What is your opinion?
Gripping (I want more!!)
"This is a very interesting plot with captivating characters and what appears to be a potentially great book. Unfortunately despite those positive facts the book is rather lacking in grammar. The author cannot seem to decide which tense the book is in and is constantly using present and past tense in the same sentence. This could be fixed with some help. I look forward to reading more and thank Sarah Chor for writing this piece! Please finish the story! Caleb Tucker"
A Very Interesting Sory
"I like the overall story and the premise around it. But my main complaint is that the chapters are way too short. It needs to more build up to characters rather than plot. But overall, I enjoyed it. Keep up the good."
Unravel
"You've got a really nice start to an interesting story. I was drawn in right away and left with many questions circulating in my head. Why the tests? Why the dreams? Why does she have such extreme reactions to stress? I eagerly await the next chapter so I can find out more. We don't know much about the characters or where the plot is going to go, but the chapter has a nice hook. I will say that you could try to do more showing and less telling in this chapter. I think it would help it to be more evocative and draw in the reader even more. There were also numerous formatting and grammatical errors that distract from the story. All in all, this is a good start! It just needs a bit of work. Good job!"
Unravel
"I am in love with the concept of this story. It's the execution of it that is a problem. Let me explain one by one. The language is good - you've kept it plain and simple. That's how a story should be written - not too many big words - just apt number of them. However, the problem doesn't lie here. So, keep it up! The tense of the story keeps changing from past tense to present tense. This is something I've been noticing with many writers on various platforms, so you're not the only one. This can be fixed with a bit of editing. Also, in the beginning of the first chapter, I was confused with the quotation marks you have used. My understanding is that singles are used for thoughts and doubles are used when spoken aloud, or vice-versa. You have mixed this, is what I feel. That, or Axel can read Nora's mind, while Nora cannot read Axel's. Also, I suggest you break your sentences into paragraphs. And, do build up the story better. I understand that the entire scene would be playing like a movie in your mind, where you know exactly why some things are happening, but your readers can't read your mind. You need to explain it all to them. Then again, this explanation cannot be direct and all done at one shot. Build up your plot slowly and carefully. Make sure you end each of your chapters in such a way that the reader will be crying for more. Make sure that all of this lead somewhere exciting and completely unexpected. On that note, I personally feel that you should elaborate more on the dream in the first chapter. I understand that it was explained in the second chapter, but somehow, I didn't find the connection between the two. It felt like a whole new dream was being described in the second chapter. Lastly, I didn't feel all these characters. I felt like I couldn't care less if Nora's heart stopped and she fell unconscious. Your readers should be able to feel her pain and the reactions of the others in the room to such an occurrence. Perhaps it happens everyday. But, don't you think it'll be painful to see somebody close to you nearly die everyday? Here, I suggest you put yourself in the shoes of each of your characters and ask yourself what they would say or feel or how they each would react to a given circumstance. I personally believe that this story has a lot of potential when it is improved. It can do so much better in this world. All you have to do is pay attention to the little things that matter and could even change the very direction of your story. All the best on your endeavour!"
An interesting start
"You have a nice opening for a story. You have lots of potential but you are very early in the process to look for reviews. You need to do a lot of world building so the reader can understand what is happening in your characters world. I'm not sure what kind of sleep the father is going into and I don't know if the main characters abilities are only hers or if other people have this ability (If they are just hers I'm not sure why they would stop experimenting on her.) There are quiet a few spelling and Grammar mistakes ( I have the same issue and someone else on Inkitt recommended I down load an app which will read your story aloud and it is easy for you to pick up on the mistakes and fix them.) Keep going and once you get 2-3 more chapters people should be able to give you more useful advice."
