✧ O N E ✧
The morning sun crept into my room, the golden rays dancing on my skin - the melodious tune of birds sitting in the big tree outside of my window on the 4th story in the center of the hectic city, filled with cars and people galore as they made their way through a productive day.
The birds tuned out, overshadowed by the movement below, horns honking in the distance, the chatter of voices and heels hitting the pavement becoming more prominent in my dazed, half-awake state.
My eyes fluttered open, a small smile creeping onto my face. I hated the city, it overstimulated me. But today, I was finally getting out.
“Today’s the day.” I muttered hopefully, looking at the barren space around me.
Ever since my mom died when I was 12, my father has been the only consistent person in my life. We’ve moved every year due to his work and this year will finally be the last.
My father promised me that after my senior year of high school, we would move one last time and settle so I could go to college and finally start my life. Today is that day.
The apartment we’ve stayed at for the past year was empty with just a few boxes here & there along with a few pieces of furniture. We were taking our belongings and leaving the big furniture behind so we could start fresh at the new place, like we always did.
I’ve taught myself not to attach myself to things, places, or even people for that matter.
Everything is temporary and loss is inevitable.
A knock at my bedroom door stopped my thoughts as the door slowly crept open, “Good morning mija, you ready to get started on the day? We have a long drive ahead of us.” My father’s soft, deep voice entered my room, filling it with warmth.
My father was a mid-size Puerto Rican man, with thick curly dark hair and deep olive green eyes. His skin was a light olive tan, a shade lighter than me, freshly lined up facial hair & a bright, big smile with the teeth we similarly shared.
I could look in his eyes and feel completely safe, knowing he wants nothing but the best for me and that he would protect me at all costs. He had such a soft yet strong and loving aura that wrapped around me - I could feel it.
“Yeah, I’m so nervous. I’m just ready to see the house.” I grinned shyly, sitting up in bed as I tucked a curly strand of hair behind my ear.
My dad wanted to keep everything a secret so I still don’t even know where I’m going or what the house looks like. All I know is it’s nothing like this city, I made sure of it.
“I know Lani, I can’t wait for you to see it. You’re gonna love it mama.” His eyes held a gleam of hope in them, a sliver of tears gathering in his bottom lids until they dissolved as he cleared his throat, “Well, I got us some Dunkin, your usual order.” He grinned, “Just come down when you’re ready and we can get going.”
I smile softly and give a slight nod to which he shuts the door quietly, leaving me to sit in my hollow room.
I continued getting ready and began admiring myself in the mirror, as I often do; I looked so much like my mom.
My mother was the most gorgeous woman to walk this planet and I just remember her being so happy and her energy so alluring and strong, yet soft and nurturing.
I took the picture that was wedged beneath the top edge of the frame of the vanity mirror. It was an old polaroid of my mom smiling and pointing to the camera, holding baby me, who looked like she had heard the funniest thing ever.
My mother had smooth, bronze-tanned skin, long curly dark brown hair, deep big brown eyes that sparkled with kindness, and the most contagious laugh ever. I wanted to be just like her growing up, I still do. She was always so patient, artistic and spiritual, a lover of nature, and so put together.
Her and my dad worked so hard so we could live a happy, wealthy life together but then the accident happened. Car crash. I don’t remember much of that day, it was all a big blur of chaos.
The faint noises of my father shuffling around downstairs thankfully snapped me out of my thoughts. I could smell sweet air waft through the house, I could practically taste my caramel iced cappuccino.
I drew in 3 deep breaths while holding onto the necklace I’d inherited from my mother, before I slung my brown duffle bag over my shoulder, slipping the polaroid into a pocket and heading downstairs.
“Is that the last box?” I ask as my dad makes his way to the trailer that’s connected to his dark green pickup truck.
“Yep that’s it, time to get on the road. You ready mija?” He shuts the trailer doors, locking them up and spinning the keys on his finger, flashing me an excited smile.
I nod my head as we both make our way in the truck, a blanket, neck pillow, and earbuds in my hands. We get buckled in and my dad puts the radio on low as we drive off to - I don’t even know where.
I glanced out the window and watched as all the people and big buildings blurred, as they faded into the background while we made our way onto the highway. I knew I’d secretly miss the city, I always missed the places and people but when those sad feelings took over, I shut them off and forced myself into autopilot. I wasn’t fond of the pain, I knew how deeply it would consume me if I let it. I would miss the few friends I made that I’d said goodbye to on the last day of senior year but we weren’t really that close - at least that’s what I chose to believe.
My family never just moves a few hours or blocks away, it’s always so far and right on schedule. I’m just glad to hopefully be moving into our forever home. I sighed hopefully, wondering who I’d meet in this new place and all the experiences that awaited me.
After several hours of driving with plenty of gas station stops along the way, my body finally perked up as we headed into civilization, my father telling me we were getting close. The drive was my least favorite part of moving. I didn’t mind being stuck in the car with my dad but sitting down for so long was uncomfortable and I found no comfort in the roadkill along the way either. I couldn’t ignore it, it hurt in my soul to see it - as if I were a part of the Earth itself, feeling a tinge of anger for those who’d done it out of carelessness or being on their phones. I really loved all animals so deeply, speaking kind words as we passed them, and consistently including them in my daily prayers and talks with the universe.
The woods had been surrounding us for miles, the night sky illuminated with billions of stars and a big, magnificent full moon. The city smog and light pollution that I was used to had nothing on this place.
Driving down a two lane road, a big wooden sign appeared as I squinted to read it.
The energy in the truck was thick, building and teetering on the edge of excitement and something else I couldn’t pin my finger on. As soon as we passed the sign, I felt a big shift of energy wash over me. I felt comfort and peaceful yet energetic and weary. In the rush of my emotions, I felt a vibration on my chest where my necklace sat, jumping in my seat slightly as I slid my hand down the chain, holding the crescent moon pendant that hung, inspecting it for a brief moment before looking back ahead of me.
“You okay sweetie?” My father looked my way for a few seconds to which I just nodded with my eye fixated on the town that lay ahead in the distance. “You hear that?” He asks, practically grinning.
I listened - nothing, shaking my head in response. He rolled the windows down and turned the music all the way down as faint howling spiraled into my ears from a distance. I smiled, hearing the animals as they seemed to communicate in a way that conveyed a deep longing, under the full moon in the dark, starry night.
The vibe and energy of the town at night was calming. There were warm lamp posts and lights on every building that dressed in dark wood and big stones or bricks. There were people scattered around; biking, holding hands, walking their dogs. It felt small and cozy but alive and busy, just a different busy than the city, it wasn’t as loud and hectic feeling, I wasn’t being suffocated.
We turned off on a street that looked like it went on for miles with big, old-looking houses scattered around flaunting the vast land that surrounded it, some hidden in the trees. My father slowed as we reached a smaller dirt road hugged by trees which we turned onto. As we went further back, a house appeared, if you could even call it that. It was like a mansion, land stretched around it with a dark wooden fence that met at the gate we stopped at before getting closer. The gate sported a giant ‘V’ on it, as in Vasquez, and I looked over at my father in disbelief and confusion.
“We all have different codes,” He reached over as I watched him enter my mother’s birthday, “We can set your code up tomorrow.” He smiled.
“We all?” I questioned, an eyebrow raised. No response, just a slight smirk.
The gate opened and we drove a bit further into the driveway. The pond on the side of the giant cottage-like house caught my eye as the moon danced on the surface of the water.
It felt like we were secluded from the world, with the most green and beautiful woods surrounding it. I could see through the sunroom, a collection of plants scaling the walls, hanging from the ceiling and sitting on counters that lined the room. My mind couldn’t comprehend everything. Then, I noticed another car over by the garage, an old beige crown vic. My confusion grew stronger but I was at a loss for words.
I saw a small movement on the porch, a cat-shaped shadow sat in front of the door, watching us as if it had been awaiting our arrival. Just as I’d noticed it, it jumped down and strutted around the house, disappearing into the dark night.
As we stepped from the truck, I glanced over at my father who was watching me with a slight smirk on his face. He was proud of himself and I was speechless.
I stared up at the stairs, looking at the big brown door in front of me, peering through the tall and wide windows which were draped in sheer, black curtains. My dad stepped up and used a gold key in the top lock, then placed his thumb on the top of the doorknob, a short but pleasant tune emitting as he opened the door that led to the foyer. There seemed to be a lot of security to get in, but it was probably for the best, considering how big the house was.
I walked further in after taking my shoes off which was a custom since birth, and I was met with this big, beautiful open space. Everything looked so cozy with lots of plants, comfy furniture, and pretty rugs. It looked and smelled as if it were lived in, a warm coconut smell mixed with an ocean breeze flowed through the space.
As we walked in further, I looked to my dad and he beamed, gesturing me to keep looking around. We walked into a beautiful kitchen area, the cabinets a dark brown with golden knobs, black and white tile coating the floor. My body freezes as I see a person standing with her back towards us, in front of the stove. The aroma of Puerto Rican rice filled my nose. I knew right away who it was by her long, curly black and grey hair, I could feel her energy spread deep within my heart.
“Grandma Nora?!” I exclaim, causing her to turn as I make my way to run into her open arms.
I feel a vibration from my necklace again, and jump back a little but continue in the moment, assuming I had just gathered some static.
“How are you Lani? You look gorgeous just like your ma. Qué linda!” She beams at me as she softly holds my face with both hands.
I experience such a heavy feeling of maternal warmth, happiness, and a deep ancestral bond as it flows from her body to mine. A special feeling I only get with my grandma.
I haven’t seen my grandma since I was a little girl, before the accident. I only have distant memories of her and as far as I know, we moved so far away that we just couldn’t see her anymore. She never liked technology so we never spoke much either but I would get a handmade birthday card every year, it never had either of our names in it but a short sweet message and 100$ that my dad would give to me from her which I always looked forward to. It’s just how things were.
“So what’s going on?? Are you going to live here with us?” I ask hopefully, looking from her to my dad.
“Yes. Your father and I wanted to keep everything a big surprise. I’ve lived here a few years now and the plan was always for you two to come live here once you graduated. Do you want to see the rest of the house?” She asks with a smile
I nod, I have no more words left in me.
The last stop was my very own wing of the house, secluded at the edge opposite from where my dad and grandma’s rooms were. As you stepped in, there was a nook area overlooking the garden and pond, a living room area with a desk, then my room with bookshelves taking up a whole wall, a big cozy bed, and a bathroom with a tub and giant walk-in shower where more plants hung.
All of the rooms were big, with tall ceilings, every room occupied by plants with a cozy, boho feel in every detail. I liked how nothing looked overly modern. The house had charm and character with natural, dark wood and rock showing. Everything is decorated perfectly, emitting comfort and warmth.
My grandma and dad stood at the doorway watching me explore, “We’re gonna let you get settled, come get some food, and tomorrow we can hang out.” My grandma smiles at me and walks out with my father who flashes another grin at me.
I set my bags on the floor and sunk into my big, warm bed. This was gonna be a new beginning for me, I could feel it in my bones.
This is home.
I felt another buzz from my necklace so I picked it up once more to look at it, without any further distractions. This necklace was specifically given to me after my mother’s death, she wore it all the time and never took it off, I hadn’t either since it had been in my possession. It was a big, iridescent crystal in the shape of a crescent moon, wrapped in gold with diamonds swirling around the moon, with a gold chain that featured gold, diamond-shaped stars.
As I stared at it, I became lost in its beauty and it felt as if a bolt of electricity ran through my fingertips and into the necklace as I held it, a golden glow crackled like lightning within it. I watched with my mouth slightly agape, a feeling washing over me that was hard to describe - like something was coming. Maybe I was experiencing an illusion due to the long drive and not getting enough sleep for the past few days as I anticipated the move. The golden glow crackled once more.
Perhaps I was just exhausted... or completely losing it.
