out and still get what I want.
What do I want?
Deep breath. Switch phone on. Another deep breath.
As the phone comes to life, a few messages trickle through from my family. They all still live in Fallow Falls, but we talk daily. Several messages from Lizzie, my sister and Maid of Honour, proudly telling me she has checked another item off her stupidly long over the top to do list I gave her. She rose to the challenge spectacularly and from the start, and wedding planning with her has been amazing.
I read the rest of her messages, each one sucker punching me in the heart. I don't reply to any of them. I can't. Not yet. Not until I speak to the one person I needed as message from but never got.
My hands are shaking as I dial Ryan's number.
"Hi," he says when he picks up, "I hoped you'd call."
"Hi," I said back, not asking why he hadn't called me. Had he always been this selfish?
"Lainey, look," he starts, "I'm sorry you found out the way you did. I was trying to find a way to tell you."
"Are you saying this is my fault?" I demanded.
"No, of course not," he let out a sigh, "It's no one's fault. I didn't want to upset you."
Liar. It's your fault, shithead.
"So you thought letting my best friend and bridesmaid suck your dick was a good solution to that dilemma?" I snorted.
"I'm sorry, I was going to tell you," he said, "Kelsey and I... we've caught feelings for each other."
"And the wedding?" I whispered, the knot in my stomach tightening.
"No, I can't do it. We've been drifting apart, Lainey, you've just been too distracted to see it," he sighed, "I've been having second thoughts."
"That is complete bullshit, Ryan," I shouted down the phone," you've still been sleeping with me. How is that drifting apart?"
"Look, it's complicated, Ok?" he said, changing tact, "I just don't know if getting married is what I want."
Again, I should have seen this coming. We've been together since high school, going on seven years now. Ryan has always been more interested in having fun than in anything serious. And when he proposed a year ago, I was truly shocked. And elated. I said yes without question. But he had virtually no interest in any of the wedding planning.
I realise now how blind I've been to not read more into his lack of interest. But that doesn't mean he's innocent in all this. Far from it.
"And me?" I take a deep breath, "do you want me?"
I wait for his answer, holding my breath.
"I don't know," he finally said, "I'm sorry."
Tired of hearing him say he's sorry, I end the call without saying goodbye, and allow fresh tears to fall down my face as the gravity of the situation hits me and my life falls apart.
Thirty minutes later, I don't think I have any more tears left to cry over the man I have loved all my adult life. The only man I have ever loved (Not counting my daddy).
Slowly, my brain comes back to life but my heart aches. How could he do this to me?
It's time to make some decisions. Smart ones. Some damage control to start with, and then I had to tell Lizzie and my parents. A pit of dread twisted in my gut. My whole family had been so excited about the wedding. It's all they've talked about for months and the thought of upsetting or disappointing them hurt immensely.
I rooted around in my purse until I found what I was looking for, slipping the overly large pair of tortoise shell sunglasses onto my puffy face. Definitely needed to freshen up inside. I gathered up my things and locked the car, using my ID card to gain entry to the elevator and up to my floor. The conglomerate I work for covers several floors and, mercifully, my floor seemed deserted.
Starting a few months out of college with a business degree, I had been here for three years and was responsible for recruitment at the company. The job was easy enough but lately, I had become bored, the work not engaging me like it used to. Rising through the ranks had been exciting but now that I was at the top there didn't seem to be any challenges for me to sink my teeth into. And I needed that. The wedding planning had filled that void and I threw everything into it. Ryan's words come back to haunt me.
Slumping down into my office chair, I let a few tears slip down but it passes a little quicker than earlier. I swipe them away, tired of feeling like this.
I fired up my computer and waited while it came to life, smiling when my screensaver picture popped up on the screen. It was a picture of Lizzie's graduation from college almost two years ago. The weather was perfect that day and Mom and Dad had hosted a big family party for Lizzie in our home town. It was a great day and someone had taken this picture of all four of us, with our arms around each other smiling. That was the last time I visited home. That thought made me so sad.
A visit was well overdue. I wasn't due back at work again until after the honeymoon. The very expensive honeymoon I had booked for us in the Caribbean.
My mind started reeling, suddenly a little out of control, thinking about the eye-watering amount I of money Ryan and I had spent on this wedding. We decided to pay for it ourselves, both agreeing that it wasn't fair to make my parents foot the bill. The only thing my parents paid for was my dress, a beautiful corset back lace gown with a sweetheart neckline. Lizzie had visited for a weekend and we had gone out shopping. It was so much fun and I fell in love with the dress the second I saw it, thinking how amazing it was that this was an off the rack dress. I hadn't needed any alterations because of the corset back and I was able to take it home that same day!
Ryan and I had a budget, but it was still a lot of money and we had used all of our savings. But Ryan had a good job that pays well so it was doable. I needed to try and get some of the money back. I couldn't stay in the house anymore. I needed a place to live quickly and, in New York, that meant it was going to be expensive. I had wedding insurance, thank goodness, but that would take weeks to cash in. Hooking my wedding planner out of my purse, I flicked to the finances section. A quick scan showed that some of the balances were due this week, and that meant that the money would still be in the joint account we set up for the wedding and then after, our married life together.
An idea started to take root, but it was ever so slightly on the edge of dishonesty. I logged onto the joint wedding account online and smiled when I saw that the balance looked quite healthy.
I did think of the consequences before I clicked that final button. Honestly, I did. And my theory was that Ryan's dishonesty paled mine in comparison. Consider this compensation.
Turns out, I didn't think twice when I clicked the confirm button, sending every cent to my personal account. Technically, I've done nothing illegal. And the thought dawns on me that Ryan doesn't even know how much is still in there since he had virtually no input on the plans and their cost other than actually depositing his share into the "wedding fund". That should have really given me a clue. I should have at least questioned his lack of participation. But I didn't. Not once. Well, the wedding fund just turned into the apartment fund.
