Escaping Love

“Oh my God Jamal!” I bounce up and down, forward and backwards on top of him. He fills me so so perfectly. His hands grip my hips, his nails digging into my skin. My head goes back, my eyes closing. I bite down hard on my bottom as I remind myself to be quiet although Jamal is deep in my core knocking my gspot with his dick. My hands rest on his arms but my nails dug into his skin too when he pounds into me. “Oh yes. I’m close. I’m so fucking close.” I rush out quickly. I look down at Jamal. Sweat covers him just as it covers me. His dark skin shimmers in the moonlight as it rests upon him. Me and Jamal have been having sex with each other for five years. Only because I love his cousin Jamie. Only because Jamie has a girlfriend and he doesn't see me that way. Jamal doesn't have a girlfriend. He did but not anymore. Not when she found out I had sex with him before her. His second girlfriend left him when she found out he has feelings for me. Yes. I know he loves me. He’s admitted it. He’s proved it in many ways than one but I don't love him. I just love how he fucks me.  How he treats me. How he respects me when we have sex. The way he makes my toes curl and how how he turns me on. How he picks me up when I want to cry and die. He knows I love Jamie and I know he loves me. He knows I know he loves me and I don't. We’ve never argued about it. When he tells me he loves me at the most opportune times I say I love you too. Even if our ‘love you’ means two different things. He groans-forcefully-quietly. I can’t help but cum when he pounds into me again as he plays with the globes of my breast. Just as I know he likes, when he makes that face-where he bites his bottom lip and he closes his eyes because he’s close-I slow my fast pace. I slowly go up and down, and I roll my hips into his. The sound of our skin makes a more quiet noise now since I’m not slamming down on him and he isn't pounding into me. I lean forward a little more, my hands moving to grab his forearms. I fix the cover that covers us waist down. His dark brown eyes twinkle and I kiss him. He groans in my mouth and my eyes close from this irrational feeling. The feeling of his entire length in me that fills me so well. I can feel every ridge. I’m so wet right now you can hear it. His hand goes from my heavy breast to my throat and he holds me close. So close my chest touches his. He kisses me deeply, his tongue so deep in my mouth but I can only love it. I can only love how he does me. I still don't open my eyes and I grind hard against him. It ups our friction and my moans get quicker. My core clutches him much more than before and I want another round even after he cums. He breaks our kiss. I stare at him and he stares at me. Neither of us move and I admire the perfect body he has. He isn't all Jamaican, his mom’s black, which is how we met. We met when he had no choice but to move here back in highschool. My mom is Brazilian and dad is black. My puffy hair is put up in a ponytail though. Not too long ago did I suck him off. He was upset with me not too long ago. I don't know why. Mainly because he didn't tell me. His hands run past my hips to my arse down to my thighs. I squirm from his touch. Jamal has a beautiful touch. A touch that sends electricity through me that makes me feel so beautiful. Even when Jamie makes me feel like the complete opposite. “You wanna go again?” I ask him. His hands go up and down my thighs slowly. He comes so close to my core and I can't help but wish he’d touch me there.

“We’re supposed to be sleeping for one and I need to wake up early for my interview tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow morning?” I ask him.

“We’ll see.” I nod and he taps my thighs. I get off of him. He gets up and goes to his bathroom. I assume to take off the condom. I make an effort to put on some clothes just in case his parents try to bust in. I don't put on my underclothes nor my original clothes. Instead I walk to his closet and put on his hoodie then I crawl back into his bed. I hear shower water turn on and I almost want to run in there and join but I don't. He deserves his time of privacy and also because my body hurts. But in a good way. A very good way. I have no regrets. He was upset with me this morning and he wouldn't talk to me so while he was watching TV, I got on my knees and sucked him off. Then we had sex on the kitchen table, and he bent me over when I went to get a coffee from the fridge. That was before his parents came back from work. His parents insisted I stay so I did. I didn't want to sleep alone so I went up to his room. He didn't have anything on except for his boxers and I was instantly down for the long run. I crawled on top of him and he didn't stop me. I drift off to sleep a little but then I feel the bed dip beside me. I open my eyes a little and Jamal is next to me. His hair is low cut now, his body is a little on show since he’s only wearing sweatpants. In all honesty he looks better than Jamie but my love for Jamie makes it seem like otherwise. “Why were you upset with me this morning?” I ask him.

“It doesn't matter.” He whispers closing his eyes.

“I want to know.”

“Just go to sleep, Ember.”

“I can't.”

“Try.” I wait on him but he still says nothing after that.

“Come on Jamal. I want to know. I just want to hear you explain it. I want to fix it.”

“You already fixed it.”

“Okay then why can't I hear it?”

“Because it’s personal. Go to sleep.”

“...are you upset with me now?”

“Go to sleep, Ember.”

“Explain to me-”

“No.” I huff and he still lays there. Quietly. I kiss him and he kisses me back but he doesn't do it sexually. He keeps the rhythm. Slow and sensational. He’s so good at it it makes no logical sense and my core puckers in need. He’s the one to break the kiss and he turns to lie on his back. I decide to drop it and cuddle up to him. My head on his chest and my body partially curled up. I make sure the cover covers us especially.