Lumberton

Leslie Carr loved the idea of family dinners.

She often thought about her childhood, the white tablecloth and the folded napkins, the steaming plates of yellow chicken parts and bright silver bowls of dark green peas, her father Douglas lecturing them in a gentle yet firm way about the relative strength of the county’s many bridges.

It was something she wanted for her own family.

She remembered the laughter, the questions, the word games, the math contests where her mother Agnes would award an extra fat scoop of butter brickle ice cream for a right answer.

Sometimes she would weep just thinking about it.

That’s why her daughter Ellie, 14, her son Timothy, 11, and husband Thomas always had dinner in the dining room at 6 o clock (depending on the temperamental stove).

It was her duty to keep the family together.

She tried very hard.

“Who is ready for dessert?”

Ellie raised her hand. Thomas rubbed his cheeks and said something about being a fat chipmunk. Then Leslie looked at Timothy, who had his head down and was staring at his place mat.

“Timothy? Are you ready for a slice of apple pie?”

He muttered something she couldn’t hear.

“What was that, honey?”

“I want to live…”

“I don’t understand, honey.”

Ellie sighed and shook her head. Thomas mumbled Jesus Christ, here we fucking go. Timothy started to shake and twitch.

“Don’t be silly. Would you like a slice of apple pie or not?”

“I want to live, okay? I want to live! I want to live! I want to live!”

When he started banging on the table with his fists, Thomas pushed away and announced he was taking a drive. Ellie’s face twisted into an ugly mask of hate. She whispered I hate you to Timothy. When he started to weep and pass gas she left the table.

Leslie was left alone with her awkward, sad son. She reached out and took his hand.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to have dessert.”

“I want to live! Let me live! Please let me live!”

He screamed and slapped a glass off the table. It shattered on the brick floor. He started to slap his eyes with his open palms and flick his tongue in and out of his mouth.

Leslie left the table and went to the refrigerator. She opened it and saw the apple pie. She stared at it for a moment.

Then she grabbed an ashtray off the kitchen island and dumped the butts onto the pie. She mashed them together and smashed them through the crust with her fist.

No one saw her do it…

2.

Thomas drove a quarter mile west to a liquor store and bought a six pack of Bud Light. He drank it in the parking lot, in the light of the blinking neon sign - Henry’s Liquor and Cigarettes.

He listened to Peter Frampton and his talking guitar on the cassette player. He knew he was drunk when he couldn’t remember the name of the album.

“Okay, here we go, champ…”

Dark Angel’s Dance Club was next to Henry’s Liquor. It featured topless women and a no drink minimum. That meant it was always crowded on the weekends.

But Thomas was there on a Wednesday. The main room was empty. When he walked in, he was pleasantly surprised.

His favorite dancer, Alicia Dream (real name Lisa Cutter), was down to her G-string and rolling her hips in a harsh red spotlight to a song by T Rex he didn’t recognize.

He strolled up to the stage (tripped once on the torn carpet but caught himself) and sat down. He took out his wallet and placed 134 dollars in a row on the stage.

Alicia saw him and fluttered her fingers.

“Wasn’t expecting you tonight, Tommy! Nice to see you, baby.”

“Didn’t know you were working tonight.”

She crawled toward him on her hands and knees. Her enormous hips rolled, and the sweaty, white moly flesh excited him.

“One of the girls caught the flesh-eating disease, so I’m covering.”

“I should be sorry to hear that, but I’m not…”

She leaned over the rail and flopped her enormous breasts against his chest. Her breath rattled and smelled like menthol cigarettes and meat.

“This money for me?”

He handed her 2 twenties. “Artists should get paid.”

She tucked them into her G-string and kissed him on the cheek. Her glitter lip gloss smeared his cheek with pink diamonds. “Everything okay, baby?”

“Just had to get away.”

“You want to go in the back and talk about it?”

“I didn’t bring enough money. If it’s okay, I’ll just sit here and enjoy you until I run out.”

“That’s fine.”

She stood up (a little shaky on the black spiked heels) and walked back to the center of the stage. She raised her flabby arm and a spotlight hit her. Then she grabbed the pole and spun around.

“Looks like it’s just you and me tonight. You have a song you want to hear?”

“You ever dance to Cars, by Gary Numan?”

“No. Let’s try it.” She crossed to the far side of the stage and talked to the DJ. After a moment, the spacey synth line started, and he leaned back with a smile on his face. She started to roll her hips again just the way he liked it.

That’s worth another 40 dollars, he thought.

As he was sliding the 2 twenties across the stage, an enormous rat dropped from the ceiling and landed behind her. For a moment, he thought about saying something. But the rat did something he’d never seen. It got up on its hind legs and waved its little paws, like it was enjoying the music.

It made him indescribably happy.

3.

Leslie wiped down the dining table around 1030 pm and took a bottle of wine into the living room. She sat on the edge of the couch and drank from the bottle. It tasted like vinegar and she thought about pouring it down the drain.

“Fuck it, I’m too tired,” she whispered.

She thought about turning on the TV and remembered that she hated TV. She watched the front window for Thomas’ headlights. Ellie could be heard moving around upstairs. It sounded like she was running. Her bedroom was right above the living room.

Timothy was somewhere in the house. She thought about going to check on him.

“Fuck it…”

She leaned back against the cushion and closed her eyes. She fell asleep and dreamed that she was covered with thick red fur. Her fingers were long, slender silver claws. In the dream she was climbing a tree. Slowly. A peach-colored hanging fruit seemed to be drawing her. It was the only thing she wanted. Every inch forward seemed to take an hour. Her claws bit into the wood and she would move. But the fruit always seemed far away.

When she woke up it was after midnight.

She pushed herself off the couch and swayed for a moment as if her feet were water balloons. Then she went to the stairs and pulled herself up one step at a time. Her stomach felt like it was boiling. Am I going to vomit or piss, she thought?

The answer was yes. She staggered down the hall to the bathroom, pulled down her pants and sat on the toilet. She strained and grunted. Sweat beads formed on her forehead. She even moaned a little.

Nothing came out. She felt like a failure.

When the vomit finally came out of her mouth, she leaned over the tub and let it spill. She watched the chunky red liquid swirl down the drain.

She still felt like a failure. But at least it’s gone, she thought. At least it’s gone…

4.

Ellie watched through a crack in her door as her mother tripped and staggered down the hall and into the bathroom. Then she snuck downstairs and went out the kitchen door.

Her friends were parked at the end of the driveway in neutral with the lights off. They called her name. A guy and two girls. Their names are not important yet. She jumped in the back seat and the Camaro sped away.

They drove out to the highway and headed west.

She watched the black road get swallowed up by the headlights for a while. Then one of the girls handed Ellie a green bottle of wine. She wiped the rim with her shirt and took a deep drink.

“Thanks, Charlotte.”

“We didn’t think you were going to make it,” Charlotte said.

Then Something About You by Boston came on the car stereo and Charlotte told everyone to shut the fuck up. Ellie listened to the song and focused on the broken yellow road lines. The unnamed other girl passed out.

The driver reached back for the bottle. Ellie handed it to him.

“Where are we going, Kyle?”

“We found an abandoned strip mall out on State Road 190. We’re meeting some people. You good? I can turn around and take you back if you want…”

Charlotte punched him on the arm.

“I don’t ever want to go back…” Ellie said.

When they exited the highway onto SR 190, they caught up with a pickup truck full of people from school. The driver, known as Dogface Mike, blew his horn and threw them the devil horns. Ellie liked two of the girls, both cheerleaders, but the rest were ugly loser whores who worshipped them.

One of the girls she didn’t recognize.

“Charlotte, who’s the fat girl?”

“That’s Andrea. I think she’s in the band, or maybe she’s retarded. I don’t know…”

“What’s she doing with Dogface Mike?”

“You really want me to answer that? He’s a slut.”

Ellie rolled her window down and waved at Andrea until she crawled to the side of the truck. Both vehicles slowed to 25 mph.

“What’s your name, new girl?” Ellie shouted.

“Andrea.”

“What are you doing in Dogface Mike’s truck, Andrea?”

“He invited me. I’m his friend!”

Both vehicles hit a pothole at the same time. Andrea bounced into the air. Ellie’s head hit the roof.

“You have to earn your spot, Andrea!”

Both vehicles slowed down when Dogface Mike blew his horn and pointed at the strip mall a quarter mile down the road on the left.

“How, how do I do that?”

“You run and jump into our car! We’ve all done it!”

Charlotte leaned across Kyle and shouted out the window. “Grow some balls, bitch!” she giggled.

Andrea crouch-walked to the other side of the truck. When the cheerleaders realized what she was planning, they did some high kicks and applauded. They screamed at her to go for it! Kyle slowed down to match Dogface Mike’s speed.

“Is she really going to do it?” Charlotte asked.

“Fat bitch got no speed,” Kyle mumbled.

Ellie shook her head no but desperately wanted her to try. She started laughing uncontrollably.

Andrea let go of the side and started running. She slipped on the wet bed and slammed into the metal with both knees. She flipped over the side and hit the ground.

“Oh my God!” Charlotte screamed.

Kyle slammed on his brakes and fishtailed into a ditch. Ellie jumped out and started running. Dogface Mike pulled into the lot of the strip mall, and everyone jumped out of the truck. Ellie got to her first. She was on her back, moaning. Blood was pouring out of a cut on her head. Ellie knelt down to help her. The stench was overwhelming, and she recoiled in disgust.

“What did you do? Did you shit a corpse?” Ellie gagged.

“I landed on an animal,” Andrea whispered.

Everyone else ran up and was immediately repulsed by the odor.

“That’s a skunk,” Kyle said. “You landed on a fucking skunk. You squished a skunk…”

Ellie crawled over to where Charlotte was on her knees, dry heaving onto the pavement.

“Are you okay?” Ellie asked.

“I thought she was dead,” Charlotte whispered. “And it made me think of that show Party of Five. Do you think Lacey Chabert is still alive? Is she?” Her voice broke and she started to whimper. “Tell me you know she’s alive…”

5.

Timothy counted time differently than most people. Every second that passed put him one second closer to death. It left him in a constant state of panic. He couldn’t just sit still. His room was a dump of unfinished projects - a half-built birdhouse, a flip book of partial faces and hands in pencil and charcoal, dog-eared books about the Holocaust and the Roman Empire.

A spot of carpet by the window was almost worn-through because he spent most nights walking in place and watching the street.

One of his best memories was seeing a cat attacked by birds.

The birds won…

The night his mother vomited all over the bathtub, Timothy stood lookout at the window and watched the driveway until 330 am. When it seemed like his dad was never going to return, he walked over to his cherry-wood dresser drawer and took out a lime green Kayser Roth girdle.

He took it to the bed and climbed onto the mattress. He stood up and slowly did a full circle. It made him feel like the king of the world. Then he took off his shirt (a t-shirt with a picture of Tiny Tim smiling and showing his hideous teeth) and put on the girdle. He tightened it and tied it until he could hardly breathe.

Is this what Superman feels like all the time? He thought. Feeling energized, he did something he never did before. He raised his hands and tried to touch the ceiling.

“I want to live!”

He slipped on the slick sheets (bedwetters get the plastic), fell off the bed and landed on his back. Stunned, he tried to roll over. He couldn’t. The girdle restricted his movement. He kicked his legs and slid across the floor until his head hit the space heater. It was a cold night, and his mother had left it on so he wouldn’t freeze.

“I want to live!”

His scalp started to burn. He twisted his sweat-soaked, enormous, pointed head until it was at a right angle to his body. He didn’t want to burn to death. He wanted to live. He said it several times that night…

6.

Thomas woke up in Alicia’s bathtub.

It wasn’t really her tub. She rented room 116 in the Atomic Motel across the street from the Dark Angel. He was up to his chin in gray lukewarm water that vaguely stank of urine with yellow paint chips floating on the surface.

His clothes were piled on the toilet. A flat brown cockroach was standing guard by the flush valve.

“You awake yet, honey?” Alicia shouted from the next room. He heard music playing. It was a fast-paced rock song that he didn’t recognize. “Do you like the song? It’s a cover of a Led Zeppelin song by the Dickies,” Alicia shouted again. “I love the Dickies! I think the Dickies are brilliant. I love the Dickies so much! I just really love and worship the Dickies!”

He gripped the side of the tub and pulled himself into a fetal sitting position. The white flab on his belly seemed to congeal under the water.

“What am I doing here? What time is it?”

“Good, you’re awake…”

She walked into the bathroom completely naked. He noticed for the first time an enormous black mole on her inner thigh with long-crimped hair hanging off it. She pushed his clothes on the floor and the cockroach ran under the cabinet. She sat on the toilet seat and her fat ass made a squelching sound.

“Nice to see you back in the land of the living.”

“Why am I here, Alicia?”

“You had a little episode in the club. I had to get you out of there.”

“That’s not possible.”

“Okay. What do you want to hear?”

“Why am I here?”

She smiled and shook her head. A fat gray moth landed on the mirror behind her. “You drank a little too much. You tried to get on stage. You wanted to dance and show your little dick. Security wasn’t happy.”

“No. I’m smarter than that.”

“You kept shouting, I love to dance, gimme a chance, I love to dance. You can’t dance…”

“Why am I here in this room? Tell me the truth.”

She sighed. “Okay. My plan was to drug you and have Russian friends come and harvest your organs for sale in Russia. They're out getting the ice for your ice bath. Satisfied?”

He was. He stood up and slopped water all over the bathroom floor. Then he cupped his hands over his tiny gray penis.

“I was too smart for you, wasn’t I? Didn’t realize you were dealing with a mastermind. I stopped your evil plan. Now give me my clothes before I call the police!”

“Whatever.”

She picked up his clothes in a ball and threw them at him. They were wet and stank of smoke.

“Your underwear is under the bed, tough guy…”

7.

Leslie held her breath until it felt like her eyes were popping out. It was the only way to keep the vomit down, to calm the ripping pain in her belly. After the belly pain faded, she exerted great effort to turn her wrist so she could see her watch. 445 AM. Thomas would be waking up soon. He had a 3-hour commute to his manager job at the pencil factory.

He would expect his breakfast to be ready.

She pushed away from the tub and fell on her back on the bathroom rug. It was damp and stank of feet. She pushed against the tub with her bare feet and scooted across the floor to the toilet. Then she used the rim to pull herself into a sitting position. Exhausted, she rested her cheek against the bowl and stared at the shit crust under the rim.

“I should clean that. He’s not going to be happy,” she whispered.

She lunged for the sink and pulled herself to her feet. The sudden movement made her dizzy. She held onto the sink as hundreds of tiny black things flew past her eyes. When they faded, she splashed some water on her face and took a deep breath.

“Muffins,” she whispered. “Have to get the muffins…”

She pushed away from the sink, and it felt like she was sailing toward the bathroom door. She put out her hands to catch herself and crashed into the door. She rubbed up and down the particle board until she found the knob.

“Coffee,” she whispered.

The next thing she remembered was stumbling toward the stairs. She felt out of control. Somewhere deep inside of her mind she knew she was going to fall. And a little voice told her that the hundreds of flying black things would be fine with that, because they wouldn’t take her seriously, unless she had an injury…

8.

Ellie and Charlotte decided to walk home in the buzzing black shadows of the highway because Kyle accidentally set his Camaro on fire. It was a senseless tragedy. Dogface Mike challenged him to a Molotov cocktail contest. Whoever could throw the burning bottle the farthest and cause the biggest explosion would be the winner and probably get some hand love from at least one, if not both, of the cheerleaders.

Dogface Mike lit his bottle with his Bic and threw it almost the length of the parking lot. It exploded against a dumpster and went up in an orange ball of flame.

“Not bad,” Kyle said.

Kyle lit his bottle, took a two-step stagger forward, threw his left hand back and the bottle slipped out of his grasp. It landed inside his Camaro and engulfed it in flames. Ellie and Charlotte ran when they heard the sirens.

“Ellie, can I ask you a question?”

The sun was rising when they made the Expressway. Cars and trucks shot past them, blowing horns and smoke. Charlotte tried to hitch, but no one stopped.

“Yeah, okay.”

“Why don’t you want to go home?”

“I hate it there.”

“Why? Your mom’s nice. Yeah, your brother’s a fucked-up freak, but you said he leaves you alone.”

“I don’t know how to explain it, exactly.”

“I would trade you my family in a second.”

They stopped to stare at the body of a crushed rabbit smeared across the highway. A white furred leg was still intact. Then there was a long smear of red. And on the other side of the freeway was an intact ear.

“I got it,” Ellie said. “When my brother was five, he walked up to the stove and put both hands on the burners. He screamed until my mother grabbed him and shoved his hands under the cold-water tap. It was a big fucking crisis until he stopped crying. Then he went to the freezer, and we all watched as he tried to grab a tub of ice cream. His hands were raw and fucked, so he dropped the tub on the floor. It devastated him. He threw himself on the floor and screamed and cried.”

“I don’t understand,” Charlotte said as she brushed mosquitoes off her forehead.

“That’s what it’s like to be in my family.”

9.

Thomas pulled into his driveway at 645 am.

He parked the car and took a deep breath. He smelled like alcohol, so he rubbed the car air freshener hanging on his rear-view all over his body. He told himself he smelled like wintergreen and opened the car door. The kitchen light was on, and he saw shadows through the curtains.

“Jesus Christ, I’m dead,” he whispered.

He moved to straighten his tie, then remembered he wasn’t wearing one. He cupped his hand over his mouth and checked his breath. The alcohol stink made his eyes water.

“Gonna die,” he whispered.

Something heavy hit him in the head, cutting his scalp.

“What the fuck?”

He looked up and saw a pigeon fly away and land on a power line.

“You goddamn flying rat, what the fuck?”

Several more fat, gray, red-eyed pigeons landed on the line. He suddenly thought he somehow drove through time and landed onto the set of the film The Birds. He felt scared and started back toward his front door. He tripped over a sprinkler head and landed on his back, cracking his head on the concrete walk.

The pigeons took flight. They started to circle and descend. He ripped the sprinkler head out of the grass.

“Don’t even think about it!”

They started to spiral down toward him. He tried to hit them with the sprinkler head. It was almost playful the way they dodged, whipping around him.

“Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!”

The pigeons peppered him with glops of white shit as he flailed at them. One of the turds hit him in the eye. He threw the sprinkler head into the air and it landed harmlessly in the grass. He grabbed his shirt tail and furiously rubbed the shit out of his eye.

“Thomas? What happened? What are you doing?” Leslie was standing over him with a look of concern.

“I tripped.”

She knelt by him and stroked his hair. Then she smelled her hand and made an ugly face. “Come inside. We’ll get you cleaned up and you can have some pie before you go to work…”

10.

Thomas sipped a (secret) Bloody Mary that everyone thought was just tomato juice. Timothy stared at his napkin. Ellie couldn’t stop yawning and closing her eyes.

None of them wanted to be there. But family meals were important to Leslie. She pulled the apple pie out of the refrigerator. It was covered with a mountain of whipped cream.

“Why’d you do that to the pie, honey?” Thomas asked.

“I had a hard night. I wanted to treat myself. And it just wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t share.”

She took four forks out of the utensil drawer, four blue paper napkins from the napkin holder shaped like a book, put the apple pie on the table and sat down.

“I love all of you so much. And I appreciate you taking the time to be here. Ellie? What are your plans for today?” She handed Ellie a wooden fork.

“It’s a school day.”

“I know that honey. I went to school a million years ago. What are you going to do for you to make you happy?”

“What I want is just out of reach, but I’m working to get there.”

“Good girl. I’m so proud of you for trying.”

Leslie handed a fork to Timothy. “What about you, my little champ? Anything fun?”

“We’re watching a film about a dissection of a walrus today in science class.”

“Uhm, okay, that sounds interesting.”

"It will be, because it's fat and dead!"

She leaned across the table and handed Thomas a fork. “What about you? Coming straight home from work tonight?”

“Yeah, yes, of course.” Thomas finished his drink. “What are we doing talking, though, when we should be eating this beautiful, amazing treat?”

He plunged his fork into the pie and everyone else did the same…