Alluring Sin

"Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way, ask if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future."--Deepak Chopra

"The trouble with trouble is, it starts out fun."--Anonymous

It happened... again.

Just as it had been for the last few days, I found myself experiencing, inexplicably a lapse of time. Sure, I wished I had a better explanation for it. If I weren't already so stressed of late, I would take a deeper dive into the reason behind it. The last thing I wanted to do was blackout in the middle of nowhere without a damn clue how the hell I got there. There was no telling where I might end up, if at all alive.

Get a grip, dude. No need to be so dramatic. Damn.

Sighing as I rubbed the bridge of my nose, I always managed to put it aside as overworking myself. When was the last time I actually got eight hours of solid sleep? I couldn't remember, and coupled with the situation I was in right now, memory lapses were the least of my concerns, even if happening more frequently than I would like.

Still, in this instance, the lapse seemed lengthier, making me oddly weary of body and utterly confused in mind. Like my surroundings cloaked in mist from off the Seapoint Bay that morning, so my mind lingered drenched in a fog of forgetfulness. I struggled to remember… anything.

The answers that mocked me shifted in a haze of shapes and something far more unsettling. I sensed more than I understood, full of some dark purpose, but had no actual memory of what it was. Not due to the clammy chill of the weather, I shivered more in my deep red coat as I walked down some nameless street, unsure of where I was but needing to keep moving with the hope that it might come back to me. The hairs on my neck stood on end. Queasy in my stomach, I could not help but dwell on what I might have done this time during the latest blackout.

Lord, only you know where I’ve gone and what I’ve done.

Even walking past the latest street sign that told me I traveled along the 3600 block of Polk Street, no clue could I summon on how I arrived there. A feeling, cold and foreboding, not unlike what I experienced countless other times geared me toward the truth. My senses quaked in warning with sweat lining my brow. My mind drifted close to the answers.

Just on the edge of my understanding, that feeling of truth awaited discovery. That caused the bile to rise in my throat, lining my tongue, making me fear nothing good could come of that knowledge. Worst yet something nagged that my purpose wasn’t finished. No matter how I tried to remember why, I failed. Part of me resisted the memory out of the terror of the unknown swallowing me, and I knew that served as even more cause for concern.

The streets blurred before me with car fog lights and strangers emerging from the mists as if in a magic trick by Kriss Angel or David Blaine. The sounds of all muffled as I walked through the downtown business district without understanding why or how I came to be there. I was conscious of the motion of my legs but not the reason. My preoccupation rested on figuring out where I had been before and where I headed. However, in stopping my walk to ponder, I imagined my mind might crash in all the confusion that brewed within me—that propelled me without reason.

Why am I walking through the streets with the feeling that something bad happened, and I am the cause?

Each time I attempted to piece together where I had been and what I had done, I couldn't. Hence, I continued struggling this way with my own closed mind until I came upon a recreational center at the slope of a hill. Downtown looked long surpassed, but I stood at the intersection of Greenbend Boulevard and the Broadway Avenue Tunnel that would shuttle me right into the red-light district. I knew where I was without having to look at the street signs, which I found amazing, but had no knowledge of why I stood staring at the Greenbend Recreational Center with interest beaming within me or why I felt the need to enter.

Before I was conscious of the act, I ambled down the concrete slope and passed the inner sanctum of the recreational center’s single-story offices. The place seemed locked down for the time being, but I approached the fences where the basketball, baseball, and tennis courts awaited eagerly for any to play upon the vacant green concrete lined in white. I turned in just that moment and felt more than saw the flash of a child against my hand.

The young girl had short, liver-brown braids, and her skin was dark against my much lighter brown. Laughter bubbled from us as another girl came upon us with handfuls of sand. The young girl and I ducked the best we could, but it was no use. She pummeled us good that time. The other girl turned on her heel and fired away from us, kicking up a wave of sand in the process.

I blinked as I came from my protective crouch, truly believing it happened to me where I stood. However, the park was vacant. I stood alone. Where were the children?

What the hell? Am I truly going mad?

I shook my head as if to clear it and looked around me, wondering if I had been there before with Justina. I frowned at the name my mind conjured that came so easily not sure really why, but hoped more would come to me. Additionally, the other taller child who playfully threw sand at us—the girl who had two short dark brown ponytails and a smile that made my heart do a flip? Who was she?

“Over here!” the phantom girl shouted above me at the top of a log structure. At first, there was no one before me, but soon I squinted. Someone materialized from thin air.

A gasp fell from my lips. Justina already climbed the chain rope to get to the log tower where the taller girl stood triumphantly with a smirk.

“Betcha can’t get me!” she bellowed with glee.

Soon, I found myself… a smaller and definitely younger version of me, following suit after Justina. The instant me and my little sister (that’s it! sister!) reached the tall girl on the log tower she propelled herself from it in a leap of glory and hooted all the way down. I watched in amazement at her bravery. It was so far down to the sand below from the tower where she formally stood. Still, she made it to her feet with a jovial laugh.

“You try!” the tall girl encouraged with a thumbs-up sign.

I caught my breath for a mixture of emotions racked me. The one of fear I recognized, yet the other was entirely new and welcomed as warmth flooded my belly.

“You can do it,” Justina coined as she looked up to me expectantly. “You can do anything, Sin.” She slid down the long sliding pole to the other girl below and awaited me to propel myself down.

Yes! Sin! That’s my name. It feels right. Thank goodness! Whew! Was getting worried there a moment.

With such an audience of expectancy, I could hardly back out. There was no room. Reservations flooded my mind but when I looked into her eyes—the bright eyes of the tall girl with dark brown ponytails and saw that encouraging smile—some light careless thing took me. My heart fluttered strangely with a number of beats, and I leaped into flight. In that second, I knew what the tall girl felt—that reckless and freeing sensation of weightlessness. It caused her to hoot, and I followed her example. The ground came too soon and my feet met the sand in a great spray in what I hoped was an awesome superhero landing.

Both Justina and the tall girl came over to me praising my feat of heroism before the chase began again. The tall girl was my Firestar, and I her Sunfire in our game of X-men superheroes with the power of fire fighting to save the world. Firestar was a flame that burned me truly, although I doubted the tall girl was conscious of it or me for that matter. My little sister Justina pretended she was Storm as she tried her best to keep up and not fall behind while she made sounds like she threw thunderbolts at Firestar.